10. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

9. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your phone bill.

8. He actually does have your tongue.

7. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

6. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

5. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

4. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.

3. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

2. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper. And the number one sign your cat is planning to kill you...

1. you find a ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.