Section Move Completed

The Section was moved after a hacker's security breach pinpointed section's location in the Paris underground.

"It has been a long, hard haul, but we made it." Operations said, congratulating the operatives for their effort on the gargantuan undertaking.

Section's HMO under Fire

Several operatives are unhappy with Section's medical coverage.

Section's medical plan has come under fire for the past several months. Operatives have been complaining about the meager coverage the HMO offers and the quality of care provided.

Although the plan offers benefits such as free vitamin B12 shots and confidential pregnancy screenings, operatives say the plan does not cover what they need most.

Operatives complain that they can never use the out-of-network option as was promised in the plan.

"I tried to get a referral to go see a podiatrist," reported Nikita, "but my medical file says that I am deceased. The office assistant in the podiatrist's office told me it is very difficult to file a claim for a deceased person. In fact, it is against their policy to do so."

The HMO has also been accused of waiting to reimburse operatives until after missions with high fatality rates, in the chance they won't have to pay the outstanding accounts.

Walter, who underwent an operation to remove shrapnel from his leg in 1965, said, "I am still waiting for them to pay me back for my hospital expenses. They keep hoping I'll die off one of these days so they won't have to reimburse me, but they are in for a long wait!"

Policies have changed for the 2000 calendar year, also upsetting operatives on the HMO plan. Though the plan now rewards operatives for high-risk behaviors, such as smoking and engaging in shootouts, some types of coverage are no longer provided.

Michael, outraged when he found his VSP (Vision Care Provider) was no longer on the list of participating doctors, told The Section Times, "Don't they realize how important my eyes are in my field of work? How can I use my blank stare knowing that if I strain an eye muscle I won't be covered? This is insane!"

Madeline supports the changes in the HMO, stating that the medical plan is in accordance with the mission statement and values of Section. "We encourage operatives to be in dangerous situations. Our medical coverage should reflect that philosophy as well."

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Exposed!
Birkoff's Secret Past

Stephen Ciao, who is rumored to be higher up in the chain of command than even George in Oversight, is allegedly thinking of pulling Section One's funding.

"It does take money to run Section, even with the slave labor," Operations admitted to The Section Times in an impromptu interview yesterday evening. "But now those skinflints don't want to fund Section One objectives, saying that world domination is too expensive. What the hell do they know?!"

The Section Times could not reach any other official sources to comment on the story.

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