The Take The Plot Concept Too Seriously Club Generic Winter Holiday Party

***
Part I

A starry December night had just taken hold outside of the TTPCTS Club. Snow blew and the wind howled, but the temperature wasn't a degree below 20 C. Basically your standard, messed up, Subreality weather. Tonight was the night of the TTPCTS Club generic winter holiday party. It was planned to be a semi-private, but, as always, the rules at the club were flexible. Very flexible, although the staff would still be reluctant to allow a Manos fictive in unsupervised.

On the inside, The club's Manager Joel Robinson was had just cleared out the last few of the day's patrons. Some protested, saying that in Subreality there was no regular flow of time and therefore there couldn't be a closing time for any of the establishments. When these people realized all their drinking buddies had left willingly, they eventually decided to move out as well. This left Joel with the bartending Tom Servo and a fictive of Crow T. Robot to set up for the evening.

"So when's everyone coming over?" Tom asked as he went about attempting tidying up the bar. With his arms this was no simple task.

"Soon," Joel replied. "Right now we have to get this place ready. Crow, could you fetch the box marked 'holiday decorations' from the backroom?"

The golden 'bot did as he was told. He didn't want to get in trouble or kicked out of the club before the party had even started. The idea of causing havoc during the evening events was just too temping. "I don't see why you don't invent a machine or something to do the decorating for you," Crow grumbled as he pushed a large box into the main room.

"But then what would the fun in decorating be?" Joel explained. He pulled a mini light string out of the box. As common logic dictated, the string had twisted into a huge ball.

"If untying Noma Christmas lights is your idea of fun, all the more power to you," Crow taunted.

Joel retrieved a glass ball ornament from the box and hung it off of the robot's head net. "You know Crow, you'd make a nice Christmas tree."

Crow shook the ornament off. "Whatever."

Over at the bar, Servo glanced at the clock on the far wall. "How soon is soon Joel?"

Joel noticed the time as well. "Too soon," he answered. The manager jogged over to his office and returned with a duplicate of the Plot Convenience Device (tm). He punched a few buttons and suddenly the Club was completely decorated.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Crow complained.

"When you're short on time, you do what you gotta do," Joel rationalized. "Now we sit back and wait for the guests to arrive."

-Teddog

***
Part II: Bring in the Clowns!

"So we're bringing presents to all of the good boys and girls?" Crow asked... well, another version of Crow as he and the rest of his merry troop headed down the road towards the TTPCTS Club.

"Yep!" ShadowKnight's Mike Nelson chirped in answer, adjusting the fake white beard that hung from his chin. "But seeing as how you went and stuck those marbles in Servo's hoverskirt, then machine-gunned Wolverine, we might just give you coal."

"You wouldn't!" Crow bounced up, blocking Mike's path. "C'mon, it was funny!"

"Yeah, real funny, you reject from the U.S. Mint," Servo grumbled, his little hoverskirt decorated with bells and blinking lights.

"We'll see how you two behave tonight before we decide, okay?" Joel asked, then continued to mumble as he discreetly freed the green tights from unmentionable places, "Mike, next time, you be the elf."

"Hey, you coulda been Santa if you weren't so thin." Mike giggled, "At least you aren't Mrs. Claus."

"No, just a deranged Keebler Elf and Peter Pan genetic experiement gone horribly wrong." Joel shook his head with a slight smile.

Mike smiled himself and shifted the large red pack from one shoulder to the other. Inside were all sorts of neat gizmos, from PCD's to a personal replicator someone had ripped off wholesale from the Klingon black market, from holographic dancing hula-girls to radio-controlled cars with infrared cameras. It was a regular celebration if there ever was one.

Joel pointed ahead to the glowing lights ahead, breaking everyone from their shivering, thought-filled silence. "Check that out! Wow, Joel really outdid himself decorating."

They paused for a moment to ooh and ahh, admiring the work. Lights hung just about everywhere, blinking and twinkling merrily, casting an inviting light through to the travellers. Reflecting on the snow crystals, it was almost enchanting enough to make them forget the chill in the air, but eventually a blustery gust of wind snapped them from the reverie.

Mike opened the door, and the be-lighted and belled Servo hovered through, "H'lo TTPCTS Club!"

Crow jumped in a second after, a cape of holly and garland across his shoulders. "We've arrived! We've finally arrived!"

"Ho ho ho!" Mike continued, leaping in, his fake belly slipping out from under the red tunic. Blushing in false modesty, he giggled girlishly and went to put it back in.

"Ohhhh man," Joel groaned jokinly, stepping in last with his green and red tights, belled shoes, and fake Spock ears.

- SLWatson
***

Part III: The Brat Pack Arrive

"Wheee! Party party party party party!"

SI Bodger was jumping around happily, taking in the sights. Hibichi and Crow 2 were a little behind her, about as hyper, although thankfully not quite as, well, undignified.

Behind those two, Alexis and Kirin walked side-by-side. Alexis was dressed in a rather flattering Santa suit; Kirin, conversely, was dressed in his usual kit, with only a scarf and earmuffs to show any sort of effort to change clothing at all.

"I still say you should've dressed up in the costume," Alexis muttered.

"Alexis, you're from a world where there are no elves, so I should inform you that where I come from, the elfin population considers the Santa elf as being a blatantly racist depiction of elves," replied Kirin, somewhat coldly.

"Okay, okay! Sheesh, sorry."

The two continued walking quietly, only interrupted by a sudden high-pitched squeal from SI Bodger.

"Weeeee're HEEEEEERE!"

"Wow! Check out the decorations! Awesome!" Hibichi exclaimed, staring in awe.

"Funny, there's a bunch of little green things around Santa's sled," commented Alexis, frowning.

"Those would be the martians, obviously! Sheesh, get into the Christmas spirit," exclaimed Crow 2.

"Uh, right." Alexis shook her head and tried not to think too hard about things.

SI Bodger kicked in the door dramatically. "TA DAAAA!"

Manager Joel blinked. "Um, nice entrance."

SI Bodger grinned. "Thanks! Been working on it. Now let's get this shinding started!"

"But it HAS started," corrected Crow 2.

"Shut up."

-Bodger

***

Part IV: Santa's Little Helper

"Hey, College Buddy! Where's Married Man?" Servo called from the bar.

"He's a married man. I hardly see him during the holidays," College Buddy explained as he brushed snow off his coat. "Married Man and his wife might show up later if they can get a babysitter."

"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Have you been a good boy?" Santa Mike declared, holding out brightly colored package.

"I doubt it. If I was a good boy, I'd had the good sense to bring you something," College Buddy replied with a grin before tearing into the gift. "Cool. Um...is this a phaser?"

"Close, but no. It's a Klingon disruptor. Crow picked it out for you," Mike explained.

"Nice. How many shots can I fire before I have to reload or recharge or whatever?" College Buddy asked while carefully examining the weapon.

"None. We took the battery out and put it in the replicator," Crow explained.

"Well...thanks. I'm sure I can find some Trekkie website with a manual for this thing," Buddy said confidently. "I don't have a present so I'll just have to buy you a beer instead."

"That'll do," Santa Mike said as they walked to the bar. The two were half way through their beers before Joel, the elf, came by.

"Do you know when the FBI agents are coming?" ShadowKnight Joel asked.

College Buddy turned to answer his question, did a double take, and nearly choked on his Guinness. Of all the things he was expecting to see, an elf that looked like Joel was near the bottom of the list. He managed to swallow his beer before starting a brief coughing fit. It would be a cold day in Cuba before he spit out beer. When the fit subsided, Buddy looked at Joel again and tried desperately to keep from laughing. Joel felt his face turn red at the barely suppressed laughter. Santa Mike discreetly slipped away to greet the people entering the bar.

"I don't know when the FBI agents are coming," College Buddy struggled to talk without snickering. "So...you lost a bet?"

"What!?! No!" Joel retorted. "They wouldn't let me play Santa Claus."

"Poor guy. They made you play an elf...with tights and bell-tipped shoes," Buddy said trying to look sympathetic, but barely concealing his giggles. "Hey, Alexis! I need to talk you to. See ya' later Joel. Take care man."

College Buddy walked toward Alexis. He didn't think he would've been able to keep from laughing at Joel's costume much longer. 'I'll have to call Married Man. He's got to come here and see this,' Buddy snickered to himself.

Joel watched the retreating College Buddy and sighed. How did he get talked into wearing an elf costume? He was about to order a drink when somebody grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

"Mr. Robinson, are you aware that there is a law against non-superheroes wearing tights?" a grim looking Doggit asked.

Joel's formerly red face turned pale. He'd never heard of that law before.

"He's kidding Joel," Agent Scully said with a grin. "There's no such law."

"Maybe there should be," Mulder teased.

Joel sighed in relief. He hadn't recognized the agents at first (well Mulder was really a former agent). Their normal business attire had been set aside in favor of festive sweaters and slacks.

"Ha ha. Very funny. Are the Lone Gunmen coming?" Joel asked.

"I don't think so," Mulder replied. "They're working pretty hard, trying to get their show back on the air."

"You think they'll succeed?" Joel asked dubiously.

"Nope, but it gives them something to do when our Writer isn't sending them into deadly or ridiculous situation," Mulder replied casually.

"Hey! Look who's here," Doggit said pointing at the door.

-Amanda

***

Part V: A Close Encounter of the Blue Kind

Thanks to Doggit's comment, the patrons' attention was gathered to door. Stepping into the club now was (drum roll please) a Smurf. The Smurf scanned at the group of partygoers with a confused look. It was obviously in the wrong place.

Manager Joel came to the rescue. "The Magic Caverns CafŽ is two blocks west," he explained.

The Smurf nodded and was about to leave when it was trampled by a very hyperactive Nan-Cy entering the club.

"Happy holidays everybody!" The not quite human, not quite computer, fictive proclaimed. She had thrown a red parka and an extremely long scarf over her usual sweater and khakis. Following close behind, although side stepping around the blueÉ thing, was Commander Rick. He was dressed mostly as normal, with the exception of a hockey sweater instead of a T-shirt under his leather bomber jacket. Nan-Cy quickly went about being a social butterfly while Rick joined the group of ShadowKnight Joel and the FBI agents.

"Hi guys," The commander greeted. "HmmÉ interesting pants Joel.

"Could you please explain what just happened?" Doggit asked,

Rick glanced at the door and back again. "The Smurf or Nan-Cy?"

Over at the door, the Smurf had finally come to. It stumbled out of the club as fast as it could.

"Your friend." Doggit clarified

"Nance is under the impression that if she is nice to everyone but me, she'll get more presents for Christmas." Rick explained. "I personally don't know where she got the idea. Santa's sleigh is strictly sub-orbital and besides, what would you get a computer for Christmas? "

"Playing cards?" Joel suggested.

Rick sighed. "Normal Nance is bearable, but perky Nance? No way! I swear I'm going to need a stiff drink or two before the end of the evening."

"You'd probably puke halfway through your first one," Nan-Cy called from across the club. She had been eavesdropping on the whole conversation

"She's right," Rick grumbled. His inability to stomach much alcohol was not a thing he liked to discuss. He absentmindedly sniffed the air. "Do I detect the smell of turkey?"

Scully shrugged her shoulders. "Well, it *is* a Christmas party. There's got to be food and usually that includes a cooked bird of some sort."

Mike walked up to the fictives. "Hey, has anyone seen my parrot?"

-Teddog

***

Part VI: Enter the Parrot

He was a clever bird. Orie knew he was a clever bird, and often times told the world that he was. He requested conversation...

"Talk to me, baby!"

Politely rebuked comments...

"Bite me, bite me, bite me!"

And now, Orie the Parrot had learned how to sing for Christmas. Yes, he was a clever bird indeed.

He flew through the door from the back rooms, singing "Jingle Bells" as well as he could. Around one of his legs was a ribbon tied neatly, addressed to Nan-Cy, and someone had dusted him handsomely with harmless silver sparkles.

Mike, of course, was thrilled to see his bird, who immediately landed on his shoulder. "Hey!"

"Mike! MikeMikeMikeMikeMike!" The parrot squealed. He had learned that line from Crow and Tom. "Talk to me, baby!"

"About what? Hey, whatcha got here?" Mike asked, reaching over with his left hand to untie the ribbon. "Nance, you've got yourself a parrot-gram here."

"Really? For me?" Fairly pleased that someone had gotten something especially for her, she trotted over and took the be-ribboned paper. And, not entirely sure she wanted to wait for the festivities, she unfolded it.

"Nan-Cy,

You are the light at the end of the tunnel, the ultimate perfection, the guiding star. You are everything, my eternal love, and I am a nothing bedazzled greatly by your mere presense.

Eternally yours,
Your Secret Admirer"

-SLWatson

***

Part VII: The Semantics of Celebrating Seasons

Kirin stood by the punch bowl, his thoughts swirling like the wood-grain alcohol one of the Crows had thrown in when he thought no one was looking. For once, he seemed nigh near inpenetrable.

Joel decided to do something about this; the last thing this party needed was for angst to come into play seven parts into the round robin.

[The sound you have just heard was the fourth wall crashing dramatically to the ground. Had this been a real fanfic, it would have been immediately proceeded by a MiSTer snickering about it.]

"Merry Christmas, Kirin!" exclaimed Joel, arms wide.

"Happy Solstice, Joel," Kirin replied.

"Huh?"

"Where I come from, Christ is a non-vital figure. So we just celebrate the Solstice," Kirin explained.

One of the Crows, who'd been listening in, popped up. "Joel, what's a 'Solstice?'"

"An old crappy Nintendo game, I presumed," replied Tom Servo, appearing almost from nowhere.

"Actually, it's the technical term for either the first day of winter or summer," explained Joel to the bots.

"Well, that's kind of a stupid name for it," commented Crow.

"And what do you call it?" asked Tom Servo in a challenging tone of voice.

"Cool Day and Boring Day, obviously," replied Crow casually.

"Do tell," drawled Kirin laconically.

"Well, one day's cool, 'cause the sun's up longer and you get to play outside more. And one day's boring, 'cause it gets dark really early," explained Crow.

"The intellectual at work, ladies and gentlemen!" announced Tom Servo.

"Intellect this, gumball bot!" Crow tackled Tom and the two began to wrestle on the ground.

"All right you two, break it up, you hear?" said Joel, pulling the two bots apart. "Why don't you have some punch or something?"

"Uh, Tom first," said Crow.

-Bodger

***

Part VIII: Can't Have a Generic Party Without the Token Minority

The snow fell gently to the ground as the Barenaked Ladies approached the TTPCTS Club. While the others had opted to dress in normal winter clothes, Ed Robertson had insisted on wearing his infamous carrot and flower "man-blouse." His bandmates weren't sure why he was so attached to the hideous thing, but they had all resolved to burn it when he wasn't looking.

Kevin Hearn pulled his Santa hat down lower on his brow when a short gust of wind threatened to blow it away. "It's really not that bad out here," Jim Creeggan commented, a little shocked at the lack of freezing temperatures.

"You wouldn't think this was even winter without the snow," Steve Page said, adjusting the cardboard box he was carrying.

Tyler Stewart frowned. "Are you sure you don't need help with that?"

"Positive," Steve replied. "Besides, you might start rooting through the stuff that's in here and that would ruin the surprise." As they neared the door, the band was overwhelmed with the beauty of the decorations.

"Wow," was Kevin's only comment, his eyes filling with wonder.

Tyler groaned. "He's not going to slip in to child-like Kevin, is he?"

"As long as he doesn't see a Santa, he should be fine," Ed said with confidence. As luck would have it, Jim opened the door and Kevin spotted ShadowKnight Mike dressed as Santa Claus.

"Santa!" Kevin shouted and dashed into the club. The excited keyboardist glomped onto the unsuspecting Mike. "Hi, Santa!" he said. An embarrassed Jim managed to grab Kevin around the waist and pry him off the startled Mike.

"Hey, it's the Wonder Spaz again!" the bartending Tom Servo joked. Jim shook his head, remembering the nickname the robot had bestowed upon Kevin during his first visit.

Ed and Steve tried hard not to laugh, but were failing miserably. Jim shot the guitarists a dirty look, then concentrated on Kevin. "Kevin, that's not Santa Claus," Jim explained.

Kevin looked up at him with huge blue eyes. "No?"

"That's um . . . I'm sorry I don't know your name," Jim said.

Mike chuckled with embarrassment. "That's okay. I'm Mike," he introduced himself.

"Jim," Jim answered. "And this is Kevin. He's in his child-like phase right now."

"Child-like phase?" Mike asked. Jim quickly explained the bizarre situation the band faced as both fictives and real people.

Meanwhile, Steve had set down his box on the counter and announced to Manager Joel, "I'm here to be your token minority this evening." Manager Joel just looked at him. Steve explained, "I'm Jewish so I brought some Hanukkah stuff: latkes, cheese blintzes, chocolate gelt and some presents."

The robots perked up at the mention of presents. "Can we have our presents now, can we? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease," the robots chorused. Steve handed each of the robots who were clustered around him a small wrapped present. As they tore into the gifts, comprehension dawned on Ed's face.

"Oh, Steve, you didn't," he pleaded. Steve just smirked. With the wrapping paper gone, the robots were disappointed to find that they were now the proud owners of a single sock.

"It's only the first day," Steve explained, "You have to wait until the second day to get the other one."

"Steve had a traumatic childhood," Ed whispered to Manager Joel.

"It's not my fault the Jews get the worst presents in the world! By the way, Joel, I planted a tree in your name," Steve said before going off to mingle with other guests.

"Birthday present once," Ed explained before following his friend.

When his two bandmates were out of sight, Tyler sidled up next to Joel. He gave the manager an evil grin. "So, did you enjoy those pictures I gave you?" he asked.

-Joeanne

***

Part IX: A Tale of Nine Teddy Bears

"Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Or Happy Solstice! Whatever you prefer to celebrate!" the jubilant Married Man declared as he entered the club. "Nice decorations, by the way."

Married Man had donned his winter colors to match the season. The caped crusader was still dressed in GAP clothing, but he had changed his cape. It was longer than normal and bright red. He had also traded in his black mask for a green one. Much like ShadowKnight Mike, he had a large sack of presents on his back.

"Hey, Married Man! Glad you could make it," College Buddy said. "Where's your wife?"

"Umm...waiting in the car," Married Man explained with embarrassment, "She said I could give you guys these presents before we went for another round of Christmas shopping."

"Wife wanted to make more room in her closet, right? That's why we're getting our presents now?" College Buddy inquired.

"Yeah," Married Man conceded. "Anyway, where's Commander Rick? Oh, and my wife found some presents for the bots."

At the mention of presents, several Crows and Servos crowded around the hero and asked for their present first. Fortunately, Manager Joel came over and calmed the bots down before they tore Married Man's bag away from him.

"This is for Rick and this is for College Buddy," Married Man said as he passed out two small identical packages. The men ripped the paper off the boxes, popped the lids of the boxes, and gazed at their gifts simultaneously.

"Ear plugs?" they asked in slightly ungrateful surprise.

"In case you two want to play 'The Gong Show' again," Married Man chuckled, recalling their last adventure. His good humor was short-lived because he distinctly heard his mini-van's horn blast. Apparently, honey bunny was getting sick of waiting. Well, dang it! He wasn't finished yet. Married Man bravely ignored the horn and passed out nine packages to the various bots.

The bots immediately yelled for a Mike or a Joel to open their presents. While, the bots searched for assistance. Married Man handed College Buddy an additional gift. Both ignored the second horn blast from the parking lot.

"You called and mentioned that you had a Klingon disruptor with no power source," Married Man said. "I stopped by Radio Shack and picked up this battery. It should work in your disrupter. I also went by Nile's Gun Store and picked up the manual for it. You should read it before you play with it."

"Cool. Thanks, Man!" College Buddy said with the glee of a five-year-old. Now he could make his new toy work!

"Hey, Married Man! What's with all the Teddy Ruxbins?" a Crow demanded. The nine identical packages had contained nine identical, mechanical teddy bears.

"My wife found them on sale at a Dollar Store and we didn't know what else to do with them," Married Man explained with a shrug.

Suddenly, the door to the club swung open. Married Man's wife stalked inside her face was blank. Married Man gulped and tried to think of plausible excuses as to why ignored the blasting the van horn. His wife handed him a brightly wrapped package and didn't say a word.

"Of course, how could I forget!?!" Married Man said as he slapped his forehead. "Thank you for bringing this in honey. I'll give this away then we'll brave the dangers of the holiday mall together."

His wife nodded and walked back out to the van. She wasn't much of a partygoer.

"Wow! I thought for sure she was gonna nail you to the wall, Man. What's with her? Is she all right?" College Buddy asked.

"We got most of our Christmas shopping done, so she's in a good mood," Married Man explained. "Besides, she knows it'd be a bad idea to scream at me before I spend a fortune at the mall. It just wouldn't be right. Where's the Joel you mentioned on the phone?"

"Over there," College Buddy pointed. ShadowKnight Joel, the Keebler elf crossed with Peter Pan, was talking to Santa Mike and his bots. Married Man snickered as he walked over to the poor excuse for a Vulcan. So College Buddy hadn't been exaggerating.

"Joel, I just wanted to hand this off before I left. My wife got it especially for you. I've gotta run. The wife is waiting," Married Man explained.

"Thanks," Joel said as he took the present.

"I hope you like it. You could certainly use it," Married Man teased before leaving quickly.

ShadowKnight Joel cautiously opened his package. Married Man had seemed dangerously amused with his gift. Joel slowly opened the box. Nothing terrible sprang out at him. In confusion, he held up the box's contents for all to see. It was a lovely pair of loose fitting of green slacks.

Everyone was silent for a moment. Then Crow began snickering and soon everyone nearby was laughing at the gift. Good-natured Joel smiled and nodded. 'Maybe I should put these on,' Joel thought. 'These tights are killing me. How do Batman and Superman survive in these things?'

-Amanda

***


Part X: The Canadian Inquisition

Nan-Cy paused for a moment to wonder how the robot population of the club had suddenly doubled, but figured she just hadn't noticed them arrive. The club had been getting fairly crowded with the Barenaked Ladies' arrival and Married Man's brief visit, so keeping track of who was coming and going was no simple task.

Back on track, Nan-Cy's first instinct was that Rick had planted the letter as a prank, probably to get back at her for everything she had done to bother him over the years. That was a lot: celebrating the death of the Sixties spirit, not helping when the Pow-R glove sent Reality One's functions into a tailspin, mocking robots and The Raven the list went on and on.

After the club had calmed down from the last round of gift giving, Nan-Cy cornered Rick, hoping to get some answers.

"It wasn't you, was it Richard?" She asked.

Rick was slightly concerned. Nan-Cy rarely, if ever, used his full first name. It took him a moment to get over the initial shock of hearing someone other than himself using it. "No!"

Nan-Cy was satisfied with the quick response. She was certain that her friend wouldn't hide any important information from her and this was the most important information to come into her life in a while. This opened the new idea that someone had purposely sent the letter to her. She went through a list of suspects in hopes that Rick knew something.

"Was it HAL, Deep Thought, Wintermute?"

"How should I know?" The thought of trying out his new earplugs came to Rick's mind.

"It wasn't the Dixie Flatline again, was it?"

"For the last time, I don't know!"

Commander Rick obviously knew nothing related to the note, so Nan-Cy let him go. With the lack of information, she didn't know exactly what to make of the predicament. She hadn't really known most of the club's male regulars for very long, aside from Rick, and couldn't think of any that would have any feeling towards her. On the whole of Subreality, she had brushed shoulders with many fictives, but only one character stuck out in her mind. Nan-Cy had failed to question Rick about him, a deliberate move on her part. She didn't want to jinx the possibility, just in case.

Glad he could get away from the questioning Nan-Cy, Rick wandered over to where College Buddy was happily tinkering with the disruptor.

"It's a shame we never had stuff like that during that last misadventure," Rick said.

College Buddy grinned. "We could go back in time, use my toy to save the day, and return here to be worshiped like heroes!"

Rick blinked. "How much have you had to drink tonight?"

-Teddog