Battle Bots Part 2: Round One By Amanda Vaughan Beta read by Jaimielee Rocket and Gypsie Jr. Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the characters I use, except Dick. Best Brains, Inc. owns the MST3k characters. Comedy Central owns 'Battle Bots' The bots looked different from what Mike remembered. Crow had repainted himself. He was now a very frightening shade of black. He was now the kind of black that one can only find on a moonless, starless night. Crow had welded spikes to his arms, legs, and shoulders. Somehow, he had rebuilt his limbs so that they were more functional. He wielded a large mallet. He had even gone so far as to add sharp teeth to his newly pointed beak. Servo didn't look quite so different. He was still red, but there were still several obvious modifications. He seemed to have become a buzz saw rack. There was a saw around his hover skirt. There was a saw through were his diode panel used to be. There was even a saw on the top of his dome. The saws were all fully functional and the spun at a deadly speed. "We're ready!" Crow said with excitement. "How do we look?" "Terrifying," Mike replied honestly. "Good," Servo said. "We can win now." The bots mad their way confidently to the bridge. Gypsy was there, wearing a black veil, and crying softly. Pearl gawked at the changes. 'Hmm,' she thought. 'They just might win.' Not that it would be a bad thing for her. If they did manage to win, she would have the satisfaction of humiliating Dick Richards. If the bots were turned into a scrap heap, then Nelson would suffer. She won either way. "Brain Guy, bring them down!" Pearl snapped. Mike carefully wrapped his arms around the bots, closed his eyes, and held on tight. One arm was right under Servo's middle saw and the other was carefully placed between Crow's spikes. 'If you hold on to somebody getting transported on 'Star Trek' you get transported too,' Mike thought. By holding on, he was sure that the Observer would bring him down too. Then he could protect the bots from being sent to the arena. Unfortunately for Mike, this wasn't 'Star Trek.' A split second and interesting sound effect later, Mike noticed that his arms had suddenly become empty. The Observer used his powers to bring down the bots, sans Mike. Mike looked at his empty arms with stunned wonder; he noted with disinterest that he hadn't placed his arm as carefully around Crow as he had thought. Mike put his hand over the small puncture to stop the bleeding. "Don't worry, Nelstunned," Pearl chortled. "Brain Guy will use his powers to send you a live video feed of the fight. You'll see it in about thirty minutes." With another, evil cackle for good measure, Pearl cut the connection and looked down at her newly acquired fighting robots. They were small and breakable. "Hey, Crow!" Servo whispered desperately. "Come on! Let's make a break for it!" Servo wasn't terribly interested in fighting, even with his modifications. "Oh, I wouldn't do that," Pearl said threateningly. "If you leave without fighting, I press the button on this controller and the satellite will crash into the ocean. If Mike doesn't die on impact, he'll drown." "Hey! I thought we were the hostages," Crow admonished. "Did you really expect me to play fair?" Pearl asked. The bots sighed and looked at the ground. "No, Pearl," they said with a sorry schoolboy tone. "Can I have a mint?" Crow asked. Pearl tossed him a mint as she led them to the arena. ------ Aboard the satellite, Mike was going nuts. "Gypsy, is there any way, any way at all, that we can stop this? Can we contact, Joel, NASA, anybody?" Mike asked seriously. Gypsy shook her veiled head sadly and slithered off to get a band-aid for Mike's arm. Mike looked around the quiet satellite and sighed, before entering the theater. The match was still several minutes away, but there was nothing else to do. The bots were actually having a wonderful. They'd never been to Earth, much less Las Vegas. The natives had seen battle bots before, so they paid them little notice. Tourists took pictures and asked Pearl about them. Things were okay until the bots started doing what they were best at. Servo and Crow started insulting boozers, gamblers, and all those strange people who wear unbelievably tacky clothing. It was too easy. Of course, the insulted populace blamed Pearl. They were her robots, after all. She hustled the bots toward the arena double time to avoid a lynching. "The little red robot is up first, Lawgiver," Bobo said. "He's going to fight Nitpicker." "Nitpicker, geez. Who comes up with these names?" Servo asked. "They're nerds bent on robotic destruction. What do you expect?" Observer replied. Bobo carefully shoved Tom into the ring. "In the blue square, weighing in at forty-two pounds. The hammer-slammer, the bot-breaker, HERE'S NITPICKER!!!" said the announcer. "In the red square, weighing in at twenty five-pounds. He slices. He dices. He'll kill you if you ask him to make Julian fries. IT'S..." the announcer trailed off. "Hey, what's your bot's name?" "I AM THE TOMINATOR!!!" Servo yelled. "Uhh...okay," the announcer stuttered. He wasn't used to hearing the bots talk, but he quickly regained his composure. "IT'S THE TOMINATOR!!!" The announcer left the battle box and the buzzer sounded. It was time to fight. Nitpicker came straight at Servo. Nitpicker was basically a sturdy box with wheels on the bottom and a pick ax mounted on top. Servo hovered aside as the pick ax fell. It came down faster than he'd expected, yet still missed him by centimeters. Servo rammed into its side spinning his saws as fast as he could. Unfortunately, it didn't do much good. The box was made from a thick steel and difficult to saw. The wheels were beneath the box where Servo couldn't reach. The ax handle was wooden, but Servo couldn't hover high enough to reach it, yet. Servo backed away and tried to think of a new strategy. None came to mind. Failing that, he hovered around the box-shaped cage screaming at the top of his voice synthesizers. Nitpicker followed him close behind and tried to hit him. --------- Aboard the S.O.L., Mike watched Servo's failed attack with increasing dread. "Run, Tom. Run," he called to robot although he knew Tom couldn't hear him. --------- Unknown to Mike or Tom, another individual was watching the action. He'd come to Las Vegas on vacation. He'd heard the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton was cool and being a Sci-Fi fan he figured he'd better check it out. After his 'shuttle flight', he was knocking back a cold one at one of the many nameless bars. This bar happened to have a live feed to the 'Battle Bots' arena. Joel wasn't particularly interested in watching that though. His bots were like his own children. Building robots for destruction didn't sit well with him. Joel idly looked up at the mayhem and immediately dropped his beer. 'Maybe I haven't been getting enough sleep,' he thought. Joel rubbed his eyes and looked again. Sure enough, his own little Tom Servo was hovering away from a box with a pick ax on top. Even with the added features, Joel recognized his little robot. "Which way to that arena!?!" Joel frantically asked the bartender. The bartender gave him some quick directions and Joel shot out the door and down the street. --------- Back in the arena, Servo was not having a good time. The relentless robot would not leave him alone. Servo changed directions wildly, but Nitpicker stayed right behind him. As luck would have it, Servo hovered over a hazard area. The hazard areas were spots were spikes or saws would pop out of the ground to mangle a bot. Servo hadn't paid much attention to where they were, but wished he had. He didn't want to end up as a shish kabob while he was evading death. He shouldn't have worried though. The spikes in the hazard area popped up, but they weren't tall enough to touch him while he was hovering. Nitpicker, however, could not hover. Consequently, the spikes shot up and hit Nitpicker in the belly. The force of the spikes threw him onto his back. Try as he might, Nitpicker's human controller couldn't get the robot right side up by remote. Servo stopped hovering away and turned towards Nitpicker. Servo knew what he had to do. Well, technically, he didn't have to do it. Nitpicker couldn't move so it was a knock out. This didn't really matter to Servo. With a vengeful laugh, Servo spun his blades through the wooden handle of the pick ax. Now the fight was really over. The crowd went wild. "You love me," Servo cried. "You really love me." The bot operators stepped into the cage and stood on either side of the announcer. "And the winner by a knock-out is THE TOMINATOR!!!!" the announcer called. "What's the other bot's name? I need to know for the next match," the announcer whispered to Pearl as he led her group out of the fighting cage. "Art," Pearl replied. "I am Russell T. Crow, gladiator supreme, thank you very much," Crow countered. --------- Back aboard the satellite, Mike whooped, hollered and made other celebratory noises. He left the theater on break and ran to tell Gypsy the good news. -------- "Art, you're going up against my nemesis," Pearl told Crow. "Make him suffer." "You got it, Mint-Giver," Crow replied excitedly. He was eager for battle. If Servo could win, he should have no problems. The announcer stepped into the cage as he had before to begin the next match. "In the blue square, weighing in at eighty three pounds, he saws through the competition like a hot knife through butter. He's diamond edged and razor sharp....IT'S BUZZINATOR!" "And in the red square, weighing in at eighty four pounds, he puts the hurt in 'deep hurting', he puts the 'torch' in 'TOR-CHA".....IT'S RUSSELL T. CROW!" Once again the buzzer sounded as the official left the fight cage. Crow took a deep breath, raised his mallet, and charged. ---------- "Psst! Tom," Joel whispered from the stands as loud as he dared. He didn't want to try and take on Pearl, the Observer, and Bobo all at once. "Joel, thank God," Servo said as he hovered up to his maker. "What are you doing here?" "I was on vacation," Joel responded. "Where's Crow?" "Are you blind and deaf, Joel?" Servo asked sarcastically. "He's just entered the ring." Joel gulped and tried to think of a plan. "When he gets out, we all make a break for it," Joel thought allowed. "If he's broken, I'll fix him. Everything's going to be all right." "No good Joel. Pearl said she'd crash the satellite into the sea if we ran away. Mike, Gypsy, and Cambot still on board," Servo informed him. "She has the controller in her pocket." "Great," Joel sighed. Joel thought some more. Tom couldn't get the controller because he still didn't have working arms. 'Why didn't I build him with working arms?' Joel asked himself. Pearl wasn't close enough for Joel to attempt to pick her pockets. Besides, he wasn't sure he'd be able to even if she were close enough. Joel sighed. "We'll just have to wait and see if an opportunity comes up," he told Servo. --------- On the satellite, Mike returned to the theater alone. Gypsy said she couldn't stand to watch. Mike, of course, had no choice; Pearl sucked all the air out of the satellite except in theater during shows. Mike sat down and hoped Crow would be as fortunate and resourceful as Servo. To be continued....