Backstage Doors Episode 1:
Why Josh Really Left the Show
by Joeanne
betaed by KAnnMurray

Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains, Inc. This is also a Real People Fic, sort of, in a way. All abuse can be hurled at joeanne_b@hotmail.com.

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The atmosphere was jovial, as usual, on the set of _Mystery Science Theater 3000_. It was the last episode of their first season on HBO's new station Comedy Central. Technically, the episode was supposed to be the fourth, but problems with the movie had pushed the episode to the end of the season.

Kevin Murphy, a great, hulking bear of a man, surveyed the set with a little apprehension. The movie segments and most of the host segments had already been shot, only one scene remained: the ad for Clay and Lar's Flesh Barn. He wasn't worried about Trace Beaulieu; no, he always eventually got it right. He was worried about Josh Weinstein, namely because Josh wasn't who he pretended to be.

Kevin knew he was going to have to bring it up to the others sometime, but the question was whether they'd believe him. He'd had many doubts himself until the evidence had become too shocking to ignore.

There was the peculiar way in which Josh would bob his head back and forth and emit strange clucking noises. Josh also had the unusual habit of pecking the ground every once and while. He would scratch the ground now and then and look around guiltily. The worst thing though was the feathers. Kevin had been more than startled to find them littering the ground after Josh had gotten into a fight with Jim Mallon the producer.

The final clue though was the presence of an egg in Josh's chair one morning. That was when Kevin knew that Josh was really a giant chicken.

Trace was bent over, running his hands through his hair to create the characteristic Dr. Forrester hair. He stood up and placed the green plastic frames onto his face. He grinned manically.

"Okay guys, let's get this over with," Jim ordered, waving for everyone to be quiet. Joel Hodgson was standing offstage trying to convince the new guy Frank Conniff to try his Moo Goo Gai Pan.

"Trust me, it's fine," Joel insisted, holding a piece out with a pair of chopsticks.

"But Joel, who knows what they really put in there. I mean, sometimes they use cats and dogs and just call it chicken," Frank whimpered.

Joel shook his head, "I've known these people for a long time and I've walked through their kitchen. I know that they don't use cats and dogs."

Frank relaxed and Joel grinned, "Just pigeons."

"AHEM!" Jim coughed. Joel turned to looked at his producer guiltily. "We are trying to film, Joel," Jim reminded him. Joel looked sheepish for a moment.

Kevin felt a flash of irritation. How could everyone just act like nothing was wrong when Josh was standing there making chuckling noises?! He needed someone to talk to and he needed to now! He quickly scanned the set. Jim was busy directing and Joel was harassing the new guy. Then Kevin saw the head writer Mike Nelson coming out of the hallway from the bathroom.

Kevin quietly ran over to him and grabbed his arm in a meaty paw, "Can I talk to you for a minute, Mike?"

"Sure," Mike said, slightly surprised. Kevin dragged the writer into the next room.

"Mike, I think there's something wrong with Josh," Kevin started.

"What kind of thing?" Mike asked.

"Well, I've really only noticed it the past few weeks but I'm surprised no one else had caught on. Mike, I think Josh is a giant chicken," Kevin said. Mike just stared at him. "I'm serious!" Kevin insisted in his nasal voice.

"Kevin," Mike admonished, "I know that you really wanted to be Tom Servo, but making up stuff about Josh isn't going to help you. Josh a giant chicken? Come on."

"I swear to god Mike, Josh is a chicken!" Kevin said. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed the feathers?"

"You're really starting to scare me," Mike said, inching away from the bigger man.

"But Mike!" Kevin whined as Mike ran out to the set. "I knew no one would believe me. Now he thinks I'm an idiot," he said. Kevin miserably shoved his hands into his pockets and sulked back onto the set.

The shoot had been a success and everyone was packing up. Kevin could see Mike talking to Joel in one corner. Joel blinked at the taller man through his glasses.

"A giant chicken?" Joel asked Mike.

"That's what he said," Mike answered.

"That's really kind of strange, even for Kevin," Joel said.

"There is one way to find out if he's right though," Mike said. Joel nodded, catching Mike's drift.

The comedian set his Chinese food down and walked onto the set. "Hey guys, anyone for KFC?" he asked loudly.

Josh went berserk. He ran around clucking wildly, knocking into everyone. The feathers that Mike had never noticed before went flying with every flap of Josh's arms. Finally, the pudgy man's unruly black hair went flying, revealing the truth to the cast and crew.

"He is a giant chicken!" Mike shouted.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" Kevin was jumping up and down with glee. The unmasked Josh stood there, bobbing his head.

"For two seasons I worked with you and never knew you were a chicken," Trace said in astonishment. Josh lowered in head and clucked.

"What do we do? We can't have a giant chicken on the show. We'll be an even bigger laughing stock then we are now!" Jim said.

"Yeah, who else could do Tom's voice?" Frank asked.

Mike and Joel looked at each other, "Kevin?"

The End