Seeing as I've got an abominally long host sequence as is, the theme song will be cut to save space. All: YAAAY! And just for that, I'm playing it TWICE next episode! All: D'OH! SoA Kirin had a ham radio. Nobody was exactly sure WHY he had a ham radio; in fact, the other denizens of the Satellite of Avatars were beginning to get the impression that he wasn't overly sure why himself. Whenever they asked him about it, he'd mumble something about "a gift" and stalk off somewhere. Alexis had begun to suspect that this was one of Kirin's rare mental goof-ups, but she didn't dare suggest this for fear of seeing Kirin's bad side, which so rarely showed up that it couldn't possibly be a good thing to get on. Since it lacked any real usefulness, the ham radio had been sitting as a sort of odd centerpiece on the bridge. Crow 2 and Hibichi had decorated it with various bibs and bobs, to the point where one would easily mistake it for some sort of year-round Christmas tree -- here a Sailor Moon keychain, there a small poster of Willow from Buffy. There was actually a small MST3K planet stuck somewhere, further emphasizing the embarrassingly obvious lack of a fourth wall on the Satellite. As it was, the radio was about to become the centerpiece for an amazing piece of plot contrivance. It might have felt honored, if it were actually a sentient being. At the time, everybody was kicking back on the bridge. Bodger was sleeping, as tended to be the case whenever she wasn't busily maintaining things around the place. She had also recently decided she was going to be the "inventor" of the satellite -- the only true exerting of SI-ness she'd shown (and a relatively logical one considering the fact that she DID create both the satellite and Crow 2). She claimed this took up a lot of energy, although the others tended to walk off after she said this muttering "bullshit" between coughs. Kirin and Alexis were exploring their intellectual sides. Well actually, this was not strictly true -- they were sitting in front of the TV set. Not that the programming was particularly good, seeing as it only picked up PAX, CBS and the WB if you were "lucky," but it was a way to occupy one's time, much in the same way that people can sit and watch MTV for hours on end despite a lack of any real interest. Crow 2 and Hibichi, for once, were engaging in a relatively sedate activity -- a card game. Although occasionally a rather nasty string of expletives could be heard from either one or the other, and at one point the two had actually scuffled, the game was pretty quiet. (They had started out playing B.S., but after the scuffle and a "shock to the shammies" by Alexis, the pair had decided that War might be an easier game to deal with.) With the entire crew thus occupied, none of them expected to hear a transmission coming in on the radio. #Earth to Satellite of Love, Earth to Satellite of Love, can you read? Over.# The crew blinked. Then they returned to their activities. #Earth to Satellite of Love, is anybody there? Over.# At this point, everybody was staring at the garish radio. Even Bodger, who had been woken up by the call, was staring at it. Hesitantly, Kirin walked over to the radio and picked up the speaker. "This is the Satellite of Avatars, I'm afraid. You've got the wrong frequency," he replied, feeling slightly stupid as he said it. #Satellite of AVATARS? Wouldn't you know it -- I got the wrong satellite,# said the speaker. Kirin looked at the others, then suggested, "Look, maybe if you tell us who you are, we can find whoever you want to talk to and pass the message onto them." #... I'm not sure if I oughta do that...# "Couldn't hurt." #... Well, you seem like a nice enough guy, I suppose.# "So what's your name?" #... My name is Joel Robinson.# A hush filled the bridge. #Hello? Anybody there? Or did someone hit the mute button?# "JOEL ROBINSON?!" everyone exclaimed at once. #Uh, am I famous or something?# Bodger suddenly rushed up and grabbed the speaker from Kirin. "OhmyGodit'sreallyyouIcan'tbelieveityouareatotalinspirationtoallus MiSTiesandit'sreallyyouyou'retalkingtomeohwowohwowohwow!" Bodger gasped for breath. Joel didn't respond. Presumably, this was because he was stunned by Bodger's undignified display of fangirlishness. Bodger continued. "I'm sorry, it's just so remarkable talking to you! I mean, you inspired me to make my own satellite and --" #You... sent... people... up... DELIBERATELY?!# Bodger suddenly flushed as she realized what she'd just said. "I, er..." #What the heck were you thinking?! Did you have any consideration for the feelings of those people?! Forcing them to read fanfic after fanfic, movie after movie, just to see their responses?! How incredibly self-centered can you get?!# berated Joel. "Um, well, they are MY characters... thus the Avatars bit..." Bodger began nervously. #So?! You don't think they're living creatures?! They have just as much right to roam free in their collective worlds as YOU do, lady!# "...Excuse me for a moment..." Bodger dashed off, embarrassed. Alexis stared after her. "That was kinda OOC, Joel," she said into the speaker. "Yeah, but in a way it was oddly satisfying," mused Crow 2. #Sorry, it's just that sort of thing gets to me...# "We noticed," the various avatars replied simultaneously. The message light began to flash. "Oh, nutbunnies. Quick, turn off the radio!" Alexis hissed at Kirin. Kirin obliged as Alexis hit the button. Castle Flipside Dark Kirin and his various companions were smirking, which was hardly an unusual sight all things considered. "So, did you have a good conversation with your friend?" he asked wryly. SoA "Why, whatever do you mean?" asked Alexis, sweatdropping. Castle Flipside "Oh, don't pull that innocent routine on me. Those anime emoticons give the whole thing away, at any rate. We've been monitoring the radio waves and just HAPPENED to pick up your little conversation over a slightly unusual bandwidth." Dark Kirin sneered. SoA "Why the hell are you monitoring ham radio waves when we're all up here in space?" asked Kirin, raising an eyebrow. Castle Flipside Now it was Dark Kirin's turn to sweatdrop. "None of your beeswax. The point is that now that you've made contact with Mr. Robinson, we can track him down and capture him ourselves!" All three of the clones began to get anime-like sparkles in their eyes. SoA The quartet looked at each other, then back at the viewscreen. "And why on God's green Earth would you want to do that?" asked Alexis. Castle Flipside. "Isn't it obvious? Joel was the first of many! And he remained sane!" replied Dark Kirin ecstatically. "Which means that if WE capture him, and find just the right fic to drive him up the wall..." continued Dark Alexis. "...then WE'LL be the rulers of the Mad heap!" finished Dark Hibichi. All three had a wistful look in their eyes. SoA "Greeeat..." all drawled at once. Castle Flipside "But enough of this! It seems only appropriate that you should have contact with a member of the Satellite of Love, as this week's fanfic features the entire crew! It's an MST3K/Star Wars crossover with all the grammar skills of the famous Dr. Thinker! Choke on it!" Dark Kirin sent the fic. SoA The radio buzzed again. #Uh, hello?# "Um, Joel, I think we blew it..." began Kirin. The lights began to flash. "WE HAVE FANFIC ARC -- er, SIGN!" [Door Sequence: Ah, these are fun... Door 6: It's a normal vault door, complete with combination lock. Door 5: It's the dogbone door! Yay! Door 4: Jabba the Hut is blocking the entrance. You get a forklift and move him aside. (Jabba: You're going to pay for that little insult.) Door 3: It's a boulder. You shout "Open Sesame!" and it moves aside magically. Door 2: It's a large heap of Star Wars memorabilia. You shovel your way through it. Door 1: Strangely enough, rather than the normal theater entrance, it appears to be Megane 6.7's light teleporter. You step inside.] [For those unfamiliar, from L-R: Kirin, Alexis, Hibichi, Crow 2] Kirin: Hmm... you don't suppose that's plagierism, do you? Alexis: Nah, his fans do that all the time. Hibichi: Man, I wish I were old enough to read the rest of his MiSTings... >Mstie Wars: The SagaMiste Wars Hibichi: Is that anything like Saga Frontier? Kirin: I hope not. Crow 2: Why do I get the feeling this is gonna hurt? >. A combo of Star Wars and Mst3k, wackiness ensues. Crow 2: Okay, now if there were an MST3K drinking game, that phrase would probably only merit a "sip." >So go acrost galaxy with crew of Mst3k and enjoy. Alexis: And forsooth! Thy Satellite shall traverse acrost galaxy, and much antics shall take place. >(Compact version. I'm sorry to any Star war nuts but I'm little bit >hazy when comes to plot. Kirin: Don't worry. Just get it in on the minidisc edition. >So if I miss any your favorite character or put something in wrong >episode or out place, I'm sorry.) Kirin: (author) I'll hit them with the next shot. Hibichi: You don't suppose this is Dr. Thinker in disguise, do you? >A long long time ago in galaxy somewhere in time a space Alexis: You know, a space. Not any space in particular. >young Joel Spacewaker dreams of Crow 2: Getting a better name! Kirin: He was destined to wake the universe from its mid-afternoon nap. >being a Miste knight the master of the funny jokes know as the forks. Alexis: The jokes of the spoons and knives are nothing compared to these. Kirin: What about the sporks? Crow 2: That's for MSTballs. All: (Yogurt) May the Sporks be with yoooou! >Meanwhile lovely princess Gypsa ship is being attacked. Crow 2: Gypsa? Kirin: I think it's an amalgamation of Gypsy and Leia. Crow 2: Ech! How would they get the gold bikini on her? >So she send two robots Tom2Servo2 and Crow3PO with message of distress >to Obi Beebio to save her. Alexis: (scatting) ~ Obi Bee Bio balomp bamp bow!~ Crow 2: Oh, so my prototype gets to be the wussy geek robot, eh? Kirin: Well, they ARE both gold... >Tom2Servo2 and Crow3PO run into Joel All: Ouch! >and he gets Obi Beebio. Kirin: Ooh, poor guy! I hear that's worse than E-Coli... > Meanwhile on Gypsa ship has been over taken by Frank troupers Alexis: (Trooper) Look lady, you're butt ugly. I'm just trying to be frank. Crow 2: Frank Troupers! The latest food-like substance from the makers of Hamdingers. Hibichi: Not responsible for outbreaks of Obi Beebio. >lead by the very evil Darth Green Forrester. All: He's Evil! EEEEVIL! >Darth Forester want know where the riff rebellion is Kirin: (Darth Forester) Look, I think I must have gotten my map turned around. Where is this taking place again? I'm late enough as it is. >to tell master the more evil mother/empresses Pearl. Alexis: ... There are times where I regret majoring in English at college. Crow 2: Tell Master: From the makers of View Master! >Gypsa refuses to tell and Darth cries. [Crow 2 laughs uproariously.] Crow 2: Aw, da widdle baby not get his bottle? Hibichi: He's not doing much for his evil reputation... >Meanwhile Joel and Obi Beebio go get ship. Kirin: Here boy! Here boy! Go get ship! >They hire the cute Hans Miko Crow 2: *snort* I'm sorry, I just can't see Mike in that way. Alexis: It's Miko: The Hans of Fate! >and companion ChewBoboka who has pay debt to Torgoba the Hut. Hibichi: Somebody must have pulled the pizza gag on poor ChewBoboka. Kirin: (ChewBoboka) No, I did NOT order five-hundred pizzas! What would I do with five-hundred pizzas? >(I'll give you minute to imagine this and throw up.) Alexis: Been there, done that, cleaned the toilet bowl. >Menwhile Darth Forrester has the major weapon in operation the Deep >pain star that bring pain everywhere it goes. Kirin: You mean N'Sync music. Crow 2: It shows people nude pictures of Cancer man. That'd cause ME pain... >Hans Miko, Tom2Servo2, Crow3PO, drive to ship to save the princess. Hibichi: (Hans Miko) Hi, we're here to save the princess? Is this 1209 Death Star Ave.? >While Beebio trainees Joel with the forks and teaches him how use a light >riff saver. Crow 2: I love light riff savers! Especially when they come in those little books around Christmas time. >Thank to a hole in the plot Alexis: This whole FIC is a plot hole, if you ask me... >the gang save the princess, Kirin: (Shaggy) Way to go, Scoobs! >Obi Beebio is killed, Crow 2: That extra strength antibiotic must be working. >and Darth goes crying to the empresses/ his mother. Crow 2: Knowing Pearl, she probably just laughed at him and insulted his abilities. >The empresses is not pleased. Alexis: What, there's more than one of them? Others: (haughty) We are not amused. >The riff rebellion set plan Crow 2: Now, the Death Star goes over here, and the planet goes over there. I'd like to use a proceniem arch for this... >to destroy the Deep Pain star. Hibichi: Isn't that supposed to be "deep hurting?" Crow 2: I know I'M supposed to know a lot about MST3K, but what's your excuse? Kirin: So much for the fourth wall. Alexis: Kirin, we're a satellite full of various characters from the author's stories. The fourth wall has been demolished, ground into dust, mixed in a cement mixer and made into a replica of the Venus De Milo by now. >Hans Miko and Chewboboka plan to leave. Kirin: Good idea! Then you can get out of this fanfic. >Joel Spacewaker and Tom2Servo2 are in one jets to go destroy the Deep >pain star. Alexis: One jets, two jet, three jet, four... Crow 2: So why does Servo get the glory? >Darth Forrester gets in jet also to fight against the riff rebellion >just after kill one the Frank troupers. There long space scene. Kirin: You know, that Dr. Thinker theory is beginning to become much more plausible. Crow 2: (Darth Forrester) Aw, come on, mom, can't I kill a Frank Trooper? Hibichi: (Pearl) Oh, all right, but only one. Then you have to go to the riff rebellion. Crow 2: (Darth Forrester) Yay! >There still fighting. >Still going on. >Fighting still happening. Neat special effect. >Fighting still, man how long dose this take. Alexis: We could ask the same thing! >Still more fight. Come on lets move on, oh ya I'm one writing this. Kirin: (Minnewegian) Ya, I'm just writing this fanfic, I don't know what's going on here! >Just Darth Forrester think he has Joel trapped Alexis: Everybody else, of course, thinks otherwise. > Hans Miko come in to save him. Crow 2: But accidentally blows up a planet in the process. >Darth is shot down, [All make crashing and burning sounds] >wet them but survives. Hibichi: Man, Dr. Forrester is a real wuss in this fanfic! Crow 2: (Forrester) I wet 'em! >Joel Spacewaker uses the fork and Kirin: Chows down on a lovely plate of spaghetti. Crow 2: No no no, this is MST3K, it should be "waffles." Kirin: Fanbot. Crow 2: Well _I_ have an excuse! >destroy the Deep Pain Star by making fun of it. Alexis: (Joel) Your mama wears combat boots! Kirin: (Deep Pain) *KABOOM!* >It blows up and everyone enjoys the fireworks and carnage. All: Ooooh. Ahhhh. Crow 2: We enjoy the pain of others! >The riff rebellion celebrates. Alexis: Its participants, however, are depressed. >Everyone is happy, Kirin: ~Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy...~ >Joel Spacewaker is off to become a Miste knight. But it is not last >time they here from Darth green Forrester. Crow 2: Nuts. Alexis: I'm sorry, is this supposedly a plot synopsis of a movie or is it the actual fanfic? Kirin: _I_ can tell you what it is... >Miste wars : The empire Femmie hits back. Hibichi: Fembots? You mean it's going to crossover with Austin Powers, too? Kirin: It says "Femmie," not Fembot. Crow 2: Too bad. Could have really spruced this fic up. Growf! Alexis: You are so asking for bad mojo, botboy. >(A mix of Mst3k and Star Wars. I'm sorry to any Star war nuts but I'm >little bit hazy when comes to plot. So if I miss any your favorite >character or put something in wrong episode or out place, I'm sorry.) Kirin: (Yogi Berra) It's deja vu all over again! >A long time ago somewhere in time and space Crow 2 & Hibichi: o/~ Mike Nelson and his robot pals are caught in a nasty place...o/~ >a fight for humor being fought. Alexis: It's failing miserably, too. >Joel Spacewaker is off to be trained Crow 2: As a stand-up comedian. Kirin: Well THAT little comment should have blown down the third and second walls to boot. >to be a Miste knight by Mr B. Natroda, a very wise yet annyoning >man/woman. Alexis: Annyoning? Hibichi: This fic just goes on annyon annyon annyon... >While Princess Gypsa and Hans Miko flit and stuff. Kirin: Stuff? Alexis: Yeah. You know, stuff. Hibichi: Stuff is not a valid category! *WHACK WHACK WHACK!* Hey, what was that for Alexis? Alexis: I didn't do it! Bodger: (OS) That's for ripping off one of Amanda's lines! Others: Ahhh... Crow 2: EXCUSE me, am I the only one vaguely disturbed about the idea of Mike and Gypsy flirting with each other? >They kiss once All: ACCK! Hibichi: Not anymore! >which Tom2Servo2 and Crow3PO see and think is gross and Miko now has >cooties. Alexis: How do you get cooties from a robot? Crow 2: Guess it's a computer virus. >They go off to visit Cambot Serduhe . Kirin: Could we PLEASE get a name that doesn't look like a spelling error? >Menwhile another bigger Deep pain star is being built. Crow 2: They can rebuild it... they can make it faster; stonger; better. >The empresses Pearl and mother of Darth green Forrester stops by. Alexis: But... they're the same person... Kirin: Don't over analyze the grammer. >She criticize Darth Forrester and lack Alexis: Hey! Leave poor Lack out of this -- he's innocent! >for destroying the riffing rebeblon Crow 2: Sounds like someone got hair in their mouth while writing this fic. >and then goes to hang out and talk with the Frank troupers. Kirin: (Pearl) So ya seen that movie "Star Wars?" A real rip-off, if you ask me... >Menwhile thanks to another hole in the plot Darth Forrester and Braina >Gufet captures the Mst3k gang except Joel who off. Alexis: On hiatus. Crow 2: ANOTHER hole in the plot, eh? This fic is holier than the Pope! >Hans Miko is froze and given to Hibichi: The many loyal female MiSTies out there. >BrainGuyico to give to Torgoba the hut. Crow 2: Hang on -- why does Brain Guy get TWO roles in this fic? I want my agent! Kirin: Crow 2, you're technically not in this fic. It's your counterpart. Crow 2: Oh. Right. [pauses] Actually, I suppose I ought to be thankful for that... >Menwhile Joel Spacewaker goes off save his freinds. Hibichi: Everything goes but his "friends?" But he'll be needing those... *WHACK!* Alexis: Too bad... we almost made it all the way through without a riff like that. >He warened by Mr. B Natroda not to go toward the dark side of the >fork Kirin: It's just not proper ettiqutte. >(the funny jokes) know as the >knife. Alexis: Would that be dark humor? Hibichi: Or bad innuendo. Crow 2: To which we are very familiar with. [Hibichi & Crow 2 high five.] >Joel goes off to save his friends and face dath Forrester. Kirin: (Joel) Dath Forrethter ith going to pay for what he'th done to my palth! >Cambot serduche, Alexis: Whose name is so unbelieveably hard to spell that even the author can't do it the same way twice, >thought to be trator to riff relbon Crow 2: He stole their spell checker! >has change of heart and saves everyone. Kirin: INTENSE... SAVING... er, ACTION? >Mewhile Darth Forrester and Joel spacewaker face off. Here a snip of >there very famos convertion where Darth Forrester share something. All: O_o Alexis: I'm just gonna start reading this in tongues now. Maybe it'll make more sense. >"Join me younge Joel Spacewaker and we will rull the universe." Darth Alexis: No hablo espanol. >"No." Joel. Crow 2: Bad Joel! Not on the carpet! Kirin: I think Joel would whack you for that one. >"Oh, come on. It's will be fun." Darth Alexis: Me yama Alexis. >"I said no." Joel. Crow 2: Do you want me to get the rolled up newspaper again? >"You get nice pay, medial insuresance including blue cross." darth. Kirin: Does that mean it's middling? What good is that? I want high quality! Hibichi: Bad pun alert. >"What part no don't you understand?" Joel. Crow 2: (Darth Forrester) I think it was "n". I've always had a hard time accepting that. >"Oh fine. But before we fight I have to tell you something." Darth >"What is that?' Joel Kirin: (Darth Forrester) Mitchell. >"I'm your father." Darth. Hibichi: (Joel) Who's my mother, then? Kirin: (Darth Forrester) Er... >"No your not." Joel >"Yes I'm." Darth. >"No you ARE not." joel. Crow 2: (Darth) Oh, this isn't an argument! Kirin: (Joel) Yes it is. Crow 2: (Darth) No it isn't, it's just contradiction! Hibichi: Knock it off... >"Yes I'm. How come you don't belive me?" darth. Hibichi: (Joel) Because you're a big poopie head. >"Because I left my dad to become a miste knight. Plus your about same >age as I'm. Well maybe your little older, by mabey 9 year than I'm, >but it is still imposible." Joel. Alexis: Me gusta queso. >"Hey, I'm just 5 years older than you" Darth >"Well if that was true then you would have be 5 when had me and that >would be distugusting. You don't want me belive that you had me when >you were 5 do you?" Joel. Kirin: NO ONE will be seated during the exciting "age discussion" scene! >"Fine, I'm not your father. I was tring to be dramic but you just >ruined." Darth. Alexis: La cantina es a la derecha. Crow 2: Oh give it up. >"Plus the fact I REALY doubt you ever have been with a woman" joel. Kirin: Well, that goes without saying. >"Listen I said I wasn't. Lets just drop it." Darth All: *CRASH! TINKLE TINKLE* Crow 2: (Darth) D'oh! I didn't mean it like that! >"Let alone touched acutal woman." joel Alexis: (Joel) Fairly obtuse women, maybe, but not acute! >"I said drop it!" Darth Kirin: (Darth Forrester) Drop it now, scumbag, or I pump you full of bullets! >"In fact I preaty sure the only woman you ever been close to is your >mother and she dosen't even love you."Joel. Hibichi: Ooh, that's pretty harsh. Particularly from Joel. Crow 2: Pearl doesn't love ANYBODY! What're you getting at? >"Shut Up!" Darth. Kirin: Shut up Darth? Well, I've got some masking tape here -- will that help? >"Hey your the one who brought the whole thing up." Joel Alexis: Potato, po-tah-to, tomato, to-mah-to, let's call the whole thing off. >Anyways Joel escape and distroys the Deep pain star again. Everyone is >happy exect darth Forrester Crow 2: The exact Darth Forrester is hard to pin down. Tonight, on Biography, we shall attempt to do so. >and The empresse pearl. Kirin: Wow! She managed to capitalize everything EXCEPT what's actually is supposed to be capitalized! >Now the gang off to save Hans Miko from Torgo the Hut. Alexis: ~ Torgo the Hut, the wonderful wonderful Hut...~ Hibichi: Isn't it supposed to be "Torgoba the Hut?" >Next time "The return of the miste and that package of hamdingers." Crow 2: You can keep the hamdingers, but leave the MiST to us, thanks. >Miste Wars :Return of the Miste and that package of Hamdingers." Alexis: And which package of Hamdingers would that be? Kirin: And why would we want them back? Crow 2: Maybe it's got an escape pod in it. >A long time ago in galaxy A fight for the funny is being waged. Alexis: Meanwhile, in galaxy B, the Heart of Gold was being presented to a large crowd on the island of France. >Pricesses Gypsa, Tom2Servo2, Corw3P0 and Chewboboka go to save Hans >Miko from Torgoba the Hut. Crow 2: Hey! Is it too much to ask that they spell my counterpart's name right? Kirin: Ease up, Crow 2, she's spelled it right the other times. Hibichi: It's back to Torgoba again! >Unfortunly they are all caught All: Big surprise. >and Gypsa is force to were a demening yet sexy outfit. Crow 2: Which is a futile gesture, considering that Gypsy's body is one long rubber tube... >But Joel Spacewaker after fishing traing Kirin: He can tie those flies like nobody's business now... Alexis: Ooh! Check out that casting! He's a real pro! Hibichi: Don't find 'em like that anymore. >to nbe miste knight has achive control of the fork (The funny jokes). Alexis: Ow. Ow. OW. Ow. Kirin: Here, have an aspirin. [She takes it gratefully.] >So he leave his traner Mr. B Natroda , who just mainly dancing around >like a idoit, Crow 2: He's dancing like Pauly Shore? Hibichi: No wonder people fear him so much. >to go save his friends. Joel is also caught and taken to the giant >Gilla montster. But all escape and destroy Torgo the hut. Kirin: Excited yet? Crow 2: And it switched back to Torgo the Hut again! >Menwhile Darth Green Forrester and Pearl the empresses make plans to >wip out the riff reblon. Alexis: As employees of Clairbrol, it was their patriotic duty to wipe out Reblon. >Joel spacewarker Hibichi: Who has mysteriously mutated into a man-sized space Chocobo... >and Princess Gypa find out that Joel made her and is her father and >father ofTom2servo2 and Crow3P0. Kirin: Then Joel whacks Hans Miko silly when he finds out he was making out with his daughter. >The gang gets help from friend little Nanniekos a group of cute yet >less anyoning group that JarJar. Alexis: Which isn't saying a hell of a lot, really. >Joel Spacewaker gose of to face his fate to fight against Darth >Forrester. They fight before the empersses. Here little diaolg between >them. All: VERY little. >"I will kill you!" Darth >"Oh yay you and what army?" Joel Crow 2: Oh YAY? Kirin: Maybe Joel's more masochistic than we thought. Alexis: KIRIN! >"The entire Frank trouper army." Darth All: Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaah. Kirin: Seems to be a lot of group riffs this time around... >"Man I wish I didn't ask." Joel Crow 2: Don't ask, don't tell. >"That not the only thing you will wish, but now you are going to >die!" Darth Alexis: Wha? Kirin: Uh, yeah. >"Not If I can help it. Prepare to meet you macth Dath Forrester" Joel. Crow 2: There'th that lithp again! Joel needth thome thpeech therapy, methinkth. >"ah I see master Mr. B Natroda has traned you well. But unfortunly not >well enough. Perpare to taste biter sweet death."Darth Hibichi: (Joel) Bite ME. >"Oh Stop conversing with him and kill him Clayton!" empreses. Kirin: Well, not particularly impressed, but maybe if you tried a little harder... >"Shut up. I'm doing it mother, I mean Empresses." Darth >"Well your not doing very good job of it. He is still live. And don't >you ever call me mother again." Pearl. Alexis: Does this mean she's disowning him? Crow 2: (Darth Forrester) Yippee! Yip -- uh, I mean d'oh? >"I'm sorry Empersee. And I'm doing it. Get off my back." Darth. While >Darth and empresse are talking Joel cut Darth with his Light riff >saver. Kirin: (Darth as Bugs Bunny) Only a rat would cut a man in the back! Only a big, fat, dirty, rat! Hibichi: (Joel as Elmer Fudd) *SWISH!* All right, so I'm a big fat rat. Kirin: (Darth as Bugs Bunny) Ahh! Have some cheese, rat! Alexis: The Loony Toons sketch, ladies and germs. >"Ow. Now look what you made me do. He now cut me." Darth says then >looks at cut which isn't very big. "I'm not supose to get hurt. I'm a >Darkside prince." Dath cries. Hibichi: Darth Forrester IS Tsukino Usagi. >"Oh shut up. Man can't you do anything right or do I have do >everything my self" empresse says while going over to Darth. >"You Shut up. I'm sick of you and your complaining." Darth then >accedently stabes Empresses. Crow 2: You know, even the Forresters weren't THIS incompetent. Kirin: Just smile and nod, Crow 2. >"You kill me. Now are you happy you just killed me." Empresses Alexis: (Pearl) HA! You slay me, kid. >"Yes I am. I'm so happy that you'll be finaly out my life." darth Kirin: And of course Joel's just standing there, vaguely embarrassed... Alexis: Nothing worse than a family tiff. >"Oh no you don't. If I'm going die, so are you." Empersees says then >kills darth. Crow 2: Pretty damn good considering. She's dying slower than that guy in Devil Fish... >"Ow. That hurts." Darth says as dies. Alexis: And the understatement of the year award goes to Darth Forrester! >"Darth I want know one thing. I never loved you." Says empersses then >dies. Kirin: (Pearl as Lisa Simpson) I don't love you! I never loved you! And the only reason I sent you that valentine was because I felt sorry for you! Alexis: (Darth) Are you trying to tell me something? >"Comdey is hard dieing sucks." darth says and dies. Crow 2: Darth really knows how to make an epitaph. >"Man that was easy. Who knew faceing you fate would be so simple yet >pointless."Joel Kirin: You know, it's funny, but we were asking the exact same thing! >Well Joel distroys the empire with the Mst3k gang help. Alexis: (Voice Mail) This is the MST3K gang help. For movie riffing, press 1. For the ensuing of wackiness, press 2. For the destruction of empires, press 3. If you require some other form of help, stay on the line and we will be more than willing to allow you to bite us. >Eveyone is happy and celebrated. The nannitkois do a dance and final >the unvinverse is safe for hummor and freedom lovers. Thanks to brave >fokes who fought in the Miste Wars! Crow 2: That's us! Yay! Kirin: I don't think this is exactly a WAR we're fighting... Crow 2: You kidding me? We're fighting the greatest battle of all -- the battle against crap! >The End. Crow 2: And the day is won. Come on, let's go for some celebratory milkshakes. Kirin: I wonder how Bodger's been passing her time? [They exit the theater.] [Door Sequence: 1-2-3-4-5-6] SoA Bodger was fiddling with the radio, to the chagrin of Kirin. "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" he asked angrily. "Geez, don't get so uptight. I'm just putting something on the radio to scramble the signal for anybody who might be listening in. That way, we won't have to worry about the Mads overhearing the conversation again," she replied huffily. "The amazing SI demonstrates her amazing abilities again," quipped Crow 2. "Shut up. Ah, there we go..." She flipped on a small device which was now attached to the radio. "That should do it, hopefully. I just hope I didn't screw anything up." "Hmm, we'll see, I guess. Of course, why Joel would want to keep in contact with US is beyond --" #Your comprehension, perhaps?# Kirin jumped. "Geezus Kryst! When did you get on?" Joel chuckled. #Just now, actually. Is Bodger finished with that device yet?# "All systems are go, Joel. We should be able to monitor the Mads for you now," replied Bodger. "Well, at least YOU two are back on speaking terms," commented Alexis. Bodger shrugged. "He says he's gonna help me figure out how to become a better SI. Then maybe I can whip up a large enough plot hole to send us all back," she said. "So you're staying with us, then?" asked Kirin. #Pretty much. Until I can figure out how to contact the Satellite of Love and get your friends off my tail, I'd better just keep the lines open with you guys.# "Say... how DID you manage to contact us with a ham radio anyway?" asked Hibichi. #Trade secret. So how was the fic?# "Good idea, lousy execution," replied Kirin. "Ever read a Thinker fic?" #Yeah...# "Just like that, basically. Incidentally, you're apparently Luke Skywalker in the fic." #Really? Heh heh, I've always wanted a lightsaber.# "And Dr. Forrester was Darth Vader, and man was he a wuss!" added Hibichi. #... Please tell me you're joking.# "Don't worry, he's not your pop," Kirin reassured him. #Well I should hope NOT.# Crow 2 remained silent all this time. Finally he spoke: "So you're the genuine article, then?" #Crow? Is that you?# "Not quite. Actually, he's a replica I made. He was really just meant for emergencies, but..." Bodger trailed off. Kirin sighed. "She forgot to add an off-switch." #Well gee, I don't see why'd you'd need one, but then again my only company were bots.# "AHEM. I AM still in the room," interupted Crow 2, annoyed. "Sorry," said everybody else. The Mad light flashed. "Gotta go, Joel. Pearl, Bobo and the Observer are calling," said Kirin. #No prob.# Then, to himself: #Pearl, Bobo and Observer?# Castle Flipside "Hmm, still sane. Well, that's alright -- wouldn't want to use the truly evil fic before our guest arrives!" said Dark Kirin, cackling. SoA "Does the term, 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch' mean ANYTHING to you? At any rate, how do you expect to catch him?" asked Kirin. Castle Flipside "Well, looking at that fanfic gave us an idea! So we present to you... our Frank Troopers!" Sure enough, about a hundred copies of TV's Frank came trooping into shot. "See, we just used the same bizarre plot device that brought TV's Frank back so many times and used it to make our own clones! With this army, we're bound to get Joel in no time! Troops, move out!" "Yes Steve!" all the clones chorused at once. "For the last time, the name's Dark Kirin!" shouted Dark Kirin testily. "Sorry, Steve!" "Gragh... Anyway, GO! And don't return until you've found Joel!" "Right away, Steve!" "Oh, and I've always wanted to do this... Push the button, Frank." All the clones scrambled to press the button at once, squishing Dark Kirin against the console and causing him to press the button himself. ---FWOOOSH!--- D. Kirin: (VO) Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... TV's Franks: [Make Frank noise] END!!! And now the Boring Bits... Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c)by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved. Star Wars property of LucasFilms and George Lucas. All MSTers in this fic belong to me, although Crow 2 is borderline... "Mstie Wars The SagaMiste Wars" property of Jenny Erdahl. No offense is meant by this MiSTing. No, seriously. Even if the grammar riffs are a bit heavy in this. All comments, criticisms and (hopefully few) flames can be sent to thebadgers@uswest.net Bodger's Notes: Really, if I'm going to be doing things like this, I oughta ask for permission PRIOR to doing the MiSTing... Amazingly, this was done almost entirely without Amanda's help this time. (It shows, doesn't it? Sigh...) Anyhoo, this might work as more of a fanfic starter than anything. I dunno, it's more interesting inserting other characters into your own world than inserting yourself into theirs. Of course, I'm slightly psycho that way... @_@ Of course, that depends on whether or not I actually get any done, uh heh heh... >Mewhile Darth Forrester and Joel spacewaker face off. Here a snip of >there very famos convertion where Darth Forrester share something.