Contents
I. Why?
      A. Why try and take over the world?
      B. How should I take over the world?
      C. Why shoot a man into space?
II. Who?
      A. Who was Dr. Clayton Forrester?
      B. What Forrester did right.
      C. What Forrester did wrong.
      D. What to take from the SOL SOSE.
III. Selecting your experiment.
      A. Written stories or movies?
      B. Old or new?
IV. Selecting your test subject.
      A. Picking the best guy (or girl) for the job.
      B. Things your subject needs.
      C. Things your subject doesn't need.
V. Cost.
      A. Costs for building and sending the satellite into space.
      B. Costs for keeping it up there.
VI. Conclusion.

I. Why?
       A. Why try and take over the world?

Why should you try to take over the world? Sure, the question has been asked millions of times, but, really, why? Well, the reasoning is quite simple.

One good reason is the prestige of the job. By ruling the world, you will have over three billion inhabitants under your control. By ruling them in a hierarchal monarchy¹, you will oversee all of their puny lives. In return, they will have no choice but to worship you.

Another reason for conquering the world is the thrill of destruction. Even though conquering the world through the techniques described in this pamphlet (see section IB.) are not as costly or necessitate actions as violent as the usual plague or deadly space laser, some pockets or resistance will still show up, requiring every madmen's favorite tool: nuclear weapons. Wouldn't it be fun to nuke your enemies? By taking over the world, this can be accomplished in days, instead of the usual two to four weeks it takes to get a nuclear weapon from Russia.

The unlimited power and wealth also factors in. Hate country music? Have the entire middle and southern portion of the United States executed with a minimal loss of resources or energy. Hate the internet? Have Bill Gates assassinated! It's so easy and pleasurable, it's a shame no one else has done it before.

In other words, by controlling Earth², you can have all of your dreams and ambitions come true. Why not start now?

       B. How should I take over the world?

If you truly do wish to take over the world, you may be debating several possible methods.

The quickest and easiest way to rule the world appears to be by making your property more valuable than others. This can be accomplished by destroying large tech areas (like Silicon Valley) or eliminating a large chunk of the world's gold supply (like that located at Fort Knox). Unfortunately, these projects are usually too large to go unnoticed by local authorities who often oppose world domination tactics. These plans usually require ungodly amounts of money or numerous coincidences for them to work, and those are both a hassle for you and for your underlings.

Another common way to attempt world domination is through provoking nuclear war³. This is often the case when the would-be-conqueror builds his own private utopia, likely in some remote place, including outer space, the bottom of the ocean, or on top of Mount Everest. While this plan is more-than-likely to succeed (knowing what hot heads control nuclear missiles), it is our belief that the people who try to take over the world this way don't understand that taking over the world isn't just about ruling the world itself, but that it is also about ruling all of it's inhabitants. By killing off a majority of the worlds population, you run the risk of both limiting your production capability and making yourself out to be a maniacal tyrant. This could lose support of some of your followers and/or henchmen, and create a likely mutiny or deception. This would either lead to your death or imprisonment, another thing that would block your path to world conquest.

There is also the popular idea of taking over the United Nations in order to rule the world. However, just by controlling the United Nations is more of a bullshit position then many may think; the United Nations holds no real power, and every member country knows that. It's like being the president of a speech team; you may think you run everything until they turn on you.

The idea of rising to power in a nuclear-capable country or powerful nation by fraud or popular vote is also a very interesting process. This idea, however, is belied by good-hearted individuals, or can often be revealed through simple clerical errors.

There are also many other forms of world conquest that are quite popular theory. Creating a massive robot army, allying yourself with super intelligent alien species, or the use of time travel are often dismissed simply because technology is not where we need it to be in order for these methods to work.

That leads us to the idea of shooting a man into space.

       C. Why shoot a man into space?

Now that you've seen the failings of other world conquest methods, you may be asking yourself, "Is there any simple, cheap, and safe way for world conquest?" The answer? A resounding "Yes."

Simply by shooting a man into space, you, yes, you can take over and rule the world. How?

It all begins with finding the right candidate (see section IVA.). From there on, you simply have to send your candidate, here forth referred to as 'the subject', on board a rocket ship. On this ship, the subject will be forced to watch bad media of poor or bad tastes. Using the subject as a template, you should be able to find a piece of media so horrible, so twisted, and so badly conceived that it could rot anyone's mind on contact. Upon doing this, you can release this media on an unwitting public, destroying their intelligence, and allowing you to conquer the Earth with little or no resistance. Easy, no?

Still want to rule the world? Well, this idea originated several years ago from the mind of Dr. Clayton Forrester.

II. Who?
       A. Who was Dr. Clayton Forrester?

Dr. Clayton Forrester, son of the leader of Qatar, Pearl Forrester, was an accomplished scientist for many years at Gizmonics Institute before meeting Dr. Larry Ernhardt⁴. Together, the two came up with the idea of sending a man into space. They first built a headquarters far bellow Gizmonics and named it Deep 13, or D13. They picked the most average and non-important fellow they could find and sent him into outer space on the ship that their subject later dubbed 'The Satellite of Love⁵', or SOL for short. Dr. Forrester then used a video linkup to force his subject into the theater every week to view either terrible movies or poorly written works. Eventually, Forrester was turned into a space baby and the SOL's inhabitants escaped to Wisconsin, but Forrester's experiment, called the SOL SOSE from here on held much merit.

The idea does bear much merit, but we must look at Dr. Forrester's findings and separate his good ideas with his bad ideas.

       B. What Forrester did right.

Dr. Forrester had many ingenious ideas that at least gave us an accurate gauge to help do other subject-on-satellite-experiments (Or SOSE⁶ for short. This acronym also describes any other experiments with bad media used on satellite inhabitants in the attempt to dominate the world. Forrester's specific experiment is called the SOL SOSE.). First of all, Forrester had a remarkable knack for picking experiments. He usually used old, dreary black and white pictures with incomprehensible plots and poor sound. He also had good skill in picking literary works to send his subject, using bad imagery, useless grammar, and unneeded spacing to help drive the subject mad.

Forrester also had good ideas on the design of the project. Instead of forcing his subject into a lab or an underground lair⁷, he shot the subject into outer space. This allowed Forrester to keep his subject captive, thus virtually preventing escape. It also overwhelmed the subject with feelings of loneliness, which could help speed up the process of madness. This also led to a much more economical way to force the subject into the theater: removing the oxygen.

Another brilliant piece of reasoning Forrester used was to put escape pods aboard the SOL. While this may seem like a bad idea, keeping constant control over the whereabouts of his subject gave the subject no hope for permanent escape.

Forrester also found a good idea in changing between literary works and movies. By never letting the subject know what they would be reading next, it further put them in the throes of despair. It should also be noted that the time between experiments helped gauge just how effective one or more piece has been.

Lastly, Forrester was ingenious of only allowing contact between him and the subject. This ensured the subject would be further maddened by the lack of companionship or interaction.

       C. What Forrester did wrong.

However, Forrester left far too many variables and lost much evidence in his poor planning.

First of all, after Ernhardt disappeared⁴, Forrester brought on the help of a Mr. TV's Frank. As trustworthy as anyone who's named after a common appliance, Frank screwed up often and eventually allowed Forrester's first subject to escape. It is also necessary to note that Mr. Frank had no doctorate, therefore ruining the professional atmosphere of the experiment.

Besides picking Frank, Forrester was also mistaken in letting his subject build robots to join him on the Satellite. This ruined the desolation that the experiment needed to succeed, and also gave the subject companionship and new ways to help him survive.

Forrester was also mistaken in the idea of giving the subject breaks during the movie. Although this helped him gauge just how well the experiment was going, it made the subject more comfortable and didn't force him to witness the media all the way through, as you would force the public to do at a later date.

Another problem with Forrester's experiment was his idea to make the SOL explode after 10 years. While it is a good policy to help cover your tracks, this could lead to the accidental murder of the subject or the loss of various equipments necessary to destroy the subject's will.

Lastly, Forrester apologized to his subject once or twice for an experiment. This is a major mistake, as it put him in a lower position than the subject, which could seriously jeopardize Forrester's authority.

       D. What you should take away from the SOL SOSE.

You should take many tips away from the SOL SOSE. First of all, you should realize that Forrester was a pioneer in the field and had no idea to how to make his theories more effective. Only now do we know that, and we should take a good look at the following conclusions we can draw from the SOL SOSE:

-Always make sure your subject has no chance of escape unless you let them.
-Always be sure to keep your subject in total isolation, and to control them so that they feel helpless.
-Always attempt to gauge the experiment accurately and carefully.
-Make sure the walls are impenetrable.
-Be sure to pick good experiments and good subjects.
-Delegate your least important responsibilities to a computer and not to a guy named after a common household item.
-Never let your subject contact anyone but you.
-Never leave the subject material to build any sort of other intelligence.
-Never show any weaknesses.
-Never act goofy⁸.

III. Selecting your experiments.
       A. Written stories or movies?

Before you begin assembling your space vehicle or having your subject prepared (see sections IVA. and VA.), you should decide what media to force on the subject.

There are strong cases for many things, but you must realize that you are aiming at destroying every soul in the world, not just that of your subjects; simply forcing them to rap music repeatedly won't work because there are people who make their livings that way. However, there are virtually no people who make their pay through watching bad movies or reading bad stories, so these are the best media in which to aid you in your ideas for conquest.

The both have their advantages and disadvantages, so let's look at them separately.

Motion pictures, or movies, have been around since the turn of the 20th century. Invented by Thomas Edison⁹, they have excelled in both popularity and familiarity. People have known and loved movies for several decades, allowing there to be a very large base for future takeover. There are literally hundreds of bad movies out there, ready to be used for experimentations. Movies are also a useful media since they can confront the subject with inexplicable images and no coherent thought. The major problems with the usage of movies are that it is hard to force everyone to watch it even while in the theater. It is also impossible to tell a good movie from a bad movie, so some people may enjoy it instead of having their brains melted.

Stories are similar in many ways. Written stories have existed since the start of time, but not really utilized until the invention of the internet. The internet, invented by Al Gore in 1989, allows for instantaneous transfer of stories and a guaranteed audience. It is also much easier to tell bad stories from good stories, since the signs are much more obvious. However, the problem of forcing your subject to actually read the story and not skim it comes into play. Another fact is that others may beat you to the punch with bad stories, and that a majority of people are either illiterate or read a foreign language.

The problems of these diverging mediums can be found by using both movies and written stories to aid in your plan for world conquest. Utilizing both of these forms helps ensure a maximum potential for world domination and also makes sure that you can move quicker than if you just set one up.

When picking your experiments, you will undoubtedly come across hundreds of thousands of examples of bad media. Which should you choose?

Newer media is usually easier to find and more likely to be filled with overt sexuality and bad spelling. It is also easier to spread and subject your subject to, plus it is undoubtedly the work of Satan.

Unlike newer media, older media specializes in making little or no sense. The sexuality in these movies is just teasing and many older written works are incomprehensible, only made available to the public thanks to the demented wishes of old English Professors¹⁰. Older media also has many more sound and continuity problems, not to mention they often hold outdated values and humor, sure to annoy your subject.

In the end, it doesn't matter what you choose as long as you stay consistent. By depriving your subject the loss of variety in experiments you can learn more about how to ruin their minds.

IV. Selecting your test subject.
       A. Picking the best guy (or girl) for the job.

Picking the best person to be in your SOSE has been the subject of debate for many years¹¹.

It should be noted that you should have only one subject. This aids in the loneliness of the experiment and helps to dispel the subject's natural resistance.

First of all, your subject should be average. They should be white, male, and about 30 years of age. Females could also work, but they often cost a lot more to take care of¹². The subject shouldn't know what is hip and should not be obsessed in any sort of art, field of science, or sport. They should be as average as they come in order to ensure a proper testing field.

Your subject should not have any family or immediate relatives who can attest for their disappearance. If they do, you either have to eliminate them (the relatives) or forge a letter every week telling about your subject's new life in southern Peru.

Your subject should have little working knowledge of wiring or of computers to be sure that they can't succeed in an escape attempt.

It will also help your SOSE if the subject is a dope¹³.

Your subject will need many things to help keep them in check. First of all, the will need beds, clothing, food, and oxygen. These will help keep the subject's mind on the media they are viewing.

The subject should also have plenty of space to move about and wander. They should also have some non-sharp writing tools and a journal to keep track of their sanity.

The subject will also need appropriate restroom facilities and one window with which to view the stars.

He should also have a space helmet for emergency escapes.

Basically, anything not listed above. Your subject should not have books, television sets, two-way radios, access to ship systems or steering, or the ability to reach out to any other organic being. They should especially not be able to control where the media begins or ends.

We cannot emphasize the fact that the subject must have total feelings of helplessness and a complete lack of control. This will speed up the world domination process exponentially¹⁴.

II. Cost.
       A. Costs for building and sending the satellite into space.

Up until this point, you've been hearing all the fun facts about SOSE, but now it's time for you to hear some hard truth. Taking over the world isn't cheap. Giant laser beams, armies of faceless minions, or nuclear weapons just don't appear out of thin air. These could cost billions upon trillions of dollars.

However, the SOSE projects are virtually free compared to those gargantuan price tags. In fact, the 2 previously attempted SOSEs¹⁵ both cost only a few million dollars!

First, you have to figure out what the ship needs.

The ship will need to have a large enough atrium that it eliminates the necessity of carbon dioxide scrubbers. A good $40,000 to $80,000 dollars worth would suffice, or, to save on costs, just take a few clippings from plants you already own.

The ship will also need a stable food source. By stocking the ship with hundreds of cows, pigs, and chickens you can have enough food to feed your subject for years, not to mention that they can reproduce on their own. About $75,000 to $100,000 dollars worth of livestock will suffice. Even better, the feces of the livestock and the subject can be recycled into being used for the ship's propulsion, eliminating the costly fuel problem other scientists have encountered.

Then we come to the idea of shooting your subject into space. Since the costs of sending the space shuttle out every year costs around $600,000,000, you can only assume that the rocket you build will cost in that area. However, by incorporating subtle corporate sponsorships into your experiment, you can pay back that money and even make a profit¹⁶.

There is also the remote satellite link-up, the ice collectors, the cover-up/assassination money, the military payoffs, the cost of the deadly laser beam to kill pesky British secret service agents, the royalty checks, and the cool bumper stickers fees. These will end up totaling about another $30,000,000, but that's small pennies, especially if you can get a grant from the federal government¹⁷.

Lastly, you'll have to pay your subject for a little bit before you toss him on the satellite. This will only cost you about $1,200, but you can just steal that right back once they're up in space.