Mystery Hylian Theater 3000

Part 2

**

Smoke billowed from the wreckage of the Satellite Of Love. Having crash-landed onto the nearest area suitable for such a landing, it turned out there had been a slight mis-calculation and it had crushed several tiny huts under it's bulky mass. The carnage that followed the appearance of the SOL and it's subsequent crash, had caused fires to rage, trees to fall, and various of the Kokiri people to flee back to their huts (Those that were still standing) in terror.

When all the screams had silenced and the flames had been doused, the Kokiri that were brave enough to get close to the menace that had caused the bother, stepped forward. There were only five of them, but they felt their confidence in each other grow as they strode toward the dark slab of disfigured metal that now jutted out from where Link's house used to be.

They reached the metallic monster. One of them grew scared, and almost fled, but he was held in the group by another young Kokiri who knew not the meaning of fear. One of them, a young girl named Saria, stepped forward and began to address the beast...

**

Inside the remains of the Satellite Of Love's Bridge, the sparks had finally settled, and the warning klaxons wailed to themselves. Electrical fires burned in some parts of the ship's main area, but otherwise everything had survived intact. Cambot slowly brought himself to float upward and survey the wreckage. He focused in on Mike and the 'bots, they were fine. Gypsy was already at work, humming to herself while she brought life-support back online. Cambot zoomed in on Mike, and buzzed a few times to try and wake him. Gypsy shook her purple head, and headed over his way. She nudged him, and he stirred a few times.

"Whu-?" Mike's eyes flashed open, adjusting to his surroundings. He was shocked to see what a state the ship was in. "Oh my...."

"Don't worry," Gypsy reassured him. "It's nothing I can't fix..."

"Really?" Mike asked.

"Well," Gypsy sighed, "I could fix it, but it would take...hmm...a year, two years?"

"What!?!" Mike yelled, rising from his position underneath the desk.

"Geez, keep it down, Nelson!" Servo murmured from the other side of the room. "Some of us are trying to sleep, here!"

"Oh, so you're just sleeping?" Gypsy rushed over to him, and lifted him out of his sleep with her nose.

"Hey!" Servo complained. "Can't you just let sleeping 'bots lie?"

Gypsy ignored Servo, and began re-wiring a few of the ship's main sensor arrays. Crow awoke from a pile of green wires, startled as Gypsy brushed passed him.

"Ah! May-day!" Crow screamed. "I can't see! I'm blind!!!"

Mike looked down at the floor, where he saw Crow's eyes jostling about on their own. They must have fallen out in the crash. He slowly got up and walked over to the golden, battered robot. Placing his yellow eyes back in their sockets, he held up a finger in front of Crow's face.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Mike asked.

"Um......four?" Crow said, puzzled. His eyes rolled around, as if the 'bot was drunk.

"That's good enough," Mike sighed, walking over to the Hex-Field Viewscreen. "Listen, does anybody know where we are? Or even when we are?"

"Haven't had time to check, Mike," Gypsy said. "But from what it looked like before we crashed, we've crashed into some sort of forest."

"A forest, eh?" Mike asked. "Well, let's have a look..."

Mike flipped a switch underneath the Hex-Field Viewscreen, and the screen's hexagonal cover slid open to reveal the landscape that surrounded the SOL. As Gypsy had said, it was a forest. But this forest was different to the ones that Mike remembered from back on Earth. Firstly, the forests down on Earth hadn't suffered the impact of a huge spaceship, and secondly, the forests down on Earth weren't populated by tiny people dressed in green.

"Gee, Mike," said Servo. "Everyone's dressed as if they were in 'The Undead'!"

"You're right, Tom," Mike agreed. "Maybe we've gone back in time...Gypsy, try analysing our positon-"

"No can do, Mike!" Gypsy sighed. "Magic Voice's sensors will take weeks to rebuild..."

"Darn..." Mike looked around, trying to formulate some sort of plan. "I guess the only thing we can do is go out there and talk to them."

"Are you sure about that, Mike?" Servo asked. "I mean, they could be dangerous, and stuff!"

"Well, what else is there to do?" Mike asked the small robot. He looked through Tom's transparent head, and wondered whether Tom could sense that he was feeling worried. Worried for the crew.

"I guess you're right, Mike," Servo said. "Of course, if you're not then it's three weeks detention for you, mister!"

Mike shuddered at Tom's school-teacher-esque voice, and walked over to where Crow was sitting.

"Crow, this is gonna be hard," explained Mike. "It's a very delicate first contact situation, and the slightest mistake on our part could totally wreak havoc with our races relations, so be careful!"

"First contact situation???" Crow gasped. "Woo-hoo!!!"

Crow's eyes seemed to brighten, and he got up out of his sitting stance and skipped all the way to the airlock. Giggling to himself, the golden 'bot laid his hand onto the cold metal of the airlock's handle, and yanked it open.

**

The worm-hole that the Satellite Of Love had entered this dimension through was finally beginning to die. It had existed for millions of millenia, and now it's time was at an end. Making one last glitter of subconcious light, it began to go through it's death cycle.

But this worm-hole was different. It was anomalous for a worm-hole. And seeing as worm-holes are known for being weird, this one was pretty darn strange...

As it began it's death cycle, it went through the normal stages. It disappeared and re-appeared at many different points around it's original location many times, and changed it's color from one of a blue-ish purple, to a green-ish orange. It's size decreased by ten times it's own. But then, it started to melt.

It's small, circular form began to stretch and go out of clarity. Going into a blur, it began to rapidly diffuse itself across the space-time continuum. It lost all size and shape, and sparks of what could have been magical energy began to spew from it's core.

And then, the two dimensions that it linked together began to fuse...

**

"We bring to you our love," Saria continued. She had now been talking for almost ten minutes. She was beginning to think that maybe the huge creature from the sky wasn't listening to her. But, nevertheless, she continued to talk. "And we hope that, even though we Kokiri seem very threatening to a being such as yourself, that we can see past our exteriors and into each others hearts. I'm sure that you are also as kind and gentle as we are, and that maybe we can come to some sort of-"

Then, with Saria caughty in mid-sentence, the airlock door burst open.

"Dah!" Saria gasped, her heart missing a beat. The sound of metal on metal scared her so, and caught her off guard.

Then, as she looked closer, she saw a being step out of the airlock. The airlock was situated at the top of the being, and the sun glared down into Saria's eyes so she was unable to see who or what was standing in the door-way that had opened. She held her breath, and stepped forward.

"I am Saria," She said, not noticing that she was too afraid to raise her voice higher than a whisper. "I hope we can be friends..."

"Silence, puny mortal scum!" Screamed the being from the giant object. "Bow down before me, you lifeless beings, and behold your God! I am Crow, and you are mere bugs in comparison to my golden physique, now make with the praise!"

The Kokiri people were terrified at this. Not simply because a huge being had crushed half of their village, and not just because a creature was claiming to be their God, but also because their Gods were supposed to be female. It had said in all the books, all the legends, and all the stories they had read. The three Goddesses had created their world, and now there was a clearly male voice saying that it was their Almighty. If the voice was correct, then there would have to be a lot of history re-written.

"Uh," Saria spoke up, she was crouching down on the floor, hoping that the 'God' wouldn't notice her. "We're more than happy to praise you, but, uh, could we have some proof of your divinity?"

"Uh, let's see..." The voice muttered, but all the Kokiri folk could hear it as the whole Forest yawned with an eerie silence. "I know I put it round here somewhere, now where is that doo-hicky?....Mike, have you seen that All-Purpose-Divinifier I had ordered?"

Yet another being appeared at the door-way in the giant's head. The two beings stood in the sunlight, their features were hidden. The new being was clearly bigger and a different shape to the other one. They were both silhouettes against the light of the sun.

"Oh, come on Crow," The new being hissed. "Quit fooling around, we can't pretend we're Gods!"

"And why not?!?" The first being, who was apparently called Crow, asked. "It worked for James Cameron, why can't we do it?"

"Crow, if we pretend we're Gods, we're bound to be found out!" The other being shouted. "Besides, it's mean, and I won't have any part in it!"

Then, another being floated out of the opening. It was small, and it hovered at half the height of the other beings. It's head appeared to be not all there.

"Hey, how's it going guys?" The new being queried. It hovered a little, then looked down at the many Kokiri who populated the area. "My, what a bunch of odd looking kids, they yours?"

"Tom, cut it out," The tallest being ordered. "We've got to ask these creatures if they happen to know how to fix Magic Voice's sensors and if they have any warp-coils on them..."

"Are you in need of assistance?" Saria stood up, hearing the tall being talk as if it needed something from the Kokiri. "We would be glad to help in any way that we could-"

**

Crow, Mike, and Servo looked down at the small, seemingly-female creature that was talking. Her hair shone a bright green, and she seemed a little taller than the rest of them. Crow looked from the girl, to Mike, to the girl again, and finally to Servo.

"Mike," Crow whispered. "Is she talking to us?"

"I think so," Mike nodded. They all stood there, listening to the girl. When she finally finished, Mike turned around and addressed Gypsy. "Hey, Gyps, could you possibly lower the airlock so we can step down without snapping our necks?"

"Sure thing!" Gypsy's voice echoed from the remains of the SOL's body. The airlock hatch lowered down, taking Mike and the two 'bots slowly reached the dark green floor of the Forest. Mike stepped off, with Crow and Servo following behind, and walked up to the small girl.

"Uh, hi," Mike said, holding out a hand to the girl. The girl looked at it, perplexed. Mike realised that she wouldn't know about shaking hands, and put it back by his side. "I'm Mike Nelson, and these are my robot friends, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot!"

"And we're Gods!" Crow added, from behind Mike.

"Sssh!" Mike hushed at Crow. He turned back to the girl. "Uh, do you have a name...or....?"

"Oh," The girl smiled. "I am known as Saria."

"Oooh!" Servo hooted. "Don't get any ideas, Mike, she looks about half your age!"

"Yeah, she's old enough to be your grand-daughter, Mike!" Crow laughed.

"Hey, I never even-" Mike retorted. "Look, I only asked her name!"

"Yeah," Servo said. "First it's polite conversation, next thing you know you're lying in bed smoking cigarettes and reading each other sweet poetry while the working man starves!"

Mike and Crow ignored Servo, having grown used to his odd behaviour after the long time they'd known him, but this wasn't the same for the Kokiri people who had been shaken by the whole series of events. Now, even Saria felt uneasy about the visitors.

"So," Mike continued. "You wouldn't happen to have a spare warp-coil on you, would you?"

Then, before Saria could reply, a small glowing being, that reminded Mike of the make-believe fairies that he remembered from his child-hood days, zipped in between the four of them. Without any provocation, it began to screech at Mike and the 'bots.

"Murderers! Don't you realise what you've done?!?" Screamed the fairy.

"Uh," Crow began to speak. "Refresh our memory, won't you?"

"You've killed Hyrule's last hope!" The fairy yelled. "You've killed Link!"

"Well," Crow began. "He had a dumb name, he probably deserved it..."

They all turned to the wreckage of the SOL. Just a couple of feet away from the blast marks that had been left, there lay the body of a small boy dressed in green like the rest of the people who inhabited the Forest. The life had been knocked from his tiny body, small dabs of blood seeped from his nose, his face was white as a sheet. The fairy slowly hovered to where he lay, and flitted around, getting in a fuss.

"How could you...how could you?!?" screamed the fairy.

"Oh my," Mike said.

"Well, that'll happen!" Crow grimaced.

"Oh, good one Mike!" Tom Servo moaned.

"Silence!" A voice boomed out from the depths of the Forest. It was a voice of age, and a loud one at that. Mike was suprised to hear such a loud old voice, seeing as the old people back on Earth could barely raise their voice to ask for jello.

Immediately, all the child-esque beings began to chunner among themselves, it seemed that the voice which had spoken belong to some great tree which they worshipped. Saria was too busy moarning the death of her best friend to explain, but eventually one of the other beings, a small male one, stepped forward.

"The Deku Tree has summoned you," He said. "I am to take you to Him."

"Oh, who's gonna make me, shorty?" Crow asked. "You?"

Drawing a sharp spear, the small being motioned toward a clearing off to the left of the area.

"Maybe it's not such a bad idea," Crow gibbered. "Oh, and did I call you short? Let me re-phrase that, you're vertically impaired...not short!"

The three of them were led by the small being to the edge of the large clearing, and when they arrived there he left them. They stood there, confused and dazed. A huge tree with an equally gigantic face etched into it's bark grew in the centre of the clearing. It's eyes were drooped shut, and it just irradiated wisdom.

"A planet where trees evolved from men?!?" Servo scoffed.

"Silence!" The tree boomed once again, it's gaping jaw moved with such slowness that Mike thought it would never shut again, until it eventually did.

"Is that all you ever say?" Crow wondered, picking at his eye socket. He was clearly un-impressed.

"Thou," The tree boomed. "Hast taken from this realm Hyrule's one hope for salvation."

"Hey Mike," Servo whispered. "He talks like how your encyclopedias write!"

"I am the Deku Tree," The tree spoke again. "Guardian of the Kokiri forest. You have arrived at a dangerous time for this world. We are about to be shaken by the claws of evil. A dark plague is descending on-"

"Look, we get the picture," Crow interrupted. "Now could we please get our ship fixed???"

"Such insolence!" The Deku Tree sighed. "The three of you, you will have to do something...."

"Mike," Servo muttered. "Is he still talking to us? Can we go?"

"Hush, Tom!" Mike hissed. "I think it needs our help..."

"Indeed," The Deku Tree coughed. "I have been cursed. A dark man from the desert did this to me-"

"You mean Kevin Bacon?" Crow asked.

"When was Kevin Bacon in the desert, Crow?" Tom butted in.

"I saw him in 'Tremors'," Crow trailed off.

"For the final time!" The Deku Tree warned them. "If thou continueth to ignore my plea for help, thou shalt be cast on this quest with no choice in the matter!"

"You know," Crow giggled. "I heard that your bark is worse than your bite! Hee-hee!"

The Deku Tree grumbled, and slowly opened it's mouth wide.

"Very well," It spoke, giving in to it's anger. "So it has come to pass that you three must replace the boy without the fairy as the Heroes of Time."

And with that, a great gust of wind blew Mike and the two bot's forward. Such immense force wasn't escapable, and they were blown toward the Deku Tree's open jaw.

"Damn you Croooooooooowwww!!" Mike screamed.

"Hey, I can't help it if he can't take a joke!" Crow replied.

The Deku Tree shut it's mouth.

"I hate wise-ass robots!" It groaned.


END OF PART TWO