Mystery Hylian Theater 3000

Part 3

**

Hyrule Field, which lay just outside the Kokiri Forest where Mike and the 'bots were now reluctantly beginning their quest, was undergoing some odd changes. In the centre of the Field, an old man was sitting down to rest his feet. Placing himself next to a tree, he opened up his basket of fruit which he had been collecting in order to see if he had enough to last him for now. As he opened it, out of the corner of his eye he saw a small flash of blue light from the heavens fall down and strike the ground about a metre away from him. The Old man rose to his feet and went on to hide behind the tree, never taking his eye off the un-natural blue light that now sat on Hyrule Field's grassy floor.

As he watched, the light began to flicker, and floated upwards. Seeming to originate from somewhere in it's centre, the light slowly faded completely, except for a small ball of extremely concentrated light that still hovered there in mid-air. As the old man watched, the ball of light suddenly exploded in a fiery fury of bright blue. This practically blinded the old man, who was sent falling backward onto a small rock, knocking him out cold.

When he finally woke up from his black-out, everything was back to normal. The Field showed no sign of ever having been visited by such an odd occurance. No marks on the grass, not a slight burn on the tree. Even the old man had to admit, it seemed as if he had just dreamed it all.

But wait, didn't there used to be more grass before? Now it was just patches here and there, and the grass was darker now. The tree was no longer as high, and showed signs of water-deprivation. In fact, as he watched, the old man noticed everything seemed to be changing in front of his very eyes...the grass was slowly shrinking, the trees were growing older and dying. Looking up to the sky, it seemed much foggier than it was before. But this was no fog that he had ever seen in his wildest dreams, it was darker, more ominous. It seemed harder to breathe than it was before...

Stumbling as he went, the old man walked toward Hyrule Castle...surely they'd know what was wrong, and they'd be able to deal with it...somehow...

**

"Crow," Mike muttered. "Remind me never to let you speak next time we land on a mysterious planet in another dimension, okay?"

"Sure, Mike, whatever," Crow sighed.

The Deku Tree had swallowed them, and now they were completely lost. Looking around, Mike could see the inside of the Deku Tree was nothing like he had expected. He had thought there would've been more sap, and that your shoes would stick to the floor, much like in a movie theater. But no, the Deku Tree seemed to be sap-less. Also, the tree was much bigger on the inside than on the outside. There he stood, inside the main chamber of the Deku tree, all around there seemed to be walls made of wood rising higher than the eye could see. High up, Mike could make out that there were spider's-webs the size of Crow's trampoline that he kept in his room. In front of them, there was a hole covered with a thick web which Servo was inspecting very carefully. There were also many vines all over the place.

"Geez," Mike gasped. "Someone should take a look at this, he's really very messy...his vines need trimming..."

"Uh," Tom Servo called over. "You guys wanna give me a hand here?"

Servo had gotten his arm stuck in the web that he had been looking at. He yanked and he pulled at it, but it just hung loose and remained firmly caught by the web's sticky clasp. Crow walked over to where he was and grabbed onto his head and pulled as hard as he could. Nothing happened, and now Servo's head had come off.

"Not again!" Servo whimpered. "Oh, just tear me to pieces, just like you've done my dignity!"

"Oh, come on, Tom!" Crow said. "It'll be easy to put you together again afterward, now if Mike would just pull at the same time, we'd have you out of this fix in no time!"

"Then hurry up about it!" Servo's dis-embodied head yelled.

Mike and Crow both grabbed a firm hold of Servo's red torso and heaved with all their might. The web began to strecth as it's grip loosened on Tom's body.

"That's it, you've almost got it!" Tom's head watched from his place on the floor, urging them on.

As Mike and Crow pulled, the more and more the web strectched, acting almost like an elastic band. Finally, when Crow and Mike had pulled as far as they could, they both let go. This caused Servo's body to suddenly be recoiled back into the web, and then flung upward into the air. The force of Tom's body flying upward caused the web-piece that clung onto it to snap, and his body carried on it's path toward the top of the tree.

"My body!! My beautiful, sweet body!!!" Servo's head cried from where it sat.

"Oopsie," Crow gulped, staring upward. "Oh, don't get so upset, I'm sure it'll be fine! It'll just fall back down and-"

"And it'll smash on the wooden surface of this stupid tree, that's what it'll do!!!" Servo screeched.

"Oh yeah...again, oopsie..." Crow gulped again.

But the body didn't fall back down. It continued to hurtle towards the top of the tree, and when it finally got there, one of it's tiny arms got caught in one of the giant webs that Mike had noticed.

"D'oh," Mike turned to Servo. "Well, is there any way you could do without a body until we find a new one?"

Servo's head glared at Mike through it'd dome-like head.

"I guess not," Mike glanced down at his feet. "Then I suppose we'll have to go and get it,"

"Go get it?!" Crow exclaimed. "Are you crazy? You saw those webs! Don't you think that the spiders that made those webs'll be up there?!"

"You're right," Mike thought about it for a minute. "We have no choice, we'll have to risk going after Servo's body! Even if the spiders are up there, we'll have to just step on them-"

"Mike, I'm sure the spiders that made those webs'll be much bigger than the ones we find in the SOL's basement!" Crow reminded Mike.

"Nevertheless," Mike continued, in his William Shatner style voice. "The....needs of the....many out...weigh the.....needs....of the....few!"

"Um, Mike," Crow hissed. "*We're* the many! Tom's the few!"

Ignoring Crow, Mike turned his head upward and looked for some way to get up to where Servo's body had been caught. Crow relucantly followed, thinking that if he was left alone with only Servo's head to accompany him, then he could be easily attacked by one of the spiders. Carrying Servo's head with him, he strode after Mike.

"We could use those vines as ladders, I guess," Tom's head suggested.

"And how am I supposed to hold on to your head at the same time as climbing those vines?" Crow complained.

"Well, I don't know!" Servo snapped. "Figure something out!"

With a slight gleam in his eye, it seemed, Crow happily stuck Servo's head in his mouth and used his hands to clamber up after Mike, who had already begun climbing the vines.

"This is *not* what I had in mind!" Tom's head complained.

"Well," Crow managed to speak through Tom's head. "You should've thought about that before suggesting these vines!"

Eventually, Mike forced himself all the way up to the top. It had felt like he'd climbed for days, but in reality it was just about ten minutes...Mike doesn't have a very good grasp on time, you see...he pulled himself onto the strangely neat platform that seemed to have naturally formed at this height. He turned round and pulled Crow up, with Tom's head still securely gripped in his beak.

"Man, Mike!" Crow wheezed. "It felt like a scene out of Mole People, with all that climbing!"

"Heh," Mike laughed. "Don't worry, I'm sure John Agar is no-where to be seen,"

Crow spat Servo's head out of his long mouth, and carried it in his arms. They all turned their heads up to where Tom's body hung down from the web above their heads. Mike reached up with his arm to try and catch a hold of it, but it was just out of reach.

"So, now what do we do?" Crow wondered.

As if triggered by Crow's question, a sound began echoing about the Tree's hollow inside. The sort of sound you'd expect a huge rattle-snake to make, the sort of sound that only existed in your nightmares. Crow shuddered at the sound, he clung on to Mike's jump-suit and whimpered to himself. Tom's head was sandwiched between Mike and Crow, and he could hardly make a sound anyway. Mike looked around to get a good look at whatever was making the noise.

"I don't think it's anything to-" Mike began.

Suddenly, as Mike started to speak, a spider of immense proportions suddenly fell downward from the darkness of the Tree's ceiling and hung in front of them, suspended on a thick wire made out of the spider's web-fluid. Crow screamed, and sped away from where Mike stood as fast as his golden, spindly legs could take him. In his panic, he dropped Servo's head and tripped on it as it rolled along. Facing the spider, Mike froze in terror before the monstrosity that had presented itself. On the spider's back was embedded the image of a giant, glaring skull. The spider itself gazed deep into Mike's face with all it's eyes, opening and closing it's mouth repeatedly with ever breath, revealing it's ghastly orifice containing four sharp pincers. The spider made a constant rattling sound which pierced Mike's ears and made his eyes wince.

Mike emerged from his shock and shook his head in disbelief. He stepped away from the spider which hung there, and almost trod on Servo's head which was rolling towards him. He looked from Tom's head to the spider, and formed an idea in his head.

"It's fun to have an idea," Mike grinned, remembering the Short he had watched about four years previously. Picking up Servo's head, he looked for a weak-spot on the spider's body. Unfortunately, for Servo, the only one he could see was the spider's face.

"Uh," Servo's head worried. "What...what are you doing Mike?...Don't go doing anything stupid!"

"Don't worry Tom!" Mike yelled. "I know what I'm doing!"

Aiming at the spider's face, he pulled back with his arm and let Servo's head fly from his hand and toward the spider's puzzled expression.

"YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Servo screamed like a litte girl, and was flung smack-bang into the spider's face. His small beak stabbed itself into the spider's eye, and his globe-like head span around and knocked into the spider's face. Then, after causing the spider to spin around in total bewilderment, Tom's head dropped away from the spider's pain-filled face, and plummeted down toward the Tree's bottom. "Thanks Mike, really appreciate it!!!"

The spider, who was still blind and in agony from Servo's noggin making an unexpected appearance, span round and round trying with all it's energy to strike back against it's foe. Instead, it managed to knock Servo's body out of the web that had previously held it prisoner. Mike reached out and caught Tom's body in his left hand. Turning around, he noticed Crow had gotten up and was attempting to make his escape down the vines again.

"Run, Mike!" Crow gibbered. "Save yourself!"

Mike, who always seemed to react slowly even at the most desperate of times, turned around just in time to see the spider fling it's massive body in a circle one more time. It's huge legs impacted into Mike's side, and Mike was pushed over the edge of the platform that he stood on. Falling, he realised he could never survive if he landed at the speed at which he was going, and frantically looked for a way to cease his fall.

"Good one, Mike!" Crow called down from the vine that he clasped between his golden hands.

Mike struggled with Servo's body, trying to keep a hold of it. He finally gave up trying to stop his fall, figuring that there's no way he could stop himself at this point.

"Just a sec!" Servo's head called from down on the Tree's floor. "I'll try and activate my hover-skirt, maybe that'll slow ya down, Mike!"

Mike felt Tom's hover skirt emit a weak buzz, and then it coughed into action. Mike's descent began to slow, and he made a mental note to kiss that little red 'bot when he got down there. But then, as he thought he was saved, Servo's hover-skirt de-activated suddenly, and he sped down toward the ground with the sort of irony one would associate with a cartoon coyote...

"Oops," Tom's head apologised from down below. "I guess it needs fresh batteries..."

Mike whimpered as he continued to fall towards certain doom. Twirling head over heels, he looked down at the floor and saw that his fall would take him directly into the web which Servo had gotten his arm stuck in. Then, as his chunky head struck the web, instead of crushing itself like a melon on the floor under the web, the web bent under his weight and continued to bend. Inspecting this, Mike found that underneath the web there was no floor after all, instead there was another chamber below this one.

"Hey!" He yelled. "There's-"

He was instantly cut off, as the web snapped under the continual strain of holding him up, and he dropped further down into the depths of the Tree. Fortunately, this chamber was almost totally water-logged, and he splashed down into a small pool of the dark liquid. This was most likely rain that the Deku Tree had collected into itself over the years, and Mike re-surfaced spitting the vile stuff out of this mouth.

"Look out below!" Mike heard Crow warn from above. Too late, and Crow landed on Mike's large head with a *kerplunk* sound. Mike dipped under the water level, and rose up again a few yards away, rubbing his head. Crow had fallen down, carrying Servo's head with him.

Having climbed out of the water onto a small islet in the centre of the room made, it seemed, of wet leaves, Mike was able to fix Servo as best he could, and finally the little red guy was whole again. Tom put fresh batteries in his hover skirt and began floating again. Looking around for some means of getting back up again, Mike was startled as the pile of leaves that they were standing on began to move, as if it was alive.

"-The Hell?" Servo blurted. "Geez, I finally become one again, and then all Hell breaks loose..."

"Mike," Crow turned to his human compadre. "Had we better do something, or...?"

As if to answer his question, the pile of leaves suddenly rose out of the water on it's hind legs. Shaking itself off a bit, the leaves that covered it's front parted to reveal a snout and two glowing red eyes. It reminded Crow and Servo of the alien known as Trumpy from Pod People, only with more leaves. For Mike, it resembled nothing that he had ever seen before, and he backed away, confused.

"So," The being croaked. "You think you're going to defeat mother, do you?"

"Uh, mother?" Crow gulped. "We have no idea what you're talking about...maybe if you could just-"

"If you're going to try and defeat mother, you'll have to get past me first! En guarde!" The being grunted.

"Oh, well, I can see the- huh?!?" Tom Servo was knocked backward as the being spat a large glob of muddy rock at him from it's snout. "Hey, play fair!"

"I never play fair!" The being growled, and it dove underneath the water's surface.

"Hey, where'd the little guy go?" Mike asked. He turned around and caught a glimpse of the creature's leafy bulk pass by his jump-suit. "I see him!"

Crow grabbed Tom and lifted him up out of the water. Servo, without thanking Crow, hovered above the surface of the water and moved slowly away from where Mike was. Mike lunged at where he thought he had seen the beast, but his hand came out with a small clump of leaves and nothing else. Then, in a plume of spray, the creature rose out of the water and smacked Mike in the face with it's snout. It's leafy body twirled round and sent a cloud of leaves and water into Mike's eyes, and then it was back beneath the water again.

"Hey, Mike!" Crow called over. "This reminds me of-"

"Not now, Crow!" Mike shouted, searching frantically for the leafy monster. "Tell me about it after!"

"But-" Crow began.

"Button it, Crow!" Servo spat, hovering about Crow's head. "Mike needs to concentrate, and you're not helping!"

Crow grumbled, and snatched Servo out of the air. Tom complained profusely, but it was too late. Crow ran as best as he could through the mirky depths, and stood next to Mike. As the soaked creature rose once again about ten metres away, Crow lifted Servo up so that his hover skirt was facing the beast. The creature's snout rose up and aimed directly at Crow. It spat a huge loogie of mud and rock, and this zipped straight across the water and toward Tom's hover skirt.

"Alright, Tom!" Crow ordered. "Turn on your hover skirt!"

Tom complied, as he had no other choice, and his hover skirt whirred into life. The globule of mud and rock reached Servo's hover skirt, and was deflected by the null-gravity that projected from the skirt's tiny propellors. It stopped in mid-flight, and turned right around. The creature, sudden realisation dawning on it, turned tail and attempted to flee, but was immediately struck by it's own missile, and fell down.

"Alright," It whimpered, shaking. "I give in,"

"You know," Crow said, putting Servo down. "We weren't gonna actually fight you-"

"Seeing as you defeated me," The creature continued. "I am required to allow you access to mother's arena of pain..."

"No, wait," Crow butted in. "You're not listening, we don't want to-"

"You will be transported there instantaneously," The creature sighed.

"But-" Crow began.

It was too late. A blue ring appeared around the trio of confused companions, and they were enveloped in a dark blue smoke cloud.

"Feels like we're inside a bong," Servo said, jokingly. Mike gave him a dis-approving look through the smoke, and Servo stopped talking.

When the smoke cleared, they found themselves in by far the largest chamber of the three that they had visited. It was a large, dark, circular room with no apparent exits. All around there were pillars of stone leading up to the darkened roof of the chamber, which Mike could hardly make out due to the lack of lighting. The floor was covered with a dense layer of fog, it seemed, and you couldn't tell where you were putting your feet.

"Just a sec," Mike said, getting out a box of matches. "I'm gonna give us some light here..."

"Where'd you get those matches, Mike?" Servo asked, suspiciously.

"Uh, I got them at...a local match sale..." Mike looked nervous.

"So, you didn't get them out of my room, did you?" Crow tapped his foot.

"Look," Mike said. "Your room's been totally ruined in the crash, it doesn't really matter where I got them from!"

Crow and Servo suddenly looked very worried, and began backing away from where Mike was standing. Mike looked at them, confused. He hadn't meant to be so aggresive.

"Hey, come on, guys," Mike said, apologising. "I promise after we get out of here I'll go buy you some new matches,"

He lit the match, and the match was instanly blown out by a strong wind that seemed to come from very close to his ear. He turned his head, and saw the real reason why Crow and Tom had looked so afraid.

There, right next to him, loomed the massive shape of Gamera, the giant turtle from some of the many bad movies that they had been forced to watch.

"Ah, Gamera!" Shouted Servo, in his best Japanese accent.

"I don't like monsters!" Crow whimpered like a little girl.

"Don't you know Gamera is friend to children?" Servo asked Crow.

"Is he really?" Crow turned to him, hopefully.

"Uh-huh!" Tom nodded.

Gamera opened it's mouth and blew a long, billowing fireball towards Crow and Tom, who were thrown backward with the shock.

"I guess not," Crow yelped.


END OF PART THREE