Mystery Hylian Theater 3000

Part 4

**

Talon, one of the keepers of Lon Lon Ranch, was also beginning to notice the odd things that were starting to occur around Hyrule Field. For one, the great number of horses he kept in his ranch had become much more depressed, they lacked the energy that they used to have. But this didn't bother Talon that much, as he dozed in the stable and dreamt. The problems of the ranch could be left to his busy-body partner, Ingo, who would probably sort things out in the end.

Now, as he slept, he began to hear a sequence of notes played over and over again, as if an invisible flute were being played by some unseen guest. He opened one eye, and saw nobody but the horses, who clearly had no musical skills whatsoever. Opening his other eye, he scratched his head and stood up, confused. Grumbling, he walked over to the door of the stable and opened it.

"Cut out that noise!" He slurred, in a loud voice. Still woozy from sleep, he realised the tune had not stopped. Shaking his head, he walked back to his sleeping post in the stable. "Must be my daughter...she loves that music..."

But it couldn't have been his daughter, Malon. Talon remembered that she had gone into the Field to look for some Cuccos which had flown away from the ranch a few hours ago. Talon would have gone, but he had to catch up on his sleep. He stopped and looked all around for the source of the music, but he just couldn't seem to find it.

"It seems so close," Talon whispered. The music had formed a rather annoying, repetitive, four-note string. It was something like: *boo-BOO-boo-boo*. Over and over again, very quickly, it started getting on Talon's nerves. He clenched his fist and shook them at whatever was making the noise. He decided he would go and find Ingo, who'd do something about it.

Then, Talon began to walk. But he walked in such an odd manner. To an innocent bystander, it would have looked as if he had been at the Lon Lon Beer. He even felt drunk, as he stammered forward, shaking as he went. After five minutes, he had hardly made any progress. It was as if he'd forgotten how to set one foot in front of the other. He growled through his teeth, and stopped moving. Looking for something to help keep him upright as he walked. To his left, he noticed a staff leaning onto one of the empty stalls. It's tip was carved in the shape of a small hand with a jagged hole in it's middle. It seemed odd that Talon had never seen it there before, perhaps Ingo had put it there. For now it didn't matter, so Talon snatched the staff and used it to help himself along. Not that it did that much good...

He jerked and he shuffled out of the stable and into the ranch's wide field, where a few of the horses were attempting to look like they were enjoying themselves. Ingo stood in the centre of the field, tending to the grass. Talon very slowly stumbled toward where Ingo stood.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Ingo looked up and hollered at Talon. "First you say you need to go and rest your head, and now you come out here drunk?!?"

Talon shook his head, in an extremely dopey manner.

"And why've you decided to grow a beard?" Ingo glared.

Talon, confused, brung his hand slowly up to his face. Sure enough, he had grown some facial hair about the sides of his head. He began to worry, and tried to speak. But the words that left his mouth were not those that he had wanted to say.

"I Am TaLoN," He quivered as he spoke. "I tAkE cArE oF tHe RaNcH wHiLe ThE mAsTeR iS aWaY..."

**

Crow and Servo landed face down onto the stone floor of the chamber, after having been sent flying from the blast that Gamera had fired at them, scorching several parts of the bots' bodies. Grabbing hold of a nearby pillar, Crow managed to hide behind it, while Tom Servo switched on his hover skirt and zipped upward as high as he could go.

Gamera tilted it's head, and looked down at Mike's chunky body. Gamera seemed different, although Mike had hardly ever seen a Gamera movie. But still, Gamera's turtle-style torso seemed much different. It looked as if Gamera had been created out of something else, as if it was a mutation of something else to make it look like Gamera. Nevertheless, it was Gamera, and it was dangerous.

"Mike, run!" Servo flew over-head in order to attract Mike's attention. "If you're not careful, you're gonna get your big, chunky head burnt to a crisp!"

As Mike began to turn, Gamera's attention faltered and changed in Servo's direction. Gamera raised it's massive head into the air and breathed a small spurt of flame at the tiny robot. Tom barely escaped, and was knocked out of the air by the force of the fire. He landed, fortunately, on Mike's head.

"Phew," Servo gasped. "Thanks for breaking my fall, Mike,"

Mike clasped his head, which was felt like it was about to split. Luckily Servo wasn't made out of anything too hard. Mike picked Servo off his head and carried him as he ran. From the noises behind them, it sounded like Gamera was peeved.

Gamera, letting out an extremely peeved roar, slowly began to retract it's head into it's shell. Then, with a sound that could rival the noise that comes from Drew Carey's bathroom after Curry-night, Gamera powered up it's rocket jets. Two huge flames fired forth from the bottom of it's shell, the force from which sent Gamera upward into the higher part of the chamber. The light from the rockets lit up the whole chamber, and Crow found that the pillar he was hiding behind seemed to be made from solid bone, and it was covered in various insects. Crow grimaced, and let out a shrill scream. He immediately turned from the pillar and ran in a random direction away from the pillar, only to find himself bumping into another of the pillars. Whimpering, he tripped and stumbled his way into the centre of the chamber.

"Hey, where'd Gamera go?" He wondered. "Where'd anybody go, for that matter?"

His eyes scoured the chamber for any signs of life, and eventually he made out Mike and Servo hiding behind one of the many pillars that he had fled from.

"Crow!" Mike hissed, trying to get Crow to hear him without attracting Gamera's attention. "Get out of the centre! Gamera will see-"

"Mike!" Crow hissed, also trying to get Mike to hear him without being seen by Gamera. "Get away from the pillars! There's lots of icky insects and they'll crawl in your hair and-"

But it was too late. Gamera, noticing Crow stood in the middle of the chamber, took a dive down at him and let a huge fireball shoot from it's mouth. Crow, looking up, began to scream, but was cut short as the fireball impacted into the floor several metres in front of him. The shock-waves hurtled Crow backward, and he came into contact with the wall made of solid stone.

Mike watched as Crow was battered by the fireball, he cursed and turned to Servo. Tom Servo was getting increasingly scared, and had placed himself firmly against the pillar to hide. As Mike watched, it looked like a whole clump of the pillar seemed to flow down onto Servo's globe-shaped head. Mike peered into the dimness, and saw what Crow had seen earlier. His eyes widened, and he backed away from Tom.

"What?" Servo asked, nervously.

"Yuh-yuh-yuh-" Mike stuttered.

Gamera, turning to have another go at Crow, lit up their side of the cavern with the light from it's leg jets. This enabled Tom to see what Mike was so afraid of. Servo looked down and saw that his body was entirely covered in bugs of all shapes and sizes. Tom breathed in deeply, and let out the loudest scream you could imagine that would come from a robot of his size.

"Ahh! Mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy!! Get 'em off me!!!!" He span around in the air, turning his hover skirt on and off repeatedly, he span round and round in circles attempting to shake all the bugs off him. Out of control, he hovered in every direction, eventually hovering into the chamber's centre.

"Tom!" Mike yelled. "Get back here!"

Tom couldn't hear Mike, he was too busy screaming and trying to get the bugs out of his head. Strangely enough, Tom made enough noise that he managed to distract Gamera from it's current target. Gamera's flight path began to slow, and it's gigantic head poked out, tilting towards where Servo was now struggling in mid-air. Even Gamera seemed confused as to what Servo was doing, but nevertheless, Gamera turned around and aimed directly at Tom's spinning body.

"Waaaaahhh!!!!" Servo gurgled, spitting bugs out of his mouth.

Gamera, bellowing like a castrated elephant, span itself around and around until all it was was a huge blur of motion. Then, Gamera fired it's jets and span forward toward where Tom Servo was. As Gamera span, it caused a large rush of air to be sent toward Servo. The rush of air, coupled with the blast emitting from Gamera's leg jets, caused Servo to be sent flying toward the ground. Tom collided with the floor, scattering bugs all around him.

Gamera was not so lucky. It's flight had already been set into motion, and it continued to power forward toward the bone pillar that Mike was hid behind. Gamera struck the pillar, and bounced right off it. The pillar shook with the impact, and began to break at the bottom. Gamera, meanwhile, had bounced right off the pillar and was sent flying into the pillar opposite the one it had just hit. It was almost like a giant game of pinball, as Gamera was sent spinning from one pillar to the next, and every time it collided with a pillar, that pillar began to collapse.

Eventually, when Gamera had struck every pillar, it landed in the centre of the chamber, it's flight had ended. It's leg jets had powered down, and it was preparing to send another stream of fire after Mike. But as it sat there, creating a ball of fire in it's turtle-belly, it realised that each of the six pillars were coming crashing down, right on top of Gamera's head. And indeed they did, crushing Gamera's skull underneath them.

Mike stepped out from behind the remains of the pillar that he had previously been hiding behind. He clambered over the pillars and looked down at where Gamera's body now lay, motionless.

"Wow," Mike whispered to himself. "He really *is* filled with turtle meat!"

"Ah," A small voice called out from the wreckage. "Yes, he is really neat!"

Crow climbed up over to where Mike was. If Mike didn't know better, he'd have thought Crow was grinning at him.

"We showed him, huh, Mike?" Crow giggled, nervously.

Mike looked down amid the wreckage and caught sight of a small white hand, which was attached to a length of wire. Mike pulled on it, and brought up a battered Tom Servo, who had a small colony of bugs resting in his head.

"Eww," Mike held Servo away from him. "Tom,. we're gonna have to clean you inside and out when we get you out of here,"

"Easy for you to say!" Tom Servo complained. "You don't have bug poop in your diodes!"

As Servo said this, Gamera's body seemed to decay very quickly. Huge chunks of the giant turtle began to fall off one by one, revealing something which managed to shock all three of the them. Inside the shell of Gamera, was another creature!

The creature inside of Gamera had been killed by the impact of the pillars, but it still had a distinct shape about it, and looked almost like a two legged spider with one huge eye in it's centre. It looked a much less dangerous foe than Gamera, although it did still look pretty lethal. As they watched, the creature began to disintegrate before their eyes. It's skin began to peel away, and a few minutes later, there was no more creature left to behold. Then, almost as if by magic, a blue circle of light appeared where the creature had been.

"Go into the light," The Deku Tree's voice echoed into the chamber.

Carefully, Mike climbed down the pillar that they were stood on, followed closely by Tom and Crow. Eventually, they reaced the circle of light and Mike stepped into it.

"You must take your place in the circle of light," Servo mimicked James Earl Jones' voice.

Mike rolled his eyes, as Crow and Tom Servo slowly edged their way into the circle, standing beside their human pal. Just as they stood there, the blue circle rose up and light filled the chamber in a blinding intensity. When the light faded, they found themselves stood outside the Deku Tree yet again, in exactly the same place that they had been when Crow managed to get them all stuck in this mess. The Deku Tree began to speak, but was interrupted by Crow's big mouth.

"Hey, you had no right to do that to us!" Crow complained.

"On the contrary," The Deku Tree replied in it's booming voice. "It was necessary for you to achieve this first goal if you are to fully realise the seriousness of the situation at hand-"

"But we could've been killed!" Tom Servo whimpered.

"Nonsense!" The Deku Tree scoffed. "If you had the power to destroy the Hero Of Time, then there's no possibility of defeat-"

"Um," Mike interjected. "We didn't actually destroy the Hero Of Time on purpose-"

"Silence!" The Deku Tree snapped. "As I was saying before your golden companion stopped me, you have proven yourselves worthy of taking the quest that was originally going to be given to the Hero Of Time. This quest was initially going to be to defeat the man named Ganondorf, for he has been lured by the forces of evil. He wishes to take Hyrule for himself, and to become the true ruler of the Universe."

"Very interesting, Mr. Tree," Crow yawned. "But, uh, why should we help you out? I mean, even if this Gonad-dwarf guy did take over your world, it wouldn't affect our world! So, if you don't mind, we'll be on our way-"

"If you hadn't noticed," The Deku Tree frowned, a shadow passing over it's bark-features. "This is your universe now. You're stranded. Your ship has been immobilised."

"But we could fix it!" Crow shouted.

"There is something else I have to tell you," The Deku Tree continued, ignoring Crow. "Some odd things have been happening around Hyrule Field, and I have reason to believe it has something to do with your appearance."

"Huh?" Servo looked up, he had been fiddling with his joints, trying to get the remaining bugs out of them.

"Yes," The Deku Tree acknowledged. "You came here through a worm-hole, correct? Well, it seems that hole in space had been affected by concentrated amounts of magical energy emitted from our world-"

"How convenient," Crow murmured.

"Anyway," The Deku Tree proceeded. "When this hole in space finally fell out of existance, it melded our two worlds together as you travelled through it. And now, your world is becoming one with ours. This, of course, is a big inconvenience for us-"

"Hey," Servo butted in. "Are you dissin' our universe, man?"

"Well," The Deku Tree rolled it's eyes to the side, wondering how to break it to them. "Your universe does have a lot more pollution than us, and you all seem to be much more interested in money and other illegal pastimes...so, uh...."

"Now, come on!" Crow got a little angry. "Sure, our universe isn't great, but we could say the same thing about your sucky universe!"

"Really?" The Deku Tree looked un-impressed.

"Yeah!" Crow looked nervous. "Um, there's....stupid...trees....and stuff..."

"You may have noticed," The Deku Tree went on. "That the enemy you fought inside my body was from your universe, not ours. You may have also noticed that there was another creature inside that one. That enemy, Gohmra, was from our universe. Your universe appears to be the dominant one, and is taking over our land of Hyrule. Somehow, you must stop this occuring!"

"Oh yeah?" Servo asked. "And what are you gonna give us?"

"Well," The Deku Tree shook it's branches a little. "Isn't the knowledge that you've saved two entire dimensions good enough?"

"Hmmm..." Servo though about it for a while. "Not really!"

"Oh, alright!" The Deku Tree frowned. "How does ten thousand rupees sound?"

"That'll do just fine," Tom Servo giggled.

"This is what you will be looking for," The Deku Tree's eyes began to squint, and a golden light filled the area. When the light cleared, Mike was holding a small green amulet. It was about the size of Mike's head, which was pretty big. "There are two others like this. You will need to take these to the Princess of Hyrule Castle. She will know what to do..."

"Hey," Crow looked at the Tree's roots, which were gradually starting to retract inwards. "Uh, what's with your roots?"

"I am about to cease to exist in this world," The Deku Tree coughed.

"Oh, you mean, die?" Crow asked.

"Yes," The Deku Tree sighed. "But I thought my version sounded much more poetic....do not fail me...you must save Hyrule, and your own universe....then perhaps we can all live in harmony...."

And with that, the Deku Tree's facial features on it's bark faded away, and the whole Tree turned a dark grey color. The leaves began to fall from the Tree's branches, and no trace of life was left in it.

**

The three of them set out across Hyrule Field, more than a little confused. But at least they had something to do. They decided that they would carry their items in Servo's head, but seeing as that was only big enough to hold one item, they quickly gave up on that idea. Besides, the bugs in Tom's head didn't seem to enjoy having to share a home with anyone or anything. One of the "Kokiri" had told them that Hyrule Castle was somewhere on the North side of Hyrule Field, but Crow had broken their only compass, and so they would have to just guess.

As they walked, they came upon a small set of buildings encircled by a huge wooden fence. Above the entrance to this area of the Field was a sign that read "Lon Lon Ranch".

"Geez," Crow looked up at the sign. "You'd think they would've noticed that they'd put 'Lon' twice!"

"Actually, I think that's intended, Crow," Mike said.

Before Crow could think of a reasonably insulting reply, a familiar tune started to play over and over again. It was the tune that had haunted Crow and Tom for a few years now, ever since seeing Manos: The Hands Of Fate. It was the Haunting Torgo Theme. And sure enough, out of the ranch stepped a familiar figure. Well, stepped isn't the right word. It's more like he wobbled his way over to them.

"Torgo!" Tom Servo yelled in glee. "Man, it's good to see you! You wouldn't believe-"

"I aM tAlOn," The figure said, sloppily. "I tAkE cArE oF tHe PlAcE wHiLe ThE mAsTeR iS aWaY..."

"Um, Torgo," Mike said, confused. "Are you feeling okay? And who's this Talon guy?"

"ThErE iS nO-oNe By ThE nAmE tOrGo HeRe," The figure jerked around as he spoke.

"Torgo," Crow edged toward the figure. "Stop foolin' around! We know it's you, ya kidder!"

"CoMe No ClOsEr," The figure said, raising his staff in an odd manner. "ThE mAsTeR wOuLdN't ApPrOvE oF gUeStS..."

"Torgo, it's us!" Mike smiled, walking forward. "Don't you remember? Mike! Crow and Servo! We were trapped in space watching bad movies! You were in one of them! You had a pizza-delivery service for a while! You became Torgo the White and took Frank away to heaven! Don't you remember any of that?"

"If YoU cOnTiNuE tO cOmE cLoSeR I WiLl Be FoRcEd To SeT tHe MaStEr'S wIvEs On YoU!" The figure shook his head jerkily.

"Oh, come on Torgo!" Servo hovered forward. "Bring 'em on! I could do with a good wrestle!"

"VeRy WeLl," The figure waved his staff in the air with a menacing gnash of teeth. "As YoU wIsH..."

Suddenly, the air was filled with a loud, clucking sound, as if a hundred chickens had been let loose at once. This turned out to be exactly what had happened. Mike, Crow, and Servo turned their heads to the sky, and saw perhaps a hundred chicken-type creatures flying down from the heavens, they had tiny white gowns on, just like the ones that the Master's wives wore in Manos: The Hands Of Fate. They clucked with such an intensity, even Crow brought his hands up to his head, even though he didn't even have any ears.

"fLy, My PrEtTiEs!" The figure wavered. "FlY!"

The chicken-type creatures flew directly toward where Mike, Crow, and Servo stood, their tiny claws pointed straight down at them.

END OF PART FOUR