Chapter Six

Melanie left Howie's home shortly after the tour began. They never even discussed a separation but Howie knew that she'd leave. The angry tension that permeated their lives was more than either could stand. Neither was capable of expressing their feelings without hurt and accusations, and by the time he left, they were grateful that it was over.

The guys took their cue from AJ who told them of the separation. No one mentioned her name, not even casually. It was as if she had never existed. Only when a fan enquired about his girlfriend, was Howie confronted with a public reminder. There was a brief but awkward silence. A hint of sadness reflected from the soft brown depths of his eyes, and for a moment, Howie became visibly shaken. Remembering where he was, he drew from an unknown reserve of grit to regain his composure quickly. With remarkable poise, he proclaimed his eligibility. He was determined to put an end to any speculation that he might ever have been seriously involved. His throat ached as he choked on his unexpressed misery.

By the third month of the tour, Howie had developed quite the reputation for his promiscuity. Loneliness enveloped him late at night, in the contrived ambiance of the exclusive clubs he patronized. In the mornings, he'd awaken yet again to another nameless pretty face. He numbly fucked beautiful women who made no other demand of him than that of being a Backstreet Boy. There were times when he could cry for his lost soul.

His actions did nothing to purge his heart of her. He missed talking to her, missed the excitement of sharing his life with her. He missed her voice, but mostly he missed who he was with her and how she made him feel. She had loved him, not the image created by Jive or The Firm, or any of the marketing geniuses that had promoted them; it was him whom she loved. Just not enough.

To everyone else, he was still Sweet D, the Latin lover with a heart of gold. But behind the cheerful facade hid a desolate and empty man. And as much as he tried, Howie's feelings for her remained unchanged. Not even for a minute, had they wavered. He berated himself that a single incident could destroy what they had, but it had been more than that. She had lost his trust and wounded him beyond recognition.

It's odd because until he knew her, he wouldn't have said he was possessive. Her need for her own space meant that she respected his. He liked independent women. It was that she was a little detached, as if she were holding back something. He needed to know she loved him completely, and with her, that wasn't a given. Her cool analytical approach to love and sex although fascinating, was probably how she could justify cheating on him. And to think, she turned to Nick. To Nick no less. That was the part that infuriated him most.

As the bus rolled on, he found himself strumming the notes of I Want it That Way on his guitar. It was strange really, his choice of song. He quietly sang the words, absorbing the lyrics and smiling sadly to himself. For the first time, he thought he understood what it meant.

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Melanie found a suitable apartment whose best feature was it's proximity to the University campus. The rent was cheap. Even though she'd be sharing accommodations, she'd have her own room, and it was close enough to the campus to walk. Her new roommate, Samantha, was outgoing but unobtrusive. They seemed to like each other instantly, which made the decision to take the apartment very easy.

Her parents didn't ask any questions but their relief over her separation from the 'musician' was evident. They had been sure it wouldn't last, it never did; and had been disppointed when she gave up her education to be with him. Having supported her schooling prior to Howie, they were anxious that she go back and readily offered her their assistance. She registered for several courses during the interim, which would go towards the completion of her degree. If permitted full time admission in the fall, she would be done in a year.

She kept to herself and appreciated that Samantha didn't pry. Only in the privacy of her room, did Melanie indulge in thoughts of Howie. She often wondered how he was and if he ever thought of her. There was a treasure box filled with momentos of their time together: ticket stubs, photographs, newspaper clippings, backstage passes, and even a champagne cork from the night they first made love; all lovingly preserved like her memories of him.

Few knew of the romantic side of her personality which she kept under wraps, like her box, a safely guarded secret. She wept for her loss, not understanding what made her sabotage them. Even if she could forgive herself for undermining her own happiness, she hated that she hurt him. He was all that she imagined a man should be, with a love so steadfast and pure it amazed her. In retrospect, she acknowledged she didn't feel worthy of him.

On Friday nights, traditionally, a group of classmates would go to a local club where new bands would showcase their talents to the tough college crowd. It was mostly an excuse to drink and hook up after a long week but had become a favourite part of the two roommates' routine.

The smoke in the club stung her eyes and when Mel found herself fending off the clumsy come-ons of an inebriated acquaintance, she excused herself. Leaning against the rough brick of the outside walls, she exhaled a pent-up sigh. The second group on the card wasn't due up for another half hour. It was much too hot to stay outside till their set started. The humidity was suffocating and her hair sprung into little tendrils which framed her face.

"Melanie? Mel! Babe, is that you? Holy shit, what are you doing here? I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure."

"Brent." Oh no, she thought, she didn't want Nick or anyone else to know her whereabouts. Her eyes darted about, fearful that she would see Brent's friend. She would have to leave the club right away. "How are you?"

"Girl, you're looking great." Mel's feelings of self-consciousness escalated as she thought of the weight she'd recently gained from inactivity. "I'd hit on you if I didn't think that Nick would kill me. He's here, you know. It's real hush-hush cause they just finished up the first part of their tour. He'd bust something if he knew I was out here talking to you. Stay here, let's surprise him. Shit, he is so going to be blown away when he finds out you're here. Hey, I'm real sorry about you and Howie. Lynn and I broke up too."

Brent's talkativeness only served to aggravate the situation. She had to get away, she thought as she glanced furtively about her. It was obvious that Nick hadn't told Brent what had happened or it may have given him the impression that she was fair game.

"I'm sorry about Lynn too. She was a really nice girl. It's a tough business."

"Ya know it. Hey, but who knows. Maybe she and I can work it out. Now don't go away, I want to see Nick's face when he sees ya."

As Brent entered the employees' only side door, Mel charged inside through the front door. She whispered to Sam that she was feeling ill and would find her way home. Her roommate gave her a sympathetic nod and offered to get her a ride. Mel reassured her that she would grab a cab outside and not to worry, she'd be fine.

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"What is it, dawg? Ain't nobody here. You're crazy, man."

"What do you mean, nobody's there." Brent scratched his head and scanned the area with his eyes. He asked the bouncer if he had seen anyone standing by the employees' exit. The burly man shook his head and immediately turned his attention back to a raucous crowd just inside the door.

"Who was it, Brent? We don't have time for this, we gotta get inside."

"It was Melanie."

Nick stared at his friend in disbelief. After Mel and Howie parted, Nick had wanted to talk to her. He felt responsible for their break-up and with AJ's insistence that he'd done more than enough, he withdrew himself entirely from their situation. The thing is he liked her. Yeah, she had turned him on, but he genuinely liked her too.