Disclaimer: Paramount sadly owns the character, no infringement intended.

Justin

by Holly

Kathryn Janeway sat in her chair on the bridge. This past week had been very mundane. No aliens, no anomalies, nothing. So Kathryn sat there, looking at her First Officer. He was her best friend, her confidant. He was always there for her, never faltering. But that was where it always ended. She never let it get any farther than that, never let the line be crossed. She held every gaze, felt every touch; but she still couldn't bring herself to have a true relationship with him. What if he died? What if her didn't love her? Or what if he broke her heart? She couldn't go on if he died, it would ruin her. And if he didn't love her, or worse, broke her heart...what would she do then?

~It's worth the risk~

At that Kathryn was shook out of her reverie. She looked around the bridge, no one was near her. She then looked back to Chakotay, wondering if maybe he had said something.

As she looked at him again, Chakotay looked up at her.

"Captain?" he asked as he leaned close to her. "Are you alright?"

"Yes...of course. Why do you ask?" she said, feigning innocence.

"You just look, a little off," he replied.

"Off?" she laughed.

He just smiled at her, that dimpled smile that she suspected he only gave her, and returned to reading his padd. Kathryn did all she could not to sigh.

~He does only give you that smile~

Again Kathryn looked around the bridge at her crew, and again they were all occupied with their tasks. I'm going nuts, Kathryn thought. Coffee just might work.

"Commander you have the bridge, I'll be in my ready room," she stated. With that she got up out of her seat and walked over to her ready room doors. Once they opened, she walked straight to the replicator and ordered coffee.

~You were never one to listen to common sense, were you Kath?~

"Who are you?" she all but yelled, wondering if maybe it was an entity talking to her, and if so then who.

~You don't recognize my voice?~

Kathryn suddenly stood still, not moving, and dropped her coffee cup. She couldn't move. That voice, she thought. She hadn't heard it in such a long time.

"Justin?" she whispered.

At that the voice chuckled.

~Surprised?~

"Well of course I am," she told him, able to speak and move now. "Why? How? You're dead."

~I am, aren't I?~ the voice laughed again ~Kath, I've been here the whole time~

"If you have, I would have already heard you by now," she countered.

~This is the first time I decided you really needed me~

"What are you talking about? I needed you when you and my father died. When...when..."

~Stop it Kath. When I first died I, like you, was very shocked. It took me a while to come to terms with my death~

"Well, what about when I was stranded here? I needed you then," she said.

~You had him~

"Who?" she asked, frustrated and wondering if she should pay a visit to the Doctor.

"Kathryn?" another voice asked.

"Oh no, not two," Kathryn mumbled as she sat down on the sofa and put her head in her hands.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up into the eyes of Chakotay.

"Kathryn, are you alright?" he asked for the second time that day.

~See how concerned he is for you?~

"Uh, hi, yeah, uh...I'm fine," she stammered.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Well...myself, yeah, myself," she told him.

"It sounded more like arguing," he commented.

~He's right, it was more like arguing~

"Oh shut up already," she said.

"I beg your pardon?" Chakotay asked, a look of surprise on her face.

"No, not you Chakotay.

"Were you telling yourself to shut up?"

"Well of course not...um...never mind."

"You know," let's take a little walk to sickbay," Chakotay said as he helped her off the sofa.

"Chakotay, I'm not nuts," she argued as they walked out of her ready room, across the bridge and into the turbolift.

"I never said you were crazy," he told her soothingly.

~He thinks you've lost it~

"Well of course he thinks I've lost it, I'm talk to a gho...to you!" she exclaimed.

Chakotay looked at her, concern etched on his face.

"I knew it would eventually happen to one of us but...wait...a ghost?"

"I didn't say that," she said as they walked into sick bay.

"Hello, what can I do for you both today?" the Doctor asked as he walked out of his office to greet them.

"Well, er, can you check her and well..." Chakotay motioned to Kathryn.

The Doctor took out his scanner and started running in over her. "And what exactly am I looking for Commander?"

"I'm not sure, anything...unusual."

"Unusual?" he repeated. "Well, everything appears to be 'usual'."

"He thinks I'm nuts Doctor," Kathryn informed him, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I'm happy to tell you that you are not anymore 'nuts' than you usually are."

"I'll try not to take offence" she replied dryly.

~Guess you aren't nuts, contrary to popular belief~

"Happy now Chakotay?"

He looked at her suspiciously and then consented. They left sickbay and headed back to the bridge.

"Halt turbolift," Chakotay ordered the computer.

"Should we go back to sickbay and see if you're okay as well?"

"Kathryn, what's wrong? Honestly?"

~Go ahead, tell him~

"Well...you'll think I'm nuts," she said with a smile.

"A little too late for that, don't you think?" he replied back, with a smile of his own.

~There it is again~

"Well, um...it's Justin," she told him.

"Justin?" he repeated, then it dawned on him. "Justin, as in your ex-fiance?"

~The one and only~

"Yes, that's the one."

"Not to be disrespectful or anything but...isn't he dead?"

~Last time I checked~

"Yes, but it's..." Kathryn trailed.

"His ghost?" Chakotay finished.

As he said this the turbolift doors opened, admitting them onto the bridge.

"Yes, it is," she replied professionally, walking over to her seat and sitting down, Chakotay in tow.

They had been sitting there for a little over an hour. Kathryn had read all of the reports she could and her mind had started to wonder to the topic of her and Chakotay's relationship.

~Talk to him~

No, Kathryn thought. It would only ruin and confuse things.

~How would you know?~

Because it just would, she thought.

~You're just afraid, the infamous Kathryn Janeway, defeated by a romatic relationship~

"I am not afraid," she replied out loud, indignantly.

As she said this several pairs of eyes looked at her and an eyebrow raised.

"Captain, can I see you in your ready room?" Chakotay demanded more than asked.

As soon as they entered the ready room Chakotay turned around to look at her.

"Kathryn, I have no problem with you talking to ghosts, just not on the bridge and in front of the crew."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." she started,

"I don't want an apology Kathryn," he told her. "Now, your shift is over in 20 minutes. Why don't you leave early?"

"I don't need to," she said, somewhat annoyed that he was sending her to her room like she was a child.

At the look he gave her she smiled and consented.

~He's the only one you've ever let tell you what to do, not even I would have gotten away with that~

"Now, I'll see you later tonight," Chakotay told her as they left the ready room and she left the bridge.

Our dinner, she thought.

~It's not like you to forget about something like that. Usually that's the one thing you look forward to each week~

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

~Yep~

"Anyway, shouldn't you be jealous or something? After all, I was suppose to marry you."

~Yes, well, how could I? No one could be that selfish Kath, especially after watching the two of you for the past seven years~

"Thanks," she replied, somewhat sarcastically.

Kathryn stood in her bedroom.

~So...~

"Don't," she said, cutting him off.

~What?~

"I'm taking a shower and would appreciate it if you wouldn't talk to me while I do so."

~Still the same~

"If I could touch you I'd slap you," she said with a slight smile.

~You'd have to be able to see me first~

"Yes, I would," she agreed sadly.

Kathryn then undressed and stepped into the shower. Even though Justin had been dead for countless years, she had always kept a part of her heart for him. And now that she could talk to him, long ago buried feelings started to resurface. What could have been...

She got out of the shower and went to find something to wear.

~He likes that one~

"I know," she smiled, looking at the clothes she had in her hand.

~Don't worry about it~

"About what?" she asked as she walked into the living room.

She stopped dead in her tracks, there, sitting on the sofa was...well...what appeared to be Justin.

~About what could have been. It wasn't meant to be. But you and Chakotay...well you two belong together. Soul mates, you two are meant to be.~

"But..." she tried but was cut off.

~Don't try to rationalize this Kath. For the last seven years you have held your feelings back~

"What else am I suppose to do?" she asked, tears collecting in her eyes.

~Tell him you love him and live happily ever after~

"This isn't a fairy tale Justin, this is real life," she told him.

~I know that. But it isn't like you two meet once and then lived happily ever after. You both have been through so much together.~

"We're friends, that's all," she tried.

~Stop deluding yourself. You love him and he loves you~

*Chime*

"Come in," Kathryn called, collecting herself.

Chakotay walked in the room, a smile on his face.

~There is it, I don't think he ever stops~

Shut up, she though.

~Be nice~

Kathryn and Chakotay took a few minutes to replicate the dinner and to set the table. After that they sat down and ate in companionable silence.

"Good?" he asked.

"Of course, it's your recipe after all," she complimented.

~Kath, do it~

"So..." she paused. I can't, she thought. Too much time has passed, the moment left long ago.

~No it didn't~

"Kathryn?"

"Uh...Chakotay..."

~Kath, trust me. I know his feelings are the same~

"Chakotay, will you join me in the holodeck tomorrow," she paused. "For a date."

"Sure," he replied automatically but then thought about what had just been said and coughed slightly. "You mean, er, as in a *real* date?"

"Of course."

"What will the program be?"

"A walk in the park?" she smiled.

"Sounds great," he smiled back.

~Now that wasn't so hard~

They finished their dinner, chatting about the ship and crew , looking forward to what tomorrow would bring. The End

Home