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Angels never die 
by: Sgn.Mulder* 
Here I am still sitted on my sofa looking at you. You, my television. I do
not have anything other to make. What a painful life. How could I live
this during so a long time? I change station in vain, always the stations
make me think of her. Amn't I unable to think of other thing? I would
deserve to be to carry out to love a person as much. Lastly, a station
which seems interesting. Still one of these reports on Roswell. I
perhaps will be able to compare if I know very as much as them about
the subject! At least I will have a reason to listen to the emission. The
sun falls slowly on Virginia and me, I am there, eyes rivetted on the
screen. My best friend. Not, my friend. Not my best friend. I raise the
eyes to the sky which is discovered with me by the window. The night
will be long. I feel that I am tired, I should go to lay down, but I cannot
prevent myself from thinking: of my work, of all that I  missed in my life,
of her. I should not be nostalgic. I lower the eyes to see that my fish
make the dance of the hunger. I am forced of  raised my haven of
peace. They look me with desire. After several years of cohabitation,
they became almost my only family. I have sometimes the impression
that they speak to me. I take the box of their so much liked food. They
follow my glance. Adorable. I give them the quantity which I could
versed the stuff eyes close so much I did it. I close again the whole
and looks at them swimming to live one minute more in this world of
insane ones. I envy them. I can allow myself to look at them a little
before continuing to make pretence still listen to the stories of
extraterrestrial and objects flying. I take a large breathing then directs
me in the bathroom. I do not know why I am there. All that I know, I am
there, in front of the mirror to be looked at. What do I see there? What
did I hope to see there? The face stretched by the tiredness of a man
who passed his life to be sought for a truth. Who perhaps passed
beside the most beautiful things of the life for a search. I lower the
eyes to the sink. It seems more accessible than the pane in front of
me. He at least will not say to me that I am one year old moreover, to
avoid death another time, or did not have courage to acknowledge my
feelings once more. I feel a tear to roll gently along my cheek. It falls
crashing to pieces itself on the porcelain under me. A deaf noise in
my ears. I can hear all that I have said for this morning. What I can in
saying sillinesses! I am so sorry not to be perfect. If only. Enough
torture for my spirit. I must resign myself to being what I am. I turn over
to the show. Nothing any more touches me. Did I become insensitive?
Then as death takes to me! I does not make sense to lengthen me
days after days on this psaudo reads that I made some. I hear the
noise with far from somebody who knocks at my gate. I do not even
think of knowing whoit is. I know it. My spirit know it, my heart felt it. I
hear the noise of hes steps on the floor. Distinct and strident, noise of
the high heels of a woman on the ground out of wooden. She wears
her usual clothing. White shirt under black tailor. I never could know at
which point I liked to see her thus equipped. Her clothing raises so
much well its fine size and the black makes her appear larger. If only I
could say to her one day to which point I like to see herdress like that. I
am not the kind to compliment Scully on her vestimentary practices. I
prefer to look at that to speak. To admire to envy. She throws me a
glance questioner while I am not briefly to turn over to be able to
describe with wonder in my spirit her presence. I still make pretence
listen to my emission. 
-Mulder, I did not know that you still needed to listen to this kind of
emission. I believed that 
you knew already all in connection with Roswell. 
I does not answer. I abstains from, because I know that it will not drop
there. She will speak to me about something of more significant. She
always makes me her small introduction of the subject diverted. 
- I, hem. I came to say to you that I advanced in the investigation. I
discovered a significant index 
which will perhaps lead us to... Mulder, are you listening? 
If I listened to you??? If, and how! I filtered each one of your words with
an admiration which you cannot know. I would like so much to be able
to be more expressive towards you, but what I find to say to you it is: 
- Hum. 
- Mulder. You seems sad. What occurs? 
She asks it to me. How to react? I love you Dana. I would like to shout
it in the whole world, 
even if one me death threat for! I would like to take you in my arms
and make you mine. Forever, but it is not as much easy in the true life.
Why you do that to me? Why you sat down close to me. You posed
your so soft hand on my thigh because you wanted to put confidence
to me. Thank you. 
- You should not be closed again on yourself. If you could help me a
little to understand you I could help you. I beg you, Fox. 
You called me by my first name. It must be because you make a point
of hearing me. It is right which, I do not know how you to say it. I do not
want to cling in my words. I am nervous when I think of you. And why
you look at me like this?! With this glance of comprehension which
makes me bend at your least requests. If only you could hear what I
think in this moment. 
- I'm fine. 
I succeeded in saying only one sentence. I feel idiotic. What a stupid
that I make! She will not leave me quiet with that like answer! 
-Mulder listening, if you do  not feel able to speak to me, I can
understand, but does not say to me that all is well! Your eyes always
betray you with this play. 
I do not know why I am like that Dana. When you are close to me, I do
not want to speak about me, I want only one thing: to hear your voice
which says to me that all is well. Why is necessary it that nothing is
well when I want it. And this hand which is done more pressing. I feel
my eyes to fill up water by seeing all the sadness which is in you for
me. 
- Oh Fox. Come here. No, not that. 
Too much late Dana. To see you whether protective towards me  was
too much. You intertwine me in your arms. Comfort me physically. I
hear your voice which vibrates in my ears, but I  cannot understand
what you say. 
- Fox, you must cease putting all the wounds of the Earth on your
shoulders. You're just one man. You can nothing change. 
You very extremely tightens me against your chest. I can feel the beats
of your heart against my 
cheek. This is so delicious to know you so close, but at the same time
so far. I rectify the head. You look at the sky as I did a few minutes
ago. Your eyes are more blue than with the other times. You make me
dream. You walk your hands in my back. Temptation is too strong. Will
you never forgive me Dana? I gently go up my hand supported on your
back towards your neck. I felt your body to quiver under the effect of
surprise. You looks me in the eyes. A glance so major that I lose
almost the direction of the sight. 
- Dana? 
-Yes? 
- I... I do not know how you to say it. I never had the gift to express
myself you know. 
You mouse. I find that amusing. In my awkwardness I made you laugh.
I love you so much. 
- Nice try Mulder. 
Why is it necessary that one passionately looks at oneself in the eyes
as if we were  the only being alive on this planet? Because it is what I
feel in this moment. 
- Dana, I wanted to say to you that... I wanted to thank you. 
Just that?! For which I is caught! Incompetent to say to you that you
are all that I have, whom I love you more than all other creature and all
that I say it is: thank you. I better be die. You, my soft all that you make
it is to give me a kiss on the face. How can I be so cruel to you. 
- You do not have to thank me Mulder, it is me which thanks you for
being the only person in which I can have a total confidence. 
You release yourself from my arms and raise. Where do you go? Why
you leave? I see you still leaving for another night. I do not want to be
unhappy any more. I do not want to be alone any more. I want you. I
should not let you leave me. 
-Dana, waits. 
I rise to catch up with you. I want to be more quickly to prevent you
from leaving far from me, of my heart. I hold you by the arm slightly, but
just enough so that you feel my sorrow. Do not leave Dana. I have
such an amount of thing to say to you, to be made discover. You will
see, I am somebody of good. How let it know to you? You look at me
intensely. You await an explanation to my action. There are no of
those which you could hope to intend  me to say. My only reason it is: 
- I need you. 
- Oh, Fox. 
You greenhouses me in your arms. I feel the heat of your tears as they
fall against my pullover. I raise your head between my hands. I cannot
still retain it. It is needed. I kiss you as I always dreamed. 
XXX 
When I arrived at home that evening, I had not provided that I would
make the visit which would change my life. As with the practice, I
prepared superficially with going to speak job with my colleague. I had
taken care to think so that I would say to him to show him that I could it
with what await me in the investigation. I wanted to impress him. It is
so nice when he seems not to have very envisaged my share. The
effect of surprise, my best arms on him. I knocked on his gate gently. I
did not want to make a too noticed input. He had not opened, but I
heard the noise of television slightly, then I entered. I will be able to
never weary myself to enter and leave this place. It is so nostalgic this
apartment. My heart always leaves it with regret. I went along the
corridor which led to the show. I saw his feet crossed in front of him.
He carried his traditional black pullover and his blue jeans which I
adore. I had not been able to cease thinking of him. With the
investigation into the sect, I had discovered a new Mulder. One which I
did not know from. He is so mysterious. He is not as all the other men
whom I knew from. He is of these rare worthy males to have the
attention of a woman. I liked him. Perhaps more than well. I was afraid
a little. When I have considering which seemed disarmed, sad, I knew
that it occurred something in his head. He always has empty glance
when it does not go. I sat down at his sides to be more close to him.
He did not want to speak to me about what worried him. It always
splits me the heart when he does not dare statement his feelings, his
fears, when he hides me his worst anguishes. I posed my hand on his
thigh to put him in confidence. He had a glance of poor lost child. He
is blottit against me without made request. I like so much to know him
well, protected in me. There I would have liked to pass my life, but I did
not want to go further. He had posed his hand behind my neck. He
wanted to go further. Further in its proof of confidence. I did not want.
Not immediately. Not when he is sad. I rose to leave. He had followed
me to the gate and there, he did it. He shown it to me. He said it to
me: 
- I need you. 
- Oh, Fox. 
- I love you Dana. 
How will I be able one day to be made forgive Fox? You had allured
me like a charmer with his snake. I dropped myself in your arms. You
liked me so much. I have felt your hand so tender to walk on my back.
Your lips on mine the one moment space will have been able to cut
time right for two of us. I know that I could all have stopped there and
be able to say to me finally happy, but it was not this. I was influence of
an unverifiable passion for you. You knew how it make me feel. You
were a seducer born Mulder, believe me. It is there that you had
guided me with a part of your universe which remained still
mysterious, like you, for me: your room. How could I forget the
softness of your fingers on my body while you removed each pieces of
me which separated us from our sky? All was so perfect. Too much.
All was so beautiful, as I had always wanted: your body, your heat,
your hands, your movements, your eyes, your lips and all what you
made with. I was lost in you. Soon the morning arrived and I awoke
close to that in whom I had had the clearest confidence, more blind. 
- Fox, I love you. 
You still slept. You were so beautiful to see in the covers who wrapped
the body of the perfect lover, of the perfect love: you. I had not been
able to resist to pass my hand above you. Taking care to touch each
parts of your angelic face. How could one have made you evil? One
however made. I learned, two weeks after our revelation, which  you
had had a real big car accident. I believed it pain-killer. I was
accustomed to know you to the hospital. When I entered the room
where your body weakens by the constant effort of survives, I cried. I
knew that I saw you for the last time. Your glance blackened by
nearest death. You had however found the force to smile me last
once. Just for me, a last magic moment. I took the hand in sobs to
you. I could not know what make of other. You seemed to beg me
glance not to cry. You hardly arrived at speaking, but I could intend you
to tell me these last words: 
- Dana, mouse for me. I want to have of you the memory that you are
happy. 
You asked me much Fox. I however found courage to smile and to
think you happier in top. To know you with your family, Emily. I
continued to smile even if tears wanted betrayed my happiness. I
smelled your hand now lost mine as you crossed the large gate. You
then left me only in this world, far from you, still. If you knew at which
point I shouted your name at night to curse those which had taken you
from me. If you knew the number of times that I was to request with all
the possible churches on your behalf. In all the religions I beseeched
the Gods to bring you to me, but none helped me. Still today, after two
years, I am not able to make it. I do not manage to understand why all
those which I like must leave me. Fox, if you hear me since all this
time, know that I will never stop loving you. Even if you are not there
physically for me to return it, I smell every days your presences behind
me. Everywhere where I go, I see you walking close to me. Holding
one another  hand, telling me a pretty joke to make me laugh. I see
you smiling  just because you find me beautiful, you said. All these
small moments that we shared together remain to give me hope. I
know that you await me up there. I also know that you would not have
liked that I stop living for you. I continue just in the one hope to have
the capacity to tighten you, once again, counters my heart. 
The End.