I found out I was pregnant with my third child on April 9, 2001. I was so excited!!
By June, I started not feeling so well. June 11, 2001, I went into my doctor. He could not find a heartbeat. I wasn't worried though. I knew that God was going to take care of my baby. Little did I realize that He had already taken care of him.
June 13, 2001, I went to the hospital for an ultrasound. They would not tell me anything. I, then, had to go to my doctor. He was waiting for me. He said, "Your baby stopped growing at about 11.5 weeks." I was 13.5 weeks at the time.
I had to go to the hospital from his office to have a D&C. I felt so horrible.
My husband was in Mexico at the time visiting his mom. I felt so alone, I felt like no one understood. But they did, so many people were right there to support me.
The pain gets better with time, but I feel like I have not been able to grieve for my baby because 3 months after I lost my baby, I lost my mom. I don't know how to put into words how that feels. When I think of one, I think of the other. It's like I lost them so close together that I have to grieve for both of them. I can't grieve for just one at a time. If that makes any sense at all.
But praise God for His Grace and Mercy... without it I could not be sitting here writing this. With God, friends and family...I am making it. Everyday it gets better. Some days are better than others. But with time it will get easier!
written by:
Christian's Mommy,
April
March 16, 2002
