My Angel Laurie

Music: Precious Child

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY ANGEL IN HEAVEN LAURIE MICHELLE BAER
10-31-76 THROUGH 12-4-92

You're in my thoughts, you're in my dreams.
You're in everything I say and do. You never leave me.

I love to dream about you. They are so real. You're alive, we're together.
Shopping, driving, laughing, crying. I feel your fears, your joys, and I'm so Happy.
But the dreams end, and I'm alone again without you.

The times we spent together are like fleeting moments.
Sometimes it seems like only yesterday that I held you and kissed you.
Other times it feels like forever since I held you in my arms, heard you laugh, braided your long brown hair.
Sometimes it feels like it really never happened, like you were never here.
Am I losing you?

Sometimes I'll remember something about her that I had forgotten.
Like the way she used to swish the coke around in her mouth before she swallowed it.
Then I'll begin to cry because I had forgotten that already.
I'm so afraid I'm going to forget her, to lose her completely in time.
As time goes by, will she go with it? Will I lose her?
That is why I try to think of her and keep her in my thoughts and dream of her always.
I don't want to lose her memory like I lost her physically.
I'll die if that happens.

I watched a movie once a long time ago, before Laurie died. It was about a woman whose daughter had died and she had left town. Then whenever she came back no one ever wanted to be around her because she talked about her daughter, about the things she used to say and do, like she was still alive. All the neighbors could think was she acts like she is still alive. She knew that all of her old friends didn't want to be around her, (and I know that too. I guess they think maybe we'll bring them bad luck. I don't know.) One day she could tell she was making everyone feel uncomfortable, so she broke down and cried and told one of them I'm so afraid I'm going to forget her if I don't keep talking about her. And that is my greatest fear! Her memories are alive now, but for how long. How long can I wait to be with her again?

Sometimes I think that I can't endure it any more.
Then I think about Jesus' promise that we'll be together again.
But the time isn't coming. I never thought I'd live a day, a week without her. I had nightmares for years of seeing her lying in a casket.
And I knew I'd die when it happened for real.
And now nine years have come and gone.
I'm still here. Where is my angel?

When Laurie died, the biggest part of me died with her. She was my only child. There lies a hole in my heart that can never be filled, a knife in my heart that can never be removed, a void in my life that can never be replaced, an ache that will never stop, and my life was changed forever. I didn't think I would survive an hour without her, much less a day, a week, a month, a year. Now it has been nine years since she left this earth and each day it is harder and harder to find a reason just to get out of bed each day. There's no place I want to go, nothing I want to do, nothing I want to buy. I only want her, and God only knows when that day will be. Until then I have to be satisfied with my dreams of her at night, the pictures of her scattered throughout the house, and my memories of her.

Thank you for visiting Laurie's website. Keeping her memory alive is all that keepsme going in my life. Please visit again as I try to add pages, especially on her special dates and holidays. Using the Next button fill follow her story along.