Actual Answers to a 6th Grade History Test
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote
in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his
death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. (This may be true! )
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made
king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus".
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
9. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet
are an example of a heroic couple.
10. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. (This also has a
logical ring of truth.)
11. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand".
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
12. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
13. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most
famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German,
Half Italian
and half English. He was very large.
14. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
15. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work
of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles
Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
Now... is everything clear?