California Love
America has engaged in some finger wagging lately because
California doesn't
have enough electricity to meet its needs. The rest of the country
(including George W. Bush's energy secretary Spencer Abraham, who wants
Californians to suffer through blackouts as justification for drilling for
oil in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge) seems to be just fine with
letting Californians dangle in the breeze without enough power to meet their
needs. They laugh at Californians' frivolity. Well, everybody. Here's
how it really is: California ranks 48th in the nation in power consumed per
person. California grows more than half the nation's fruits, nuts and
vegetables. We're keeping them. We need something to eat when the power goes
out and we can't cook. We grow 99 percent or more of the nation's almonds,
artichokes, dates, figs, kiwi fruit, olives, persimmons, pistachios, prunes,
raisins and walnuts. Hope you won't miss them. California is the nation's
number one dairy state. We're keeping our dairy products. We'll need
plenty of fresh ones since our refrigerators can't be relied upon. GOT
MILK? We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech software in state.
Silicon Valley is ours, after all. Without enough electricity, which you're
apparently keeping for yourselves, we just plain don't have enough software
to spare. We're keeping all our airplanes. California builds a good
percentage of the commercial airliners available to fly you people to where
you want to go. When yours wear out, you'd better hope Boeing's Washington
plant can keep you supplied. There isn't enough electricity here to allow
us to export any more planes than we need ourselves. And while we're at it,
we're keeping all our high-tech aerospace stuff, too, like the sophisticated
weapons systems that let you sleep at night, not worried you might wake up
under the rule of some foreign kook. Oh, yeah, and if you want to make a
long-distance call, remember where the satellite components and tracking
systems come from. Maybe you could get back in the habit of writing
letters. Want to see a blockbuster movie this weekend? Come to California.
We make them here. Since we'll now have to make them with our own
electricity, we're keeping them. Even if we shot them somewhere else, the
labs, printing facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities are all
here. Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17 million gallons per
year. We'll need all of it to drown our sorrows when we think about the fact
that no matter how many California products we export to make the rest of
America's lives better, America can't see its way clear to help us out with
a
little electricity. You can no longer have any of our wine. You all
complain that we don't build enough power plants. Well, you don't grow
enough food, write enough software, make enough movies, build enough
airplanes and defense systems or make enough wine. This is your last warning,
America. Lighten (us) up before it's too late.
Love, The Californians