The Four Types of Chain Letters
Hello,
My name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases,poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding
out 50 billion f***ing chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in
Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money
to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the
travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone
you send "his" email to, $1000? How stupid are you?
Ooooh, lookyhere!
If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every
Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically,
this message is a big F*** YOU to all the people out there who have
nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the
evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me
in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5
A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of
World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. F***
them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
friends and an amazing wretched excuse for a human being will
somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90
times. I don't f***ing care. Show a little intelligence and think about
what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are
it's your own unpopularity.
>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
----------------- Chain Letter Type 1:---------------------
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Make a wish!!!
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No, really, go on and make one!!!
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Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
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Is your finger getting tired yet?
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STOP!!!!
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Wasn't that fun? :)
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Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by
a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of shit.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS
one is TRUE!! Really!!! REALLY!!!!
Here's how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your
house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms,
no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way
of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit.
So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and
a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die
instantly. Thanks again!!
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Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next
7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from
school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it.
She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the
sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went
flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and
so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way)
They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable
kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send
this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
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Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one
of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit,
and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
hat full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious
dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... no, Sorry
that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he
wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again, or ever
for you virgins....
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The point being?If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's
funny, send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27
years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you
forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to look at me
naked!
Remember: "There are no stupid questions, just stupid
people."