Some Lists...
WAYS TO BE ANNOYING
1. Specify that your drive- through order is "to go."
2. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
3. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
4. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
5. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
6. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
FUN THINGS TO DO AT THE DOCTOR'S/DENTIST'S OFFICE/WAITING
ROOM
1. After the dentist finishes drilling, say `Now my turn.'
2. Go through the entire check-up while firmly grasping a broadsword.
3. Bring a whole bunch of rotting bird carcasses and dead flowers. Take down
all the Christmas decorations and put your things up in their place. When
asked why, respond huffily, `Some of us don't celebrate Christmas.'
4. When dentist offers list of flavors for tooth paste, ask if he has `squirrel'.
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
9. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
10. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
11. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
12. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
13. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
14. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
15. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
A FEW THINGS TO PONDER
1. Only in America. . .can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
2. Only in America. . .are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink...
3. Only in America. . .do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters.
4. Only in America. . .do we use the word "politics" to describe
the process so well, "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and
"tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"
5. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without
your help.