* You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing
out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper.",
and ejects your card.
* You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says:
"Account not found." and keeps your card.
* You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the
ATM
laughs and spits out your shredded card.
* You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and
the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA
there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.
* You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take
out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and
laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get
your card back that the machine has taken.
* You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most
Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption
that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."
-or-
"Wanted by the environmental police for creating unnecessary
paper trash."