Last Updated
on 07/02/07
UPDATE
11/10/06 (07/02/07):
Blah blah blah,
I talk a bunch of silly shit that sometimes I later delete. I usually suck at
first too, so deal. I’ll leave a little part that I liked:
I will be and I
will not hide. It would be a disservice to the world for me to do so, because I
am beautiful when I am true, as we all are. I hope my small efforts can in some
way inspire and aid others in seeing their own beauty and truth. Apparently, I
can be really stupid too.
Other than that,
I still really don’t care too much J
I’m thinking about reversing the order of the poetry soon in descending order so the newest will be at the top.
Sectioned byDate/TimeFrame and Poem
I’m inserting them in randomly, with total disregard to
anyone’s whim to keep up to date and read them all, so jumping to the end to
find new stuff will get you nowhere, except the end. Oh, my backpack that was
packed full of all my poetry was stolen last year, so if you have any of my
shit, please send it to me. I know I wrote a lot of it in letters and then
copied them for myself, so there should be two copies of most of it. My copies
were stolen, so help me out people!
In chronological order (more or less), specifics unknown
“I feel so symbolic as I sit here drawing pictures.”
“Lost is my soul, ambition, desires”
“Whispering, silently, I cannot hear myself”
“Trace my brow with your fingertips”
“Flowers . . . pleasant scent”
“Mindlessly pacing, these creatures”
Specific dates unknown, order unknown
“Witnessing destruction and decay”
“Beautiful grass sours your day”
“Fleeting absence of thoughts”
“The Criminal Mind” – 03-31-1998
“Can’t write no more” – 04-02-1998
“Chronic Sleeplessness” – 04-05-1998
“Down in the clouds” – 01-11-1999
“Teasing chaos testing pain” – 01-11-1999
“Fastidiously stalking an off-hand thought” – 01-15-1999
“So that’s where the little ones hide” – 01-22-1999
“The weak in faith” – 01-23-1999
“Venting frustration” – 01-25-1999
“Gentle insouciant one” – 05-02-2004
“i’m in love with the dust” – 05-15-2004
“Ode of a butterfly” – 12-23-2004
Essay On Truth Feb. 14, 2005 (link)
Did you know love? – 2-14-2006
When you miss them – 2-14-2006
“Beyond Satisfied” – 11-11-2006
“*A beautiful place” – 11-13-2006
“copy, paste, modify” – 07-02-2007
What was there, can not be lost,
Love was there, it is not gone,
Love remains, it never dies,
Outlasts legends, as time flies.
What was there, can not be lost,
That special feeling, absent,
Not gone, silently at rest,
Waiting for time which seems best.
Time cannot, will not decide,
Love overpowers all, now,
Neverending, nor desired,
Love, of something, all inspired.
Not just gone – it’s not over,
It has only just begun.
Reach for the stars,
For one must fall,
Crushing, smashing,
All your hopes and dreams.
Reach for the stars,
For one must fall,
Crushing, smashing,
All your hopes and dreams.
Reach for the stars,
You may regret,
Pain that follows –
Inevitable.
And in those stars,
Yourself you see,
Wasted, Worthless,
As you’ve always been.
Reach for the stars,
It’s all you’ve got;
You’re nothing now,
And nothing you’ll be.
Sounds of frustration,
Reach out towards me.
The steady beating,
Following the tones,
And more and nothing.
And then once again.
Finally connect,
No more of beeping,
My thoughts unfinished,
To the other view.
Frustration indeed!
Damn – No carrier.
The poet is dead,
Happiness is gone.
No words made of joy,
And of rhyming – none.
He tried to express –
Discarded, ignored –
His words of distress,
His feelings trampled.
His life slowly fails.
Her shadowy words,
Surrounded by gales,
Pulling, tugging, down.
The poet is dead,
What value is life now?
mental capacities,
rising and soaring high
warped and demented
flailing mentally,
my thoughts all dissented
enlightenment is near,
insanity follows,
closely stalking me
where has the mind gone?
the mind is now set free.
You strike at me
I shouldn’t know
i strike at you
you shouldn’t see
i notice your stab,
you see my parry,
i suffer.
Do you care?
We’re all friends here.
Listen to me, I tell you no lies.
I hate you.
You disgust me.
What is your name? I know.
My friend, my true friend.
I hate you.
You are lies, you are betrayal.
My one true friend.
I hate you.
You are life, and you are not alive.
My only real friend.
The mind is wild at play, thinking thoughtlessly ponder the
so long day. The night is longer, the night is strong. Above the sky there is
your high. We walk along the grassy plain with sprinkler systems copied to the
wall. It is fake, this wall of ours, this thin-thick wall. What shall we do to
the wall, the wall of fate, the wall of blue, confining our words, pushing away
our thoughts? What can we do, but keep it above the blue until no more can we
keep it above the blue. Into the night, the blue night, we silently trod the
damp soil as fig leaves slip in between our toes and the wine runs merrily down
the road. I am free is the key, for that is all we may be – is free. For with
the grass and the plains and the rivers of gold and more and not, flies the birds
of the skies of an eagle bearing bane, for we know that we must all band
together as birds in a flock and shout and claim, ‘We are free,’ for we are and
maybe not, but either way we are free so let us be. You lie sayeth the raven,
but I do not, for I know that we are the ones who choose freedom from slavery
and death and more, for we are the poor at heart and kind in soul, for we are
the ones of a new race and a new breed, we are the infinite masters of the
self, the one thing which is ours, being us. One must always look to thineself
for the follies of thy ways, for others around you must always look with
falsity and warped perceptions. Ours is the day in which we come farther than
the heaviest of bundle of hay stocked upon the grass in deep slumber. Ours is
the way to live free and peaceful and showering once a day. Ours is the freedom
to be as we are and as we would be, from time to time the same and mostly not.
Free to run through the fields and field for the run, for the sport is not
important, it is merely the game. Life is the game and forever we will play it
until forever is come, or until forever has come to our minds. When our minds
are freed from this finite land, then forever shall be at hand. Forever
comprehended with a freed mind and a freed soul and an infinite wisdom for what
is, not for what was, but an understanding, and not for what is to come, but a
knowledge. Wisdom for now, for now is the most important time. I feel as if you
are walking up to me in a dream, feeling my fingertips to make sure they are
there, and they are not, and I am ashamed, for my fingertips are gone, and my
fingernails are dust, and the wisdom is of age. I feel your loss weakening, but
that is not the case, you are stronger and faster and stronger because of my
absence, which is not far. We will tread together along long autumn nights
until at last the sunsets and at last we lie, to ourselves, all alone.
I feel so symbolic as I sit here drawing pictures.
Pictures in my mind, pictures out of time.
The weeping figure watches me, as I look back ashamed.
Pictures fill my mind, pictures out of time.
The gather all around me, and they look on me with fear.
Pictures steal my mind, pictures out of time.
He watches me so cluelessly, his eyes look down on me.
Now I’ve lost my mind, now I’m out of time.
Our Shining eyes
Reveal nothing.
A glance at the soul,
turn back in fear.
Taken back we stare,
fascinated at our evil,
into a reflection,
our smiling eyes deceive.
Our scattered thoughts,
we thrust in to the sky.
Oh empty sky, so cluttered with deceit,
rejected for our lies.
We toss, we cry.
How worthless we are now.
The truth lies above,
in the stars, in night.
darkness hides the truth,
the day hides all lies.
Go out to the night, embrace the nothing of we.
Oh gentle hearts, broken out in greed.
Oh evil peace, granted by our dreams.
Of love and life,
Of day we speak.
Of death and misery,
Of night we breathe.
The species of the pain.
Enclouded with beauty,
elated with good grace.
Hateful, the other of the two.
Fulfilling useless desires,
entrapment by meaning feelings,
A loss of thought,
destroyed by so foolish a heart.
Gathering our gatherings,
discarding our griefs,
one travels from there to there,
one wanders back to death.
Refreshing freedom, their presence grants.
Subduing control,
our fervent partner grasps.
Unknown to one, not both.
We jump towards our heart,
onlookers stare in envy.
Beneath their eyes are blinded,
they know not of our death.
One part, another,
slowly lost again.
Our pieces torn, our limbs discarded,
the greedy bitches steal.
We fall, we enjoy
the tripping collapse.
The fall, we grasp,
crawl away in shame.
Into the hole we sink,
one after the other.
I gather my thoughts and feelings,
and tread the tunnel anew.
Completion of a thought,
remembered by our words,
focused by our tools,
energized by our feelings.
A thought stored and remembered,
a poem birthed today.
Sleeping, wasting, watching.
Our time falls beneath our souls.
We bleed out our patience,
We spill out our minds.
The following of the sand –
Fills, flowing through our skin;
The wasting of the earth –
the rising of the dawn.
Fulfilling our boredom, we fall.
Tripping beyond amazement,
grasping at the star.
We alone heat the fire of our life.
Where may I hide,
from my soul-seeking eyes.
What corner of space,
What false, harsh disguise.
Where may I go,
When scattered around,
My feeble mind searches,
seeking solitude and health,
confidence is narrow in physical hands.
My trust goes to those who see more than man.
Lost is my soul, ambition, desires.
Inspiration gone with structure and form.
Words no longer appeal,
thoughts are not born.
Destruction and draining are all I know.
Whispering, silently, I cannot hear myself.
Searching, fervently, taking in blood.
My body rejects my mentality.
My world denies my ability of “me.”
Realities are mixed, priorities skewed.
Short lives in life, even shorter with no sorrow,
We frequently desecrate all that is right.
Who am I?
FUCK YOU!
Confine me?
FUCK YOU!
The vulgarity is in your mind.
Your words mean nothing.
bullshit.
Understand you?
You shallow, physical, worthless, soulless piece of shit.
Your destruction, your death, would satisfy even fools.
What fools?
The fools almost as shallow as you.
You have no meaning of life, you have no life.
Your words are wasted, you’ll soon be dead.
You lack all preparation, you close-minded fool.
You will be lost for an eternity.
Lost?
You have no ties, disbelieving fool
You have no destination – to the land-fill you go.
Your soul has no power, no will to survive.
After your body is gone, you will NOT survive.
Hope?
You have no hope, you have no faith.
You have abused your world.
You have destroyed yourself.
FUCK OFF, I don’t give a shit.
You won’t be around long, when YOU die, that’s all.
Understanding – there is none
Till the end of life,
I may not spend.
Without one.
One to understand.
Anything else is a lie.
Without understanding – nothing.
There can be no trust.
My life to end – without.
Anything less, a waste.
A bad investment of time.
No more lies, no more waste.
It’s over now.
She’s gone.
Is there one? Anywhere?
Will no one understand.
The try.
They impress with desire.
They wish to know, to learn.
They think they do – they don’t.
They stop, they’re through.
I stop, I’m through.
Goodbye.
All gone – none left.
Just me.
Our pain, our suffering,
Our fears, our lives,
Our hopes, our failures,
Our false desires,
Our wasteful moments,
Our deceptive motives,
Our half-felt happiness,
Thanksgiving.
What a crock of shit.
This page is empty,
So is your mind.
Whisper to the trees.
They will understand.
Walk away with my cage;
it’s yours to keep.
smoke another bowl;
you need the sleep.
wake up – now’s not the time.
The smoke fills my nostrils
as the penny falls through.
Walk away again
I don’t care anymore.
giggle it off,
shrug away your pain
your self-centered mind knows.
It only knows your name.
You can’t hide from yourself
Your eyes will tell.
You could only lie.
Lie – and die.
Yet again.
Trace my brow with your fingertips.
Can you feel the deceptive warm?
My frozen heart eats your mind.
I will steal all your control.
Call me evil, or call me good.
I’m not right for you. I’m not right for this world.
Take my hand and you will melt.
Taste my lips and sweet poison smoothes your blood.
Feel my heart and you will freeze.
Stay away from me.
New secrets to tell.
Walk into the stranger,
brush against my leg.
Your worst mistake is made.
You don’t want to know me.
You don’t want my attention.
I don’t want your guilt.
I desecrate your wine,
I dirty your water.
Pleasant loss of control,
The subtlety escapes you.
You’re losing your will – you’re lost.
You’re losing yourself.
Invasion is near.
Let me go, I’m no good.
Why can’t I be left alone?
Another innocent mind,
Another free spirit;
Naivety is lost,
reality is confused.
You don’t know what’s best.
I sleep with you,
I touch your soul.
You’re part of me now,
Can you handle it?
Can it handle you?
Leave me alone.
Run.
Hide.
Escape, while you still can.
Just to fill space,
it wasn’t right.
It couldn’t be filled;
I couldn’t go home
Silly tunes fill my mind.
You laugh with my humor
I’m glad you’re comfortable
Comfortable you’ll die.
You’ll cease to exist.
Were you comfortable?
Did you truly believe?
Was it there for you?
Did it help you?
Comfortable you sank.
You didn’t just die
You lost more than breath.
You killed your soul.
Father.
Where you live,
I join you.
You betray me,
your unfaithful child.
You mislead me,
to learn my own.
Fuck your symbols.
Talk to me.
You twist my mind with nothing.
They analyze your words – wrong.
If they could see.
Worldly eyes.
No reality here.
Nothing for now.
Leave my thoughts alone.
Let go, I’m not yours.
You disowned me.
Return my gifts.
Eat a dick.
Part without me,
run with the wind.
follow your instincts,
don’t let life stop you.
NEVER give in.
Society will destroy you.
Your wishes, your dreams,
Your broken will.
Why did it have to die?
Why couldn’t you hold on.
just a little long.
Upside down.
No. Neither.
I have no place.
Dots scatter my mind.
Your purple-green hues drain my mind.
No energy.
My butterflies are gone.
Consume the worms.
Fish with me.
The symbol of your love.
You lie to me.
Pages filled with regret.
Let me find happy lands.
Help me to lie.
The friendly rabbit showed me.
I, the wolf.
The friendly rabbit welcomed me.
I, the wolf
Friendly rabbits are extinct.
Walk away.
Smoke your dope.
was your mind.
Open your face.
I’ll feed you your substance.
You’ll swallow willingly.
You lick your lips.
I share my head.
You part your lips.
I cannot kiss.
I cannot die.
Oh, if I could.
I corrupt.
I’ve tortured souls,
I’ve driven out sanity.
If I love, I must leave.
I won’t let you go too.
I can’t live with any more.
Another soul, another loss –
and I’ll be mad.
Run around with me.
Hid under the trees.
What being are you?
Where are your eyes?
Restless, my mind explodes.
What’s left is gone.
That’s where I’ve been.
I can no longer create.
I am no longer the image of God.
I lied to you.
Now I’m dead.
Nails tied about my hands,
dew drops wet my knees.
Please let me go!
Tied next to fate,
the beautiful meadows – unreal.
Splintered posts to my sides,
attached to my eyes.
Free my soul!
Watch me no more.
My muddy face is yours.
I wallow in defeat.
I wanted it this way.
You didn’t even care.
We’re all finished now.
I worship the dust.
Turning, grasping your mind,
Focus escapes your ravings.
Relentlessly bullshitting your heart.
Wasted your mind on fry.
Stepping back in recollection –
You fall . . . again.
You’re back, around turning in fright.
Flowers . . . pleasant scent.
Lilies of legend lie ahead.
Why must you fall?
Why must we fall?
I’m broken. Repair?
I’m scattered. I’m wasted.
Grab a broom.
Flowing _/_
Speeding.
Does it help?
Can you run?
Close your eyes.
I know you see.
Crush the orbs.
I know you see.
You are blind?
I know you see.
Clearer than the cat.
Mindlessly pacing, these creatures.
There’s butterflies in my head.
Study them, worship them,
these creatures of change.
Cocooning wonders – they sleep.
The monsters break out
. . . they’ve torn my mind.
Dive.
Come deeper with me.
Don’t ever tire,
swim deeply with me.
I will teach you,
I will guide you.
Flowing downward, sinking,
spinning smoothly, dive.
Follow me,
you’ll not get lost.
It is my passion,
it is my love,
it is my gift,
it is my life,
swimming in insanity.
Sleeping, silently,
it’s cold under the sheets.
Warmth, stability,
your presence I still feel.
Wherever you have gone,
wandering aimlessly away;
wherever you have been,
running focusless in the rain –
I can still feel you.
Wake me, oh please;
shake me, I beg you.
But you’re gone.
Or are you just asleep?
Floating, senselessly;
You’ve lost your mind.
Razor blades trickling,
my skin is warmly numb.
Lushness prevails here;
our vision betrays you.
momentary lapses of breath.
flowing, follow the rush.
Odd depressant, we’re happy.
Mind and body in perfect separation;
Can you still see?
Can you still breathe?
Does it really matter?
Two-headed “friends,” right in your face;
Devil and God, all in one place.
Where did the truth-sting go?
Worthless abomination, stuck in this town;
Reverseless decisions, beneath which I drown.
Why was the reason ignored?
Wonderful, joyous!1111111 We’ve done it again!
Committed an atrocity – bad-decision sin.
When will we learn?
Witnessing destruction and decay,
Partaking of evil, sin and death
Relshing the hatred of friends.
Walk home alone again.
Hatred, remorse, lost desires –
this is all you know or see.
Betraying all that was right and good
Walk home alone forever.
Beautiful grass sours your day;
Long lasting trees destroy your night,
Killing the roses, all red with love,
You wallow in shallow hatred.
Diseased, disgusting, you drifting by,
Waiting, stalking all that good you see;
Devilish fiends live eternal torment;
Spreading, overtaking the poor weak.
Taste the beauty;
Release the sweetness;
Pour forth good will –
All for yourself.
Breathe out kindness;
Throw in some love;
Take out your trash;
Hypocracy.
Fleeting absence of thoughts,
Flowing illusion of pain;
Walk along the river.
Heavenly lushness prevails,
Desires brush the grains;
Little pebbles, humanity.
Waste another day,
preparation for loss;
Can it take anymore?
Beautiful transcendence;
Belief of better things;
Do you still have faith?
Springtime, solitude, loneliness
All in the midst of many.
Separation, realities, phony freedoms,
All in the midst of a few.
Thoughtless sympathies abound;
Reluctant hopefulness outpours,
Sharing wisdom’s, torn out by life,
Sincerities lie beneath thick skins.
Motivation fulfilling selfish “me”s;
Wanting a change, a chance to be free;
Half-hearted attempts to try once again,
Wondering what to do with their friends;
Follow your heart, your soul in short –
Without it’s backing, logic soon will fail;
Without it’s blessing, your body will die ;
Without it’s desires, your mind will soon sleep;
Without it’s presence, you’re nothing you see.
I can feel the sky caving in
What a relief – living in sin.
Take a trip into sickly minds.
Void of feeling – uncaring kinds.
Comprehension, a two-edged sword.
Come on now, whacha waiting for?
Feel the greed, let the hate slide in.
Take a chance – never care again.
Without a moment’s hesitance,
You’ll slit that throat for a few cents.
Now take a second to unwind;
You’ve seen the true criminal mind.
Take a sip of heaven, son;
You’ll find it’s not unkind.
Waste away your passions, son;
You’ll get it right sometime.
Look into my eyes now, son;
Ponder what I’ve become.
Slip into my mindset, son;
You’ll see it’s not all fun.
Lipsink to my song now, son;
Just go on with the flow.
Steer clear of my footsteps, son;
I pray you’ll never know.
The lover’s walk;
that lonely stride.
The lover’s grasp;
the hand stands by.
The poet’s song –
his verse rings true;
His true love’s gone –
that can’t be true.
Breathe in her scent –
first close your eyes;
Now feel her breast –
you can’t caress.
Gave in her eyes,
or just pretend;
Lips to her lips,
oh empty kiss.
Gentle heartbeat –
Why can’t I feel?
Delusions fade,
now can you see?
You’re stuck in jail
She’s lost outside –
Don’t be deceived;
She’s still not free
Don’t you cry for me, baby;
I’m not going to die.
Don’t you lose your faith, sweetheart;
I’m not going to lie.
Don’t you give up hope, darlin’,
I still know how to fly.
Don’t you break your heart, lover;
I’m not your average guy.
Love without sex,
Sex without love.
Tell me now sunshine,
Have faith in gods above
Consumed all around you,
Born with peace – a dove.
Show me that you’re happy
Make my dreams come true
Give me reassurance,
to tell the world – goodnight.
Free your mind,
Let it loose,
Unleash your thought,
write a prose.
All is well,
I can’t be sure
Hope you get by
I still love you.
Can’t write no more –
lost my inspiration.
Can’t re-establish it –
that mental masturbation.
Where did those little words go?
Vernacular contraptions,
loving that sing-song action.
Little friends with big hearts,
composed of letters from lines,
distant relations of picturesque times.
Walk down that sentence –
Do dot Mr. I,
Welcome to Paragraph,
don’t take a wrong turn,
Oh misguided misfit,
Will you ever learn?
It doesn’t have to rhyme –
He needn’t even flutter,
Don’t let her slip her groove –
That poetry, she’ll sputter.
What’s the world coming to?
Can’t write no more.
They call him genius,
But what does he know?
Not enough to get out of here –
This pit – depression and despair.
Genius friend or genius foe,
What use is it in life to know?
The fatal details of right and wrong,
those subtle anomalies, twist us so!
Whether the good man dies,
Dost not the bad man know?
Wherefore must we go;
How far must we sing –
our soul-shattering gale;
of love and life indiscriminate.
when will true expression reign,
showering all fates in karmic duty,
disrupting the unbalanced life of shame,
unveiling the distant sunset’s gloom?
So they call him a genius,
but what do they know?
And even if so, what good?
Understanding the pain, recognizing fear;
Pinpointing heartbreak – a small metal point,
Watching him fall, all twisting despair,
So they call him genius.
Sleepless inspiration, clutching our hearts,
relentless perspiration,
Drip-drop, that tinkling sensation –
Will they know and will they care?
What’s the use in standing there,
overcome and overcame,
singing action, gone again,
Wasting waters, wasting fords,
Glistening weather, storm outpours,
let it loose and let it quick,
gentle pressures turn ungentle force,
little droplets, prepare the flood,
currents quicken, moonlight abhors,
wasting waters take it forth,
Breaking moonlight – still overcomes,
Drowning darkness, drowning suns,
Drowning lives at requests of none,
Consumption quickens, denial – abate
Let those waters fill – contemplate.
When it ends the world will know;
those feelings must needs be let go,
or at least his closest – friend and foe;
Best believe that they will know.
In a word it’s all they choose,
in a night, a rhythm of fours,
what is it they seek
those litter buggers – bathe night and day
candlelit dreams – lost memories,
whichever poison, wherever heat.
Their passions rage, burning blaze.
Slinking, crawling, will they know,
what lost desires unhindered grow,
or to their doom will these fools find,
blind and unthinking, their mortal kind,
freedom grows, chained, gnawing through,
lacking insight, from within and true,
with unsought recompense, seek to choose
those two-edged swords can’t shine the fault;
multi facets, a nightmare of fury,
and woe to the forgotten fiend,
and what remains, oh lost of souls,
trapped through the searching, the night unfolds,
and when that dawn at last beams forth,
and when that taste for want befells unkind,
and when that taste for want befells unkind,
and who’ll remember where shallow graves lie.
Yes some remember those games they played,
seeming and thinking to pass time away,
and some will remember of those days spent
the futility of all transpired, small event,
staring backward in hopeless gaze,
a witness now to funs gone stray,
still most will blindly after say,
of how that game was just “the day,”
now so lost and deep in machine,
fantasy and dream those memories seem.
and of those long nights with madam moon,
philosophies birthed and should so soon,
trust as madam moon does cycle frames,
those richest thoughts still today bloom.
still loving still living that faith still speaks,
and oh so strongly woven in belief.
and now you stranger to all these things,
naïve you’ll feel goose bumps that truth-sting brings.
Disastrous temptation to sift life away,
Cornered animalistic desires shown free,
Taking steps to disintegration of needs,
Tickling penetration of offhand celibate time,
Listening to incestuous celebrating fiends,
Letting go of what they will deem right,
And diving deeper all the while –
His head stuck way down in a cloud.
Teasing chaos, testing pain
Wonder why it’s come again.
Was it drugs or absence of?
Too deeply fell I in that love?
Piecing fragments of lost minds,
Did they mention they own time?
Leaving traces back years ago;
just waiting for a moment left to blow.
Disease is just a portion of the trip;
Let me tell you, ain’t seen nothing yet.
Fastidiously stalking an off-hand thought;
words of the mind continuously backwards drop;
Wondering wherefore we might take our turns,
frolickly wasting time while our passion burns.
Flowing and melting in that semisweet twinge,
Tasting – lost.
And where do the lost poems roam? –
Sniffled like an unspent sneeze.
To what length of void or nirvana reach?
Tasting bitterness of a lost love gone;
or reaching orgasmic pleasure of passion undiscovered;
At long length lost to a hot, beating son,
running from lines and rhymes seeking purity,
only known to express the deepest, kindest wiles,
searching for the most perfect conduit,
spitting out its cluttered desires, loves and sins.
Where now doth the lost poem roam?
Millions of lines flowing, all without home,
Waiting for freedom from disordered chaos,
Or contently playing out unwholesome blunders
Feeling like a babe doomed aborted slumber,
Tossed like a lyric crumpled waste-basket ridden
Cried by a poet soon to loose its living.
Embodiment of nothing, more soul left untouched,
Hoping, praying, glorious pieces of id by one be discoving.
So not for the lost poem chase –
Retreat, leaving for the next lover this calm-hearted fate.
So that’s where the little ones hide –
waiting for the large to find;
Wasting the betters and lesser time.
Wondering why they done the crime.
And that is where the bigger ones ran –
chasing the dreams no lesser man can;
Walking away from challenge and change.
Shirking responsibles time and again.
Then that’s where the rest of them left –
Finding there’s nothing to hold them again;
Talking of nothing and nowhere they’ve been.
And dieing to tell you – again and again!
The weak in faith observe the most –
casting others less than before.
More to lose is more to learn.
Greater faith fires greater burns.
Losing that which values most.
Father Son and wholly – ghost.
One more step and heresy bring,
certain sounding worse than means.
Trickle laughter, sorrow, hurt.
Greater faith brings greater birth.
Eyes wide open, easy to please.
Mouth set in motion – eager to believe
Tasting perspiration lost in our minds.
Sweet intricate elevation of thoughts in time
Intentions pave the way to could have dones –
Taking in considering would have sons
Leaving out only the “might-be” ones
Only in realizing that it’s done.
Venting frustration, it’s over now –
A glance in the mirror; murder in the eyes –
Hypocritical bigotrist “bitches” –
Suicidal tendencies vented on others –
See a psych; attention seeking leach –
Take a deep breath, it’s almost gone now –
Taken in stride, to none he’ll confide.
Lucidity; creeping in with distant thoughts.
Silently turning reality into past dreams.
Retrospective perspectives turn slight dim.
Taking it all in a silent mouth again.
Pleasant sensations of later hours;
Swarming our present with half-lived prowess.
Whichever way she turns to spit –
Whatever times he fills to come –
However long these acts performed –
of little matter time adorns.
So drink the syrups; down the pills
Have patience while their duties fulfill.
Succumb to heaven if in a dream.
And taste her potions like milk and cream.
Stupendous emotion come jetting forth
To he whom impatience doth not enclose.
Sprinkling happiness in poor man’s tea.
Revisiting richer man – only serene.
Beautiful butterfly, spread your wings.
Somber beauty – black, purple, green.
Tasting loving duet as we fly so prim;
speckled wonder frozen deep in time.
Circular expression made in vain –
free-world majorities scoffing in strain.
Peaceful inhibitions, leave with haste,
losing lovers’ sweetening embrace.
Leave your atrocities well at home.
Love your neighbors – their sins atone.
“Emptiness” – 12-04-2002
Emptiness.
The feelings all swept away
numb always.
Can he ever cry again?
Set her free.
Sensation all thrown away.
emptiness
nothing more and so much less.
justified – there is peace in the cold.
There is an excess of meaning in the bitter cold, the numbness, the expression divine. The moment in which the obvious lack of tears exaggerate the depth of the pain. When the trance of life chills to the extremities, the depths of the soul where nothing but extremity has any meaning, significance, or love.
gentle insouciant one,
who forgot to steal your fun?
beating, trampling, then walking away,
all your careless fears betrayed,
bleeding, crying, spat upon,
then leaving coldly as they come,
without a rhyme for comfort.
i'm in love with the dust,
pale darkness remnants of passion burned,
like the setting sun,
abused, over-used metaphor of saintly romance scenes.
i fell.
i'm at peace with the sea,
salty spray, consuming, surrounding, drowning me.
like the salt,
bitter-no-sweet, bitten lip, blood flowing strong.
i spit.
life parades, a gloomy haze,
emotional cascade to feel,
slipping away, once betrayed,
reminiscent of former days,
lost in an elliptical craze.
come back.
i breathe.
Our love --
wilted roses,
blessing the dirt.
grasp my hand,
my love,
ticket in my head.
leave behind,
my friend,
all preconceptions.
like the petting of a cat,
under lucy's watchful eye,
like the gazing to the black
in the deep and speckled sky,
like the ponderance of a facet
with the diamonds many sides,
i satisfy your seeking mind.
chew of my soul;
in my juice of truth delight;
caution, fair tourist,
insanity's the price.
i ride the misshapen snake called "life",
along my self-determined flight.
i’m thinking of a day,
when all has not gone well;
it started such a simple play,
of living-loving-fun
i thought that life was beautiful
especially when you’re around.
i believed that love was plentiful,
my prayers knew no sounds.
and i followed you home that night,
well i crept inside your mind,
but i just stood weeping inside,
while you walked out of my life,
and all the things i never said,
and all i’ll never say,
and all the things we did that day
are tearing me apart.
memory’s our most bitter friend –
he tells of all we’ve lost,
and i still feel your hand in mine
while reality fled from me,
and even though I didn’t know
who you were or why,
and even when i forgot your name,
your presence saved my mind.
clinging to your arm i plead
from the ladder i be spared.
and i followed you home that night,
well i crept inside your mind,
but i just stood weeping inside,
while you walked out of my life,
and all the things i never said,
but oh i often tried,
and all the things we did that day
are tearing me apart.
so i was young and stupid then –
i was beautiful as well.
in all my wholesome innocence
reality shut its door,
fading, flowing, crashing down,
the images torture souls;
you dropped me with a scornful glance,
and i knew there’d be no more.
she walked out of my life that day;
i wish i didn’t care.
and i followed you home that night,
if only in our minds,
and i fell down weeping inside
while you walked out of my life,
and everything i never said,
and now i’ll never say,
and everything you did that day
is tearing me apart.
i shred my soul to shreds that night;
i begged it take its leave.
i called on every demon there
to carry me away,
and when they came to honor me,
surrounding where i fetal lay,
something broke inside of me,
and swiftly crept away.
losing the strength inside
deflowered my resolve,
so i bid them stay away from me,
taking what they may.
i followed you home that night,
at least i’d wished i’d tried,
but i stood there weeping
for all the times i wouldn’t cry,
because you walked out of my life,
and never did i hold you blame,
the crashing of my life,
and anyway all the same,
it’s tearing me apart.
so i walked up to your window,
and i knocked off potted plants,
and when you at my familiar scrame,
i knew that all was lost;
it all was just one wicked trip,
and i know meth killed your friend,
and i mastered arts of “i don’t care,”
just to save my simple heart.
now even though i wish you well,
it’ll never be the same.
and i followed you home that night,
well i crept inside your mind,
but i just stood weeping inside,
while you walked out of my life,
and all the things i never said,
and all i’ll never say,
and all the things we did that night
are tearing me apart.
numb, so numb
i only feel her pain.
growing inside of me,
an all-consuming flame.
i forgot myself; i forget,
lying by the road,
broken, so distraught,
i think i had a name.
numb, so numb,
i somehow lost my pain,
boiling inside of me,
yet nothing seems the same.
i forget myself; i forgot,
lying on her couch,
broken, so distraught,
i think i used to feel.
Hope is a dream of swirling mists,
unqualified desires of unrealized.
Tasting your passions, unredeemed,
untainted by disappointment feeds.
Hoping for satisfaction, amidst the odds,
reaching for gratification, simple plots,
striving for position in chaos realms,
you swiftly minimize half-felt needs.
Wonderment and fantasy abound,
fulfilling her every request.
At last, at lost, one’s found
hope is a figment of unrest.
*NOTE* I’ll be inserting some more
in here from 2006 before November as soon as I get them restored. Will also be
inserting some that have been recovered by hand from previous years as I type
them in. I’ll mark them with an * in the Table of Contents and Header if they
are new to the page but weren’t placed at the end to maintain the order.
(everything below here is new to the web page)
Also, in a separate page:
i've tasted your tears,
indulged in your sorrow;
we lived as we cried,
immersed in the flow.
what lies deep, untold,
enfolded in separation,
the aching longing
consumes them both.
foretell a grim past,
rebirth a lost moment,
with laughter and folly,
feelings crumble to dust.
Drifting seems…
such fine times, aloft,
Strangled by those long past ties,
beaten into bidding done.
Release, a simple repetition,
granted with dire consequence,
takes its toll on souls.
A lifetime waiting,
a year-most engaged,
casts out on a whim.
Breathe in the rhyme;
Breathe out those times,
oh so gloriously free,
thank you, please, for setting me.
Of time, and space,
Of breaks made waste,
Of songs and words,
never truly heard,
Of life, not love,
those trusted few,
spit in your face.
My love to you,
such bliss to own,
devoted I remain,
forever yours.
The breaths I take
possess your name,
The tears I make
are yours, the same.
My thoughts and dreams,
my joys and hopes,
accompanied by your face,
are my saving grace.
Beyond the fear is a salvation,
happiness a breath away.
troubled, broken and true
the love remains,
tasting of hurt and loss.
Irration curses us,
inspires the same mistake
three too many times,
but never too much,
oh to be so loved.
irreparable damage a myth?
permanent it can certainly be,
overcome, and released.
sorry is for that which is done,
or for those doing who are not.
smell the love as it graces your face;
hear her words in your speech
see the constant reminders present,
feel the threatened breaking of heart,
and taste the bitter-sweet of love or loss.
loves so sweetly,
gleaming from the eye,
we look upon, lost
in overwhelming magnitude.
She loves so sweetly,
even when gone, felt
unbreakable link,
restores her to faith.
i love her sweetly,
as much when she's lost
in suffocating haze,
held down by he who takes.
she loves so sweetly,
alas, against her will,
accepts my heart,
gives meaning where there was none.
Heartbroken,
torn away,
the feeling seeps from my soul.
Land-locked,
abused for granted,
my cherished is in such pain.
Beaten,
trampled on,
please find your peace deserved.
Hopeful,
despite stress,
crazy in love could be blessed.
To shut it off is not so hard,
the heart is such a toy,
its protests can be foiled
of whether right or wrong, one asks
replies with such a haste,
Explanation -- a waste
you'll put it in a box this time,
to never set it free,
the same mistake thou shalt not make
oh if that heart should voice distaste,
or cry remembered pain?
you'll slap it in its face.
to live and die, without a heart,
it can't be all that bad,
you've lost the one you had
To selfish ones, to selfless be,
oh, what huge disgrace,
they'll stomp you in your place.
they'll take a path to certain hells,
and drag the childrens too --
all in the name of good taste.
impossibilities transpire,
no wonder so confused,
discarding divine clues.
the fear, your god, it tells you well,
subdued you will comply:
lie the doormat in its place.
Did you know love?
In sickness and in health,
In poverty then wealth?
Feeble insincerities,
your words ring for all times,
forced through this, then tamed to that,
learned nothing on the way,
integrity got left behind,
one not so sunny day;
to choose the two like unkempt meat,
which to have today?
to contemplate which one to take,
like dogs anxious in wait --
which shall I take home today?
This dog he doth protest,
not to be treated now or then,
as a specimen in a shopping mall –
“You, come be my way!”,
but what shall be their pay?
Relationships, a simple choice:
to use the used and use’ed be –
oh what a sour way –
or love true loves, completed be,
a rarity in life;
find joy, security some close and happy day.
When you miss them,
considerable restraint it takes,
can’t write, can’t call,
so all your loved ones say,
in self’s despair, you listen well,
your own wish ‘fraid to take.
When you miss them,
your heart it sinks,
imploding on itself,
you hear it beat,
and know its needs,
it’s certain not so well.
When you miss them,
their face you see,
in many strangers ways;
their voice you hear,
uttered in your words --
wondering if it’s the best way.
When you miss them,
you wonder why it has to be,
and know the worst part hangs:
To lose another friend so loved and true,
and this one true love too,
most treasured of possession, friends…few.
Oh this will not do.
To fight oneself,
for love or loss,
to make a choice,
of preferred costs,
To seek true will,
and let it in,
to numb or feel,
perpetual strife,
one fights oneself,
and who shall win?
Resolved at last,
warmth rushes in,
like a needle piercing,
and the stardust glows
how utterly vile
those wretched woes,
the tingle grows,
from wound to heart,
as the blood flows,
oh take your start,
expel your deeds,
compelled by needs,
confined by rhyme,
and bitter times,
it makes you sick,
but oh how blessed;
acceptance found,
and courage tested,
wisdom takes the fools,
the fools they cry for mercy.
you mock their toils,
you steal their cheese,
caress their mothers,
and rape their dreams,
taken all in stride.
Oh please, lecture the lost,
showed them salvation –
the bottom of the can,
scarred with black,
but emboldened by flame.
Oh faint whisper,
blessed in your grace,
tickle my shackles with wonder;
revelation is but fantasy.
Spill out surreptitious dreams,
as we await our fate.
Sweet, driving whisper,
empowered by your winds,
bestow me with vibration;
clarity is your myth.
Rain out bleating compromise,
as we partake in our haste.
Pull the strings,
Push the keys,
he'll follow suit;
he knows you do;
it may go slow,
you twist your fates,
but patient be,
your tales he'll seek.
Withhold some lines,
offer note in tease --
another broken promise --
he'll make that call,
you fear to make,
he'll tell that truth,
you fear to take;
you know just what you do
Your clever plans,
your coyest ploys,
you want to tell,
but weak ensues,
so trap your friend,
your good, your great,
a pro -- first rate:
he does exactly what you wanted to.
But ruse was waste!
He did it 'cause you want him to;
As you wish.
Inspiration’s source,
Mystery indeed,
Bewilders many,
Enlighten me?
From within, my friend,
A heart that’s true,
Fueled by a soul,
Never subdued.
It needs no muse,
It knows no debts,
Lies only confuse –
Inspiration is true.
A love, a life, a heart?
Deceived by a mind of naught,
Buried, condemned,
A miserable fate ahead.
Inspiration knows no lies,
The truth it makes prevail,
A weakness it destroys,
In time, illusions worn.
Inspiration.
Love, the soul’s true tool.
We inspire ourselves,
There lies all blame.
My love is true,
It needs no affirmation.
Eternally I cry,
For they that refuse to be saved.
Bewildered she walks away,
Smoke trailing in her wake.
The heat, the pain,
Relief sensations,
The hunger, and thirst,
A break -- drink fluids, please?
You scream, you pant,
You curse, you cry,
Climactic convulsions in countless bursts
Merging to one, to three, to infinite seas.
The time slips by
One hour, then three,
Lost in flesh,
She gasps with glee.
Satisfaction wept,
Again received,
Another taste, and more and more,
She pleads strong all the way.
How bitter-sweet he chides,
He plays,
She’ll fall in love --
This toy he’ll easy please.
She’ll take no more,
She can’t, she’ll die,
Worn beyond dreams,
Warm shudders won’t subside.
Bewildered she walks away,
Quivering thighs –
A lost gaze boldly sweeping,
Ecstasy shines through her smiling eyes.
Sent away with scarce a pat,
Knowing full well all of that,
No love he feels:
Unspent latex upon the floor.
Connections made today,
Quite clever, remote,
oh what a fool.
a chat, a log,
“Insane Amount” discovered --
I laugh at such a name,
Mockingly.
Of thirty lost, of shame or fear,
Depraved to such a measure?
In pain and sick, depressed?
The worst he thought at glance,
At first.
It came of this, oh stupid slight,
The misspoken ne’er corrected.
Of thirty lost, were thirty found,
They sit still in the cupboard ground,
Enjoying so much fame.
The thought allowed to linger,
The truth never related –
So rare a chance to talk,
Important conclude forgotten.
Importance drip drops lame.
Oh stupid knave,
Thou art to blame,
And rightly understood –
If only thou had known?!
Aye, we’d do it just the same.
Of thirty lost,
And thirty found,
Twenty-nine remain,
But no chance to tell –
He much preferred the pain.
Today in search of nuts and fruit,
the prize ‘twere encountered.
A click, a flash, oh what an ass –
“Insane Amounts” were never even claimed;
yet better had they been.
So what the fuck?
Still the same luck!
Typical non-commune
Oh well, who cares?
It saved one from such strain
Should have brought it up –
It matters not now just the same:
The lies still flew, quite far before,
This mishap left its stain.
‘Twas still their same old game.
“Insane Amount” not of what thought,
But insane just the same –
Of lies and spies and frames;
Revel cold in their pain.
And now he shares the blame,
no matter how they clean.
Still much has been explained –
fair enough: lack of faith --
for best as they’re deranged.
And still of reasons,
Four or five remain.
I’d have it more, I’d like it most -- times ten times ten
And cubed the product send –
Solidify the safe distance from the wicked flame.
Another dead,
This one we knew,
A friend of friends –
Remembered you.
And how he died,
A cryptic trace,
Has not unfolded,
To our taste.
This one was younger,
They always are;
Engage, my odds,
Surprise indeed.
Is our turn coming soon?
To what a beautiful place we have come.
We traveled through sensuous sinews,
Enjoyed so much the path,
And passed we through, neither scarred or subdued.
A little pain, was all the better,
You feel it all the same,
Wonderful sensations, hurt and passion,
And not much has remained.
What horrid fate,
To once escape, then back,
from whence one began,
to pitifully regain, and oh,
with such a wretched shame.
I like my path,
Free as a cat,
No bitterness enflamed –
A beautiful place I’m in.
Now forced to laugh,
Riotous humor engaged.
But should I shed a tear,
Single? No pity for the fools.
For certain worth no care –
Don’t even hate the game.
"let me in," she chants,
while piercing skin;
warm brown complexion,
enticed endorphines,
please shape your sins.
a little red is all she needs,
in spite of all her candid deeds,
she still inspires all our needs,
tasting of sweet bitter vinegry,
my life she makes less misery
"Copy, paste, modify" --
the code that tells all lies,
weakly we suffer through,
blindly letting bugs sink in,
wondering where this shit began,
eventually he just checks it in.