The pond was not a
very big one. Two of the various river tributaries that criss-crossed the
forest had combined to feed water into the natural depression in the ground and
formed this glade. The water was fresh enough to drink, and the surrounding
trees cast cooling shades around the area.
Sanzo sipped water
from cupped palms, enjoying the chill going down his throat. It was good to be
back in the forest, where water was abundant and game animals were plenty. He
had had to ration both during the last leg of the journey down the mountain,
and he despised the constant hunger and thirst.
Of course, he would
not have run out of provisions if not because of…
Branches rained down around him and one struck him
square on the head. He exploded into an oath and glared daggers up at the
trees.
Straight at a couple of brown-furred monkeys and one
youkai-boy hanging precariously off a branch too thin to support his weight.
“Temee-…!”
He growled at the boy perched high above. “What in the hell are you doing?!”
The boy flipped himself upside down, now hanging
with hooked knees, and grinned a wild, ear-splitting, shit-eating grin.
“Sanzo, this is FUN!!”
Fun.
A hundred expletives crowded the tip of his tongue, but he managed to swallow
most of them, settling merely for snarling the kind of dubious parentage that
had produced this kind of boy. The insulted party cocked his head at him, hair
falling in a messy tangle around his face.
“Ne, Sanzo. Y’know my parents?”
“Come down here, bakayarou!” Sanzou roared.
“But Sanzo… there’re fruits here!” One small hand
dug into the filthy vest and came out waving a fistful of round, green stuff.
One fell down, missing Sanzo’s head by inches.
Sanzo looked down at the thing. A tiny pear. Still
too green to be anything but sour.
“You ate those? Idiot! You’re going to make
yourself sick.”
The boy wilted, looking somewhat bashful. “Datte… I’m hungry. Taste okay. Want
some? I saved some for you.” He looked extremely proud of that.
Sanzo messaged his temple which was starting to
throb. “Stupid monkey boy…”
“Saru…?”
The boy looked at him blankly. “Why’d you call me that?”
“Why? Because you’re acting like one!” Sanzo
snapped. “Oh, never mind.” He stood up from his crouch.
“Sanzo, wait for me.” The boy swung himself up the
thin branch, as nimble as the chattering monkeys that clambered all around him.
But then he stopped. Going back for the main trunk would land him further away
from Sanzo, who was already turning to leave. But close by, the branches
intertwined with those of another tree, one closer to Sanzo.
He just needed to get past the gap.
Sanzo saw him eyeing the distance between the
branches, and saw exactly when he decided to take the shorter route.
“Idiot,” he yelled frantically, “Don’t you even
think to…!”
“Eh?” Wide eyes peered down at him. The boy froze
mid way – right in the middle of the thinnest branch.
Crack!
A startled yelp and one small body tumbled
head-first into the pond. An amazing quantity of water sprayed high and wide in
all directions, drenching one side of the pond and one monk who had the
misfortune to stand too close to the shore.
“…”
Sanzo wiped the water off his face, stopping to
stare at the dripping sleeve. A few more broken branches pattered the pond
surface, accompanied by excited screeching from the monkeys who were no doubt
having the time of their lives.
Another splash and the youkai boy broke the
surface, coughing and spitting, trailing weeds from his hair. One golden eye
peeked out from behind sopping bangs.
For a few seconds, they just stared at each other.
“…sorry.” Chastened voice.
Sanzo closed his eyes, willing himself to count to
ten. I have a gun in my robe. It will take just one bullet. I think I’m
entitled. No – I damn well know I’m entitled. What am I, a fucking nanny?
“…Sanzo…? Ne…”
Counting did not help. Sanzo turned abruptly and
stride off into the forest trail. He heard more splashing behind him. “Ne… I’m
sorry already…”
“Go drown yourself!” He threw back from gritted
teeth. His wet robe clung unpleasantly to his body. Water dribbled down to his
tabi, drawing wet sucking sounds as they slapped against his straw sandals.
It was going to be a damn long day.
***
The evening sun beat
down on the open trail. This particular path led straight to the village and
had been recently cleared. It was by far easier to walk on than a wild forest
trail, but the draw back was the baking heat, the road unprotected by the leafy
branches.
Sanzo walked on
stubbornly in the punishing heat, his still damp robe a heavy weight draped
across his left arm. He had taken it off a while back, fed up with the
smothering heat of evaporating moisture and the way the sodden material tangled
his limbs.
Behind him he could
hear another pair of footsteps, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. The lazy drone
of cicadas were punctuated now and then by artless exclamations. The sound of
footsteps would taper off as the boy scampered off to examine whatever it was
that had caught his attention. But soon it would return. It always returned.
Sanzo could not
fathom why.
He used to figure
that once they came into the forest, the boy would lose
whatever fool notion he had had that made him tag along behind Sanzo like some
over-grown puppy. With the whole wide world re-opened to him, he was sure the
lure of other living things and new sensations would draw the boy away. He
thought he would simply wake up one morning and found him already gone. Or one
day, he would wander off in one of his expeditions and simply never bother to
return.
That would have been just fine with him.
But always, he would turn around and there he was,
the silly grin on his face and looking as if he had never left.
It was starting to
make him feel more than just uncomfortable.
“Sanzo, ne- ”
“Shut up.”
The footsteps quickened. Brown hair bobbed up beside
him, half hopeful eyes slanted up.
“Is there food? I’m hungry…”
I
knew I should never have fed him. Gods help me with his appetite – I should be
lucky he didn’t view me as food. “You’ve eaten all my food.” That still
rankled. He would not have had to half starve himself to death if not for this
extra mouth. His voice rose. “If you’re so hungry, go eat barks! Plenty of
those around.”
A slight pout. “You didn’t hafta yell at me.”
Gods give me patience because I sure don’t have any
left. “Well then, go away!” Sanzo glared down at the
brown-topped head that barely reached the middle of his chest. “Why do you keep
following me anyway? If you think I’m feeding you, you’d better think again!”
The boy looked crestfallen, but when raised his
eyes again, that stupid wide smile was back on his face.
“’S okay. I’ll find food. For us both.”
Sanzo stared at him, flabbergasted. All right.
If he can’t take a hint… He spoke each words carefully. “I don’t want food.
I don’t want you. Stop following me around!”
The smile faltered. The boy lowered his eyes and
turned. Took a few steps away. Sanzo began to hope that the harsh words had
pierced through.
“I’ll go find food.”
“You…!”
A flash of quick, expansive smile, then the face
turned away as the boy bounced into the woods, hair-tail swaying like a real
monkey tail. Sanzo was left staring helplessly after.
“…Whatever!”
He tramped down the path with fresh energy born
from sheer exasperation. If
he made good time, he could reach the village in another day. He could
replenish his provisions there, before he continuing on his journey. Roots and
mushrooms may be better than nothing, but he longed fiercely for a more solid
fare.
No doubt, the youkai
boy would be back soon. He always seemed to be able to find his way back to
him, no matter how far Sanzo had gone.
His step wavered as
he realized, to his horror, that he was
starting to expect to see him tailing behind. Expect to see that
childish face that was so stupidly wide-open to the world turning to him
wherever he went like a flower following the sun.
And that thought was
worse than anything else. That made his chest locked up with the same feeling
that had twisted inside him when he first gazed on the boy who had called him
across hundreds of miles.
What is worse than fear?
Fingers gripped his
walking stick until blood deserted them and left them white as bones – and
Sanzo slammed the door to that thought as firmly as he could.
For that boy that he
had been had seen where that path had led. And he was not sure if he could ever
survive something like that again, not without shattering into irrecoverable
pieces.
***
They reached the
village late in the evening of the following day. Sanzo had brusquely told the
youkai boy to stay outside. Considering the spate of youkai-related incidents
the village had had lately, it was wiser not to bring trouble into their midst.
And despite the boy’s resemblance to a human, the golden eyes were enough to
give away his origin.
The moment he had
walked past the gate, he knew something was wrong. A crowd filled up the main
square and the buzz of conversations was subdued, with an ominous undertone.
A wailing rose from
somewhere in the middle and the crowd shifted nervously, the murmurings rising
in pitch.
Sanzo tapped a young
man in the shoulder. “What’s wrong?” The man blinked at him, taking in the
outsider. “You’re… oh, the monk. You didn’t know?”
Sanzo tamped down on
his impatience. “I’ve been gone for weeks. What is it?” He tried to see past
the gathering, but the crowd was too thick.
The man hunched
down. “The youkai attacks… you know about them right? Well, we’ve lost eight
more men and women in the past ten days.”
A sickening feeling
clenched Sanzo’s stomach. “How?” He asked sharply. “Did they go off alone into
the woods…”
“No, no, that’s just
it.” The man’s worried face glanced around him, at all his grim-faced
villagers. “It’s like he’s gone crazy. Yung and the guys went to cut firewood
five days ago, four of them in a group. We never would’ve thought… Even when
the search party found them, it’s still so hard to believe.” Nervous eyes
turned back to Sanzo. “He’d never attacked groups before, just a single guy or
girl – you know, those easy to get. But Shulan was with her husband, and the
two Tang brothers had gone off fishing together.”
Sanzo frowned and
demanded, “How?”
“We don’t know. But
the bodies were ripped apart. Like animals did them.” The man looked away.
“Maybe he got others with him.”
Sanzo felt the
unpleasant sting of conscience. After all, it was not difficult to see one
possible reason for the sudden increase in hostility. He had not considered
that the youkai could vent its wrath on the villagers instead.
The crowd parted
somewhat and Sanzo could finally see past. An old woman was bent double over a
pair of made-shift stretchers, eerie wailing still rising from her wrinkled
mouth. A rough cloth was thrown over each stretcher, its whole area stiff and
stained rust brown.
Sanzo steeled
himself for the gut-wrenching unpleasantness ahead and pushed forward for the
grieving mother and the youkai’s newest victims.
***
The wolf pack was
playing in front of their lair. Their stomach was full and they were in a mood
to be indulgent. A few of the younger ones rolled and nipped at each other,
ignoring him as he sat beside them on top of the large boulder, basking in the
sun.
There was still some dried blood under his
fingernails. He chewed on the nails absently, tongue flicking out to lick away
the taste of copper. Thin, the taste of it was. Watery and as weak as the
humans that he had ripped apart so easily.
It was
dissatisfying. He craved for something stronger, something that would made his
blood boil, something potent that would hit his body and mind with the potency
of the finest extract of poppy seed, the most excellent of aphrodisiac.
Slaughtering the
weak had lost its excitement after that day when he had lost his right hand.
After the pain had lessened enough to allow him to think, he had looked back
and realized something.
As strong the
pleasure that he derived from his usual hunts, it paled in comparison to the fierce
delight when he danced the razor edge of life and death with that young monk
with the sun-gold hair and face as beautiful as a woman. In all his long
lifespan, never had he felt more alive than at that instant – the few
minutes that had stretched to infinity and yet had ended all too soon.
Since then, he had
searched for that elusive feeling through all his hunts. Even when he knew that
he would not find it among these weak, feeble-minded humans. But that was all
right. Because the trail of bodies that he left behind would lure in his real
prey.
He smiled at that.
Felt the beginning of a stirring in his body that was almost like lust.
He jumped off the
boulder. The wolves stopped their frolicking and turned as one to him, turning
in an instant from the playful creatures to natural born killers that they
were.
He smiled at them
and walked down the path that would cross the forest and lead towards the puny
human settlement. He heard the faintest sound of padded paws falling on leafy
loam as the wolf pack followed him.
He would go to the
outskirt of the village today, as he did every single day since he had regained
use of his right arm. If fate was smiling, he would probably catch one or two
foolish humans venturing out in the forest. And if he did… well then, at the
very end of it he would leave his message on their bodies, just as he had every
single one of those he had caught the past few weeks. Just so they all knew who
it was that he was really looking for.
And if the cowards held true to form, he
might just find his prize handed over to him one of these days.
***
When the sun shone
red and sullen in the evening sky, Sanzo found himself on the road again, this
time walking away from the village. He had stayed merely long enough to buy some
necessities before setting off again. It was not likely that he would be
welcomed back in the village any time near in the future. The bunch of pissed
off humans he left behind him could barely remain civil enough to let him walk
out of their place.
Not that they did
not have ample reason to be furious.
The old woman had screamed
at him over the dead bodies of her children – wrinkled face twisted like a
gruesome mask, spittle flying from her lips as she spat epithets at him for
drawing the wrath of the monster on her sons. They had had to restrain her from
attacking him. In the confusion, the shroud had fallen from the corpses and he
had seen the torn bodies, the missing limbs. And above the wide glazed eyes
that still showed the horror of their last moments, he had seen the mark the
youkai had left, a personal message for him.
A hole in the
forehead – a tiny, red dot where a claw had punctured through skin and skull
and into the brain. A mockery of the holy chakra on his own forehead.
He had felt ill –
and then, it was eclipsed by a burning fury that made him shook in its
intensity. Fury… and a very unwelcomed feeling of guilt. He did not need to be
told to leave; he could not have stayed another hour if he tried.
The youkai boy
followed him silently, quiet for once. Maybe he had sensed his mood and had
wisely chosen not to disturb it. Now and again, he glimpsed a flash of gold as
round eyes peeked up at him from under brown bangs. He ignored him, too
distracted by the inner voices that refused to be silenced.
Guilt was not a
feeling that he was new to – the gods knew he had lived with it for the longest
time. He had just gotten very good at ignoring it, at crowding it to the back of
his mind and slamming a good, solid door on it. One among many things
classified as not to be dwelled on, not to be disturbed upon pain of death.
He would like to
think that nowadays very few things could still make him feel this misery.
Since he was beholden to none, then he was responsible for nothing. He cared
nothing about others’ expectations and so nothing was expected of him. No ties,
no bindings – just passing through the mortal world like a ghost of a wind.
But then of course
something like this would happen, and he would get reminded of just how far
away he still was from the goal that he had set himself to. And the very fact
that his search for Komyou Sanzou’s murderer tied him to this world by a bond
far stronger than any others that he had struggled away from. There were,
indeed, very few things stronger than the desire to avenge a loved one’s death.
His chest hurt. He
hated feeling guilty, hated it with a passion.
A rustling from the
side bushes startled him out of his thoughts. A sudden shrill squawking nearly
made him reach for his gun. White feathers flew up in a clump, then the youkai
boy hopped out of the bushes, both hands holding a plump ptarmigan to his chest
in a death grip. He grinned up at Sanzo, a few feathers and leaves stuck in his
hair, and said, “Dinner.”
Sanzo stared at him,
at the bird still fluttering weakly in the kid’s hands. Closed his mouth and
tramped off ahead.
He heard the boy
shouting his name, the running patter of his footsteps, following him. Always
following him.
The resolve that had been wavering back and forth
this last week hardened.
He stopped so
suddenly the boy almost ran head first into him.
“All right.” Sanzo
said deliberately. “Go find a clearing. We’ll eat first.” He saw the boy’s face
lit up with simple delight, and the thought came that this would be the last
time he would see this look. He wondered why it did not bring him any
relief.
**
Dinner was a subdued
affair. The boy had seemed to pick up on Sanzo’s mood and wisely refrained from
his usual chatter as he ate. Sanzo himself had merely nibbled on
his ration.
He glanced at the boy busy devouring his roasted
ptarmigan. Throughout dinner, he had thought about how best to go about it, and
had finally given up on tact. It had never been his strong point anyway. Better
just to use the most direct method.
It was past time to leave him.
He rose to his feet, fetching his walking staff and
straw hat. The boy looked up from his meal. “Goin’ now?” He mumbled a bit indistinctly
around a mouthful, and made to rise.
“No.”
Sanzo looked at the boy, consciously letting all
expressions bleed away from his face and eyes.
“You’re not going.”
He ignored the confusion starting in the boy’s face
and turned away.
“Matte – San…”
“I’ve said this before.” Sanzo did not turn around.
“What makes you think you’re coming with me?” Each word, coldly precise and as
emotionless as a stranger’s, fell between them and it was as if a shadow fell
across the sun and chilled the noonday warmth.
A pause. When the boy spoke next, his voice was
timid, and so painfully bewildered.
“I… what do you mean?”
Sanzo’s fist tightened around the walking stick.
Get rid of him. Focus on that and just ignore… the rest.
He chose each word carefully to hurt, driving them
home like a weapon, wielded by a scathing tone and a tongue that spoke such
words so easily.
“You’ve followed me long enough. I’ve been patient,
but enough is enough.”
“I’m leaving.”
He started walking away.
“Sanzo…!” The sound of footsteps behind him.
“Kuruna!!”
A stifled gasp. Sanzo turned around, putting the
force of his whole will into a fierce glare. The boy stared back at him as if
turned to stone, body arrested in mid-motion by the command.
“I am not playing a game with you.” Sanzo said
softly, watching the boy’s eyes. “This time is for real.”
The boy opened his mouth, about to say something,
words that would try to plead, that would try to bind…
The soft click
of a gun being cocked fell into the silence.
Sanzo sighted down the barrel at the wide eyes and
flung his last weapon. “You know how many youkais I have killed with this?”
Dazed golden eyes blinked back at him, not catching
on. “…eh…?”
Sanzo lifted his chin, staring down at the boy from
half-lidded eyes. “Youkais. Like you.” He let his lips twist into a
condescending sneer.
“You think I went up that mountain to free you?
Don’t make me laugh.”
I just wanted the voice
to stop.
It was funny, in a way. He had wanted to silence
the voice that had touched him uncomfortably deep inside, yet all he had done
was release it.
“You think I’d go out of my way to save a youkai?
When all my life I’ve been killing any that passed my way?”
There is no place for you
in my life.
“I’ve lost count of how many I’ve killed. Believe
me, you don’t want to be the next one.”
The boy had a stunned look on his face, the wounds
he had given him had not started hurting yet. Still, those unguarded eyes
stared at him – and still, he tried.
“Sanzo, ne.... You’re not serious…”
The sharp retort of a gunshot thundered in the
clearing. Wild cawings came from the forest as spooked birds took flight.
The boy lifted one shaking finger, touched the thin
line of red that seeped down one cheek.
“I told you.” Sanzo’s voice was quiet, with no
inflection whatsoever. “I’m through playing pet games with you.”
Huge eyes gazed back. Understanding now.
“Follow me – and I will kill you.”
Sanzo uncocked the gun and turned. He did not know
what made him threw the last words back, but he did.
“You’re free. Go choose your own path.”
Then he walked away without looking back. No
footsteps followed him, no childish voice calling his name. Silence behind him.
Silence in his heart.
Don’t
get caught again… baka-saru.
CONTINUED IN PART 3B
***
NOTES:
Japanese
translations:
§
Temee = you
(roughly spoken)
§
Datte = but
§
Kuruna = don’t
come/follow
§
Baka saru =
idiot monkey
I’ll finish this in part 3B, I swear ^^;; (why do I
keep end up extending this…).