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TRANSSEXUALITY BY NATASHA BELLS
TRANSSEXUALITY. Is this a promiscuous form of being?
By Natasha Bells

A frightening despair exists in me, because doesn't exist answer for many types of psychological problems, it causes and effect, of a lot of things that are considered incomprehensible to the human society. Today I discovered that she faked not to see the hard reality, because it was convenient for her (my wife). On the other hand I know that she was with its shut eyes, and, she didn't know as mine my thoughts and feelings were incomprehensible. But a thing was right, I would not get to survive without its presence or its light. You leave it sad or concerned whenever there was a new discovery, it razed me. As it coulded not me to say again that loved her and I always loved her, and that my life was dependent of her. I believe that would not last a lot if he/she didn't have it more. It would sometimes like that returned my 21 years, when to the shade of my other life it was drowned in my moral concepts and there were dreams and certainties that would be everything normal. To discover it, it went to me an important discovery for my sad life. Today I believe that the another person's inclusion is missed in its psychological problems. But will it be that is like this? A lot of people get married and they live. Many secrets are hidden. Will it be that a false morals, or an agreement of conveniences exists? In the moment I see the need to get used only, because I don't know until the all it will be bearable for her to know more on me. Will it be that all the people don't have anything hidden, or secrets and deep feelings? Many of the people don't try the stranger for fear of if they discover, and a lot of times attack other people unconsciously, exactly, because they identify with them, and they are afraid of if they assume. I think are the human vanities that don't have dimension. I have a feeling or thought that won't be in this world for more two years, I don't know if it is premonition, because due to my sensibility I got to develop also this. My emotions are very different, I don't like people's agglomerate, taste of classic music or some types of Brazilian Popular Music, I don't like the men, I think there was something in my childhood, because I don't have registrations of my seven to the ten years of age, I remember a clinic where was written: ?Silence, hypnosis!?. why was there? They never told me. I don't want to speak plus, because I prefer the subjectivity to the reality. My daughter tries to discover herself with new experiences, I hope meets before losing something more important its true love. The worst is that taught to her something on as to explore masculine vanities. I am sorry, because, the person with who she is girlfriend is very kind. But, the stranger seems always that attracts more. New emotions in the mesmice of the world, because not? I believe that were sorry more of that that we didn't try. To get right or to wander is part of the life. The life as a program is not life. We sometimes got lost in that that is licit or illicit. Where is the limit? All the people are entitled to the happiness. The fact of feeling in a different gender, living in a non appropriate body, it should not be reason for discriminations, and nor considered in the same way that other people that insist on living in an atmosphere of pornographies explored indiscriminately by the media or for the internet. He/she is due, above all, there to be respect, because, its problems are very old and so deep, that force them to live more and more to the beside a society demanding. Changes were not tried before it was for the fact of there not being alternatives, or, they had built such a solid social atmosphere that didn't dare to speak to it I respect. The sentence ?Do speak as a man, there be as a man, use man's clothes, be man? it was the irreversible social base. They were sometimes such notable people that its lives continued making its role, until the death. The unknown gender disphoria at that time, today, it is already an inevitable reality. It remains us until to think and to rethink regarding the these people's satisfaction, of really, they have lived a life perfectly happy, and accomplished. Once I came across the concept of the false morals, and I discovered absurd and conclusive things regarding the discriminations in all the social spheres. For example: Any person acts in an impartial way, when you/he/she observes somebody acting in a different way. When you see transvestites or people that speak certainly in an effeminate, or masculine way its reaction it would be: a) to Find comedian. b) to Ignore. c) to Comment with other people. d) Do Live your life, since they let to live me mine. But, in way any, it would be made some aggression to these individuals. So that? It is not even? After all you are normal, and it is not any in crisis. Incident 1: It was me traveling in an of these collective buses when one of the passengers getting up spoke aloud: ?- This gay there in front!!! he/she only Looks at for him!!! he/she should give blow in these faces for they leave of that!! it it is to kill everything that is gay and travesti.? He/she is the transvestite he/she answered: ?- You are saying this because you cannot do what I do, or you don't have courage. You would like even it is of using skirt, or else he/she would not be speaking like this.? At the beginning I found an uncommon answer, I thought of the case, and I could end that perhaps ?her? he/she was right. A lot of people try to hide its personalities attacking other people that make exactly that that you/they would like to do, and he/she doesn't have courage. Incident 2: Once I heard a colleague mine of work to insinuate: ?- It pulls a lot of people it is passing to the side of there. Should it be so good that don't want to return plus, it is not? Nor I want to try!!? When somebody speaks this way, in the right it would like to try even. Genetic studies check the possibility of the endocrine glands more and more they follow not the pattern of each individual's identity. Incident 3: My old school colleague once vein to visit me. I was surprised, in spite of being accompanied of its wife, he/she had its ear holed with I play. I was about him with so much indifference, that left quickly. And he was one of my best friends in the school. I made to be worth my prejudice that: male doesn't hole ears. 5 years later it holed mine to see as it was. Then..., I understood that my prejudice really hid some thing. You are born man or woman because its organs genital are characteristic of the masculine or feminine sex, the rest is due to each individual's social formation, that forces these special people, they assume it the social genetic position in that live. A lot of people have been trying to move of sex to live in harmony with its heads. But, and what was the social formation for he/she brings? To change the aesthetics is not only enough. You have to think as, to act as, to speak as, to be in its fullness descontraidamente as man or woman. It is the roads of this very long healthy learning, because there are more losses and discriminations that, it would be even necessary, that went economically independent. Or they would only find shelter in the night-clubs or prostí¢µlos that explore in an indiscriminate way this fragility. Perhaps they didn't get to live worthily. The idea of the conceptual formation for the transsexual ones is to prepare the road worthy of these such special people, that could live without prejudices in any social sphere. He/she/it should not confuse gender disforias with homosexuality, fetishism or promiscuity. He/she/it should also form a support base to the class of the (of the) operated, so that they can begin its new lives worthily. I found very interesting the form of a transsexual one to have begun its transition starting from the vocal education, frequenting fonoaudiologia courses got to work as speaker, leaving soon after for the aesthetic surgery, and, after having lived duplamente, worked as woman acting as a true actress, he/she abandoned the masculine clothes definitively. She had time intelligence to program its transition. After all, the first thing that you learn when child is still to speak. And to speak as a person of same sex. Support groups that can help psicologicamente people in transition in an intelligent way exist, and without traumas. One in the ways used by the psychology is the occupational therapy with the objective of inhibiting certain psychotic tendencies. But, imagine, to inhibit exactly something that is part of the normal life of any human being. I believe that it cures, it is something that really excludes the psychosis, and it doesn't chew it, or it decreases to the point of the psychotic not to be interested more for the sex, because, on the contrary, it would discharge again, in some time, its psychosis. The work of Dra Martha Freitas is impressive, because it is going in search of the truth before any psychiatric treatment. After all, you can be a disphoric for induction, and it can solve its problem with the psychiatry and chemotherapy. Or, the own time, would take charge of extinguishing the conflict with its real identity. But if it doesn't go? You would never get rid of the pulses that are typically feminine or masculine. Many groups in the sphere of the homosexuality, for the fact of they be not accepted socially by all the groups, they form a cartel governed by people that nor they can really represent the whole class of psychotic or disphorics. It is even they enhance its aberration with the slogan ?I make proud gay?, because pride doesn't exist in this. They cannot really represent juridically all the gender disphorics, in spite of the political progresses in the sense of protecting all the special groups, for the law, against the unbridled discrimination of the extremist radical groups. He/she/it cannot place the whole class so diversified in a sack, to give a knot and to place a label. Each case has its truth that above all it deserves respect. The search of the truth, in first place, it can free these such suffered human beings. BIBLIOGRAPHY OF NATASHA BELLS Since I understand each other as somebody special, I always had interest for the feminine clothes, mainly when my mother was produced. And it tried from small to imitate it. It used its pressure brincos, its necklaces. And, as she made seams for indent, since I was born, when she leaves house, it put the girls' of my age dresses in me, to see as it was the group. And to complete, empoava the face carefully and it put the baton. It was a grace. My hair was small, but he/she got to do some hairstyles for short hair. It was very sad of removing all that when my mother was to return. My mother used me once in a while as model for its seams, which I did with pleasure. My father scolded with her. Whenever it coulded not it robbed one of the my sisters' calcinhas rendadas. One day, without knowing, I used a baton of the type 24 hours, and I had to have been disguising when it went to school, it was a nightmare. Once in a while he/she made up me slightly to leave of house, what caused a distrust air in my colleagues boys. But as it was very intelligent in Physical and Biological Sciences, it was convenient for them to be my friends. He/she adored to play of father and mother with the girls, what caused curiosity in the boys, because they only liked to play ball or violent sports, which I disliked. My father tried to ignore my special form of being and it tried to repress me of my tendencies, mentioning order sentences for my moral formation. I remember that when it was still small, I believe that about 8 to 10 years, it was me in a wait room where was written: SILENCE! HYPNOSIS. I don't remember he/she entered him there, because I don't also remember when he/she leaves. And this for several times. Later, with my 36 years, it was unchained in me wills that he/she didn't know from where they came. Will of producing me, to dress feminine clothes etc., and I passed remembering of pleasant facts using girl's clothes, and also unpleasant of my childhood. Could I have been raped? I think, that I don't want to remind of this, or I don't get. Had these memories been masked by the hypnosis? And for how long? Because of this, after I married, it was difficult to do sex in a natural way, and this he/she/it made to notice, therefore my wife wanted with more frequency, and I denied fire. Then I started to appeal for sexual fantasies to get excited until the orgasm. But these fantasies drove me to have uncontrollable pulses to see me produced, in the same way that when child, and this did with that my wife passed observing me plus, because I started to use its calcinhas and bras when she leaves hidden. The summers were terrible, because he/she didn't have as to feel it completes again. In the winter, that amazes... it could place whole the intimate pieces that it could not under the weighed clothes of cold, without being noticed, and even lycra stockings. The reason for which I decided to ask help was the fact of having taken me hormones so that my breasts are every larger time, and I am not getting to disguise more. I am even worried with the summer time, because it will be almost impossible you hide them. My wife already noticed, and it is being distrusted this. In spite of having commented with her on my special problem, is worried in the fact that, to each overcome stage, want to move forward more. Because I already tested a wig, and I adored the image that I saw in the mirror, wanting to conclude my image making up me. I got afraid... There, I really see that would be extremely necessary to plan my transition in an intelligent way, so that in case of my friends' non acceptance and family, have conditions of being enough solemnity to continue living my life. But before, it would like to try to know if I am disphoric or not, or he/she doesn't happen of fetishes for my sexual satisfaction. As I don't have means to really define my real identity, I come to request help in search of the truth..
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Nome: Natasha Bells
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