| Journal Entries |
| < -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> |
 |
| Day 44 7/17/02 - Work orientation today... work ethics and how to not sexually harass someone.... *YAWN* almost fell asleep, altho that wouldnt make a very good first impression... I also bought a new CD with the little money i have left... been listening to to it all day... getting depressed now, check out my lyrics page 5... some great emotional songs in it... On a lighter note, i went to take my placement tests yesterday at SFCC... it took it 2 hours to get there with the traffic but just as we got in, the seats were already full and we have to come back next week... well i got to go stalk... err i mean watch people at the mall while one of my best friend went shopping... now i hate Malls mind you, but looking at women's lingerie and teenage boys walking around... i'd pick the latter... we went to union square... too bad i left my spare money in my spare wallet that i dont have... there were so many things i wanted to buy... clothes... i meant clothes... Day 43 7/15/02 - Well i guess it's official... Nathan has a big EGO.. well according to my brother that is... he's telling me that the things i expect from Shawn, i'd have to do it for him first... GEE... that's strange... I thought i HAVE BEEN doing so... must find someone to side with me hehe.. Nate's always right... First time ever i've felt so strongly about someone... infact it may very well be *gulp* (do i dare say the word that has fags running for dear life?) LOVE... well i gotta give it a week, i'll confront him with it... if there's no reaction, then i'd have my answer. and frankly walk away.. *sigh* why cant life just be black and white? And then there's a matter of my even wanting to waste my time... I already have a hunch... and usually my initial feelings never lie to me... i dunno, i'll give it time... well think of it this way, if i'm busy with work and school, it may never come up, you know what they say, out of sight - out of mind... So you see... I'm NOT jaded at all... just cautious... Day 42 7/13/02 - *GRIN* great fun last 2 days... Now i know why my best friends are my best friends... talk about lewd drunken maniacs... =) anywho, My first day of work starts next wednesday and i'm mucho excited... well actually Orientation, but it's paid for so it's practically work... what's this world comming to? letting someone with my memory handle money... it's just too much... eheheh... Good to be back in school and work... it's great since i can take my mind off of things... like my personal life... screwy and too much drama... I'm the type of guy who doesnt let anything bug me and yet here i am analyzing and pondering about stuff ... Shawn in particular... things are going fine i guess, if not what can i do... i mean... if someone likes you they'd at least make the effort to come and see you right? regardless of circumstances... yeppp i thought you'd agree with me hehe... anyhow... i dont have time for this... Day 41 7/11/02 - Woohooo... i got the job... so there i was, at 12:50 in the afternoon, doing some housework.... okay fine i lied, i was sleeping... when i got a phone call from Wells Fargo... there's nothing more sweater than someone saying "You got the job." well "Your millionaire uncle just died and left you his fortune" is better but that's never gunna happen... I'm ecstatic... almost creamed my pants ... just joshing... a job, now all i need is a car... and then a cell... hmmm maybe i should start a WHAT NATHAN NEEDS/WANT checklist... job - check... school - check... boyfriend - ummm. sugardaddy- not yet... backup sugardaddy - n/a.. LOL just kidding...if i need money i'll whore for it myself... hehe all kidding aside... it's great to be employed... now all i need to do is go pass that drug test. hehe. i hope this aint one of them companies where they give random screen tests. if it is, i'm screwed. oh well shit happens... TOO OFTEN... Day 40 7/9/02 - Just got a new game =) called Warcraft 3... *does a Rent and Stimpy dance* happy happy joy joy.. yeah yeah shut up... i dont have money but i just had to buy it... i mean... i cant be jobless AND bored at home right? =P ... That interview went great... they'll call me on wednesday and tell me whether i got the job or not... besides stuttering and choking on my own saliva, i made a pretty good impression... Oooh... imagine me working for a bank in a suit and tie... business man.... *grin* and not to mention other tellers around ehehehe... utterly evil... i found some great new songs, but i havent had the chance to download them... well i cant... idiots who were after napster managed to shut down WinMX AND Audiogalaxy... did i mention Metallica should burn for sueing Napster? damn good for nothing yuppies... i mean their music sucks anyways... anyways... i'm tired... of ranting ... gonna eat then sleep. Day 39 7/7/02 - Sunday... i feel like crap... i slept all day and now that i'm awake, all i can feel is my stomach wanting to crawl out of my mouth... it was a fun night i admit but WAY too packed... waiting around with sweat and hair all over me... now if they were mine i wouldnt mind, but EWWWWW. it's like having sludge thrown on yah... I know there's a little neat new invention called Deoderant, funny how so many people dont use it... it's disgusting... if everyone was like me the world would be so much better... LOL just kidding... Well, school starts in a month and i'm moving in 3 weeks... what to do what to do... if i get that job at wells fargo, i'm gunna have to commute... no biggie i guess, i get to see most of my friends... and it's a pretty good paying job for a slacker like myself =) ... all i got to do is put up with stupid people who doesnt know how to use the ATM for 5 hours everyday... beats lying around the house i guess... Day 38 7/5/02 - Kay... tomorrow is the end of the Universe... what the hell am i saying? well Universe is what we fags would like to call an institution... it's a haven for those who lacks the mental stability to withhold themselves from drugs and sex... and then there are people like me and my groupie... okay okay. it's a gay club... it's going out with a big ban i'll wager... I feel like a kid again... it was not so long ago that i embarassed myself ... come to think of it... it was ... uh nevermind... best to be forgotten... I should looking for a job tho... it cold hold off for another week hehe... anywho, my third interview is on monday so I'll know whether i'll be hired or not... third interview usual means something good... but people's GOT TO BE stupid to not hire someone like me... not only will i attract more customers but i'll brightern the atmosphere... okay i'm full of shit, i'll shut up now... Day 37 7/3/02 - Well Mikey just moved out... he's been acting really strange with the rest of the family lately... he hasnt talked or interact with us for the past 3 monthes, none of us know why... i mean i dont think we've said anything mean to him.. we specualte that he's getting back with one of his old bfs that no one really approved of so he wants to keep it secret... Okay enough of Mikey LOL... I just enrolled myself in CCSF so that's one weight off me shoulders... i'm thinking i should just pretend to be stupid so that they would put me in ESL classes... me no speak inglish... =) ... I've been pretty much slothing around the house as usual... besides the frequent parties or in queer term, gay get-together at my friends house... I've been missing out on so much news... 2 of my friends are pregnant.. no dont look at me!! they're happy so i'm happy for em... sucks when u dont havbe a cell phone... but no bitching tonight... Day 36 7/1/02 - Okay guys, house's up for sale. so we should be in Frisco quite soon... which is good actually, i'm shure i can easily find a job there. and it's my perfect kinda weather. not quite seattle, but i can live with it... should be any different i dont think, altho it'll just be me and my Bro Jon, no more Mikey or Mark. Shame. big shame. hehe. that was sarcasm btw... I think i'm in love... i think... i'm not quite shure... perhaps... maybe not. i don't know. heck, i wish i know.. hey i could call psychic hotline and ask Cleo if he feels the same. LOL... all seriousness, i hope i can have a relationship, i wanna prove myself wrong... i wanna KNOW i'm not a heartless bastard... i wanna know that my past relationships WERE NOT MY fault... so much damn drama... too much doubts, too much of everything... I'm spontaneous, i'm impatient and indecisive, spur of the moment NATE... why the hell do i analyze and criticze my actions so much later on? Day 35 6/29/02 - Went to Castro for the Pink party today.. alright so i lied... i didnt really spend time with Mark and Kari, so sue me... back to the party... met Fisher, a good friend there... and i had a blast, hung around with Shawn and his friend's friends... a huge group of people... TRUST ME guys... contrary to popular beliefs, we are NOT anywhere as indecisive as girls... my god... trying to let them pick out a place to eat was DEATH... *must resist urge to tear off my arm and beat them to death with it*... i mean... we give them a choice... oh... it's too crowded, i dont like *insert Ethnic food here*, my hair's not right for that restaurant, the chairs arent comfortable, I had that last night... oh i can go on and on... On thing i can give them tho... I LOVE DRUNK WOMEN!!! fun fun fun...but all in all a fun night... we also had some drinks at Shawn's new work place... it was nice... the owner was nice so i'll be there often... Day 34 6/27/02 - It's times like this that i wished i believed in God... my interview went well Tuesday, but alas... I'm a pessimist so i' dont really expect much. if i get called in for another interview then that's more likely i'll get the job. if not. back to plan 1, prostitution. hehe. desperate situations calls for desperate measures yah know? All kidding aside, my roomie's sis is comming out tonight so i guess me and him are entertaining her. perhaps find her a good dyke bar or rather... she's a cute little lesbian or so Mark tells me. if she's any cute as he is *cough* sarcasm *cough* . not. but usually i've noticed that most annoying traits are inherited by the older brothers of most families. lol. my ID came today. eeeek, i look like an idiot happy on 420. talk about freak of nature. but i blame it on the cameras.. hard to believe but natural beauty like mine CAN be tarnished by technology. hehe that was your queue to laugh... no i'm quite modest. REALLY! |
| < -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> |
| Day 33 6/25/02 - Number 33, my favorite number... and today was my interview day too so i hope i made a good impression... i mean i BETTER have since i spent over 1 hour blowing that chick... lol just joshing... she was nice, but i mean an hour is pretty long... i'll know in a week or two if i got the job... i mean Karma's gotta be making her way back to me right? Let's see... the good deeds nathan's done... well i helped an old man back to his house about 2 weeks ago... i could of just ran him over like everybody else... I had to endure safeway for almost a year... Well, not really a good deed per se... but still... My friend told me to have confidence and hope for the best... believe me, I AM... and working for a bank would be great for me since i'm thinking about taking Business as a major... so that would help out alot... and the hours are flexible... Woke up way early today, for me at least... 7AM... back to bed now... ciao... Day 32 6/23/02 - Went to End-Up today... (insert gasp here) oh i know... that's the place for cracked out crack-whores, but it was the suggestion of my room-mate's friend... i've always hated the end-up, shitty music, shitty people... god knows why i agreed to it.. to top that we went at 4pm... YUCK... if only Mass was happening, no no, not church hehe., the gay club Mass... Besides that i didnt do much, besides slack off around the house... *insert rant here* I just hate not having a car, imagine the people i can bug... anywho, my 3 best friends wanted to hang out but none of us can ever contact the other when we're home so that sucked... i guess i'll have to delay it til weekend after next... the next one is Pride, hope to see y'all there... i'll be helping my room mate escort his lesbian sister... what should i wear? hmmm... harness? Chain around my neck? a bit much? well i'll prolly be looking fr "work" too lol... naw i'm not that slutty... Day 31 6/21/02 - Friday, Almost wished i went out tonight... it's just SO boring!!! i called some of my friends at Safeway (chokes on the word) and surprised no one picked-up... is that a hint? hehe... anyhoo I just ate some dinner... chicken and salad again!!! *yawns* I want BEEF DAMNIT!!! but alas, my room mate claims chicken is healthier and beef has more fat... now if i was a Gym Queen, i'd give a rat's ass... but i dont... heck beats going out for dinner... prescious moochie moochie i DONT have... Hopefully that interview next Tuesday will go well... kinda discouraged tho yah know? i mean whats more gay than a Male bank teller... it's like me applying to be a flight attendants... and I've been planning what i want to take for college... what do you folks think? Interior Designer? Gym Instructor? Cosmetologist?.. no no no... how about Fashion Consultant? hehe... damn... back to Space 1!... homebody. Day 30 6/19/02 - Oh hell, just found out i got an interview at Wells Fargo next tuesday... Pray for me... or wish me luck at least.... I almost got killed today... well, who'd know my BAD DRIVING gene would kick in SO early? I was driving my room-mate Mark to San Fran to get some stuff and while on the way home, while turning into 101... being the idiot that i am *whistles innocently* decided to change songs... it was a left turn and who'd thought you have to slow down when turning? lol news to me... anywho... i was driving 60... and i kinda shrieked and burnt the tireds at that sharp left turn... thank God the car didnt flip... scared the sh*t outta my room-mate and me... note to self... slow down next time... Wanted to go to Chaos tonight but i thought i'd save it for tomorrow at the Cafe... mind YOU, both places suck equally... so i dunno what the hell i was thinking... at least the Cafe is free... welp... time for dinner then bed... Day 29 6/17/02 - Dear Journal... LOL... hmmm how to sound masculine WHILE saying that... Shawn, left for Monterey early this morning ... I miss him already... to say... i dont know if this is truly love or infatuation... I like him alot, i guess i'll give it a little time. Knowing me however, I'm an impatient little twerp so saying is MUCH harder than doing... As always, spent my whole day sending out my resume vainly hoping that my "skills and abilities" OR lack there-of would attract, or at least entice someone to respond, yah know? finding a job is difficult... and I'm DEFINITELY going back to school in the fall... no more time to slack-off anymore *sigh* ... if only i was a rich little spoiled brat who can leech off money from his parents... or my uncle of whomever i never met passed-away and left me with an enormous amount of money... I can keep dreaming right? EEEK... just lost my train of thought... oh right... must get back to bitching!!! Day 28 6/15/02 - I just watched Saving Grace today, just now actually, FUN FUN movie... it's about a woman named Grace (DOH!) who's husband just died and left her his debt and mortgage... cute woman really, anywho... she's desperate and since she was a homemaker, she had no income... after all of the bills and phonecalls that piled up, her gardener suggested that she should cultivate Pot and sell it... after a little reluctance, she agrees... that's when the crazy mess starts... fun movie, and *hint*hint* i'm shure some of you guys can relate... ME! Boy, if i had a green thumb i would, no job, no money, no car... oh crap am i bitching again? (insert sarcastic remark here)... Yep... but good news.. Shawn's comming back from Phoenix tomorrie... WOOHOOO... Day 27 6/13/02 - BOOORING!! Nothing to do, and still no damn job... and yes i'm still bitching about this... the last time i looked for a job was for a 2 month period... and now it's been a month... GRRR... it's tiring and too much work... but aside from Bitching... nothing new, I need some rest tho, it's been quite awhile since i got more than 6 hours of sleep... I'm acting like a zombie in front of everyone and my driving, damn those daydreams and blackouts... lol just kidding... Now that i've been driving a bit more, I can understand why road rage happens... MY GOD... dont slow down when the light is green, drive in ONE lane, PARK in ONE lane... there are so many stupid drivers than I'm shocked murder isnt legalized... and sorry to say, Asians give us a bad name... as much as i love the ladies, they can't drive for the life of them... well as least it gives me a reason to flip people off and cut infront of them... anyhow off to the store... Day 26 6/11/02 - I'm craving for some Sushi right now. But i'm too lazy to go get some, besides, I'm broke... broke as broke can be, i honestly dont even wanna touch my savings... it's like 20 here 20 there and boom, dried up... I need a job... I miss Shawn, hard to say it but could Nathan be in love? seriously doubt it... but who knows, first time for everything... but he calls everyday so it's makes it better... and he's comming back on Sunday so it's cool... I hung out with my friend today, one of my three bests friend and boy was it great... I wish i had my childhood back, no radical change no worries... I hate change, i hate moving, I hate death, I hate depression, i hate fear, and i hate my weaknesses... i have far too many, it inhibits my life... Their finals are done within a week so I'm looking forward to it. Too bad they dont know i'm gay.. It's gonna change our friendship, for them to find out that their womanizing jerk of a best friend is a homo... how's that gonna make me feel? how are they going to react? I'm not gonna lose my 11 years of memories over my sexuality and damn it to hell if they'll ever know... Day 25 6/9/02 - Well, my condolences... Shawn's grandmother just died so he's going to stay another week with his family... poor guy, hope he handles it well, i know what it feels like to lose a loved one... But anywho... I barely got my driver license... ironic... it's like giving a handgun to a convicted felon... my room-mate claimed i only got it because they tested my on an Asian curve, making the test easier. BULL... Today was gay pride in San Jose and i slept the whole day... so much for the idea of going out to see the festivities... note to self, wake up earlier... I'm feeling happy... someone gimme a song to get and write about, maybe I'm A Slave 4 U by Britney? AHAHAHAHA... i mean there's so little cheerful songs anymore, everything is about heartbreak, breaking up, or i wanna bleep you like an animal... well i'm gunna drive around now... BORED!!!!! Must go look for pedestrians to hit... nothing else to do... Day 24 6/7/02 - Okay. i passed. of course i knew i would, being the brilliant young lad that i am. ehehehe. okay fine i had an easy instructor. i thought if i were to fail i would bribe her with my charming personality and dashing good looks. well maybe that wouldn't work either but what the hey right? doesnt hurt trying... I drop Shawn off at the airport last night and he let me drove his car home... wow... second day on the road and i have yet to kill anyone. shocking but TRUE.. i went to my sister's house today and we all went out... we all met up with her boyfriend's friends and we went bar-hopping... too bad i was the designated driver and couldnt drink that much. oh well. i had fun, for a bunch of straight people they were a riot. okay time for me to insert some bitching and moaning. STILL NO JOB. god damnit, there's always a catch to everything. I should just go into one of them sweat shop prostitution thingie and sell myself, altho i'd come off as being too cheap LOL. well gotta learn how to make a living somehow right? anywho. enough of my dry humor. I'm tired, it's 5AM and i'm hungry, havent slept a wink and i think i'm gonna pass out. Day 23 6/5/02 - Okay. Nervous!!! anxious. i think i'm gonna have a heart attack. well let's look at it this way. if i pass my driving test tomorrow there's going to be one more bad Asian driver on the road. and if i fail i have more chances to practi. so i guess i should be so nervous. there's nothing new here.. with the exception of finding out that Ace of Base is soon to release another album. in september so i'm happy, if anyone know me, I'm a HUGE ace of base fan. if i was straight i'd name my four kids after them. LOL j/k. Shawn comming down tomorrow too... well it's ok to say his name i guess... his grandmother just went into a coma so he has to fly from San Jose to Phoenix... poor guy... i hope she comes out okay... If i was still religious, i'd prad for her... poor granny... best wishes... |