| Journal Entries |
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| Day 66 8/29/02 - Full time work tomorrow. I hope the pay check comes early. wont be much. i dont think, think it's too early to ask for a raise? LOL just for being me that is. good enough reason i'd imagine. the place however needs like 2 or more young guys my age, to liven it up a little. so start applying folks. be a teller and start making a difference in someone's life. lol that sounded so sick i have to puke =P leaves a bad taste in my mouth. what's another word for teller? Financial Support Technician? hehe Oh so were having this house warming party this sat. after that i think we're heading off toward Palladium, *sigh* i know what to expect right? crackheads and tweakers. *JOY* clubs just dont interest me anymore. bars are okay i guess. my roomie wanted to go to touch black boys and i was his only free ticket in. i'm pushin for 4 people added to my name added to the guest list. let's see if Gus lets me. hehe, i'll start doing *favors* just joshing. Day 65 8/27/02 - So every morning starts out with Alarm rings. I push the snooze button. it rings the third time and slam! the alarm is on the floor. i get dressed and get on a bus full of sweaty illegal immigrant day workers and breathe the *fresh* stench of sweat and shit (literally) and i have to endure that every single day. NO NO NO I'm not at all bitter or pissed!! #$@#% I just wanna kick some ass. *must resist urge* Tension! tension! I need to jerk off. question is when do i have the time? and this whole being clean thing aint workin' hehe. the room cant seem to clean itself. I dont have any HW yet, but once September and late Sept hits me, i'm gunna be up in my neck with shit. i need some geeky friends, too bad they're all in San jose, cant copy anything =( at least one or two of my classes dont require Homework. god knows how much i put an effort into work outside of school. alright i think i'm gonna go relieve some tension.. *yawns* Day 64 8/25/02 - I just cut and dyed my hair yesterday. it's light brown now. been so long since i last did nething that it looks kinda weird. the habits of having money. STILL waiting patiently for my checks, my school books are costing my left balls. too bad reading is required in college. when did this happen? news to me. And yes that's right, i'm finally getting a phone next saturday. *grin* T-mobile methinks. doing laundry right now, i'll have to fold my clothes after. sucks, i need a homebody boyfriend who knows how to cook/do laundry/ and do my HW or a wife lol. i'm not picky. My brother's date/soon-to-be boyfriend's friend will be comming down this weekend. he thought i was cute the last time he saw me so this will be interesting.. according to Jon, he's short, cute, and my type. so something to look forward to. hehe and he'll be needing a place to stay and boy, my bed is awefully big for one person. one more will be fine *evil grin* Day 63 8/23/02 - A full day of work today, well they didnt give me a cash register yet but regardless, i still had to pretend to be productive. hehe. *sigh* where's a sugar daddy when you need one lol. i'm taking applications. preferably a young rich orphan with an amazingly large amount of inheritance. =) it's not asking for too much now is it? heck i'd even take one who lives with their parents. lol In other news, I need a car, waiting for the bus in the ghetto is a no no. *cries* i'm too young to die. and with the kinda clothes i wear to work every morning i'd be beaten to a bloody pulp, and no one would care. heck maybe i should start a campaign to homophize Mission hehe, put pink triagles on doors and put up rainbow flags. have big musicals at all the theatres. *hint hint* problem is, i need to find myself an insurance company that doesnt cost an arm and a leg to pay for. 4k for a year is a bit much. especially when i'm a part time worker. Day 62 8/21/02 - I got this new song by Halou called Present Tense, great song. brings back memories. i'd rather not mention that =( . but it's nice to hear. her voice (Rebecca) is captivating and haunting at the same moment. it's an eerie feel to it but very moving. I'll get the lyrics to it once i figure what the heck the rest of the chorus is =P . I got class at 8 tomorrow which means i gotta get up at 6:00 damnit. i miss the no jobs no school days. damn. back to having a normal life again. *sigh* anyone knows anyone cute that goes there? ehe! just got back from walking the castro too, dead. dead. dead. and i'm hungry as heck, but alas i'm broke til the end of the month, then the cash will at least come in, slowly but shurely(right now i spend most of it on Books) where's my financial aids!! in the mean time, hello street corner =P . *inserts shameless plugging* hell, i'm gunna go cook some food and pray to God the house doesnt burn down. Day 61 8/19/02 - *Cries* First day of school, i have no cute friends yet. shucks, do i have to turn sticky in college? what? can't be =P . nathan's not sticky rice. is he? beggars cant be choosers, haha just joshing. I've seen alot of asians here tho, the girls are cute, but the guys are hmmm i dont have anything nice to say so i wont. But i chose some really fun topics, astronomy. taught by a tranny mind you and human sexuality taught by 2 eccentric. no wait. okay okay eccentric =) professors. but all in all, they dont require you to do homework so that's a plus for me. God knows how i'm always hard at work when it comes down to schoolwork *roll eyes* I hope i find some cool people to hang with, just sucks when i dont know anyone, too bad most of my friends are in san jose. damn them also my job starts on friday and saturdays full time. Nathan's gunna have cash again. *grin* hookers come to papa.. kidding =P Day 60 8/17/02 - So I took my friend Michael to the Castro last night and boy did he get drunk, lightweights. hehe. I got him a phone number so he's happy, he's too shy tho. And i've been nagging him to call that number, altho i think he'll chicken out. the whole comming out and gayness of it all is somewhat new to him. dont blame him really, he'll get used to it... It's a saturday night and i'm not out *sigh* Nothing to do but sit on my ass and worry about my hiring agents in San Fran to call me. School starts on monday too. damnit, there goes my social life, the little that it is. Well, Maybe i'll go to the cafe or something tomorrow. I hate going alone tho, I might get mugged. With my level of alcohol comsumption, the chances are very likely LOL. kinda unnerving actually. but maybe i'll convince one of me friends to come out. it's a sunday tho, so i dunno if any of em has work. oh SCREW it. I'll go alone and have some fun. Day 59 8/15/02 - *Sigh* I really hoped my financial aid would go through sooner. I'm a poor poor student. Saturday is my last day of work in san jose so i hope them lazy Hiring Agents from san francisco hq call me back. or else i wont have ne income for a few weeks.i need to start working here asap. finally got paid today. unfortunately i forgot to punch in my 16 hours of training so i dont get paid for that til the 31st. damn lousy @#$@#. So my room is dirty again, hehe. *big shock* i just got home from work. which was 6:30 or so. no food in the fridge and no one home. *whines* who's gunna feed me now. oh well, hot pockets will do. i'm getting sick of microwaved food. where's my sushi damnit!? guess i'm forced to stay home and pray ghettoids dont come into my house and rob me. not that i have much to take. talk about the ghetto, perhaps selling drugs would be a wise investment hehe. heck gotta make a living somehow right? =) maybe not.. Day 58 8/13/02 - So i did tons of laundry today. phew, the room was starting to smeel TOO MUCH like Nathan. and Nathan stinks after he gets home from work. there were loads of it. got to clean those dirty "stains" outta the sheets. hehe joshing. and i got to vacuum too, i also finally took off the java-script with the dragging letters since it seems to fucks up slower coms. I got today and tomorrow off =( nothing to do. and castro's dead during the weekdays, how's a kid supposed to be trained into a castro slut when no one's around. hehe. actually i wish i wont be too busy in the future. school for 3 straight days and work afterwards' gunna kick my ass. it prolly means i will have little to no sleep 'cept 4 sundays. *sigh* ok. lemme get out of whine mode. maybe i'll go out tonight and get drunk. shure beats staring mindlessly at the computer hoping for sumthing interesting to come up. dling music gets boring and jerking off is WAY overrated =P Day 57 8/11/02 - I've been trying so hard lately not to sit in front of my computer and mope around like an idiot. i'm shure i havent done any drugs lately. hehe. in all seriousness i've been having alot of time for quite awhile now (due to commuting to work in san jose and back), there's alot in my head and i've been confused. i dont know what to feel anymore. which sucks, i hate being alone. i analyze and i question the most miniscule things. *sigh* But only the bright side, i'm getting paid once i get back to work on thursday. woohoo. i finally get to have a cell phone again. thank god. feels like i have no contact with anyone anymore. anywho, i saw uk pop idol today with Will young. hehe WOOF, what a guy and what a voice. i love that british accent. i need to find myself an english boyfriend, hehe. let's hope this doesnt develope into a bad habit or a fetish. i'll grow up to be the old asian guy who lives with cats and has a British fetish.. eww =) Day 56 8/9/02 - My second day at work today, Officially. no shadow watching over me anymore. let's see how long it takes for me to be fired for handing out too much money hehe. knock on wood. the people here are quite nice and friendly, too bad i'm leaving em so soon. *sigh* change = bad... Maybe i've just figured out my own personal misery. (shocking but true - Nate does have flaws) i stay stagnant too much, i cling onto things that will inevitably change. i mean it hard to let go of things that youve worked so hard to get. whether it be relationships/material things/life in general. so what now? move on? i fall for someone and in an instant, that moment, that very piece of memory i've stored from so long ago emerges and takes over. and suddenly everything ties in. i find myself unable to differentiate my feelings from then and the feelings i have now. i think i should stop thinking so much. it's unhealthy for my brain hehe. |
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| Day 55 8/7/02 - The first weeks of work sucks. and there are moron customers who has no patience. *cries* i' too young to have stress marks damnit. cant wait til the 18th. I'll be transferring my work branch. gay Wells Fargos here i come. hopefully the manager needs people. i for one DONT wanna go to the one on 19th and mission. ghetto bank, think of how manytimes i'm gunna be held up at gun point? and trying to get the correct sum of money via Hablas Espanol? hehe just kidding folks. but seriously chances of getting held up are SO much higher. I'm tired of commuting to work. such a hassle. especially in the damn heat. god knows how i melt under the sun. i'm gunna start looking cambodian for the rest of the summer. i dunno why folks likes to get tanned but Nathan with dark skin is very nauseating to look at. more so than usual mind you. well no worries, once 18th comes. no more san jose. Day 54 8/5/02 - I finally got my DSL to work WOOHOO, i get high speed porn back. hehe. Pacebell was being a bitch by not giving tech support on any products other than their own. pissed me off for about a second. Monday night and i'm thinking should i go get drunk? but it's so far away, i for one dont wanna go into a ghetto bar and walk out bloody. I dont have the ghettoness down quite well yet, i'll get back to u in a year or so. Or i can go to Valencia's bars and befriend myself some bulldykes, cant never have enough of those *hangs self on imaginary rope* .. sucks, i miss my lesbian friends back home, damn them and their conservativeness, they dont want to much gay exposure. ME. can't never get enough i dont think =) . maybe i should take up a hobby, go back to church, momma always said church is the best place to meet a girl. er. guy. or maybe not. I'm hungry now... wanna go grab some Sushi.. yumm... octopus... Day 53 8/3/02 - Just got out of Palladium. BORING! I mean the music was great and all but it suck. it's the same Sketchy Universe crowd. I'm in some serious need to roadtripping. Meet new tweakers hehe. I've been PLANNING this trip with one of my friends but havent really had the chance to go... or had the money as a matter of fact. Golly. Think i'll ever save up enough money? hope so. I'm working next tuesday. kinda nervous actually but screw it. job's a job right? I'm bored. no TV. i feel handicapped now. Nothing to do around the house, i can go walk around but i might get mugged. i mean heart of the ghetto and all *shivers* if i open my window right now, i will hear some black chick cursing at bf and some drug deals being made in mexican. heck we live right in FRONT of the Crackhouse. you cant get anymore ghetto than that folks, i'm still thinking about that Mace idea.. hehe... okay i'm sleepy, snack then bedtime... Day 52 8/1/02 - Snooze... Today and the REST of tomorrow is gunna be Horrible just horrible. Teller training, eeek. Open up the register and give money. that should be easy enough right? Anywho. took caltrain. URGH most of the seats had urine stains on it. nastyass and i'm running outta money for public transportation. I need to save more for me car now, =( in case of accidents. so much for getting out of the house idea. sometimes i swear my brother was being difficult just to piss me off. i mean preparing for an accident means that he's wishing for an accident. but that's just my lazy side talking =) I bought this killer trance CD not so long ago and i still havent the chance to update my Lyrics page... oh well... I dread the thought of being at home all day but i also hate the thought of commuting. Bored to death with no money or smell evaporated uring? Oh u tell me. Heck wont be for long i dont think, i'll see if i can transfer to gay Safeway... Day 51 7/31/02 - So here i am, sitting around with my catalogue and schedule book thinking about what classes i should take. and ESPECIALLY what majo. prostitution is out of the question for obvious reasons. eheh. i was thinking Psychology, but that stupid voice in the back of my head kept nagging that i dont have the patience for dumb people. and my room mates tells me i hate too many things to be a shrink. so i'm forced to pick business again, but then i'd have to deal with higher ups, my ego wont allow that. so back to psychology? subcatagory, studies of gays and lesbian relationships. what makes fags and dykes tick. and why there are so little long term gay relationships in general? well that's is EXTREMELY tempting. so i'll rethink that thoroughly. But right now i guess i should concentrate on general ed classes. and i dont have much time to go out anymore. my fake ID would be useless. no more late night parties. SHUCKS. Day 50 7/29/02 - To buy insurance or not to buy insurance. damnit why is it so expensive?!?! it's like 2k for me and that's for only 6 monthes. what the hell? do they really expect me to get into that many accidents? I'm going to have REALLY find myself a sugar daddy to pay for my expenses, new objective for the city i guess LOL. well i kinda hate my new neighborhood, shittyass ghetto. it's like one block inside the proverbial HELL HOLE. 5 dollars hookers on the corners, crackaddicts across the street, the stench of urine on any walls, and more taquerias and cheap chinese hole in the walls everywhere. I'm in like ghetto heaven. should i say i'm happy about this? no comment. at least our house is nice and there are securities around. well, if my dead body shows up one day, y'all know it was my brother's choice to ghettorize us. i'm gunna have to carry mace, a club, and some chains, *SIGH* Fag is spelt all over me now! Day 49 7/27/02 - Okay, picked up my results today and got myself a registration ticket... eeek, so many many noodles in CCSF, i guess i'm gonna have to turn sticky rice to move along hehe... nothing wrong with it but i've never see so many asian faces... living in Gilroy and east san jose, i'm so used to Mexicans as the predominant personalities in any school... Let's look at it this way, i can copy notes from them and just get by with straight A's, easy enough =P ... i'm also supposed to look at cars too... y do I have to do EVERYTHING... where's my mommy?!?! WHAAAA!!! (insert more bitching here) well, i have to endure the next month without DSL... damn worthless crackwhores... i'm gunna die without DSL, it's just torture... well i'll eventually have to face the prospect of ACTUALLY GETTING OUT and facing REAL LIFE people, oooh what a scary thought, what next? maybe even interact with them? hehe i think i'll call Pacbell tomorrow... Day 48 7/25/02 - I took my placement tests yesterday... utterly pointless useless mother sons of a bleeps!!! Waste of my time... and today i was supposed to go get the results.. but i overslept hehe... well i still dont see why they didnt just put me in classes based on my high school transcript... lame colleges, and i gotta pay too? what's this world coming to? dont tell me i have to go to work to get spending money... what i have to?? DAMNIT! Anywho, moving day tomorrow and my room is a mess, dirty laundry EVERYWHERE, piling up. All i gotta say is i HATE moving, yes yes, i hate alot of things but moving reeks... sucks when i'm gunna be commuting to san jose every other day for work... my friends are never gonna hear the end of it... more bitching.. same ole, i hope the new place is nice, havent really seen it in person... oh well... i guess i really have no choice... my room will be bigger so that's good.. group orgy =P Day 47 7/23/02 - I looked through the ads today for cars. so many choices. yet none i could afford lol. so there i was, i had the choice to Manual or Automatic. to kill or be killed, respectively. I'm gonna have to follow up on some of them, they're selling too fast. and i need a car by the end of the month or i'm screwed, and not in a good way. anywho, tomorrow i'm gunna have to take the placement test again *sigh* waking up at 6 JUST to go to school, i thought that day will never come. well at Least for Nathan that is... I'm kinda glad tho. school and work. I'd feel "normal" again. It's 11 PM, I'm wondering if i should stay up ALL night or sleep for 6 hours. kinda hard to decide, i'd feel SO shitty tomorrow. 3 more days til we're outta here. in a way i'm glad, i can get sloppy drunk and stumble home. but i'm also going to leave some of my friends. or i can visit them after work (yeah right) . okay i'm tired. i'll chat for awhile then bed time. Day 46 7/21/02 - We went to the opening night of Gus' new club. heck. i think those Cracked out tweakers found their universe replacement. cause when we got there, it was filled from top to bottom (no pun intended). so I came home at 6 this morning and barely fell asleep when my *OH SO SWEET* brother banged on my door at 12. i had forgot, it was our garage sale today. so here i am smelling like sweat and looking like shit had to drive around the main intersection of our neighborhood to put up garage sale signs and arrows. guess what? no one came. it seems that my brother forgot to put in the address to our house and just the phone number. we're trying this again next Saturday. i'm gunna make shure i'll be working... Okay enough of me bitching... At least none of my friends came over and saw me the way i was this morning. if Nathan's having jacked hair he's gonna nag til the cows come home. Well I gotta find myself a car. ciao... Day 45 7/19/02 - So here i am at 3 AM in the morning. thinking, like always, wondering. it leads to no where tho. and it's starting to feel like i've done this before. perhaps i can call one of my friend up and talk? maybe not, a bit late. No work today. *sigh* work tomorrow tho. i need more hours, i'm going broke. it's sad, i'm using my savings money now. i promised myself NEVER to touch it. hehe, just to shows how much i value a promise. what the hey right? I'm starved and desperate. either use my own money or go to a friends house and leech with them hehe. naw my ego's still kinda inflated so i'll depend on myself a little more. i'll eat at their place in a week for so =) til i get paid on the 31st that is... Enough talk about how poor Nate is. cause he's gunna have FUN tomorrow. Paladium is opening up tomorrow. If it's anything like Metropolis, it'll rock. I hope my Acquaintance-Not-Quite-Friend Gus will put me on the guest list. He always does... =) |