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| You Know You're a Horse Person When...
------------------------------------------ 1. You cluck to your car/truck when you go up a hill. 2. Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own. 3. You refer to your car/truck as "my portable tack room." 4. Your favorite perfume/cologne is eau de manure. 5. You tend to give everyone you meet a nickname. 6. You have the vet's number but not your kid's pediatrician on your speed dial. 7. Your spouse can track dirt into the house all he wants, but God help him if he attempts to muddy up the tack room. 8. You find your kids' messing up your tack room, instead of yelling, "Stop" - you yell "Whoa Mare!". 9. Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin. 10. You have mastered the art of squatting where ever you deem necessary. |
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"Praise the Lord"
----------------------------------- There was a preacher who was trying to sell his horse. A man stopped by to see how the horse rode. The preacher told the man that instead of saying, "walk", say, "praise the Lord," and instead of saying, "whoa," say, "amen." So the man got on the horse and said, "praise the Lord," and the horse started to walk. The man then said, "praise the Lord," again and the horse started to trot. He said it a few more times, then the horse started galloping. Suddenly a cliff appeared. The man yelled, "Whoa!". The horse didn't stop. He tried yelling all sorts of things, and he tried to pull the horse up, but it wouldn't stop. Then suddenly he remembered what to say. The man said, "amen." The horse stopped right before they fell off. The man was so relieved that he put his hand on his forehead and then said, "Praise the Lord." |
| * P.M.S = Pissy Mare Syndrome
* No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off. * A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching. * Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped. * If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury. * After thoroughly brushing your horse's mane, your horse still goes over to the nearest pole to pull their mane out. |
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| How Keen Are Your Eyes? |
| "Two Horses" --------------------------------- One day Mary said to her husband, Bob, "Why don't we get ourselves two horses? We could go on trail rides and we can keep them in the paddock behind the house." Bob thought that it was a good idea, so the next day they came home with two horses. There was one problem, though. They couldn't tell the two apart! Sometimes they would get confused and ride the wrong horse. They sat down to have a talk about what they could do to tell the horses apart. Bob said, "Well, I'll shave my horse's mane off, and we can tell them apart that way!" After a few months, the mane grew back, and they had the same problem. "I'll cut my horse's tail short, so then we can tell them apart!" said Mary. But, the tail grew out, and they still had a problem! They decided to measure the horses. Bob would have the biggest one, and Mary would have the smaller one. Guess what they found? The brown one was two inches taller than the gray one! |
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