| The setting: A big house or medium-sized house, detached, two stories. A/U The time: stardate 5409.- er nevermind The beginning of the end?: Day 1, a Wednesday! The housemates have already begun moving in when Harry, Ron and Hermione enter. Ron grimaces as he tugs his suitcase into the living room; Harry and Hermione have packed lighter, but N. Tonks still bumps into Harry with her huge suitcase as she stumbles by. Tonks: Wotcher, Harry! Sorry about that- Harry: Hi Tonks, is everyone moved in already? Hermione: I don't think so - I saw SNAPE in the front lawn! Ron: No Snape! Hermione: He had a bag, it could be luggage.. Ron: Or preserved wizard brains! Big Brother: Attention housemates! This is Big Brother, who will be making the calls here. You are to live peaceably with each other during your stay. There are twelve of you, and each week, you will nominate people to be voted off by the audience. Thus you will lose a housemate each week. The person remaining at the end is the winner. Every Sunday will be a challenge, which may require COOPERATION and TEAMWORK (Ron screws up face in distaste). There are women's and men's restrooms on the second floor. The sleeping quarters have been arranged thus: BEDROOM NUMBER 1: Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, and Lucius Malfoy. Harry(appalled): What!! - we have to sleep in the same room as LUCIUS MALFOY??! Tonks: Don't mind the woman - just Malfoy! Big Brother: BEDROOM NUMBER TWO: Remus Lupin- Hermione: Oh good, Professor Lupin will be here. Big Brother: -Severus Snape, Sirius Black, and Draco Malfoy. IN BEDROOM NUMBER THREE: Albus Dumbledore, Tom Riddle- Harry: WHAT! VOLDEMORT'S PLAYING!! Tonks(conversationally): Yeah, he and Dumbledore are already playing chess in the sun room. Big Brother: Big Brother will not be interrupted! ahem - Tom Riddle, Hermione Granger (Hermione grimaces), and Dolores Umbridge (Hermione makes a gagging gesture). Hot water to the showers will be turned off after 9, so don't sleep in. AND one more thing: NO MAGIC! Harry: WHAT? Ron: I quit! (Lupin enters through front door, carrying small bag and followed by Snape) Lupin: Did I miss something? Harry: Hi professor Lupin Black(runs in) REMUS! Lupin: SIRIUS! (they embrace) Snape (scowls): Family reunion..hmm Umbridge( enters imperiously; high girly voice): Well! I see we're all here now - I know we're all excited, but yelling is not necessary... (the students scatter and Snape's scowl intensifies) Snape: Who invited you to play, madam? Umbridge: Why The Author, I suppose... (she can't outdo the glare of Severus Snape, so she turns and tries to leave with as much dignity as possible.) Black: See, it might be useful to have a Snape around after all. Snape: I'd say the same for your family, but you seem to be the Black sheep. Black: NO BAD PUNS! EXIT! (dashes upstairs dragging Lupin after him) In the kitchen, the Malfoys are already exploring the food options. Draco: What do you mean NO HOUSE ELVES??! Lucius: That's what the note reads (indicates note on refrigerator). If I were you, I'd be more concerned about no magic - I'm certainly not cooking. Draco: Well neither am I; that's what mudbloods are for. (They sit side by side at the kitchen table, arms folded and legs crossed, looking elegantly bored. Long silence; finally Draco speaks) I want ice cream. Lucius: There are ice cream sandwiches in the top half of the refrigerator, silly muggle device.. (Suddenly Dolores Umbridge enters and surveys the scene.) Umbridge: Ah, the Malfoys. Lucius: Ah, service - You may enter into conversation with us, Madam, if you will kindly bring us two ice cream sandwiches. Umbridge: Well, I think we'd better work on our method of asking for favors, Mr. Malfoy. Most people are not in the habit of taking orders... (turns and exits promptly; she bumps into Snape, nearly knocks him over. ) Snape: You're excused! Umbridge: I'm terribly sorry if you can't watch where you're going, Professor Snape. Perhaps you should be more careful in the future! (continues out) Lucius: Good, Severus - you can get us two ice cream sandwiches. Snape: And you can tell me where the bedrooms are. I came in late - (adds grumpily) Werewolves can't drive. Lucius: Of course not - (smiles) but you're in bedroom 2 with Draco... and Black and Lupin.... Snape: Wonderful. You can get your own ice cream sandwiches. (stalks out) Lucius(off-handedly): That went fairly well. Draco: We still don't have ice cream. Lucius: That's what sons are for - you can get us some. Draco(refolds arms): I'm not getting up. Lucius(sigh): I'm glad to see I've taught you so well... Hermione has unpacked in her room, and now is unpacking in the bathroom. Enter Tonks Tonks: Wotcher, Hermione Hermione: Hi Tonks - whose gigantic red lipstick is this? (holds up in distaste) Tonks: I think that must belong to Dolores. Hermione(rolls eyes): But this is a generally good arrangement - only three of us to share a big bathroom. Tonks: But really - 6 showers is too much! Hermione (stares down the line of stalls): Hmm..Clearly the house wasn't arranged for such an uneven distribution of the sexes! Tonks: Ah, give it a week before half the guys are showering in here. Hermione(appalled): I hope not! Tonks: A week. Hermione: Two. Tonks: One week, I bet - bathroom cleaning duty on the line? Hermione: I'll clean the bathroom if I lose, and you have to keep your hair grey for a week if you lose.. Tonks: You are dangerous! All right! Deal. (they shake) Back in bedroom number 2, Black and Lupin are unpacking. Black(conspiratorially): We have to share the room with two Slytherins, did you hear? Lupin: I missed that - which two? Black: Snivellus and the little Malfoy. (grins) Lupin(knowingly): don't look at me like that... Black: It's the perfect opportunity! Lupin: No - we have to set a good example - Black: For Draco Malfoy? - put a little fear and healthy respect into him is what we should do !- (Suddenly they can hear the strains of a disco-beat, and high pitched, off-key singing:"YESSS I've been broken hearted - BLUUUEEEE since the day we parted-") Lupin(looks pained): What is that? (they sneak into the hall) Black: Sounds like bad muggle music Voldemort(sweeps past from the bathroom): I never did like ABBA... Lupin(shrugs): It must be Tonks. Black: Go tell her to stop. Lupin: Oh, let her be. (adds quietly) At least give it three days... (goes back into room) Black: Right, but get to pranking Snape right away. Lupin(lowers voice): haven't you pranked Snape enough?! Black(mock hurt): Now, Remus - I hope you would understand that we are serious adults now. We are fully aware of the consequences of our actions and prepared to take complete responsibility for them -- (adds grinning) and so, our pranking methods have MUCH improved!! Lupin(can't help himself): but no magic - what are you going to do?? Black: That's the CHALLENGE of it! (folds hands and looks about room greedily) See, he hasn't moved in yet - Snape: Actually, I was waiting for you to prepare your welcome ceremony... Black (still facing window, has to grimace): Heh - Severus, there you are. Snape(leaning in doorway, bag perched at foot, arms folded, looking non-too-pleased): But the musical exploits of our neighbor upset my plan to wait in the hall. Lupin(guiltily): Hello.. Snape: Am I the only adult in this entire company? Where's Dumbledore? Where's the Dark Lord? (the other two scowl at the name) Black: They were playing chess - Lupin: He - you know - just walked by- Snape: (tosses bag onto the unclaimed bottom bunk bed) Maybe I'll join them while you put ants in my bed. Soon in the Sun Room: Dumbledore: When was the last time you played muggle chess? Voldemort: I was ten. Dumbledore: I must say, there's something charming in actually moving the pieces around by hand. (accidently knocks over a pawn as he moves a knight to G4) Whoopsy-daisy... Voldemort: Stop grinning like that, it irritates me so. Dumbledore: Oh just wait until we play poker, Tom. Voldemort: That's not a poker face, Albus. It's the Albus Dumbledore Trademarked Idiot Grin designed to distract chess opponents and fool ne'er-do-well students into confessing their transgressions. Dumbledore(the grin widens): Like the incident with you and the broom closet 5th year? Voldemort: That was too good a prank to be kept silent - Idiot Grin or not. Dumbledore: But you give me too little credit, Tom... Voldemort: I'll give you credit if you can make good on this proposal: You show us a frown once in a while instead of that Idiot Grin, and I'll try to smile in good nature at least once a week. Dumbledore(expression immediately turns serious): Well!! That's a deal worth making, I'd say... Voldemort(smiles): Glad to see we're getting along so well these days. Back in the kitchen; the Malfoys are still seated at the kitchen table, arms folded, waiting to be served. Draco: Father, at the risk of sounding.. er.. plebeian - might I just say that this isn't getting us any ice cream? Lucius: I was wondering when you'd notice that. (Suddenly Sirius Black runs in, grabs maple syrup from the cabinet, and runs out again. Lucius raises a questioning eyebrow, but Draco is fixated on ice cream.) Draco: Well, I have noticed. Lucius(drolly): Now I'm curious to see how long it takes you get up and fetch us the ice cream as I asked you to do 30 minutes ago. Draco: (sighs and goes to fridge) This is no way to treat a Malfoy. ( opens the freezer and pulls out an ice cream sandwich). Father, it's below our dignity for me to throw this across the room to you. Lucius: Clearly. Draco: So... you'll have to get your own, since I'm going into the living room now. (exit) Lucius: (blinks) Did that just happen? Meanwhile, Harry is exploring and finds a new mysterious door at the end of a hallway. Harry(reading sign on door): "Diary Room"?? What is this? (enters. The room is small and bare with no windows. A lone chair sits in the middle of the floor before a video camera.) hm? (he sees a note on the chair and reads it) "The Diary Room is where individuals may take time to express their feelings and complaints to the world at large." (looks at camera) I guess that's you then.. Hm, well... I guess... HELLO WORLD! (waves) Harry here - I'm just uh.. looking around.. When I'm feeling angsty I'll come back and complain. Maybe I'll bring a cutting knife for good measure. (winks) Bye now. (exit) That was strange..I'll have to tell the others at dinner. Upstairs, Umbridge is making the rounds and is about to inspect the ladies' bathroom when she overhears conspiratorial snickering from bedroom number two (marked "Number two" with an obnoxious red sign). She sniffs indignantly and goes to inspect. On the way in, she knocks into Lupin, who is trying to leave without fuss. Umbridge: The men in this house have no sense of direction! (then she sees Lupin, who eyes her warily; her voice turns honey sweet) Of course, I should have watched where I was going too - I don't believe we've met? (sticks out pudgy hand for shake; Lupin instinctively moves back) Black (steps between them and grabs her hand): Hello! I'm Sirius Black, serial killer and escaped convict extraordinaire - or so I'm told. Nice to meet you, Miss...??? Umbridge: Dolores Umbridge. But I'm afraid I'm not sleeping in this room, actually. (turns stiffly and walks off) Lupin(grins): Haven't you always wanted to introduce yourself that way? Black: Absolutely. Too bad she isn't staying in this room - we could prank her too. Lupin: Eh, I'm rather glad she's not... Black: Oh no worries on that account - she seemed to like you. Lupin: More reason for her not to be sleeping in this room. |
| Big Brother: Harry Potter Style |