Warning: abuse of HP characters in strange situations; "Hints of Slash"
Day 10, Friday
The showering situation has become routine now. With the early birds Dumbledore and Draco out of the bathroom by 815, and Sirius and Lupin not using it anymore, (AND Umbridge out of the house,) there are no further problems.
Breakfast is another story.
Voldemort(grumbling): ...soggy eggs. Do throw these back in the pan, Miss Tonks - they're a little raw for my taste. (holds his plate out expectantly)
Tonks(at stove): Excuse me?
Dumbledore: Oh someone's a bit grumpy still...
Ron(to Voldemort): ' should never have moved that bishop to G5. That was the beginning of the end..
Hermione: Oh brother, we'll never hear the end of it now.
Voldemort: Yes we will....
Dumbledore: I think now is a good time to point out what we found on the table this morning, Draco.
Draco(nonplussed): hmm. Yes. There was another box, though nothing interesting -- just another chess game.
Black: Hah! Since someone burned the other one yesterday. How is it then that we're stuck in a house full of pyromaniacs, Remus??
Lupin(also at stove): Could be worse, I suppose..
Snape: While we're complaining about the general state of food this morning, might I add that these so-called "hash browns" aren't very brown...?
Lupin(not ruffled in least): No, you may not, Professor Snape - though you may sprinkle them with liberal amounts of sugar to make up for it.
(Voldemort chuckles.)
Snape: Disgusting.
Hermione(to Draco): Your hair looks.. better.
Draco: No, I'm still working on the proper proportions. I think it's too shiny now.
Lucius: Actually it's starting to resemble Severus's. (Snape shoots him a glance worthy of killing a small woodland mammal.)
Tonks: Well there's a funny paradox: you never wash your hair, or you overdose it with products and the end result is the same!
Dumbledore: I'm still in favor of sleeping in til noon.
Voldemort: I move that you sleep in ALL DAY, Albus. How's that?
Dumbledore: (chuckles) It may come to that still.. (adds mischievously) So have we decided about the dinner menu yet?
Lupin: MEAT! --(covers mouth at outburst) - I mean-
(Tonks snickers)
Snape(hand between eyes as if he has a headache): I think we're all on the dinner menu in 6 days...
Dumbledore: Ah, yes - Remus, we're all .. aware of the upcoming problem we face now.. What have you decided to do?
Lupin(finished cooking, sits): I guess the only thing to do is stay in the diary room...?
Black: What - with that camera?
Harry: You can cover it.
BigBrother: IS THAT SO, MR. POTTER?
Harry: He'd better, or this is going to turn into some R-rated viewing very quickly!
BigBrother: ...Persuasive point, Mr. Potter.
Lupin: Well, that's settled.
Later in the afternoon, Dumbledore has conned Snape into sweeping up the back porch. Soon Voldemort and the Malfoys join him with cups of tea. They sit in the three wicker rocking chairs as Snape continues his work.
Voldemort(casually): What are you doing, you fool...?
Snape: ... Dumbledore... tiddlywinks...not open to discussion....
Voldemort: Will you ever learn?
Snape(hint of melodrama): I know - I'm like an addict.. I know better, but I keep going back for more..
Lucius: (chuckles) I'm sorry, Severus. I hope he hasn't stolen your vote again.
Snape: No, just afternoon chores.
Voldemort: Damned old fool - who does he think he is, handing out afternoon chores? If it weren't for that... BLOODY WEASLEY -- (his hands ball into fists, but takes a breath) Ah yes, and that is why we are gathered here this afternoon-
Snape: -did someone die?
Voldemort: I am not in the mood for your sardonic humour today, Severus. No one has died - yet. Now this week's nomination challenge is to get Weasley voted off. You are all to give your two points to him.
Draco: Old Dumbledorf is still a threat, isn't he?
Voldemort: Not.. immediately.. He knows better than to play chess with me, at least.
Sirius and Harry are in Sirius's room, and the former is excitedly showing off the love notes.
Black: -and THIS one I found today.
Harry(amused): Another one?
Black: Yes. Let me read it - "Dear Sirius, I finally got a clue/ life would be blue/ without you. Love, Your Secret Admirer."
Harry(grins): I think someone's playing a joke on you, Sirius.
Black: I think it's a fan!
Harry: Well - Ok, let's ask Big Brother. (clears throat) BIG BROTHER!? Can fans write letters to us?
BigBrother: No. Those are from a house resident.
Black(frowns): Hm.
Harry: There you go.
Black: Well then, who could it be?
Harry: It's not me or Ron or Hermione.. unless they're hiding something from me. It's probably Tonks.
Black: no, no, she likes Remus.
Harry: Maybe it's Snape-
Black: BLEGH!
Harry: (laughs) It has to be a joke then.
Black: What gets me is "secret" admirer. Certainly I have many open admirers...
Harry: It's a JOKE!
Black: So in that case, we have to turn the tables and play the joke back on them. I should think you know about these things by now, Harry.
Harry: What do you suggest?
Black: We should catch the perpetrator putting the note on my bed. I'll lock the door tonight, then we'll see if it comes. Don't tell anyone, all right?
Harry: Of course not. We'll get them.
Hermione and Tonks are discussion strategy.
Tonks: the bathroom - that's the weak spot.
Hermione: No, not a good idea, since two of them use ours..
Tonks: Ah, good point.
Hermione: I suppose Bedroom Number Two is the only all-male room. That's where we should attack.
Tonks: But Remus and Sirius are in there.
Hermione: So? You said battle of the sexes!
Tonks: I did. (grins) But aren't you in the least bit worried that we're outnumbered 9 to 2?
Hermione: If you're trying to suggest we get Remus and Sirius on our side.. I'm not sure they'll appreciate that.
Tonks(shrugs): Well, either way it'll be good fun. How to start, that's the tricky question... (furrows brow - goes so far as to grow a pair of glasses and turn her hair into a grey knot-)
BigBrother: NO MAGIC, MISS TONKS!!
Tonks: Oh curses - I forgot - SORRY!
BigBrother: That is all.
Hermione(laughs): Well it was good anyway-
Tonks: I didn't know I'd be stuck with purple hair all this time -
Hermione: Maybe that's what we should do - steal Draco's hair care products.
Tonks(gasp): PERFECT!
Hermione: Let's go! (they sneak off)
CUT TO EVENING! (It's even dark outside!)
Sirius Black is the last four of the residents in Bedroom Number Two to retire. He locks the door as he enters. Lupin is in bed, but using a flashlight to illuminate the ever-popular "Managing Moods: A Werewolf's Guide to That Time of the Month," since Snape and Draco are already asleep. Snape is snoring quietly.
Black: Heh heh..
Lupin(whispers): What are you snickering about down there?
Black: Oh nothing..
Lupin: hm.. I don't like this chapter.
Black: What chapter?
Lupin: "Chapter 8: Harnessing the Erotic Power of Your Pre-Transformational Emotional Intuition."
Black: hah - whose book is that - Snape's? hmm!
Lupin: yes, I'll have to complain. Here's a good one - (reading) "What one may be is dependent on one's inner self, that is to say, one's relationships with others -particularly those interactions in a close and personal manner shape both the transformation and the end result of it."
Black(snickers): And just who wrote that - a bunch of wizards?
Lupin: "In consulation with a werewolf."
Black: So they say! We should write a book. We know better.
Lupin: Go to sleep.
Black: Indeed. heh heh
Lupin: And stop snickering.
(Black gets into bed, Lupin puts his book aside and turns off the flashlight. Suddenly a drawling voice breaks the silence)
Draco: I know what's so funny..
Lupin: Oh - you're awake too, Draco?
Draco(venom almost tangible): You've put my hair care products somewhere, haven't you?
Black: What?
Draco(leans out from over bed to talk down to Black): I said you've stolen my hair care products, haven't you?
Black: No!
Lupin: Now isn't really the best time to start an inquisition, Draco-
Draco: Why not? It's got to be one of you two.
Lupin: One of your classmates, more likely...
Black: Or father.. (snickers)
Draco: Quiet!
Snape: ALL OF YOU!!!!
(The sudden ear-shattering outburst from Snape is such contrast to the whispered conversation that Draco is startled literally out of his bed. He crashes to the floor below Snape; Black roars with laughter; Lupin turns the flashlight back on to inspect.)
Draco: Get that bloody light out of my eyes!!
Black(incapacitated with laughter): hahahahha!!!
Lupin: Are you all right?
Snape: Giggling fools - worst than a first years' slumber party! Get up, Draco-
Draco: Ohww, my arm!!
Lupin: Oh what'd you do to it?
Draco(stumbles to feet): I twisted it or something - (glares at Snape) You shouldn't have yelled like that-
Snape: Go back to bed, Draco.. Don't worry about your arm, you don't use it anyway..
Black: hahahahahah! ohhh.. hurts to... haaha laugh...
Snape(rolls over): bloody-
Draco: I can't CLIMB back up there with this broken arm!!
Snape(jumps out of bed, seizes Malfoy by the shoulder): COME WITH ME! (drags him off) -- who locked our door?!
Black: hah hahahah-
Lupin(quietly): oh, is that what you were snickering about?
Black: hah.. ahhh .. (they can hear as Snape and Malfoy go down the hall)
Draco: MY ARM HURTS!
Snape: Yes - I'm giving you enough attention, aren't I? That should be...
Black: (sighs - then makes the mistake of considering what just happened and begins to laugh again)
Lupin(smiling): Go to sleep, Padfoot