warnings: abuse of HP characters, "hints of slash," Schoenberg
Day .... ? Wednesday, Eviction Day
After an incredibly BORING and uneventful three days of rest and recuperation, the housemates return to the usual shenanigans on Wednesday morning. Draco has moved into Bedroom Number One and is now using the women's bathroom on a regular basis. This is not a wise move, since Black and Lupin haven't pulled any pranks in a week.
Now morning dawns and Draco makes his way to the bathroom. He opens the door and is disturbed to hear obnoxious violin and piano music. The note don't seem to be organized in any logical order. First a high-pitched squeak, then a low drone, then a piano chord that sounds like someone randomly put their palm to the keyboard-
Draco: What the--?? What is this noise!?
(He rubs his tired eyes and begins searching for the source of the "music." Finally he traces it to the sink; he reaches for the cabinet handle -- it doesn't open)
Draco: Don't be a nasty cabinet.. OPEN!! (pulls it harder; nothing) Damn.. Stupid noise (the violin squeaks) - TOO EARLY! (tugs with both hands on the handle -- it comes out of the door and he falls back across the tile floor) ARGHHHH!!!
Cut to down the hall
Lupin: heheh
Black: Ah hahaha - I'm glad you figured out how to work the CD player, Remus
Lupin: supergluing the cabinet door was much better, though -
Black: (mock humility) Oh no, you're too generous-
Draco(voice rings down the hall): WHAT - SHUT THIS UP!!!
(Sounds of cabinet being kicked)
Black: Ahahah!
Lupin: shh!
Just then Snape sweeps out of Bedroom Number Two in some sort of black bathrobe; pauses when he hears Draco's distressed cries
Draco: ARGHH! WHO LOCKED THIS CABINET!?
Snape(to Lupin and Black): What did you do?
Black: hahah
Lupin: listen-
Snape(listens; catches sound of violin and piano; scowls): What did you do?
Lupin: Set up some muggle music in the cabinet and locked it..
Snape: It's too early for that atonal nonsense (storms off toward other bathroom)
Draco: NOT AMUSING! (appears in hallway, hands over ears) What did you DO?
Black: Ah hahaha-
Lupin: heh.. Thought you'd like to shower to some music?
Draco: Oh, how thoughtful! YOU'LL PAY!! (continues down hall)
Black: we need to find more Cds like that-
Lupin: I think one is enough, Sirius...
Breakfast:
Dumbledore: Did you see the television?
Voldemort(looks up from toast): What??
Dumbledore: There's a television in the den.
Voldemort: SINCE WHEN?
Dumbledore: This morning - why do you think I always make the morning rounds? You never know when Big Brother is going to set up new appliances for our use..
Lupin(at stove): But we didn't win anything - or did we?
Black: We might have! Who knows what could have happened in the past three days!
Dumbledore: True, Sirius - after all, time is only relative.
Draco(bored): So... what's a television?
Black: uh...
Lupin(frowns): ... e...r...
Snape: (forks hash browns around the plate)
Voldemort: It's a muggle device for watching fiction and real events from a distance - it's similar to our moving pictures, except it can't interact with you.
Draco(frowns): how do they do that?
Voldemort: I don't know.
Lupin: Magic.
Voldemort: I am not amused- are you done with those eggs yet?
Lupin: I think the cook is going to go on strike at some point..
Draco(still confused): ... so.... its like -
Voldemort: looking into a pensieve. But what you see is not necessarily an event from the past. Most of what you watch is dramatisation, like plays..
Dumbledore: Actually, I saw something that tried to predict the weather.
Voldemort(snickers): They always fail. Muggles...
Black: It sounds like it could be amusing..
BigBrother: ATTENTION HOUSEMATES! IT'S EVICTION DAY!
Black: Uh oh..
BigBrother: Do you ALWAYS have to comment, Mr. Black?
Black: (grins) So maybe I don't have quite the self control that the others do to bite my tongue everytime you make your wonderful and eloquent announcements!
BigBrother: Today was NOT the day to make such a quip, Mr. Black! YOU WILL EAT NOTHING BUT PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES FOR A WEEK!!!
Black(raised eyebrows): Oh?
BigBrother: FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN EVICTION!
Black: (shrugs)
BigBrother: AND ONLY WATER TO DRINK FOR THE DURATION!
Black: ohhh (grimaces)
Draco: Might I suggest that the eviction should be preceded by a sound caning??
BigBrother: YOU WILL JOIN HIM IN THE PUNISHMENT, NOTHING BUT PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES AND WATER FOR YOU AS WELL, MR. MALFOY!!
Draco(white faced): ... what??
Dumbledore: ...(twinkling) What a shock this is... Why so foul a mood, might one inquire??
BigBrother: Today's eviction. YOU have been voted off, Professor Dumbledore!!
Dumbledore(frowns): By how large a margin?
BigBrother: ONE VOTE.
Voldemort(grins): ahh, too bad, Albus.. my condolences.. Better luck next time... if there is one..
Dumbledore: ... Ah well, I don't need to be here to see that justice is served... (significant glance to Black and Lupin)
Voldemort: Leave those two to plot revenge - go ahead, it won't do any good.
BigBrother: NO GLOATING.
Dumbledore(sigh): I'll go pack...
The rest of the day continues subdued.. Black, Lupin, and Draco are quite depressed for various reasons; Snape is morose too, but that's nothing out of the ordinary -- only Voldemort and Bertrum are lively.
Voldemort: You catch the yarn like a Death Eater swatting off muggles, eh? (dangles red yarn in front of Bertie, who catches it in her claw and tries to eat it) What a splendid cat - maybe I'll take you back to the magic world with me..
Meanwhile in the den;
Black: Remus.. it's just you and me now. I never thought the Death Eaters would be outnumbering us!
Lupin: What about Severus?
Black: We have had THAT discussion before. You know what I think....
Lupin(sighs): He's at least neutral.
Black: We're outnumbered - but we've been before.. we shall prevail! (notices TV remote on coffee table) What do you suppose that is?
Lupin: ah.. Something to do with the ... the new muggle appliance?
Black: Television! (picks up remote) See, it has an ON button! (clicks - the TV lights up and BBC news comes on; Black and Lupin watch curiously)
Lupin: muggle news...
Black: .. hmm.. I'm hungry.
Lupin(grins): Peanut butter and jelly. No scotch.
Black(hand to head): This week is NOT starting well..
Diary Room after dinner
Draco: BIG BROTHER!
BigBrother: NO SPECIAL REQUESTS!
Draco: But I'm not requesting anything - I have a QUESTION---
BigBrother: We have said this MANY times before, but never directly to you, Mr. Malfoy - allow us to do so now: DO NOT QUESTION THE WAYS OF BIG BROTHER!!!
Draco(throws himself into chair, pouting): This is UNFAIR ABUSE-
BigBrohter; DO YOU WANT IT TO BE JUST PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES FOR A WEEK?
Draco(looks down): No. (pause, looks at camera) Well - AUDIENCE, I never thought Big Brother would play such obvious favorites! You vote off Dumbledore and the whole household goes to pieces!!! (storms out)
Back in the living room, Snape is reading when Bertie runs in, followed by Voldemort. The cat jumps onto the sofa next to Snape; he frowns.
Voldemort: Well, Severus.. we have achieved victory..
Snape: ... so soon?
Voldemort: Well.. the other two are still around - but .. the opportunity has finally presented itself - you should be thrilled.
Snape: .. which opportunity might that be?
Voldemort(leans over): Black... on this strict diet.. if he should flag...
Snape: true.
Voldemort: He does not have a will of steel - a little encouragement and surely he'll sneak a snack...
Snape: Encouragement.. Yes.
Voldemort: Good. Come Bertrum, let us reclaim the sun room..
(He turns and sweeps away, the cat follows, swatting at the corner of his robes. Snape remains sitting, but he is not reading but looking thoughtfully at the wall...)
A/N: final votes:
voldemort: padfootandprongs, violetfemme, ed, jack, howlatthemoon, hpbookworm
lupin: jany03, roseanne, snuffles
dumbledore: NT, vampykitten313, lupinschic, lufia, michelle, copa, wacko