"I AM SO 'NOT' THE ASS PUSSY!”
Raised by nuns on a remote island in the Atlantic, Ben has made up for his upbringing by living in sin most of his adult life. A self-professed ladies' man, the only woman we've ever known him to be with is his wife, Jackie. That's right, girls, he's taken for good now, so hands off. Besides, he has his hands full with Zach. Ben helped name him, and picked a nice, sensible Jewish name instead of Heidegger or Wittgenstein. Again, no one had "Zach" in the pool.
Ben is our resident computer geek. Hell, he's just our resident geek. All of you who have completely backed up your CD collections on computer, after labelling them by genre and calculating their estimated worth, raise your hands. See Ben, It's just you. As a result, he often misses out on the fun to do his computer work (ie, download porn). In the past, however, we have documented proof of Ben having fun at our Tropical Party. There, he belted out a mean karaoke solo of A-Ha's "Take On Me" in front of several witnesses. We feel he's more fun sans-goatee, kind of like good Kirk / Evil Kirk. Again, as our resident geek, Ben will know what that means.
Ben's status as the Ass Pussy is in peril this year. Sports fans were shockes and awed when Ben made it on the Naked Summer board before jackie this year, with twice the points she had. This bucks a five-year trend and, again, no one in the pool saw it coming. Here's why; Canada Day, 2001. Naked summer begins for everyone but Ben. Jackie calls him a "big-assed pussy." Ben misunderstands and asks, "Huh? What's an 'Ass Pussy'?" Jackie replies, "You are, Ass Pussy." The rest is history.
Ben's birthday is March 18, 1975, though he'd never tell you. Don't be an Ass Pussy; get him something nice