I'm tired. Tired, tired, tired and more tired. I'm in the hospital again. I heard the doctors talking yesterday, saying that I should be walking by now. Well they should go through what I went through and see how fast they recover.
I don't know when I woke up exactly… but I'm keeping my eyes shut, because I don't want to talk to anyone. They're all here, I can here them walking around and talking. They're probably just waiting for me to sit up to attention. I'd do it, but I really don't want to. I'd rather they thought I was asleep. At least then I wouldn't have to talk.
This damned indifference is going to kill me, if my family doesn't get me first. It's been a week and still no change. I don't feel any better and they won't leave me the hell alone. I just want to be by myself, but they don't understand that. They don't understand that I just want to go to sleep and not wake up again. I'm afraid, really. I know I shouldn't be… but I am. I don't want to see what's happening on the outside, and I don't want to face reality. It's much better away from all of that. I don't want to deal with my family, not right now. I think that makes me a bad person, but I can't help it.
My head hurts again, and I want something for it, but I don't want to give myself away. I don't want them to know I'm awake. It's getting frustrating, but if this is the price I have to pay to be alone… then so be it.
I'm so tired…
* * *
"Ike, why are we in here? He's asleep!" Jessica sat cross legged on the floor with her younger sister, Avery.
Isaac closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten, trying to calm down. "Jess, we're just waiting for mom and dad."
"But I wanna go home!" Avery chimed in, glaring at her brother.
"Guys, I swear, I'm getting fed up with this!" Isaac exclaimed.
"Ike, come on, we're all just tired and worried," Taylor said.
"Yeah, I know, I'm tired. I haven't slept at all since Zac's been in here, and I'm so… oh God, I don't even know anymore, I am just so sick of all of this crap!"
"Ike!" Taylor yelled.
"What, Taylor? You know, I am so sick of being this supportive older brother, so sick of being so understanding. I have had enough!" Isaac shouted back, temper flaring.
"And you think that I enjoy it? Look around, Isaac, look at where we are. We're in a hospital, again. Zac is hurt, again. And we're all angry at each other, again. Are you sensing a pattern? Do you think it's easy for me? To live with this guilt? I know that Zac lays there because of me, but I can't do a thing about it. And I know he blames me!"
"Oh, so sorry to take away from the 'Taylor Hanson Pity Party'! Get over it! Because you know what, you're not fun to hang out with; all you want to do is talk about how much you've hurt Zac. Did it ever occur to you, that I don't want to talk about it… because it hurts me too!"
"Screw you, Ike." Taylor turned away angrily, before swiftly turning as though he was going to hit Isaac.
"Isaac, Taylor! Stop it!" Jessica ran between them, and tried to hold them both back.
"Jess, stay out of this!" Taylor shouted.
"Don't yell at her!" Isaac cried.
In all the confusion and yelling, no one saw Zac sit up slowly.
* * *
Zac could hear them yelling while he was trying to fall asleep again. They were here visiting him, and they end up screaming at each other. It was typical.
"SHUT UP!" Zac wasn't even sure that he was the one yelling until he heard his voice ringing inside of his head.
Everyone in the room stopped yelling and all turned to look at him.
"Zac, man, we're sorry," Taylor offered sheepishly.
"I don't care! Get out!" he screamed, losing all control.
"Zac…" Isaac stepped over to the bed to try and soothe his brother.
"No, Ike, I mean it! Just leave me alone!" Zac was panting, completely out of breath.
Walker, Diana and Zac's doctor walked into the room and stared at everyone.
"What happened?" Diana asked.
"Uh… nothing, mom," Taylor lied quickly.
"Well, we're taking Zac home. Ike, can you get his bag? Taylor, help him outside? You're mom and I just have to sign some papers, then we'll get out of here," Walker ordered, before he and Diana followed the doctor out of the room.
Isaac reluctantly picked up Zac's bag and left the room silently, Jessica, Avery and Mackenzie running after him. Taylor glanced nervously at Zac.
"Are you ready?" he asked softly.
"Yeah," Zac replied curtly.
"Zac… later, when you're feeling up to it… can we… talk about things?"
"Later."
"Zac, we can't just pretend that - " Taylor began.
"I said later, didn't I? Can you just help me into the chair? I'm alright after that."
"Yeah, sure."
Taylor and Zac made their way down to the car in uncomfortable silence, broken only by the occasional squeak of Zac's wheelchair.
"I'm sorry," Taylor whispered under his breath.
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