I know I’ve said this before, but Ike and I are idiots. How did we expect to find him? You tell me.
Yes, we went looking. Both yesterday and today. We just concentrated on the rough spots around here, hoping to find some clue. I have no idea what, and I didn’t then either. Neither does Ike. For all we know he could be dead by now.
I hate saying that. Everyone hates it when someone brings up the possibility. But how do we know? We have heard from him or the person/people that took him since that day. We don’t know what state he’s in or anything. We don’t know shit.
Home life is getting worse by the day. Everyone is so depressed – not that I don’t expect them to be. The police have been hassling us – particularly me and Ike. I know they follow us whenever we leave the house, and I always feel like someone’s watching us. Whether it’s them or the kidnappers, who the hell knows? Again it’s a matter of probability. But in reality, who cares?
It’s hard for me to feel inspired at the moment. I know Ike’s been composing every morning and every night, and it’s all depressing. Hopefully after a couple of days it’ll start sounding more positive… more like ‘he’ll be back’ kind of stuff. Rather than the negative ‘we’ve almost lost him as it is’. But I try not to interrupt Ike now. He’s off in his own world. I basically haven’t been out of mine since I was woken up that morning. 4:30am. That’s pretty damn early. Or late… depending on the way you look at it. Although any time could probably be early for us, we spend all night working basically. But the latest I’ve dragged myself from bed since it happened has been seven. That’s only when I sleep.
I’m getting worried about Ike. I think he might be putting himself up for insomnia, and the thing is, I don’t think he cares. Dad hardly comes home at night. I know Mom spends hours in her room every night just crying. It hasn’t even been a week for crying out loud. If this is just a few days… what’s going to happen if it turns into weeks or even months? A year? Damn.
I think I’m just gonna go… I’m not sure where to. Maybe the net. It’s an easy way to escape sometimes. I’m only babbling here, which is mainly because I don’t want to go on about something that’s just going to make me worse, or get me depressed or something. Damn it all.
JTH
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