DISCLAIMER: Atma is not responsible for any bad advice provided by an
electric rat. And, of course, I don't own Pokemon.... yet! >:)
Pikachu: Hi, welcome to Pokemon Anonymous, where we help out pokemon with
problems! I'm your host, Pikachu.
Everyone: Hi Pikachu!
Pikachu: Okay, let's begin. Tyranitar, why don't you start?
Tyranitar: Hi, I'm Tyranitar, the G/S equivalent of Dragonite.
Everyone: Hi Tyranitar!
Tyranitar: I'm level 55, and I get pounded by every DynamicPunch-using
Abra and Chansey I run into.
Pikachu: That's only natural, because you're *4 weak to Fighting attacks!
Tyranitar: Eeeyaaah! How can I not be *4 weak to Fighting attacks!? Tell
me, I'm desperate!
Pikachu: Don't evolve -- stay as a Pupitar.
*** Tyranitar devolves into Pupitar ***
Umbreon: Don't Pupitars have lousy stats?
Pupitar: I don't care, I'm desperate!
Pikachu: They're not so bad -- they're better than Onix's, and he has
that 418 Defense.
Umbreon: I guess you have a point.
Pikachu: Just watch out, because as a rock/ground, Pupitar is *4 weak to
Water and Grass attacks.
Pupitar: AAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Pikachu: (laughing) Anyway, who's next?
Umbreon: Me.
Pikachu: Okay.
Umbreon: Hi everyone, I'm Umbreon, the Moon Eeveelution.
Everyone: Hi Umbreon!
Umbreon: Thanks. My offensive stats are so low that I broke my teeth when
I used Bite on a Rattata! Any suggestions?
Pikachu: (laughing) Well, there are two solutions. One is to use indirect
attack, like Curse/Rest/ConfuseRay/Screech.
Pupitar: Bah!
Pikachu: Alternately, you can use a physical attack boosted with Screech,
which cuts the opponent's Defense in half.
Umbreon: Great! I think I'll use DoubleEdge/Screech/ConfuseRay/Rest.
Pikachu: You do know that Umbreon can't learn Double-Edge unless he got
it from RBY before evolving, right?
Umbreon: D'OH!
Pikachu: Alright, who's next?
Smeargle: Hi, I'm Smeargle, the painting dog.
Everyone: Hi Smeargle!
Smeargle: I can get any move with Sketch, but I've got worse stats than a
Pidgey! What can I do?
Pikachu: You know about Ditto's Transform, right?
Smeargle: Of course.
Pikachu: Sketch Transform, use it, and don't change back.
Smeargle: But then I don't get to Sketch anything else!
Pikachu: I'm afraid there are some things you just have to live with. Next!
Jynx: Hi, I'm Jynx, the result of programmers getting locked away at work
all night instead of going home to their wives.
Everyone: Hi Jynx!
Jynx: I'm looking for a boyfriend, but I can't find one because of the
rumors that all Jynxes are whores!
Pikachu: Well they are!
Jynx: WHAT!?
Pikachu: (laughing) Just kidding... you know where Pewter City is, right?
Jynx: West of Mount Moon?
Pikachu: Yup... go find the gym leader there, Brock. He's so desperate
for a girlfriend that he'd take a female Muk!
Jynx: Uhh, thanks...
Pikachu: Okay, we're running out of time. Who's next?
Farfetch'd: Hi, I'm Farfetch'd, the weakest final evolution in RBY.
Pikachu: Go beat up some Pidgeys. Quick, next!
Pidgey: (gulp) Uh-oh... Hi, I'm Pidgey, one of the nonevolved pokemon in
RBY.
*** Farfetch'd glares an evil grin at Pidgey ***
Pikachu: Evolve into Pidgeot and go beat up siome Farfetch'd.
*** Pidgey evolves into Pidgeotto and then Pidgeot, then faces farfetch'd
and grins ***
Farfetch'd: (gulp) Uh-oh...
Pikachu: (laughing) Okay, we have one time for one more!
Rhydon: Hi, I'm an RBY Rhydon, the king of physical attacks but *4 weak
to Water and Grass!
Pikachu: Find an electric pokemon to maul!
Rhydon: (evil grin) Like an unsuspecting Pikachu?
Pikachu: Yes, like an unsuspecting Pika... wait a moment!
EEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
*** The building is violently destroyed as Rhydon slams Pikachu with a
devastating Earthquake. Rhydon tunnels out from the rubble with Dig. ***
Rhydon: Looks like this show is over. I hope you enjoyed Pokemon
Anonymous! (laughs)
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