This stuff sucks.

Lame.
Man do we dislike a lot of crap. Most of it is petty, all of it is (in our opinions) amusing. If you think we are wrong in our dislikement, please go suck an egg; you are obviously a tard. And now, in no particular order, here are some bad (and not in the MJ sense) things.

1. People who don't look where they're going.
Pjos defines this as "My one and only pet peeve," and as much as we dislike the term we have to admit it fits. How is it possible that there are people for whom walking is too difficult?

2. Head bumpage.
This is NMR's number one annoyance in terms of things she does: bumping her head. Head bumpage can occur many places: walking past a cabinet, opening a door, leaning down to pick up a dropped pen. Why is it annoying? Because your eyes are in your head! How do you still manage to injure the thing that contains the very instruments you use to spot and avoid injurous objects?

3. Disconnections.
You know how when you're talking on the phone every once in a while some random thing happens that causes you to become disconnected from the person on the other end? Only you don't realize the disconnection's occurred so you go on talking about waffles or that bird you saw the other day or whatever stupid piece of shit thing you'd been discussing for the past half hour, and then you get to the end of your story and it's met with deafening silence? And then you have to go, "Uh, Lauren? Lauren, are you there?" and you realize you've just been telling yourself about the stupid piece of shit thing for the last 10 minutes? Yeah, that sucks.

4. Disproportionate bag size.
Look, I just bought a pack of gum, I don't need a frickin' gym bag to carry it in.

5. Abuse of graphic design, internet.
I hate when I'm trying to find some piece of information on a company's website and they've hired some overachiever who's designed it so you have to scroll over some hidden button to gain entrance into the site or sit through half an hour of flash before the button pops up in the first place, or have named the separate sections of the web page stupid, meaningless names like, "Hijackery," or "Bloomfeldienang" that give no inclination of what information is contained on them, and then you're forced to search randomly through company bios and mission statements before you find something as simple as the telephone number. Example: Evil Tron

6. Getting Fired.
Basically getting told you're unwanted in any sphere--relationships, friendships, employment--sucks a big one.

7. The French.
With very few exceptions, French people, and France, suck.

8. Work
No one likes work. There are lots of reasons, but I suspect the main one is that work forces you to deal with annoying people much more often than you'd like. For instance, this guy just called my office and asked to speak to one of the managers and I said, "Who's calling please?" and he's all, "Mr. ______," and I was like, "From where?" (not in a bitchy and-who-are-you? way, just in a polite so-I-can-let-him-know way) and he got all huffy and stuttered some shit about who he is, like I'm supposed to have a mental rolodex of the 8,000 people that call this office every day, and like I even care who he is in the first place. Man, people are awful.

9. Automated Telemarketing
Who out there is so bored, so lonely and depressed, that they would actually stay on the line to listen to an important message from AT&T? This marketing scheme is the most offensive thing to come out of the world of advertising since bikini babe beer commercials, and it doesn't even have the whole tits and ass thing going for it.

10. Biblical Commuters
This is one of those New York things: people that read the Bible on the subway. This just pisses me off to no end. They come in all kinds and sit on the train engrossed in their tiny books of scripture like it's going to make some kind of difference in their lives. Look, if you want to be misguided and foolish on your own time there's very little anyone can do about it, but seriously: is it necessary to review the Lord's Prayer on the subway? You've got a passed out homeless dude who's wet himself about 5 times to your left and some begging smelly gypsy on your right and you have the audacity to read Leviticus 1:7 in complete indifference to either of them?

Christ, the fucking Bible makes me angry.

11. Needles
Thank God I'm an adult now and can say no to the doctor.

12. Sweaters
Sweaters suck. They offer about as much opportunity for self expression as a mumu. Yesterday I bought some sweaters and it pissed me off. It's like, how come I can't spend my money on real clothes? I have to buy this knitted crapass yarn thing and use it to hide whatever nice piece of clothing I actually wanted to wear today. Sweaters make me not want to get out of bed. And when I am out of bed, they make me not care about what I'm wearing at all. I could be wearing Pjosley's dirtiest, rippedest Phish t-shirt from 1992, the one with the stains on the front and back, for all you know. I could be wearing a pink and orange plaid cowboy shirt. I could be naked (which is sort of a sexy idea, except that 1) you know I'm not naked because it's fucking cold out and 2) it'd mean I'd be all itchy, and my skin would probably be all red from the sweater irritation, so if you did manage to get a look at the goods--which is so not likely--they'd be all splotchy and about as attractive as a 70 year old grandma's spider veins). I hate sweaters.