Habit
What kind of habit have I started--
To take both of you away because of my mistakes
Equal love from childish fear
Now why did I do it twice?
I was in love before, the second-out of anger
I see you both as my own
But Im afraid to act on it
I have nothing to say for myself
I hate what I did and I hate myself now
The first one took me two years to get it all back
Now Im living in fear that it will all happen again
Even now that the youngest one has come
It makes me want the first one back
You both came at the same time
Time to move on, time to grow up
But my life isnt complete
I only wish for the forgiveness
I cant say what I would have done
I lost out on everything
Everyone has their own thoughts on me
But no one can say what its like to lose their seed
I can only dream of what you both could have been
If its ok, one day---I would like to rest with you both


--10.08.02