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2006 January 31
English paperrrrr :)
Seems like everyone's talking about the friggin' english paper :)) IS, HAS BEEN, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, i figure. It's taking a toll on everyone, and if you ask me, normal english classes are waaaay easier than these "lectures" on writing up our english papers correctly. Deadlines are utterly excrucitating, specially the days wherein we have loads of stuff to submit, say for instance, tomorrow. RPS4's and RWD2's are due, not to mention the LOAD of homework we have. I'm not exaggerating, believe it or not. I have to admit that i do, most of the time, but now?! NOW!??!?! I just wish we dint have to go back to classes tomorrow. It'll be sooo tiring tomorrow, believe me :)) We have T.H.E. pa! Shoot! Sumasakit yung leeg ko kakayuko dahil hindi ko maayos yung sewing machine ko! Lintek! It's not fun, contrary to popular belief.
Grades came in last week :)) Cool cool! No C's once again! So, I guess I'll be savoring every free day I have till summer. I guess, till exams, I only have about a few Saturdays to enjoy. Most of which will be spent in libraries and other sources of FRIGGIN INFO FOR MY ENGLISH PAPER. Believe me. I'm not at all stressed out about the English paper. I like writing nga, diba? So, this'll be great! It's the time. Hassle sobra. I wish I had loads of time, then no one would hear me complaining :))
Over my petty crush. THIS IS SOOOOO COOL!!!!! :))
I wish for white roses this Valentines, or any day for that matter. Yep. WISH. Mahal eh =)) Like, 60 yata per stem or more? Haha! It's really beautiful lang :) Random thought here :))
Luxurious on my head, and on replay on Winamp. Gawd. Can't get it out of my head. I wonder why :))
I really did wish that the night would never end. Hindi na, kasi I'm looking forward na to the next night, haha! :))
"Sige na nga, pagbibigyan na kita..."
at 7:35, Tuesday
2006 January 26
Life's a bitch.
Well, I guess we could all say that we've been through our fair share of tough times. Actually, I've had MORE than my fair share, but who's counting? It's weird though. I was on my way home, sat down at the back seat of our bus (without anyone else except a CSC and grade school student, looked up, and saw my reflection. No, it wasn't one of those vain moments :)) There was plastic covers all over the supposedly ceiling, since it's "new", or at least, close to it. Wala lang. I saw a weird ME. All distorted and out of shape and blurry and all. In all fairness, when there are times that you're alone and have no one to talk to, you probably would have the tendency to contemplate and crap. Anywho, moving on. It's weird. Seeing that, and taking note of everything I've been through these past couple of weeks, I guess the reflection stated correct. Blurry, I guess, is the best word to suit my future. Ok. I might be a little, no, a BIT obsessed with my future. A BIT. Gawd. It honestly is SOOO hard to check into the faaar future. I mean, I (admittedly) think about where I'm gonna end up, what college I'll be in, what job I'll have, and everything else in between. I guess I'll have to settle for working hard to get into UP or something. Sheesh.
Notice? My last entries are a bit short. Cool. Nitatamad na meee :)) Haha!!
at 8:02, Thursday
2006 January 15
1 week of no blogging.
Seems only yesterday when I last blogged. Hindi pala :)) I've been too damn lazy to blog lately, and it's probably from all the stress. Ngayon ko lang nararamdaman yung quarter, suddenly, all the school work came in piles. Not one by one, ok? PILESSS. I'm not exaggerating. And the fact that I'm stressed out made me turn to my one tranquil place, my blog. You know those times when you're tired, but you're not hinihingal? That's it. Mentally, emotionally, subconsiously, WHATEVER. Tired. Hmmm. I need a break. Can't wait for summer. I can feel it na actually. It's been too damn hot lately!!!
LUAU :) We had it last Friday. It was greattt!! Not everyone would agree though. The music was pretty loud, since the place was enclosed, so not everyone stayed inside. A lot probably had a sucky time, BUT I DINT!!! Kept dancing the night away while DJ Shorty played some music. Uber music. Nasa sayo naman yun kung mageenjoy ka eh. It's you're choice in the first place, so don't go ranting on about how boring the event was, cause my friends and I all had a blast!! We dint want the night to end so to speak ;) Gawd.
Last week's been pretty hectic. I think I develpoed Insomia na cause of all the stress. I'm soooo used to sleeping at around 11 (which used to be really late for me back then), so my eyebags keep getting darker and darker with each waking moment. It suckssss. Haaay.
Yesterday, I practically nerdized myself to try to get everything done. Ok. Guess what prevented me from doing soooo.. WWE RAW. FINE! it was on at around 6, so I had to catch it. I tried working on my paper the rest of the night over the comp, BUT THEN AGAINNNN, YM started flashing IM windows. See the temptations I have to surpass?! Sheesh.
at 6:54 PM, Sunday
2006 January 15
Movie anyone?
Sheesh. Went to Gateway earlier, to hopefully catch the finaly show of Family Stone, and to our surprise, it was full. Waaaay full :)) Ended up staying at Starbucks to pass the time. So there. I guess I wont be watching movies anytime soon. Except for next Saturday I guess, that'll be it. (Cross fingers matuloy libre ni Buan na movie next Friday) Haaay. Can't wait for next Saturday :)) Romeo and Juliet!! ;) Cool cool! Fully booked ako this whole January, which is great ;) Making up for all the lakads I missed last December since I was... Grounded :))
at 2:14 AM, Sunday
2006 January 12
Hopeless and pathetic.
Gawd. Buan's blog: "When will it be me? When will I be the one somebody's dreaming of?" Huwaw. It's corny and a bit cliche for all the hopeless romantics out there; and I know it's vain to think about it, but dint you ever wonder WHEN nga? I dream about the dude (not in my dreams, DAY DREAM) a lot, HOPING, never wondering since I know it's never ever ever gonna be true, that he's doing the same :)) Yeah, pathetic, I know. And it's sad kasi you never DO know, at least, not completely.
JP and I were talking about college yesterday :) We were both into MassCom, and she was a bit afraid since a lot dint pass the Ateneo exams daw this year (fourth year from our school). I have two choices: if I get into UP, then I'll be getting BusinessAd and Accounting (that's just one course, if i'm not mistaken), since I looooove math (nerdy, I KNOW!), and if I get into Ateneo or all the other schools, then I'll be taking up MassCom. It's a tough call though. I'd take up accounting at Ateneo too, only, they don't offer that course. So there. UP's my best pick though, since I'd really like to take up Accounting. My mom's pushing me to take Masscom though. Hard. Picking courses. I dunwana end up college-less you know!
WOOHOO!! Intrams for the rest of the week, I dint bother going to school today. Fun fun! I'ma relax and enjoy my day. I have nothing to do rin naman eh, so diba, why bother? I'd rather go jog and burn all my fat before prom (yes, vain, I know!) than waste my money eating, and eating, and eating in school since there's nothing better to do than THAT! Anywho, cool cool. Unwinding with Aj and Angge tomorrow :) Dinner then some inuman nights. I don't drink that much though. Actually, it's been a long time na :)) Goody-two shoes amp. :)) Gusto ni Aj, sa Drews na lang daw, pero I don't really care. Eastwood, only, no driver available :)) I wanna eat dinner at Cantina though, or somewhere italian (Ang layo ng cantina sa italian. Harhar.) I miss it na :)) I literally HAVE to go unwind. My whole body's been aching these past couple of days.. Hmmm, I wonder why... ;)) I think prom coming up is totally taking it's load on my body. Hindi nga lang ako makapigil kumain. Masarap eh :))
HONESTLY! Up until intrams I could hear people discussing prom and crap. DUDES!! Enjoy your academic-free week nohhh! It's not worth fussing over. Sheesh. Well, I heard people had their dresses made na and crap. What's weird is, it's too early, you never know, what if you get thinner, or a bit chubbier, edi you wont fit into your dress na!? That's plain stupid. Angge told me she's having her dress made by Pepsi Herera, I have no idea who that person is, pero he/she's a bit known na daw, so cool cool ;) I want my tita to make my dress for me though. She makes beautiful dressessssss ;) Ala princess :)) With all my problems set aside, I honestly am looking forward to prom (believe it or not, about 2 weeks ago, I really dint give a damn.). I'd have to go through this final quarter first though.
Plan: HONORS. Yes, a bit tough. Nothing below 85 and crap. I think I'll be getting a C for Social for the third quarter :)) Yes, I dint work my butt off memorizing everything and crap. I was waaaay too lazy last quarter, which sucked. I missed honors by mere points a couple of times na, and HOPEFULLY, that wont happen this last term. Pft. Working my butt offffffff.......
Another one. Stupid and pathetic if you will :) Not really something to take seriously. I was in doubt when I was writing this. So don't bother asking :))
The essay of a hopeless romantic. Literally hopeless.
I met you about a year and a half ago. It was good. I never really imagined that what I would feel would amount to this though. It's not one of those "Love at first sight" things, not even those "Love at second sight" flings, not even the third, fourth, or fifth. Sight. It was oblivious to me. You were clearly one of those guys who made girls he said hi to swoon and have their knees bend at your passing moment. Yet, your looks never really appealed to me until I got to know you more.
It was good. The first few months went by as if we never met. I never really had the guts to go up to you and talk about nonsense crap, even the thought of saying HI was sometimes shunned. It was always the same. Only recently did I start to think of you as a petty crush that would go away soon, but it didn't. I'd frequently go to McDonald's, see you, look away so I wont have to say hi when you see me, and move on. When I got to my chair, I'd have this smug grin on my face as if to say "I could just fly now." I dunno. It was weird. I was soooo happy when we got to chat up a conversation over YM, even though I knew that even if I saw you the next day, the most we'd say to each other is HI. When we talked, the future was oblivious to me. I wasn't aware of the time or date. I was willing to spend each waking night sleeping at 1 just to have you talk to me. I'd go to school the next day jumping for joy at the things we talked about and the common things we shared. I'd go through the day with a smile, afterwhich looking forward to going online again, seeing your name flash at the lower right hand corner of my screen stating your presence. I'd wait, and wait, and wait for you to talk to me, and you would.
That went on for about 2 months I guess. We talked about anything and everything under the sun. Interests, other people, even faith and everything else in between. It was good. I never felt closer to you, and I honestly hoped that it would continue forever. Those hopes were crushed. Minor cassualties stopped the whole communication thing. I don't know why, but what happened, happened.
We don't talk now. We DON'T. All you do is ask me questions regarding this and that, this girl and that girl. That's it. I guess you found out or something, I guess I realized this knowing that you'd stay away if ever you DID find out. I dint do anything wrong, or at least, not that I know of. So, you knowing how I feel is probably the best bet I have on this one. Somehow, I wanted you to know. I wanted to have a reason to stay away from you and never look back. I wanted to forget everything. It was a petty crush after all. It was NOTHING, as you would say. I wanted to leave.
There was a moment these past weeks that I haven't thought of you, specially over the Christmas break when not a memory of you popped into my head. I dint think of you at all. I was overjoyed actually, knowing that I was over you. Well, THINKING. Overjoyed, and after a few days, devastated. I saw you, after hopelessly trying not to. That Friday changed everything. A single smile. A putang inang single smile got me back to where I started.
I have to be honest. I don't know what it is about you that draws me close. I guess I can't help it. I'm a hopeless romantic after all.
at 6:52 PM, Thursday
2006 January 10
Random thoughts.
I honestly think I'm addicted to blogging na. It's sad, really.
Have you ever admired someone from afar? So far that you're pretty sure he doesn't know you're name or rather, that you exist? Well, I haven't (haha I know...), but I've had some friends who've been stalker-ish when it comes to the people they like. It's freaky, cause they know all the places where he usually hangs out, they know his friends (even though, again, they have no idea she exists), school, section, and sometimes even his class number :) Now, THAT'S scary :)) Sheesh.
Anywho, I had nothing to write up. Intarms are tomorrow till Friday, then the family day on Saturday, then no classes on Monday :) Cool cool ;) No academics for almost a whole school week! Woosh! Break from it all ;)
Pansin ko lang, a lot are getting stressing about the prom. Prom date, the dress, the date, the dress, the date, oh and did I mention, the date and the dress?! Gawd. Ang dami nang nagpapagawa ng prom dresses, and yet, here I am, deciding what color would be best for me, what shade, etc. :)) Haaay. How vain can we get?! Buti pa guys, they can just go on and rent a tux, since most tux's look the same naman! Eh us, for us, it's such a big part of the whole "Grand Event". Pft. Gawd. Can't we be like the guys? Can't we just bear renting dresses and crap? I don't think soooo!! :))
This is cool. I went out for a while for early dinner without anyone being online talaga, and after about an hour, came back, and there were loads of people online na :)) Harhar cool! :)) Wala lang.
Read this blog, I forgot whom it belonged to, pero I read it like a week ago pa. It's about starting off the new year right. Wala lang. It made me realize that I started off the year with my family AND friends, which is great, since not everyone can do that on the first of January :) Best New Year ever if you ask me (Next to my tita from the states coming home, that is.) Kaso, medyo self-absorbed naman yung first entry ko. It was about being free since I was stuck at home for the whole half of December. Making up for lost time ba? :)) Sheesh. I dint find anything better to write siguro :))
Nevermind. Random thoughts :))
at 7:56 PM, Tuesday
2006 January 09
The kajologan that is Nicola :)
I've been blogging everyday, and quite frankly, I have nothing new to put into my entries anymore. Harhar. Ironic.
Woohoo! I promised myself that I wouldn't use the computer as long as classes are ongoing, a.k.a. Monday thru Thursday. Yet here I am, Monday afternoon, nothing to do (except for the social thingy given to us during the field trip), and blogging on. Cool cool ;) Anywho, WOOHOO cause we have unlimited internet now. It's dial up though, so hassle parin. The phone's gonna be busy and everything ;) Cool though, at least now, I wouldn't have to worry about disconnecting and finishing up the net card and all. Now I'm downloading songs and crap, maximizing my use of this unlimited thing. Haaay life ;) Can't bear to live it to the fullest ba ;)
This is fine. I've settled for my old layout since I'm too lazy to finish up the Green Day layout I've worked on during the break. It sucks though, cause I've done sooo much already. Haaaay. Summer nalang I guess. Haha, tagal paaaa!! Listening to emo right now. Sorry, the genres I like aren't really restricted to anything, except for novelty songs I guess. I don't get why some dislike emo though. It's nice kaya ;) Harhar ;) Loving the whole unlimited thing, I swear. Iba pala feeling! (yeah, you might think I'm sooo jologs, harhar! I am naman kasi talaga.) Funnehhh ;)
I've realized this at the moment: I really AM jologs. Grabe. Baka everyone thinks that na, it's scary tuloy! Cause I see a lot of jologs people, and I go "Yuck ang jologs!" Harhar. It's mean I know, but let's face it, it can't be helped naman talaga sometimes eh. Anywho, reasons reasons.. I'm not cool when I dress up. It's lame sometimes, kasi I try to look OK in whatever I'm wearing. It doesn't work nga lang sometimes. And it's sad, kasi when I go out, people look at me, most probably thinking "Yuck ang jologs ng suot niya!" Believe me, I feel that almost everyday. Stop staring people, I'M BADUY :) Anywho, I never really found an outfit that I'm totally comfortable in, which is sad, really. Gawd. Clothes na nga lang baduy pa. Sheesh! Another. I love watching those chick flicks on Cinema One. Yes. Those cheesy movies starring sina Heart Evangelista and all the other people. :) It's cool, I even cry sometimes, which is pathetic na, pero hey, I'm easily touched noh! Mababaw lang akooo! ;) Woosh. Another. Music. Yes, I don't listen to those Novelty songs noh! I don't even tune into 101.9 for life (shit, wala jologs talaga, I even know the station!)! Pero even if I know the lyrics to Aegis songs and crap, like ULAN and HALIK (Yung, ang halik moooo, namimiss koooo!) Yes, I sing those sometimes, and it's weird, cause I never really heard the full songs and all. I don't have them on my computer, if that's what you're wondering about! What pa ba? Jologs suff, camonnn, I have loads of thoseeee!! I try to be funny, even when I'm not anymore. I laugh at my own friggin' jokes, even when everyone else's looking at me with those one-brow-up looks, wondering kung may awa pa ang Diyos at nagawa niyang magjoke ako ng ganun kacorny na ako lang ang natatawa. There are even times when I try to dance good, and Mindy (Sayawatha classamate) just laughs at me correcting my moves (even though I couldn't follow a single step correctly). Hey, I wanna dance good, I swear, hindi lang talaga yata malambot katawan ko, I'm STIFF. There. What else? Basta. I'm not cool! I'm not even feeling cool (well, sometimes, kaya nga jologs eh, kasi feeling cool). I'm nerdish, I think. Ngayon ko lang pangangatawanan ng sobra ang aking pagkajologs. Wala, jologs na talaga, harhar! ;) JOLOGSSSSSSS!!!! Harhar ;)
at 6:17 PM, Monday
2006 January 08
You bring me to new realizations.
I watched this documentary on the Discovery Channel about South America and all the cool nature stuff there. It makes me want to go there. Honestly, the documentaries on the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, etc. are very much appealing. To me, at least. I'm a tad bit of a nature freak slash nerd if you will. I guess it's the primary reason for my wanting to go to SA. Nature. Gotta love the view ;)
Buan made this thingy, and it's really nice. Hits me in the right spot if you will. Gawd. (Edited, not completely, but to suit a girl's point of view.)
It's sad when you know you can't have something you really want. It's like everything's already perfect, then poof, it all goes down the drain. Just like that, leaving you clueless. It's sad to think that you become a fool for the one you really treasure, it's even worse when that person abuses you, taking you for granted, like a toy you got for Christmas, a toy you'll eventually forget after a few weeks of playing with. It's sad when people can be so inconsiderate and "manhid" despite all you've done for them. It's sad cause you know you can't get over that person, well maybe not right now, and can't find someone other than him slash her. It's sad when he slash she just wants to be close friends when you know you want more than that. Feeling helpless you try to "understand" him or her, making it seem like nothing's wrong, when actually you're already crying inside, despite that "happy" face you put on when people are around. Yeah, it's hard to be the one who catches all their tears knowing you'll never [at least you think you won't] hurt him slash her. But then again, that person keeps on coming back, like he slash she loves getting hurt, then you'll realize, you're nothing but a FRIEND to lean on whenever their sad, or a friend to celebrate with even when deep down inside you're dying, trying not to show it to that person so he slash she could be happy. Despite all that, you feel content, being the "taga-salo" of that person, the crying shoulder every sad person needs. All these you do for that same person who makes you sad every night, the same person who keeps on giving you false hopes, the person who hurts you the most. But at the same time he slash she's the very person you'd give the world to when given the chance. Even when your friends tell you that person's already being so insensitive and stupid, you don't listen, and you just keep on giving till it hurts again. And no matter how hard it gets, you manage to get through, by just hearing them laugh or seeing that smile you everyday yearn to have just a tiny glimpse. It's sad when you know that the person would rather be with the one he really likes, it's sad when you know that he thinks of her whenever you guys are together or see each other. It's sad cause he couldn't even realize how much you've already given.
Gawd. Read it over and over, and you'll just feel stupid.
Another one, I made this after reading the one above, harhar ;) Inspiration ko yung nasa taas na maglabas ng sama ng loob, harhar! :)
To the one I try so hard to forget. To the one who doesn't see me the way I see him. To you.
Sometimes I think when I'll be able to have the chance to actually tell you how I feel or, hopefully, felt. I've been thinking about it for so long, and it came to me out of nowhere. I'd rather not, really, since you mentioned once that you tend to stay away from people who confess their oh-so-deep feelings for you, and even when your friends tease you to other people, you just leave it be, not putting any emotion into it, nor giving a care. It's not hard really, I just have to go on and type in "I really like you" on my IM window with your YM id on the upper left hand corner. Yet, I can't muster up the guts to do so.
It's tough for me, cause even when I feel as if I'm over the whole "drool - your - heart - out - when - he's - not - looking" thing, you come along, giving me that big smile of yours, or going "psssst" when you pass by, asking if I'm ok when I seem hurt, or just fooling around out of nowhere. Yes, I try to stay away from the places I know you'll be hanging around in, but it doesn't seem to work. It's really hard when you ask me questions about girls, questions about anything related to girls you like and crap. I honestly wish that there was something, even a tiny hint of feeling there for me. WISH. Yep, I honestly wish. Notice the emphasis on the wish? Wishes do come true, I believe, but this is the type of wish that goes along with the likes of "I wish I could fly", or "I wish I could meet (insert name of actor)". An impossible wish, if you will. I spend everyday, every wish on you, hoping it'll come true. Sadly, after months of wasting my stupid wishes on you, none of them actually did.
I don't know what to think anymore. You send signals, and all that crap. Ahhh yes, you're just being "friendly" I guess. As some friends say, it's possible, but is it really? Friendliness. Gawd. That word. Brutal sometimes. When you think about it, why bother? Why bother myself thinking about the "what-ifs"? Why bother myself wishing that I would be the one you'd call at night, or the one you'd be missing when you go somewhere far? I have no idea.
It's hard to forget, even if we really dint have any "memories", to say the least. We never hung out together, we never even talked over the phone. We never sat down on a table and talked about nonsense crap. None of those. Nor did we spend nights texting each other. The only communication we had was through YM, and believe me, I tried staying away from it, and it just never worked. I'm drawn, I guess.
See? This is senseless? How can I like a guy (this much) whom I don't really know? We talk, yes, a lot, about anything and everything, but when we see each other, simple "hi's and hello's" are exchanged. This is stupid, cause we never even spent 5 minutes talking to each other personally, and yet everyday, I wish to see you, thinking that one smile would leave me contented, wishing that you felt the same.
Hey, don't think I'm pathetic. I'm not the only one out there. There are loads of girls who admire from afar, some not even knowing the names of their "likes", yet wishing to see them at McDonald's or something.
Again, I wish I could tell you, and sometimes I think that you know about it by now. I just don't want anything to change (oh wait, it has I think, we don't even chat anymore). Leave me, ok? It's not my fault I liked you, nor is it my fault that I'm still wishing, continuously wishing. I didn't mean for this to happen, nor did I want for it to happen. Let's just make THAT clear.
Pft. Weird. Again with the senselessness :)) Sheesh mahn. NEVERMIND!
at 2:01 PM, Sunday
2006 January 07
Ayoko sa..
..magugulong kausap. Yuh. I know, it's a bit hypocrital I know, since I'm not that clear kausap myself, but magulo in the sense na walang sure sa plano, or wala rin palang pupuntahan. LALO NA SA ORAS!!! Aiii nako!!! That's what I hate the most. Yung bang, mallate sa planadong oras, tapos wala man lang acceptable explanation. I remember having to meet someone somewhere, and that person was like, 30 minutes late. I know, it's not really RIGHT and all, but I left without even telling that person. It was irritating lang because that person knew that I was strict with time. *ehem* I'm always punctual. Except for songfest practices. THAT I admit to intentionally being late to. Anywho. There. For me kasi, plans are plans. Parang, don't mess them up na. Ok lang naman sakin yung biglaang nagkakayayaan somewhere, or mallate sa pag alis sa ganto papunta sa ganyan, or out of the blue crap, pero yung time na dapat magkikita kayo, or time na dapat nandun ka sa place na yun, yung mga ganun.. Dapat kasi sinusunod yun, kasi hindi mo alam na may iba ka nang nadadamat sa kalate-an mo o sa katamaran mong magayos ng plano para sa sarili mo. Ayoko sa nallate, at ayoko sa mga taong pabago bago ng isip tunkol sa oras habang yung iba, bihis na, ready na umalis, at ikaw eh paimportante pang nagpapahintay. Ayoko talaga ng ganun. Wish ko lang maranasan ng mga ganun ang maghintay ng matagal at mauwi sa wala ang pagrready na umalis.
That dint REALLY happen to me, like having to wait for so long. The longest I've waited for someone was like, 30 mins. Still, it was irritating. I hate unpunctual people, so there. Enough said. Haaay yes, I guess you can say something happened.
Ang hassle ng pre-rom, since it's going to be on the 20th na. Hassle kasi I'm still looking for loads of sponsors and available food booths on that date. It'll be at the LGV clubhouse, 7pm onwards, so if you can help, please do text me at 09228580431. ( Ok lang yan, only friends know my web add, so i'm not really cheap, Haha :) ) Gosh. Hassleeeee!
Tapos we're having English defense pa. It's not really much of a burden YET, but come February, the work load'll just keep rolling in I guess.
I need to go and unwind, if you know what I mean.
I'm sure you do.
at 5:11 PM, Saturday
2006 January 06
Not completely.
Over you. No, not completely. And I realize that TODAY?! Kung kelan sure na ko sa sarili ko kahapon na ayaw ko na talaga sa kanya?! Wowww naman dudeeee. Bad timing?!Wala man lang space in between eh, wala man lang bagong crush. Wala. Niiiice.
Cool cool. :) Field trip today, and as said before, I wasn't really excited about it. It's just so overrated nowadays. I remember way back when we were in grade school, we'd all bring loads of food and drinks - all of which we think we'll be able to consume before the end of the trip. Sad to say, more than half make it even after the trip, and even after we all get home. I remember saying "Hoy iuwi niyo yan! Magagalit yung mom ko na nagpabili ako niyan tapos hindi rin pala kakainin!!!" Sad to say, I heard it also kanina. I brought less than a shopping bag full of chips and stuff, and even that wasn't finished. I liked our field trip last year better. We really dint do much today kasi. I found last year to be more enjoyable and less "learn-esk" than this year's. Harhar. Nevermind :)
Every year I make it a point to try to be more organized than I was the year before. Sad to say, it's not really working yet. I still can't feel 2006 that much, I guess it takes some time to kick in.
Grr. Random thoughts nalang itong lahat. Harhar :)
I was talking to Mindy earlier sa bus about contradicting ourselves and all. So I guess I'll try what she told me she does sa blog niya. :)
Conversation about him:
Nix1: I still like him kaya?
Nix2: No you don't! He doesn't see you THAT way nga diba?!
Nix1: Pero there's a possibility naman diba?!
Nix2: I don't think so. Besides, I've heard that there's this girl he likes. Prom date nga niya diba? Take a hint!!
Nix1: Pero dibaaaa, he's like, super nice to me and all.
Nix2: To you and sa lahat.
Nix1: Yeah perooooo...
Nix2: Yeah pero what?! Face it. He's too good for you.
Nix1: Tama.
Conversation about crap that seems to lead back to him:
Nix1: Does eye contact mean anything ba?
Nix2: BAKIT? Kasi nag eye contact kayo kanina?! Ganun ba yun?!
Nix1: Duhhh. I wish there was something there. WAIT. I don't like him na nga diba?!
Nix2: Ok lang na gusto mo siya. Ang pathetic lang na dinedeny mo.
Nix1: Hindi ko dinedeny. For a while, he never crossed my mind.
Nix2: And now he's all that's in it?
Nix1: Correct. Grrrr.
This is sad. Hindi ako nasisiraan, ok? Contradictions lang yan sa mind ko. Hindi lang naman siguro AKO yung nagkakaganyan diba?! Grrrr. Which to believe? Nix1, Nix2?! Harhar. Weirdooooo Niiixxxxxx... Pft. I'm doing it againnn!!! (talking to myself).
Nevermind. Kasi nga, why think? I don't like him na nga diba?!
Diba!??!!??!
Pilit kasing kinakalimutan eh. Ayaw tuloy mawala.
at 9:59 PM, Friday
2006 January 05
Incomplete essay.
Yep. Wrote one. Haha ;) Wala, nainspire lang ako. :)
A day in the life..
..of a third year high school student who so deserately wants to get into UP yet is too lazy to do so.
It takes me about 2 hours to write up these essays that I do when I'm not busy, or if I just want time to pass me by. Yes, I'm not really a fan of jotting down on paper, but I do like typing stuff on my computer just to help me stay away from being bored. I write about stuff, anything and everything under the sun. Restrict me to one subject, though, and I'll most likely fail. I'm more of a carefree person, I write about my feelings at that moment, or how things are going with school, friends, future plans, etc. It's not really a hobby, it's more of a past time. Sheesh. If only I was this anxious to go to UP and see what's in store for me there.
I don't plan to take up journalism or whatever form of writing when I get into UP. I'm taking up Mass Communications, since my mom said that would be the best for me. It's great though, the way my mom knows what I'd like to do. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to pass UP....
Yes, unfinished ;) Wait up for the next part nalang :) Harhar ;)
at 7:58 PM, Thursday
It's not everyday..
That someone like you comes my way :)
Grabe, our field trip's tomorrow, and I don't feel a damn thing. Not excited. Pft. Today's sad though. I feel reallll bad, we're having some financial problems at the moment, and it sucks, not because of the whole thrift thing, but because of how my dad's acting. My mom's pretty confident that we'll be able to get back on both feet real soon, REAL SOON, it's just that my dad, he tends to take things waaay seriously and turn small problems into huge ones. It sucks, and now he's taking out his frustration on my college applications. Nakakainis lang, kasi ba't pa kailangang isali yun? UP na nga diba, UP!!!! I hate the way he talks about these things, I swear to God, you should hear him once. It'll make you cry and not stop for a whole hour. And it's pretty senseless since it's HIS fault naman in the first place. Hating thisssss...
Anywho, checked exams yesterday, it was OK. As usual, Filipino's my lowest subject. I'm pretty much used to it by now. I'm great with English, but I totally suck at Filipino. I can't seem to understand those super deep words, and believe me, I've tried using context clues. Nada. Kapoot. Zip. Can't understand a word parin. Haaay life. Got great grades for Geom though. Not to brag or anything, but the highest in our class got 82 out of 90. I came in second but got a surprisingly low 74. Can you imagine?! 8 points from the highest?! That sucksssss. Disappointing, since Math is the only subject I'm relatively good at, and I'm proud of that, pero swear, sobrang disappointing. Great though, cause I got the same percentage from our Chem exam, which was an 82 out of a hundred. Cool cool. Scared to death cause I might get a C for Social though. I totally suck at memorizing. Sana lang talaga mabawi ng exams. That's about it for yesterday.
You know those times when you feel too tired to go on? I'm feeling it right now. I thought going back to school would be ok, pero I have come to realize that it's not really all that they say. Parang, they say na it's great cause we wont have to bum around and crap, but it's different in my case. I'm handling soooo much stuff and all, and I'm getting too tired to do any of it. Crap. Kakabalik na nga lang from school, stressed nanaman! Grrrr.
Nevermind :)) Let it go nalang kaya?
at 7:47 PM, Thursday
2006 January 03
Will you..
Give me white roses just because it's Tuesday? Sheesh. It's a line that I've been thinking of all week. I heard it in a movie, i forgot nga lang which one, and the day was Wednesday instead of Tuesday, but who cares :) Anywho, yes, 2006 na and nothing really changed except that we'll all be going back to school na tomorrow. It's sad, kasi parang bitin yung bakasyon, ahhh who caressss!!! Can't wait for defense, YIPEEEE.. RIGHT!
Anywho, something I wrote up cause of all the boredom..
It's not really hard to check into a new year. Heck, it's not even as exciting as it used to be -- back when we were little kids awaiting the fabulous display of fireworks. We all used to count down the months, days, hours, and minutes till the year ends. Now, the mere 30 seconds aren't even that spectacular and suspenseful as before. I just go on and shout out "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" when I hear everyone else doing so and all the fireworks go off.
A lot of things happened during the past year that we all want to forget. Most memories though, are meant to be kept. We all did stupid stuff that we all wish we didn't do, dumb stuff that we'd love to forget, and other things that we'd just rather keep to ourselves. To all my fellow non-genius slash above-average students out there, we can forget about all the non-A grades that we got from the past few terms, and do better, new year's resolution ba ito? It's not difficult to leave all those things behind. All the not-so-high grades, all the sad memories, loses, trials, difficulties, and challenges, all the loves that were lost, and all the bad things that's been going on lately. I don't speak for myself alone when I say that not everyone's years were perfect. Seeing the year end, though, makes it all the more OK to forgive ourselves (and others), and to forget all the crap we wish didn't happen at all.
Honestly speaking, the final seconds of the year makes me look at the glass half empty, instead of seeing it as half full. Yes, there might have been things that were regretful, things that I wish would go away, and feelings that weren't meant to be felt, but even so, we all know that the next year would never be the same as the year before. It could possibly be better, worse, or amount to the same contentment, joy, or even sadness, guilt, and everything else in between. Nonetheless, leaving all those things behind, even if we know that nothing will REALLY change, seems, not exactly hard, but regretful. I wouldn't want 2005 to end; I wouldn't have to go through forcing myself to write down 2006 when my fingers instinctively jot down 2005 on my test papers, long tests, exams, etc. It's tough, but I've gone through it 14 times already, this, I guess, won’t be any different. Include all the memories. There are loads of things that I set my mind to do for the year of 2005, which sadly, I wasn't able to do. You know those things that you see in stores and you go "Pasko narin naman, I'll have money na siguro by then, and I'll be able to buy na what I want." Yes. I'm guilty of this never ending phrase that we (those who don't earn their own money and rely on the mercy of our parents and other relatives) face during the holiday season. Knowing the things we wanted will more likely not be on their respective shelves is sad, really. Sayang diba? Now we'll have to go and raid more stores to look for stuff to save up on. Ang hirap kasi hindi mo alam kung ano meron sa susunod na taon. No, actually, not really HARD, but a bit scary if you ask me. Not knowing what'll happen, and not having a sense of assurance is tough. But, as I said earlier, we've all been there, done that, and we're all, hopefully, sane up until now.
Nonetheless, there are loads of great stuff that we'll all cherish even as those new memories role in. I remember having loads of 'firsts', especially over the summer of 2005. A lot of funny mems, those that, when we think about it, still puts a smile on our faces just by remembering how happy those days were. I'm certain that not everyone's past year was full of regret or even shame. We wouldn't want to forget all the times that made us cry, not because of sadness, but happiness instead. Not everyone reflects as mush as I do. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm sane at all (because of all the thinking I do). This does great things though. Not like my other fellow juniors, I have a plan for my life already. Plans until I grow old, and die. A glimpse? Save up money, go to the US and save up even MORE money, get married, live here (Forbes hopefully, or Acropolis, or sa Corinthian, pwede na rin), have kids, give them the best life, and die. That's it. It's tough, cause I'm not the only one doing this "planning" thing, and the others who do are older than me, those who are about to graduate college and face these things in the near future, whereas me? I'll have to settle for trying to work my butt of to get into U.P. That's one thing that I was able to do this year - plan. This reflecting brings even more consequences as it seems. This is why I wrote this document down. I also remember trying to be "fit" this year, which didn't turn out GREAT, but good. Meeting new people, classmates specially, whom I'll be stuck with for the next year and whom I'll be seeing during out High School reunion. Tripping, falling face first (yes, this has happened to me a lot), embarrassing moments - not really all that hard to forget! Sad stuff, loses, plans gone bad, irritating times. It isn't most definitely difficult to leave the past behind, well, alam naman nating mangyayari din ulit yung mga bagay na yun, but should we really?
These things are what molded us, and keeps on molding us, into the best persons we can be - memories. "We learn from our mistakes", yes, heard it over and over, and this time, I can say that it's pretty much true. So, why leave all the sadness and happiness behind when we can just add them up to the things that we'll be feeling and experiencing this year and the years to come?
So, what I'm trying to say here? I have no idea. I guess it's a summary of how I've been feeling lately: joy + sadness. Ito ang nadadala ng pagrereflect - pagsulat ng mga walang kwentang bagay na kay haba haba. Though true, half empty, half full, sad memories, happy memories, new people, embarrassing moments, not knowing what'll happen, I really don't care anymore. I guess I'll be facing the new year with the same feeling I faced the year 2005 with, uncertainty.
Oh please guys, resist your urges. I know it seems senseless, pointless, and a bit stupid, but hey, I WROTE IT OUT OF BOREDOM. Get over it :)) Harhar.
Gimme roses, please?
at 1:39 PM, Tuesday
2006 January 01
Road trip!
Just got home. Technically, it's already the 2nd, but who cares. Anywho...
Cool cool. No longer grounded and loving it! ;) It hasn't been really long since I've been out. I just wasn't allowed to go out with friends for the whole latter part of December, which was, I believe, cruel. It's actually an understatement. The good thing was, I was allowed to go to all the Christmas parties that were held during that month, plus, I guess my mom's conscience kicked in. She took me to salons and crap. Manicures, spas, massages, woooh! Great time if you ask me. :) I guess I really dint loose anything this month. This was great. I loved the parties and crap. Best ever if you ask me ;) Anywho, that's it :)
ROAD TRIP!!! Yuh, umabot kami sa kung saan saan, and I dont even remember anymore. We started late though, around 6 yata ;) It was cool, and I got to see the Euro Star Carnival thing for the first time. We were supposed to go in, but the entrance cost to much, so we decided to go back nalang some other time. Went around Manila, and believe me, after not being there for a long time, it was hella beautiful ;) Not the nature-y kind, but the oldy thingy and the really cool statues and all. I remember passing this statue, and it was totally dark, I couldn't see it. I told my friend to slow down so I could read the name and inscription below. Guess what it said: "Ramon "Bong" Revilla Jr." ...Haha putek! It was Exodus pala! Akala ko naman kung sinong hero or whatever!!! Harhar! ;) Funnnehhhh :)) My friends kept laughing at me and all. Too bad we dint take pics. Nasa car lang kami eh, going down for pit stops and whatthefucks. We even parked dun sa harap nung new SM mall thing sa Manila. It wasn't done yet, but it was soooo cool and soooo big even without the lights and all. Anywho, we parked dun sa vast field in front of it and started to run around and do cartwheels and crap. Bea fell, sprained her ankle, haha too bad dude!! It was suuuuper funnn! We were supposed to go down sa may Luneta, cause some bands were there. Bamboo was one of them, if I recall correctly. Cool cool ;) Kaso, there were so many people, so we dint bother na. We ate dinner at Dad's, somewhere in Manila also. We even reached the toll gates and crap. Ended up drinking some booze at Tiendesitas where some bands played Beatles songs and crap. It ended at arouhnd 12, so we had to leave na the place. We stayed there for a while pa, then went home at around 2. We looked so stupid, I dint drink though. Sina Kevin were so drunk na and crap that they were shouting stuff na, embarrassinggggg!! :)) Fun though ;)
There you go. How I spent my first day of not being grounded :))
at 3:57 AM, Monday
