By Nicole Henderson
“And I’ll remember the love that you gave me, now that I’m standing on my own,” are the words to a song that to this day send chills down my spine every time I hear it. They have come to represent all of the memories I have of my first love from high school, Matt, who passed away in January of 2003. This pop song, written and performed by Madonna, came out in 1994 and was featured on the With Honors (1994) soundtrack. While this song had meaning to me when it came out, that meaning has grown over the years and today means more to me than it ever could.
I’m not sure if the memory I have is the time when I first heard it or just when it first affected me. My boyfriend and I had just broken up and I had gone to the movies with my friends to see With Honors to get my mind off of things. I remember that I was in my friend’s van after the movie had ended and the song came on the radio. It had a huge impact on me since I was recovering from the break-up at the time and I still loved him. The timing that this song had coming into my life made it stick out most in my mind. I had no idea then that the song would be my anthem and dedication to Matt forever.
This song is a sentimental one to me. The first time I heard this song, I believed it to be about a person recovering from a break-up. Now, years later, I see this song as being someone talking about the death of another person who meant something to them in their life. I can’t help but believe that this change in interpretation came with the way I needed the song to fit my life. Nevertheless, I feel that the strongest case can be made for the song being an ode to someone who has passed on.
Within the first verse are the lines, “Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry you taught me that.” These words rang true for me in two ways. The first tears came as a result of not only being hurt myself but also from watching others get hurt as a result of his drug addiction. The second of which came later in my life and comes, ironically, later in the song as well with the last verse, “No I’ve never been afraid to cry now I finally have a reason why.” Never, in all the time I spent crying over heartache for my ex-boyfriend and his situation did I imagine crying for a “better” reason than for his funeral. This song that once caused me to cry over simply breaking up with him had now become much more meaningful. “Now I finally have a reason why,” represents how I feel with his passing. Crying over a break-up suddenly felt so small in comparison to his death.
Matt has had a great impact on my life. He respected me as an individual when no one else did and loved to have fun. He showed me both the dark and light sides of life. As my first love he embodies the line, “And I’ll remember the love that you gave me now that I’m standing on my own.” While I know he was my first love, I also know that I was his. Remembering the love that he gave me is exactly what I do especially now that I am “standing on my own” without having him in my life anymore to talk to. Similarly, “I’ll remember the way that you changed me” also applies because it was through him that I learned to enjoy life and be spontaneous. I also learned that drugs could be a dangerous addiction and what seemed to be just having fun could and had turned deadly. He changed me in nearly every way a person could be changed and I am thankful to him for that.
“I’ll Remember” reminds me of him and often when I find myself missing him I’ll put the song on. When I listen to the song it brings back images of a time and a person who meant a great deal to me and without whose presence in my life would not have made me the person I am today. I prefer to listen to it when I’m alone in case my emotions take over. While the song’s words often make me cry, I find it therapeutic to listen to. It comforts me more than anything. I feel as though somewhere he can hear the words and understand how I feel about him when the song is on.
Madonna’s
song, though a cornerstone to the movie With Honors has come to have
more of a meaning to me than simply a theme to a movie. It has linked me with someone who I can no
longer see, speak to, or touch. Its
words have come to symbolize my high school years and the time spent with one
special person who changed my life. I
will always have this connection with my first love thanks to a song whose
lyrics match those of my heart.
”I'll Remember,” theme from With Honors (Madonna 1994)
Found on Something To
Remember CD and the soundtrack from With Honors (1994)
written by Patrick Leonard, M. Ciccone, and Richard Page
-------------------------
Mmmm, mmmm
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that
And I’ll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember the way that you saved me
I’ll remember
Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing
And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I'll remember happiness
I'll remember [I'll remember]
Mmmmm... [I'll remember]
Mmmmm...
And I’ll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember the way that you changed me
I’ll remember
Repeat 3X:
No I've never been afraid to
cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]
[I'll remember]