Why does it hurt so much to be alone?
I inhale but I do not breathe.
I live but I have no life.
A small candle lit but no clear light.
My last candle starts to flicker, and I have no more.
What comes after is darkness and uncertaintly and nothing more.

Can a stranger not peep through the window once in a while?
Can not a caring friend open the door a bit?
Can not someone stay? Can someone not take me?

Perhaps death comes to spare me the pain.
Or perhaps love will in it's place.
People in this world care about so many things,
and people ask why I don't.
Perhaps all that matters for me
is to care only where my heart and hope lies,
and about the wonderful person who has it.
Funny how people want so much,
where I seek only the one thing that gives me life.

The Bible says not to want....
...but I do not want....
I only need.

I need my queen.
I need the way she walks, the way she talks.
I need her kindness, her temper,
her love and her anger.
I need her tender mercy.

I need her everyday,
to see her, to breathe beside her.
How my day is lonely without looking at her eyes,
and her smile, even her face without her smile.
I need to know her, her mind and heart and all that she is.
I need her so,
alas, I admit, I cannot go through life without her.
How I need to know I am worth something too.
So alone at times. Fate has not been kind.
Too many sad things.
Why only this I have?
Too many sad things.
Does fate hate me much?

Why love so far away?
Why is it so lonely this way?
Why do I even live?

Someday I hope, all this pain gone, if fate grants me strength
to live through it all.
How I wish that day was here when nothing can hold us apart.
Till then I continue without much life.

09/17/98