The Thirty-Minute Fic
By: Ice Queen
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Disclaimer: DBZ is
not mine, Noseless is not mine, and this was all timed, so forgive the errors.
“And a one! And a two!
Lift those legs, girls! And a
one!” The lady on the television was a
shorter female, with no nose, and already Zarbon was into the show. He appreciated knowing that he was much
prettier then the person he was watching.
Although being prettier then a girl usually isn’t something people
aspire to.
“Zarbon!! Mister
Zarbon! Report to my head quarters at
once!” The deep, sensual voice of his
boss flowed over him and he stopped his rhythmic movements. He stood up, grabbing a towel from the rack
and wiping the sweat from his brow.
“What in the HFIL????? Ice!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!” Whoops…. Back to the story.
“Stupid lizard, I can’t even get a good workout in before
he needs me!” Zarbon complained as he
tossed the towel aside and checked his hair in a nearby mirror. He grinned as he ran lightly down the hall,
noticing as half of the crewmen stared at him in horror as the other half
looked slightly intrigued. He was
pretty, oh so pretty.
He walked into the room, stopping and staring at the
creature in front of him, no, not Frieza, the one beside the miniscule
tyrant. She was the same creature that
had been on the television. The cute,
but not as cute as himself, noseless one that led in the everpresent,
ritualistic torment of the female gender in their desire of the ever changing
culture tastes. Don’t mind me, I only
have thirty minutes.
He stopped and stared, wondering exactly what torments were
to overtake him. Frieza started to
smile slightly, his hands folding in a gesture of pure delight.
“So, Mister Zarbon. I see you are at a loss for words. I would like to introduce you to your new
sparring partner. Her name is
Noseless. Noseless Wonder. And she says you’re just a playboy, and most
likely swing the other way.”
“I AM NOT GAY!!
ICE!!!! THIS MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!” Sorry Zarbon-baby. It’s
all good.
“I suppose she can be my cough partner, if she can
prove that she belongs in this group.”
Sighing NW shot a look of pure disgust at the invisible author, grabbed
green boy by the arm and threw him through the wall. Frieza started laughing his head off as Zarbon stood up, wiping
the dust off his once immaculate, but no longer, outfit.
“That was my best outfit!
For that you must die!” He
screamed, then began to transform. His
face became horribly transfigured as his arms and legs grew ten times the size
they were before. Just as he was done
changing and about to attack, Noseless pulled a camera out of hammer space and
began to take snap shots. The flash of
the lens caused him to blink and fall backwards, right onto Frieza’s lap.
“This is perfect!” Noseless cried as she kept up the
constant snapping. “This will be great
for my page! Headline: Greenboy and
lizard man finally come out of the closet!
Or… Beastie boys and lizard men!”
“I AM NOT GAY!!!”
Zarbon shouted, coming off of Frieza like a bull enraged. He raced towards the small female only to
fall through another wall as she grinned, touched two fingers to her forehead,
and disappeared.
“You witch! I shall
not forget this day! You shall rue the
day you took those photos!” Zarbon
bellowed pathetically to an empty room.
From somewhere deep in space he could swear he heard the sound of
laughter.
“He turned and glared at the hysterical Frieza. “You do know that that isn’t helping, don’t
you?”
“I… BWAHAHAHAA… can’t…. HAHAHAA!!! Help… IT!” The smaller creature said between gasps of
laughter. “You look like a frog on
steroids!!” Zarbon growled, recklessly attacking the much stronger creature.
After recovering for a week in the pod he came out to the
sound of laughter. He glared up at the
men staring and pointing. “You
shouldn’t be laughing. I give you ten
to one I’m much better hu-“ He stopped
as a small counsel was shoved in his face.
“BEASTIE BOY AND LIZARD MAN!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?”
Grabbing the computer from the other man he crushed it in the palm of
his hand. He stomped through the crowd,
bare-arsed and full of self-righteousness, only to draw to an abrupt halt in
front of a grinning Frieza.
“While it is a very nice outfit, I hardly think it could be
considered ‘uniform’ Mister Zarbon. Perhaps
you might take the time to change.”
Zarbon’s face flamed bright red as he covered himself and ran the
opposite direction, the sound of Frieza and the other’s laughter still echoing
in his ears.
“I will have revenge for this you brat! I will!
Just as soon as I find some clothes…”
He looked around blankly, not recognizing the area that he was in.
“Dodoria? Anybody? I’m c-o-o-old!!!!!”
Scene closes in on solitary, naked figure standing in the
middle of a hallway, crying.
Sounds of laughter echo throughout the air, and the sight
of a madly grinning noseless creature remind us of the dangers of having Ice
Queen write for a whole half hour. It’s
a truly dangerous thing. Approach with
caution… Have the thirty minutes ended yet?
Trin? NW? Anybody?
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Zarbon: You deserve whatever torment you get, Ice! How could you leave me! Your buddy!
Naked and alone? And the gay
thing! Really!! I thought you covered it enough already!
Ice: Hah! Thirty
minutes up! Bye Bye!
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