Hey, this is C, and welcome to the story of my life. Get your butt comfy, it could be a long and wacky ride…
1791 was the year it happened. I was 24 - younger than you are now. I was a man at that age. The master of a large plantation just south of New Orleans...wait, no, wrong bio *starts over* It all began in a patch of magic mushrooms, (portobellos, people, no acid trippage for tiny!C) where I was hatched from a bright red egg bearing the words “One C to rule them all, one C to find them, one C to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.” All of this, of course, was written in a language that shall not be uttered in the hallowed halls of NAAA. Back to story. Young C was a happy, exuberant, always easily amused child, raised by goatherds in northern New Jersey. But all that was about to change…
At the tender age of 7, C’s goatherd masters sent her on a dangerous and perilous mission to the land of Stedor where the shadows lie. Her quest was to reform and attempt to rescue the misguided Fr. Orc. After 9 long years at her quest, she ultimately failed, though she did succeed in meeting the Cabs, the T, and the Chel, who in turn rescued her from the depths of Stedor where she had been lost, much like the goats her masters had herded.
Interlude: In which the C recounts her adventures at Stedor…
In this place of eternal evil, C faced many perils, including but not limited to the dreaded Naysee-Rog, whom she fought in the depths of the lowest waters, and up to the highest towers on the highest peak, and she smote her enemy’s ruin upon the mountainside. She was also troubled by the mighty Seb-lob the giant She-Spider, the terrible Cave-Bole, the potent Beluga of Doom, and army of Evans-Hai, the black riding Naz-gul Sisters, and the all seeing Apocalypse Eye-Hole.
Among C’s rescuers from this prison were of course T, Cabs, and Chel (with much influence from Avs), but also Evertgorn the Amusing, Spikewise the Brave, the Cobbler of Bree, and Leg and Gim and Glad’s guy were there too *giggle*. So she finally escaped the Belltower of doom wearing her Birks of Lothlorien. And so her tale shall begin in the great month of August; in which she shall undertake a new task: a new school, maybe not to reform, but to find joy in the hallowed halls of Galadriel…
*roll credits*
*cheesy music*