Before I answer today's shayla, I want to address a couple of issues which frequently arise:
A number of you have asked how you can reach me with urgent questions -- whether or not the chicken you slaughtered is koisher, or whether your wife is still in Nidah, chass v'sholom, and can I have a quick peek at the untervesh. Let me make perfectly clear: I am happy to do that for a big fee. And how much is the fee? Well it depends on the size of the untervesh. Let's put it this way, if your wife weighs 450 pounts, you had better be prepared to take out a second mortgage.
One other one point: Contrary to some speculation among many talmidim, I am not a former Canadian rabbi who now teaches Jewish Studies at a New Jersey University. On the contrary: I am an active Rabbi who is constantly learning Toirah and fundraising, in order to make the world a better place. In fact, I completely shun all universities in New Jersey, since they are the source for tayvah and apikorsus, and their shiksas aren't all that hot.
If I ever did decide to go into teaching it would probably be in North Carolina, or Arkansas, where the men are real men -- like Shimshoin Hagibor, and the woman are as hot as the Reboinoisheloilum intended when he first pulled out Adam Harishoyn's rib.
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This week I address a critical shayla on whether we can understand the ways of shamayim.
Dear Rabbi Pinky,
I have read that the former Chief Rabbi of Israel, Ovadiah Yosef, Shlita, has blamed the Katrina hurricane and the ensuing deaths of thousands of what he referred to as "kushim" on the Bush administration's pressuring of Israel to disengage from Gaza, and to the fact that shvartzes don't spend enough time learning Toyreh because they're too busy listening to jazz and rap music. A leading scholar of Bratslaver Hasidism expressed this opinion even before Rav Yosef.
Personally, I think these great gedoylim make some very good points. But, not being a Talmid Chochem I don't know what the mekoyrois for all this are.
What is your halachic opinion regarding the basis in Talmudic literature for Harav Yosef, Shlita's opinion? Could you please elaborate more fully on this question and provide Daas Toyreh guidance for all of us who are be-geder Nevuchim mi-Katrina.
Yours in Toirah,
A.M. O'Harits
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Dear A.M., my beloved talmid.
Thank you for your insightful question that is so relevant to the great topics of the day. Indeed, you have touched upon a most critical issue for Klal Yisroel, right up there in importance with whether we can use chocolate chip cookie crumbs for Tashlich, whether we can use yak’s hair from Pakistan in our sheitlach, and whether or not the Chairman will raise interest rates this month.
I must share with you an admission. Throughout most of my brilliant rabbinic career, I had been under the misconception that humans cannot fathom the calculations of the Divine… Indeed, it is written in Yeshayahu, Perek Nun-Hey, Passuk Khess—Passuk Tess, “Kee loi machshevoisai machshevoisaychem, velo darkaichem drachei, na-oom Hashem. Kee gavahu hashamayim meihaaretz, kain gavahu drachei midarkaichem oomachshevoisai mimachshevoisaichem.” “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways – sayeth the Reboinoisheloilum. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so are My ways high above your ways, and My thoughts above your thoughts.”
Hence, I always believed that these psukkim suggested that anyone who boasted that he could discern the will of Hakadoshboruchhu is a minuval with a capital “M” and should have a baseball bat taken to his schvantzlach. Indeed, the RAMBAM recalls in Moireh Nevuchim how he once treated someone who had a head cold who, during the consultation, expressed the opinion that the great earthquake of 1180 was caused by people who didn’t wrap their turbans tightly enough. Instead of arguing, the RAMBAM prescribed an enema with a concoction of mead, goat milk, and leeches.
My confusion, and I assume that of the RAMBAM as well, was reinforced every year while listening to the conclusion of Megillas Yoinah on Yoim Kippur. You, however, probably don’t recognize it, since I am sure that every year by Mincha time you are off sneaking a bagel and a cigarette in the closet, you shaygitz.
In any case, the very last two Psukkim of Yoinah has Hakadoshboruchhu admonishing Yoinah for mourning the loss of his gourd (Yoinah was very serious about his gardening hobby, and even had his own show on the Home and Garden Network for two seasons), “…Atta khasta al ha-kikayoin asher lo amalta bo ve-lo geedalto, she-bin layla haya ubin layla uvvud. Va-ani lo akhoos al Nineveh, ha-ir hagedoilah asher yesh buh harbay mi-shtaym esray reeboh adam, asher lo yuddah bayn yemeeno li-smollow, oo-behayma rabbah?” “…You cared about that plant that you did not work for and which you did not grow, which appeared overnight and perished overnight. And should I not care about Nineveh, that great city, where there are more that one hundred and twenty thousand people who do not know their right hand from their left, and many beasts as well?”
Yes, I always believed that the ways of the Aimishteh are beyond human understanding. But in recent years, I have seen that perhaps this is not the case. Apparently there are a gifted few who understand the Soidois of the Ain Soif, the secret calculations and mysteries of the universe. There are those who may indeed be able to discern the hand of Eternity in our temporal world – who can see spirits and the Beyond in our pale existence -- much like Chazal could often perceive a Bas Koil in a Bais Medrish, the Acharoinim could detect Shaydim in a house, or a hippie could see streaks of light in an LSD trip.
Take for example 9/11. Our small minded political and security professionals assure us that the tragic occurrences resulted from a legacy of fundamentalism and rampant moral and political corruption in the Arab world, resulting in a demonization of the West.
However, these foolish mishugayim apparently missed the point. For we were taught by a Gadol Hador two days after the event, “We have allowed rampant secularism and occult, et cetera, to be broadcast on television. We have permitted somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 to 40 million unborn babies to be slaughtered in our society. We have a Court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye and said, 'We're going to legislate you out of the schools, we're going to take your Commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states, we're not going to let little children read the Commandments of God, we're not going to let the Bible be read -- no prayer in our schools.' We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And, then we say 'why does this happen?' Well, why its happening is that God Almighty is lifting His protection from us."
Ah, true words of wisdom from of one the Lamud Vav Tzadikkay Oilum, Harav Hagoyn Pat Robertson. Clearly, the Aimishteh chose to share His Word with Reb Pat, just as He chose to share a view of His backside with Moishe Rabbeinu on Har Sinai.
So during Hurricane Katrina, Hakadoshboruchhu once again decided to deliver keen insights to the greatest of our generation. As cited above, Reb Ovadiah Yoiseph, apparently achieved deep awareness of the intentions of the Reboinoisheloilum. Perhaps the Aimishteh came to Reb Ovadiah when he was eating his daily chumus with prunes, or when he was sitting behind his shtender, dribbling on his shiny black robe.
But Reb Ovadiah was not alone. For in this time of deep human trial, there were other intellectual greats who had clear vision into the ways of the Aimishteh. According to Reb Michael Marcavage of Yeshivas RepentAmerica, “Louisiana had a total of 10 abortion clinics, with half of them operating in New Orleans…Although the loss of life is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city.”
As has now been clearly proven by the words of these gedoilim, the psukkim cited above – which suggest that humans cannot begin to fathom the intent of the Divine -- are clearly wrong. We can draw deeper understanding of human events. Well, some of us can. Not you, of course, you Minuval, since you can barely achieve a maaseh biyuh without using a reference manual. But a wise scholar like me can certainly perceive the ways of the Reboinoisheloilum.
Indeed, I have some recent realizations that I would like to share with you, if you can only stop thinking about your kleinikal bris milah for about five minutes:
-- Why is Klal Yisroel in exile? Because we rejected Yushke Pandra.
-- Why is Klal Yisroel persecuted? Because we rejected Yushka Pandra.
-- Why did Klal Yisroel suffer the inhuman indignities and atrocities of the 20th century? Because we rejected Yushke Pandra.
-- Why don’t our wives ever do that one thing we want them to do right after reciting Kriyas Shmah al HaMitah, no matter how much we beg? Because we rejected Yushka Pandra.
There. That was refreshing. I enjoy connecting the nekudois of history and the fantasy of understanding the Reboinoisheloilum’s will. It is much easier than to function in the real world of ambiguity. And it builds upon all the Toirah I have been teaching minuvals like you for the past 40 years.
Indeed, according to the ARI ZAHL, in Shamayim, a man is measured in three ways: by the generosity of his neshama, by the size of his shvantzel, and by the sum of all his words. But, the ARI warns, if a man is too generous, the Aimishteh makes certain that the man is left with nothing. If a man plays too much with his schvantzel, the Reboinoisheloilum ensures that it loses its groisskeit. And if a man speaks too damn much, Hakadoshboruchhu makes it obvious to everyone that the man is a freaking idiot.
Shoyn.
I am reminded of a famous medrish in Beraishis Rabbah about Hillel Hazakayn. It was the weekend and Hillel was in his art studio, working on a new statue of the Roman general Anti-tuchus. An ignorant beggar came to his door and said, “Rebbe, please tell me, how would you describe the Toirah on one foot?”
Hillel thought for a brief moment, and then answered, “Well, I guess I would call it a Hop-Toirah.”
The beggar then smacked Hillel in the head and stole all his art supplies.
Just as Hillel said the first thing that came to mind, so too do some individuals and prominent leaders of our generation, Reb Ovadiah among them. We should aspire to be more like Reb Oivadiah so we too can have a cadre of followers – men who will believe in all that we say no matter how stupid, and woman who will do special things for us without us having to beg, even if we did reject Yushka Pandra.
