With The Commentary of the RABAM
Rabboisai,
In anticipation of the upcoming Yuntif, I would like to address an
issue related to Hilchois Pesach
Yuntif, yontef = Yiddish: yom tof. A day of celebration, a festival, a holiday. From Hebrew yom (day, pl. yomim) and tov (good). The plural
is yomim tovim - holidays (of which there are thirteen in all).
Hilchois Pesach = the laws (halacha) of Passover, specifically the
obligation to begin preparing for the holiday a month ahead by starting
to learn the laws of Peysach on Purim, cleaning the house, removing all
leaven and yeast products (chometz). Chometz may not be in ones possession after the fifth hour of Passover eve, and may not be
consumed after the fourth hour. Start the cocktail hour BEFORE tea-time, in order to finish off the gin, whiskey, or vodka - these too are chometz.
“The Anonymous Minuval” writes:
Rav Pinky,
Am I allowed to perform oral favors on my wife on Pesach if she has
a yeast infection?
Well, my beloved, gutter-minded talmid, this is a delightful
question that I have been asked several times before, all by members
of the Ashkenazic tradition, since, as everyone knows, Sephardic
Jews have not subscribed to this approach to marital fulfillment
since the expulsion from Spain in 1492.
The expulsion from Spain = Ferdinand and Isabella’s order expelling
all Jews from Spain, as engineered by Haman...., I mean, by Padre Tomas De Torquemada, the Grand Inquisitor. The order was issued March 30th,
1492, giving those who would not convert until July 31st to get out.
It temporarily enriched many Spanish opportunists, and by reason of the
talents of the exiles brought permanent benefit to Sultan Bayezid II of
the Ottoman empire, who is notably quoted as saying: “you call this
king wise, who impoverishes his kingdom and enriches ours?”
In addition to the sultan, the painter Rembrandt Harmenszoon Van Rijn
was also particularly enriched by this event - many of his finest
subjects were friends and neighbors who were members of the Sephardic
community of Amsterdam, established by exiles from Iberia.
With regard to your question, yeast is not in and of itself chometz
(leaven), but is in the category of chometz-related matter. Hence,
Chazal would certainly hold that you could NOT perform oral favors
on your wife, though you are not required to dispose of her during
Pesach.
Chazal = chachmeinu zichrono levracha, our scholars whose memory is a
blessing.
However, if you are of the practice of performing oral favors on
your wife with the aid of a chometzdikkeh food, say—pudding, the
issue becomes more complex. BeDiyeved, there are those that say that
the Halacha would view this as similar to yeast, or a kli (a cooking
utensil), and, therefore, you may keep your wife in your possession,
as long as you do not perform oral favors on her during the course
of Pesach.
Chometzdikkeh = Hmmmm, yeasty! Pudding = a confection which usually
contains starch in suspension, which furthermore, because of a dairy
component, should not be eaten after or with fleishedikkes. According
to the Kovner Rov, it is better to use some mashed up banana.
BeDiyeved = From this one instance, ex post facto, after the fact. In
reference to what has already been done, deriving a rule to applied
going forward.
Lechatchilah, however, if we consider a wife’s private parts as
food, and therefore, having been exposed to the chometz, the
privates take on the nature of chometz, since chometz is not battul
afilu be’elef (is not considered insignificant, even if it is an
infinitesmal fraction of the food in question), then you must
dispose of the chometz prior to Pesach, preferably by burning.
Lechatchilah = Initially, going forward, as a new conception. In the
first place. Often in contrast to a statement bi di yavad.
Batel afilu ba elef = “countered even by a thousand”; not to be ignored
no matter how minute the quantity, unlike non-kosher inclusions during
the rest of the year, which are considered as negated when outnumbered
by sixty parts kosher (batel b’shishim).
However, in our day, our Rabbis have determined an alternative
approach, as we use with other valuable chometz investments. You are
allowed to sell your wife’s Erva to a gentile, provided you not
benefit from it for eight days. And, of course, you have to provide
access to the gentile at any time that the gentile so chooses to
take possession of the chometz.
Erva = provocation, temptation. By coincidence this coincides with an
evocative term for a part of the female anatomy.
Eight days = in chutz l’aretz, but seven in the land itself. An
additional day is customary for several chagim (holidays), due to the
uncertainty over times in places far from Yerushalayim.
How is this contractual arrangement made? There are those that are
more lenient, and say a verbal sales agreement is enough to drive
the exchange of possession. However, the majority of Achroinim hold
that there has to be a symbolic physical transfer of possession. In
real estate sales, this is typified by a kinyan sudor, or exchange
of possession using as handkerchief as a proxy. In this instance,
however, an exchange of your wife’s underwear would be the preferred
mode.
Achroinim = The Later Ones; post-mediaeval scholars. From ‘achar’ -
after, later.
Kinyan sudar = purchase by proxy (literally: acquisition of a scarf);
the legal acquisition, with documentation attesting thereto, of landed
or moveable property, in which a scarf or other suitable object
represents the object being sold. This is the method whereby stocks of
chometz are transferred to a gentile owner for the duration, key
element being that there must be believability to the transaction; the sale is honest, the gentile is the new owner, who may decide to sell the
chometz back after peysach has passed, but is in no way obligated to do so, and if the chometz is good-looking will probably not.
(Note that in Dutch Colonial Law, marriages could be performed for both
partners, if they were separated by thousands of miles, with a glove
representing the absent partner. Legally such marriages were as
binding as the sale of property with a scarf or similar flimsy fragrant
frippery.)
As well, the Rabbis note, it is customary the night before Pesach to
include your wife’s Erva when performing Bedikas Chometz in your
home. Your wife will certainly welcome the feather, but be careful
with that wooden spoon!
Bedikas chometz = searching for the last hidden morsels of chometz
with a candle for showing, by the casting of shadows, where crumbs on a
smooth surface might be, and a feather for delicate gathering all the
minute fragments. When the crumbs are found they are tied in a parcel
with the remains of the candle, the feather, and a wooden spoon
protruding as a handle to hold it all by when immolating it the next
morning.
Ah Gutten Shabbos You Minuval
