With The Commentary of the RABAM
WITH THE COMMENTARY OF THE RABAM
Rabboisai,
Before I answer today's shayla, I want to address a couple of issues which frequently arise:
Shayla = A question, regarding which a tshuva is the answer.
A number of you have asked how you can reach me with urgent questions -- whether or not the chicken you slaughtered is koisher, or whether your wife is still in Nidah, chass v'sholom, and can I have a quick peek at the untervesh. Let me make perfectly clear: I am happy to do that for a big fee. And how much is the fee? Well it depends on the size of the untervesh. Let's put it this way, if your wife weighs 450 pounts, you had better be prepared to take out a second mortgage.
Nidah: A condition of impurity coinciding with a monthly recurring flow of blood from an orifice, lasting seven days, with eleven days of vestigial flow (zivah) thereafter. The entire state of thus being impure lasts two and a half weeks, which are often followed by head-aches for the next ten days, until the cycle repeats. If no mikvah was visited after zivah, the impurity ‘conveniently’ continues.
To be absolutely on the safe side, purity and permissibility-wise, bedika is performed to examine the state of the unmentionable parts. A Rebbetzin is a good resource for this, though overnight-expressing of bedika-cloths or the relevant undergarments to a rabbi is not unknown either. Just make sure that you address the package correctly, as mix ups and switches are not unheard of. Somewhere, at this very moment, there is a rabbi looking with bafflement at a stuffed armadillo, while in the same town a redneck is sitting with an opened package on his table and a big goofy smile all over his ponim.
Mikvah = A pool of ‘living water’ (mayim chayim), meaning water that moves – river, lake, or rain water. To which other water may be added, although in many locales, especially in the tropics, it is wise to be alert to nasty things which thrive in water. One need not even mention parasites, larvae and bacilli alone are nasty enough. Conversely, while it is unlikely that anything at all thrives in the East River, it would be wise to avoid that water too (even though it qualifies as mayim chayim – Chazal inexplicably overlooked industrial waste and pollution, in their wisdom).
A woman is supposed to immerse herself entirely without holding on to anything, lest there be any part of her not in contact with the water (a vessel dipped for cleansing needs to likewise be entirely immersed).
The appropriate blessing upon using a mikvah is “Baruch atah Hasher Elokeinu melech ha-olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha-tevilah” (Blessed are you O Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, Who has made us holy by His Commandments and commanded us to perform a ritual immersion).
Bedikah = Examination. It’s not just for Chameetz.
Untervesh = Undergarments. But not the hemder. Usually those…, other things. Mmmm.
450 Pound wife = Like having one for the price of three.
Mortgage = Literally, ‘dead pledge’, from mediaeval French ‘mort’ (dead) and ‘gage’ (pledge, and by extension recompense), so called because the security on which money is advanced may be lost if the debtor does not repay, which, if the debtor is deceased, is rather difficult. You cannot take it with you. It is often in the lender’s best interest for the borrower to snuff it before the full amount is paid – it is a good idea read the fine print regarding disposition of real property in such an eventuality, and even better to take out an insurance policy that covers repayment.
One other one point: Contrary to some speculation among many talmidim, I am not a former Canadian rabbi who now teaches Jewish Studies at a New Jersey University. On the contrary: I am an active Rabbi who is constantly learning Toirah and fundraising, in order to make the world a better place. In fact, I completely shun all universities in New Jersey, since they are the source for tayvah and apikorsus, and their shiksas aren't all that hot.
Former Canadian Rabbi = A rabbi who has converted from Kenadiyus to a more civilized stroim, according to some. Some chappie named Lazer. We are utterly baffled.
Jewish studies = A subject taught by apikorsim to gentiles. We do not wish to know too much about the ways of the heathen, lest, as is described in seifer Melachim, psook 17:8, we follow ‘in the ways of the Goyim’, and an exile even further and more horrific than Egypt ensue.
Oh wait! Been there, done that.
And, if the gentiles know too much about us, they might inadvertently commit chillul Hashem, or chas vechollilleh study for their own real-estate licenses. So we disapprove of Jewish Studies. Mamesh.
Constantly learning Toirah = And part of learning is teaching, as Rebbi (Rav Yehuda) says: “I learned much from my teachers, more from my associates, but most of all from my students.”
Likewise in the Gemara (Ta'anit 7a), Rabbi Chaninah says "I learned much from my teachers, and more from my associates, and from my students more than from all."
In Pirkei Avos, Chapter 1, verse 6, Joshua, the son of Perachiyah, said, "Provide yourself with a teacher, and take to yourself a companion..”, which Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzhaki) explains as meaning that one should purchase books for study, and learn with friends. As it says in Ecclesiastes "two are better than one …”
Rabbi Chananiah Ben Teradion, in Pirkei Avos chapter 3, verse 3, says, "If two sit together and exchange no words of Torah, they are a meeting of scoffers, about whom it is said, 'The godly man does sit not in the place of the scoffers'. But if two sit together and exchange words of Torah, (then) the Divine Presence is among them”.
Rabban Yochanan, the son of Zakkai used to say, "If you have learnt much Torah, do not count it as merit; for that exact purpose you were created."
And the Sfas Emes (Rav Yehuda Aryeh Leib of Ger) opines that if you have learned much Torah, the insights thus gained will teach you to not take overmuch credit for yourself. Only one who knows but little pumps himself up over his accomplishments.
Taiva = A desire, weakness of the flesh. An insatiable craving. An urge, a taste, a zest for, a desire, and a temptation. Do not confuse this word with another word with a very similar pronunciation: Teivah.
Teivah = Word, nature. This word also means the Ark of Noah (see Seifer Breishis, Parshas Noach, psookim 6:13 and 14), and the basket of rushes smeared with pitch in which Moishe was set adrift in the Nile (Seifer Shmos, psookim 2:3 to 5).
In synagogue architecture, the platform for reading the Torah, often opposite the heichal, is called the teivah. Sometimes also called a ‘bimah’. We don’t know what this is called in New Jersey. They read there?
Apikorsus = A stage boys go through. Just ignore it. He’ll grow out of it on his own, or the Rabbi will beat it out of him before his bar mitzvah. Everybody gets it.
If I ever did decide to go into teaching it would probably be in North Carolina, or Arkansas, where the men are real men -- like Shimshoin Hagibor, and the woman are as hot as the Reboinoisheloilum intended when he first pulled out Adam Harishoyn's rib.
Shimson Ha Gibor = Samson the husband of Delilah.
Adam Ha Rishon = Adam the first man.
This week I address a critical shayla on whether we can understand the ways of shamayim.
Shamayim = Shumaya. Dos himmel, a place where only Hebrew is spoken.
Dear Rabbi Pinky,
I have read that the former Chief Rabbi of Israel, Ovadiah Yosef, Shlita, has blamed the Katrina hurricane and the ensuing deaths of thousands of what he referred to as "kushim" on the Bush administration's pressuring of Israel to disengage from Gaza, and to the fact that shvartzes don't spend enough time learning Toyreh because they're too busy listening to jazz and rap music. A leading scholar of Bratslaver Hasidism expressed this opinion even before Rav Yosef.
Ovadia Yoisef = The spiritual leader of Shas, who in the past was a shtarke denker, but seems to have in recent years lost his keen edge. He is old. We all grow old. But growing old in the limelight is no blessing.
Shlita = “She yichye lirot yomim tovim v’arukim” – ‘That he should live good days and fullness’. A phrase used in benevolent epithesis to the names of scholars, rabbis, and chochemerds.
Why is this said?
Not only in reference to Moishe, who lived to one hundred and twenty years, but also as an echo of the phrase in psalm 134, “Mi ha ish he-chofitz chayim, ohev yamim lirot tov?” (who is the man that desires life, loving the days, doing good?).
And implied, in the fabric underlying this abbreviation, is the thought that if a sage is less likely to engage in bittul zman (a waste of time, hence unworthwhile pursuits or activities) than other people, then surely it is good for both him and the world that he live long.
Kushim = Cushites. As Moishe’s wife was rumoured to be. People who have been blessed with a sufficiency of melanin to protect them from the sun out in the midbar.
Bratslaver Hasidism = The followers of Nachman Ben Simcha Ben Nachman mi Horodenka of Bratislava (Breslov), 1772 – 1811. Author of the Likutei Moharan, great-grandson of the Besht (Baal Shem Tov, Rav Yisroel Ben Eliezer, 1700 – 1760), and formulator of the concept of the Tzaddik as the leader of a community who takes upon himself the suffering and striving of that community, and who enlarges the blessings of that community by his obedience to the Aimishteh and his shomerus ha mitzvois.
His disciple, Reb Nosson, transcribed most of his teachings which have come down to us. Principal among these teachings is the idea that sincerity and joy count as service to the Aimishteh. But perhaps best known to outsiders is a form of meditation called Hisbodidus (to become solitary) – a free flowing personal prayer during which one can pour out one’s heart to the almighty as if to a bosom friend. Often this shades over into repetition of words or phrases of especial significance (although almost any word will do), such as “Ribboyne shel oilom!” (Master of the universe!). Ribboyne shel oilom! Ribboyne shel oilom!
Another interesting Breslover concept is that of the Tzaddik Ha Dor – the saint of the generation, who is the quintessence of the saintliness of that generation of tzadikim, and might be the Moshiach.
Because the master of Breslov rejected the concept of hereditary Tzaddikim, no successor was named when he returned to his maker. Hence his modern day followers are sometimes referred to as the Toiter (dead) Hassidim. Or, in Litvish pronunciation: Teiter Chasidim. This is not really a polite term, and I would appreciate your not using it.
Breslov is in the Ukraine (“new frontiers”), on the Bug river.
Personally, I think these great gedoylim make some very good points.
But, not being a Talmid Chochem I don't know what the mekoyrois for all this are.
Talmid chochem = A wise Talmud scholar.
Chochem = Wise, wiseman. Sarcastically, this is also used for smartass and idiot. Especially in Amsterdam.
Mekoros = Sources. Hence the original discussions or bases for a concept, but also that from whence clear waters flow.
What is your halachic opinion regarding the basis in Talmudic literature for Harav Yosef, Shlita's opinion? Could you please elaborate more fully on this question and provide Daas Toyreh guidance for all of us who are be-geder Nevuchim mi-Katrina.
Daas Toireh = Wisdom of Torah. Authoritative advice from great Torah scholars (such as you have naturally come to expect from the sages of Y.C.E.).
Be geder nevuchim mi Katrina = In a state or condition of being perplexed from or by Katrina.
Geder = Condition, status, restriction. Be-geder = In a state or condition.
Nevuchim = Perplexed or baffled, like readers of the Rambam.
Yours in Toirah,
A.M. O'Harits
Dear A.M., my beloved talmid,
Thank you for your insightful question that is so relevant to the great topics of the day. Indeed, you have touched upon a most critical issue for Klal Yisroel, right up there in importance with whether we can use chocolate chip cookie crumbs for Tashlich, whether we can use yak's hair from Pakistan in our sheitlach, and whether or not the Chairman will raise interest rates this month.
Klal Yisroel = The collective that is Israel. Us, the chosen people, the goy kadoish.
Tashlich = Casting crumbs into flowing water as a symbolic act of discarding our sins of the year, at Roish Hashoina.
Sheitlach, yak’s hair, Pakistan = A sehr shvere inyun! Sheitlach (wigs) made with hair derived from heathen religious ritual, such as those from long, aligned hair, harvested at avoda-zorisheh temples in India (hodu-hair, so to speak), would be issur to observant Jews. As the best quality non-black hair comes from Eastern Europe, however, this issur is not an issue, unless you want black hair. What then to do?
Pakistani hair (harvested from shnorrers and betlerim) would be acceptable, but is available only in insignificant amounts, and what passes is often from sources that do not stand up to scrutiny.
So, best go whole hog and buy bristles from a yak – go ahead, make a statement. It isn’t enough to merely look wild, be wild. Be the first on your block. Emets geshmak.
But why a sheitel in the first place? Because showing one’s hair to any one other than your husband is considered immodest.
The Baal ha Turetz (master of Tourettes, legendary ancestor of the Rebbe of Prolicz) solved the problem by insisting that his eishes chayil shave off her hair on their wedding day, and keep it ever after in a pouch that he could sniff in complete privacy. A remarkable solution.
I must share with you an admission. Throughout most of my brilliant rabbinic career, I had been under the misconception that humans cannot fathom the calculations of the Divine… Indeed, it is written in Yeshayahu, Perek Nun-Hey, Passuk Khess—Passuk Tess, "Kee loi machshevoisai machshevoisaychem, velo darkaichem drachei, na-oom Hashem. Kee gavahu hashamayim meihaaretz, kain gavahu drachei midarkaichem oomachshevoisai mimachshevoisaichem." "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways – sayeth the Reboinoisheloilum. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so are My ways high above your ways, and My thoughts above your thoughts."
Hence, I always believed that these psukkim suggested that anyone who boasted that he could discern the will of Hakadoshboruchhu is a minuval with a capital "M" and should have a baseball bat taken to his schvantzlach. Indeed, the RAMBAM recalls in Moireh Nevuchim how he once treated someone who had a head cold who, during the consultation, expressed the opinion that the great earthquake of 1180 was caused by people who didn't wrap their turbans tightly enough. Instead of arguing, the RAMBAM prescribed an enema with a concoction of mead, goat milk, and leeches.
Psukkim = Verses.
Hakadoshboruchhu = The Holy One, Blessed Is He.
Moreh Nevuchim = The Guide for the Perplexed, a sehr bavuste seifer written by Rabbi Moishe Ben Maimon, a scholar and doctor, who is also known as Maimonides.
Maimonides = Rav Moishe Ben Maimon (in Arabic: Musa Bin Maimun Ibn Abdullah el Kurtubi), 1135 – 1204. The Rambam. A student of Rabbi Yoisef Ben Meir Ibn Migash (1077 – 1141), successor of the RIF (Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Baruch Alfassi (1013 – 1103).
When Moishe Ben Maimon was thirteen years old, he fled Cordova (Kurtuba) because of the excesses of the Almohades, who conquered the place in 1148 and ordered the Jews and Christians to convert or leave on pain of death (a pattern which was learned and imitated in 1492 by their most Catholic majesties Ferdinand and Isabella); who says life for Yidden was so much better under the Muslims?.
He eventually settled in Fustat (a suburb of Cairo, Egypt). In addition to the Moreh Nevuchim, he also wrote the Mishneh Toirah (Restatement of Toireh, also called the Yad Ha Chazaka (The Firm Hand), an encyclopaedic treatment of Halacha), the Sefer Ha Mitzvos (Book of Commandments, in which he lays out the 613 mitzvois), and several volumes of teshuves (responsa).
Enema = A cure formerly much favoured, because like electro-shock in the fifties, at least one could actually see results, unlike several of the ineffective remedies current in the past. In our day it is still used by health-fanatics and people of a perverse waspish background (Neo-Puritanim), in the form of a high-colonic. They’re nuts – there is no credible evidence that it cures physical ailments other than blockage, and if they ate right to begin with even that would not be necessary. But perhaps they do it because of mental anguish – a bee in their bonnet. Or a bug up their donkey, so to speak. Damn hippies.
My confusion, and I assume that of the RAMBAM as well, was reinforced every year while listening to the conclusion of Megillas Yoinah on Yoim Kippur. You, however, probably don't recognize it, since I am sure that every year by Mincha time you are off sneaking a bagel and a cigarette in the closet, you shaygitz.
Megillas Yoinah = The Book of Jonah.
Yonah, inexplicably, is told by the Almighty to head to Nineveh and tell the people there that for their sins they will be destroyed. Instead, koppig, he takes a boat to Tarshish, to get as far away from Nineveh as possible. A storm comes up, and knowing that it was caused by the Aimishteh to dissuade him from his flight, he jumps overboard and gets swallowed by a large dag.
After seventy two hours in the whale’s stomach, he prays, and the Aimishteh causes the wale to puke him out. Again the Aimishteh tells him “get up, nebbech, and rip them another”. This time he obeys, and he tells the Ninevites that in forty days, gevalt, they will get whacked. And it comes to the ears of the king, who issues a proclamation that all in the city should fast, and wear sackcloth, and wail almightily to the almighty, and weep, and repent their foolish ways.
The Aimishteh hears their prayers and turns aside his wrath. Which irritates Yonah, who then goes and sits outside the town, telling the Aimishteh to take his life instead, because he feels taken advantage of now that Nineveh is spared and he has been made a fool of, what with his ranting. For three days he sits outside the city, in the hot sun – so the Aimishteh causes a gourd to grow up and around the woven lathe framework (a sukkes) against which he sits, to shade him with it’s luxuriant growth. Which pleases Yonah greatly, because it is beastly hot.
Then Hakadoishboruchhu causes a worm to infest the gourd, which withers and dies, and an east-wind to come up and raise the heat-level, so that Yonah is aza farheist, and so dehydrated, that he can’t even shvitz! And he laments for the gourd. Eicha.
And now, when He’s got him right where He wants him, the Aimishteh asks Yonah if he’s angry about the gourd dying, and shouldn’t he come to his senses already - and Yonah shoots back that he’s still steamed as all gitout, just do him in and get it over with! At this point the Aimishteh sweetly points out that if Yonah can get so upset over a gourd which was not even his, that much more so should He (the Ribbonosheloilum) be over destroying a city.
The entire point of the story seems to be that Yoinah was nuts. Really. There isn’t much more to it than that. An egomaniac. Voices.
For entirely inexplicable reasons we read this aloud on Yoim Kippur. Perhaps to tell us something about repentance. Or booths. As if the Air-conditioning failing during the height of Native American Summer couldn’t tell us that.
In any case, the very last two Psukkim of Yoinah has Hakadoshboruchhu admonishing Yoinah for mourning the loss of his gourd (Yoinah was very serious about his gardening hobby, and even had his own show on the Home and Garden Network for two seasons), "… Atta khasta al ha-kikayoin asher lo amalta bo ve-lo geedalto, she- bin layla haya ubin layla uvvud. Va-ani lo akhoos al Nineveh, ha-ir hagedoilah asher yesh buh harbay mi-shtaym esray reeboh adam, asher lo yuddah bayn yemeeno li-smollow, oo-behayma rabbah?" "…You cared about that plant that you did not work for and which you did not grow, which appeared overnight and perished overnight. And should I not care about Nineveh, that great city, where there are more that one hundred and twenty thousand people who do not know their right hand from their left, and many beasts as well?"
Yes, I always believed that the ways of the Aimishteh are beyond human understanding. But in recent years, I have seen that perhaps this is not the case. Apparently there are a gifted few who understand the Soidois of the Ain Soif, the secret calculations and mysteries of the universe. There are those who may indeed be able to discern the hand of Eternity in our temporal world – who can see spirits and the Beyond in our pale existence -- much like Chazal could often perceive a Bas Koil in a Bais Medrish, the Acharoinim could detect Shaydim in a house, or a hippie could see streaks of light in an LSD trip.
Sodos, Ain Sof = Kabalistic stuff.
Sodos = Secrets. Ain sof = The infinite endless without limit.
Bas Koil = The daughter of a voice; an echo. A voice all thunderously majestic and frightening which comes from Shamayim and tells us what the Aimishteh wants. But it is odd to believe that this happens, as it flatly contradicts the hester panim by which the Aimishteh hides Himself and all evidence of His existence, so that we may be zoiche to try and figure things out for ourselves. Though the Aimishteh spoke to both Moishe and to Shmuel in such manner (and evidently to Jonah).
Shaydim = Daemons, from a Semitic root which may refer to violence or force. In Assyria they were winged bulls, symbols of divine forces, which by extension came to mean the dangerous forces that protect or sequester buildings or grounds.
But per Chazal, these are the disembodied offspring of Adam HaRishoin and Lillith the Mother of Danger, being evil entities which cause disease, seizures, and misfortune. Now note that the word Shedim may be related to both Daemon and Hades, as a borrowing in various languages, and through phonetic changes in that process.
In most mythologies, such beings are the stick with which you are punished if you don’t follow the proffered carrot. It’s a mitzvah to be shoimer gezeres.
Take for example 9/11. Our small minded political and security professionals assure us that the tragic occurrences resulted from a legacy of fundamentalism and rampant moral and political corruption in the Arab world, resulting in a demonization of the West.
However, these foolish mishugayim apparently missed the point. For we were taught by a Gadol Hador two days after the event, "We have allowed rampant secularism and occult, et cetera, to be broadcast on television. We have permitted somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 to 40 million unborn babies to be slaughtered in our society. We have a Court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye and said, 'We're going to legislate you out of the schools, we're going to take your Commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states, we're not going to let little children read the Commandments of God, we're not going to let the Bible be read -- no prayer in our schools.' We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And, then we say 'why does this happen?' Well, why its happening is that God Almighty is lifting His protection from us."
Ah, true words of wisdom from of one the Lamud Vav Tzadikkay Oilum, Harav Hagoyn Pat Robertson. Clearly, the Aimishteh chose to share His Word with Reb Pat, just as He chose to share a view of His backside with Moishe Rabbeinu on Har Sinai.
Lamud vav tzadikkei oilam = The thirty six saintly people by whose grace the Aimishteh decides not whack the world and get rid of those irritating humans once and for all. In all generations there will be thirty-six, who themselves do not know who they are, but because of whom we live. Compare that with the good men in Sodom.
This idea is rather similar to the Calvinist conception of the ‘blessed’ – those who, no matter what they do, are saintly enough that they float up into heaven, unlike everybody else who go straight to the Costa Del Sol.
So during Hurricane Katrina, Hakadoshboruchhu once again decided to deliver keen insights to the greatest of our generation. As cited above, Reb Ovadiah Yoiseph, apparently achieved deep awareness of the intentions of the Reboinoisheloilum. Perhaps the Aimishteh came to Reb Ovadiah when he was eating his daily chumus with prunes, or when he was sitting behind his shtender, dribbling on his shiny black robe.
Chumus with Prunes = As a means of avoiding the need for, and abstaining from the manner of unblocking, as is favoured by the heathens mentioned above. It’s a blessing.
Shiny black robe = Because a saint cannot take time away from study for such silly things as clean robes. Grease spots and flattened oily swaths are insufficient reason for bittul Toireh.
But Reb Ovadiah was not alone. For in this time of deep human trial, there were other intellectual greats who had clear vision into the ways of the Aimishteh. According to Reb Michael Marcavage of Yeshivas RepentAmerica, "Louisiana had a total of 10 abortion clinics, with half of them operating in New Orleans…Although the loss of life is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city."
Reb Michael Marcavage = A sage residing in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love and inappropriate touching, whose intimate knowledge of Satan is second to none. We are in awe of his tempered, well-considered, and deeply humane words, drenched in the milk of human kindness and a near-divine sense of mercy. Such rachmanus.
In addition to his wise utterances regarding family planning establishments, he is also deeply concerned about the proper way of celebrating alternative lifestyles, and attending to ritual events of a Greek nature. A very passionate man, he supports his local baseball team with gaiety and pride, often urging others to attend home-games with banners, flags, and signs.
As has now been clearly proven by the words of these gedoilim, the psukkim cited above – which suggest that humans cannot begin to fathom the intent of the Divine -- are clearly wrong. We can draw deeper understanding of human events. Well, some of us can. Not you, of course, you Minuval, since you can barely achieve a maaseh biyuh without using a reference manual. But a wise scholar like me can certainly perceive the ways of the Reboinoisheloilum.
Indeed, I have some recent realizations that I would like to share with you, if you can only stop thinking about your kleinikal bris milah for about five minutes:
-- Why is Klal Yisroel in exile? Because we rejected Yushke Pandra.
-- Why is Klal Yisroel persecuted? Because we rejected Yushka Pandra.
-- Why did Klal Yisroel suffer the inhuman indignities and atrocities of the 20th century? Because we rejected Yushke Pandra.
-- Why don't our wives ever do that one thing we want them to do right after reciting Kriyas Shmah al HaMitah, no matter how much we beg? Because we rejected Yushka Pandra.
These four questions = Diese vier kashes, as is well known, are asked by a chachem, a rasha, a tam and sh’eyno yodea lishol – wise, wicked, simple, and one who doesn’t know how to ask.
The Baal Ha Turets, when asked these very same four questions, answered by (in precise order) citing the warning in Seifer Melachim about following the ways of the Goyim, ranting about damn hippies, swearing like a storm-trooper, and recommending that one establish a mutually beneficial business relationship with a hot shiksa (the rest of this passage is a confusing jumble of references to rancid milkmen and yoghurt stained floors, give me one now and again, big boy, and similar Kabalistic oddities. Plus a quote from the Rambam to the effect that gentiles of either gender do not have headaches for weeks at a time – the text is smeared, and we believe the manuscript may have gotten drenched repeatedly).
There. That was refreshing. I enjoy connecting the nekudois of history and the fantasy of understanding the Reboinoisheloilum's will. It is much easier than to function in the real world of ambiguity. And it builds upon all the Toirah I have been teaching minuvals like you for the past 40 years.
Nekudos = The dotting that indicate vowel values in Hebrew script, and by extension the dots. It also means Masoretic phonetics, a mystery most profound. Why did the Masoretes speak such farshtunkene ivrit?
Indeed, according to the ARI ZAHL, in Shamayim, a man is measured in three ways: by the generosity of his neshama, by the size of his shvantzel, and by the sum of all his words. But, the ARI warns, if a man is too generous, the Aimishteh makes certain that the man is left with nothing. If a man plays too much with his schvantzel, the Reboinoisheloilum ensures that it loses its groisskeit. And if a man speaks too damn much, Hakadoshboruchhu makes it obvious to everyone that the man is a freaking idiot.
The ARIZAL = Rabbi Yitzhak Luria, born 1534 CE in Yerushalayim, nifter 1572 CE in Sfat, zichrono livracha. A groundbreaking mystic, whose thoughts on the concealment of the divine light of the ein sof and the shattering of the vessels have become fundamental Kabalistic concepts, along with his ideas about gilgulim (reincarnations) and tzimtum (the contraction of the Aimishteh which made way for our universe to exist) .
Tzimtzum (contraction) is an explanation of how a finite world came into existence in the infinite allness of the divine, which the Arizal klers is by the exclusion of the Or Ein Sof (the light without limit) from its state of being revealed, in that process forming dimension and time.
The Arizal’s conceptiva were collected and published by his pupil Rabbi Chayim Vital Calabrese (1543 - 1620 and Chayim’s son Shmuel, in a collection of eight volumes (the Shemoneh Shearim – Eight Sections), which is known collectively as the Etz Chayim (Tree of Life, but also a punning referent to both Rabbi Chayim, and the diagram of the ten sefiros). The statement referenced above is found in both the Shaar Ha Kavanot (volume five – the Section Of Intention), and the Shaar Ha Gilgulim (volume eight – the Section Of Revolvements), in which, by the way, there is much mention of dibbukim – incomplete souls that cleave on to the living, as a possession or occupier of the same flesh-space, causing that person to act like a freaking idiot. Or a reactionary fundamentalist fruitcake from Philly. Damn hippie.
Shoyn.
I am reminded of a famous medrish in Beraishis Rabbah about Hillel Hazakayn. It was the weekend and Hillel was in his art studio, working on a new statue of the Roman general Anti-tuchus. An ignorant beggar came to his door and said, "Rebbe, please tell me, how would you describe the Toirah on one foot?"
Bereishis Rabba = The Greater Bereishis. One of the volumes from the Medrashei Agadah, which is anecdotal or explicatory material on Talmud-Torah. Medrash means derivational material, but as much of the midrash is in the form of tales and parables, aggadetic talmudica is often called medrash. The term is Aramaic.
Hillel Ha Zakein = Hillel the Elder. The partner in lomdus of Shammai the Grumpy.
Hillel thought for a brief moment, and then answered, "Well, I guess I would call it a Hop-Toirah."
The beggar then smacked Hillel in the head and stole all his art supplies.
Just as Hillel said the first thing that came to mind, so too do some individuals and prominent leaders of our generation, Reb Ovadiah among them. We should aspire to be more like Reb Oivadiah so we too can have a cadre of followers – men who will believe in all that we say no matter how stupid, and woman who will do special things for us without us having to beg, even if we did reject Yushka Pandra.
Ah Gutten Yuhr, You Minuval.
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