Rabboisai,
There is a famous story about Reb Yoisaiph Kairo, the mechaber of the Shulchan Aruch. He was once asked by one of his students, “Rebbe, of all of the Halachois that you recorded and wrote about, which is your favorite?”
Reb Yoisaiph thought for a moment, then responded. “You know, I would have to say that my favorite Halacha is the one about how when you are doing a maiseh biyuh, you have to shut the lights and draw the binds in order to create an atmosphere of pitch darkness.”
Astounded, the student followed up. “Rebbe, is this halacha your favorite because of tzniyous? Or is this because in the embrace of the Shchinah and the other Sefirois symbolized by the sexual union, we are instructed to strive to emulate the nothingness of the Ain Soif?”
Reb Yoiseph chuckled. “No, my beloved talmid. You obviously haven’t seen my wife. Her face could make a chimpanzee on Viagra go as limp as soggy matzoh.”
This story comes to mind as we read the headlines of recent weeks that remind us of the frailty of our physical and political stability, both inside and outside our community, and ponder how we can hide from the unpretty realities of our day. I am referring to a few incidents in particular:
-- The recent election of Hamas in the West Bank and Gaza. I was surprised that they gained so many votes. I mean, I voted for them, but only because my own Rebbe told me to.
-- The incapacitation of the Prime Minister, felled by a stroke and unlikely to recover. It just goes to show the lengths that some people will go to not have to spend time with Netanyahu.
-- The violence between the settlers and the Israeli security forces in Amona and other locations in Yehuda and the Shoimroin. You know, next time I am in Eretz Yisroel, I too plan to throw stones at IDF soldiers, toss bricks at the heads of the Israeli police, and maybe even stab a border guard. I am even trying to convince one of my talmidim to start wearing a suicide gartel.
-- The outrageous statements of the Iranian President. Who does he think he is: Oivadia Yoiseph?
-- The global response of the Moslems to cartoons satirizing the Prophet Mohammed. I totally support that. Aimishteh knows I would never parody anyone’s religious beliefs.
How are we to approach a period of such uncertainty?
If we think back to the dawning of Klal Yisroel, just following Yetiziyas Mitzrayim -- the Exodus from Egypt -- things must have looked just as bleak. There were our ancestors, freed from Egypt but trapped in the desert without food, water, cable, or a decent business plan. Yet they went ahead, never doubting their ultimate destiny, always trusting in the good will of the Reboinoisheloilum.
Well, umm, maybe they rebelled once or twice…every single freaking Parsha. And we of course aspire to live up to the example set by that holy generation. We do this every time we drink unfiltered tap water, sneak out for traifus, watch television, have a tryst with a hot shiksa, or pay retail chass v’sholom.
And we complain. To each other and to anyone who will listen. We write letters to the editor. And we bury ourselves in a mixture of self pity and moral superiority.
At times like these we must wonder if we would be better off if we were like other nations. Wouldn’t it be nice to be like the Western Europeans, whose embassies and chain restaurants are being targeted by angry Moslems? Or like the Russians, who are fighting a slow, burning war in the province of Chechniya. Or like the Arab world, most of whom live in countries with authoritarian regimes. Or like the Americans (many of us in fact are), who are universally resented globally.
So, in fact, we are just like everyone else. We live in a similarly dynamic and uncertain world – Interesting Times, as the Chinese proverb goes. And yet these nations go on, and so must we.
I am reminded of a medrish in the Mekhilta. Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Tarfon once spent an entire month at the Yeshiva engaged in a passionate machloikess on whether or not Kriyas Shma Al Hamitah has to be recited twice if one is sleeping on a king sized bed. Following one intense debate on Shabbos Koidesh, they decided to take a couple of days off and relax. So Sunday morning they set out with a few talmidim for a camping trip in the Galilee. Unfortunately, on the first day Rabbi Akiva accidentally shot Rabbi Tarfon while they were hunting wild boar. But luckily one of the Talmidim knew a few good recipes.
So how should we respond to our ever changing world? Like Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Tarfon, we should take time out of our difficult lives to reflect. And I humbly suggest you consider the following recommendations:
-- Empathize with our Moslem cousins, whose Supreme Prophet has come under intellectual assault. We would not be happy if someone poked fun at Moishe Rabbeinu, chass v’chalilah. And the entire Knessess Yisroel would react with extreme anger if anyone ever attacked the Supremacy of Profit.
-- Support the Iranian President. He is such a lunatic, he is entertaining. (Until, of course, he gets The Bomb.)
-- Frequently embrace Hamas…with a really tight embargo and closing of the borders. History has determined that we must co-exist with our Palestinian neighbors. But we must place them behind a tall mechitza, so at least for a couple of hours a week they are forced to stay in the Ezras Nashim and let us have a few moments of peace with our friends, without bothering us about the Rivky’s low cut dress, the length of Malky’s skirt, or that sheitel that Shprintzy is wearing that looks like it came from a yak’s hindquarters.
-- Write many big checks in support of the most hard core of the settler community. They are the only true believers, and are bravely trying to recapture a moment of our grand history – the period of the second Bais Hamikdash when the Romans chose to sit outside the walls of Jerusalem and wait for the Jews to kill each other in a self-destructive civil war.
-- Fervently keep up our Holy Tradition, which defines us as a People and makes all the sacrifices of Klal Yisrael worthwhile. Of course, I am referring to Metzitzah BiPeh. I lecture my Bashert, Feige Breinah, on this point every day. Usually she is too busy to answer back, if you know what I mean. Boruch Hashem.
Most important, we must keep perspective. Klal Yisrael’s situation was far more tenuous in the not too distant past. Things could be much worse. You could be living in Iraq right now. Or you could be a member of the Bush Administration. Or a former Enron executive. Or, worst of all, your wife could be a dead ringer for Mrs. Reb Yoisaiph Kairo.
