With The Commentary of the RABAM
PARSHAS CHAYEI SARAH
Chayei Sarah = Life of Sarah. Seifer Beraishis (Genesis), psukim 23:1 – 25:18
Rabboisai,
I write this Dvar Toirah while on an international flight en route to an annual gathering in commemoration of this week's Parsha, Parshas Chayei Sarah. Thousands of people focus on the first half of the Parsha and gather in Chevroin every year to celebrate the burial place of Sarah Imainu. I, on the other hand, will be joining a group of people commemorating the second half of the Parsha, the marriage of Yitzchak Avinu to three-year-old Rivka Imainu, by traveling to Thailand to be mezaneh with a group of underage girls.
Chevroin = Hebron. Where the Matriarch Sarah was buried, and where a number of stubborn people still resist the inevitable.
Sarah Imaeinu = Our Mother Sarah. The Matriarch from whose aged loins sprang the Jewish people. She was ninety years old when she birthed. The wife of Avraham the wandering Aramean, who also fathered the Arabs through his concubine Hagar, Sarah’s slave-girl, mother of Yishmoel (who is not very fond of us).
Ishmael got shafted because Hagar and Sarah hated each others’ guts. Classic case of what happens when the family patriarch sleeps with other women. The rival son, son of the rival, pays for his mother's dubious good fortune, then pays again for her clear misfortune.
In the case of Yaakov and Esav, on the other hand, the mother played favourites, and the one who pleased his father rather than her lost. So it provides a narrative balance, and a corollary, to the Yishmael and Yitzhak tale.
Three year old Rivka = Rashi establishes by Biblical math that Rebecca was an infant, azoi: Sarah Imeinu was 90 when Yitzhok was born, 127 years old when Avrohom and Yitzhak go up the mountain. After the Akeida, Avrohom et famiglia return to Be’er Sheva, then Sarah dies in Chevron (shock at what her son told her -- her putz of a husband had been up to up on the mountain?), at which time Yitzhak was 37. Then Avrohom hears of the birth of Rivka, who his son Yitzhok will marry in three years.
From this Rashi shpers that Rivka was three years old.
Ibn Ezra, ma she’ein kein, takes a far less meshune tack on this, pointing out (Seder Olam Rabba) that Rivka’s birth is mentioned before Sarah’s death, even though Avrumel only hears about it afterwards. Ibn Ezra further postulates that at least a dozen years passed between the Akeidah and the death of Sarah Imaeinu, and if Rivka was born in the same year as the binding, then she was only thirteen years younger than Yitzhak – not so much a chidush as a much more reasonable assumption.
After all, a three year old is hardly likely to be at the village well drawing buckets of water for the household, giving an elderly git (Eliezer) a tip of a jug for a drink of water, AND watering his camels.
Supporting the mishegoss that Rivka was three years old at the time of her shidduch, Beraishis Rabba 58:2 says ‘Ere Hashem allows the sun of one righteous person to set, He causes the sun of the next righteous person to rise’, which is taken to mean that G-d balanced out the death of Sarah with the birth of Rivka.
But should we really assume so close a match in time?
Probably not. In Bereishis 24:16, Rivka is referred to as a na’arah, which means a girl who has reached the age of sexuality – at least bat mitzvah age, in other words. A girl who would’ve been much more likely to slide down from the camel she was riding when first seeing her future husband, whereas a three year old would’ve probably fallen off and hurt herself (which is not how it is described in this parsha).
A spunky teenager, in other words. Quite possibly a perky brunette. Bubble-icious.
The Vilna Gaon cites Beraishis Rabba 56:11 which says that Yitzhak was 26 years old at the time of the Akeidah, and that Sarah Imaeinu did not die at that time, as it was at the end of the time when Avrohom and his family lived in the land of the Pelishtim, and after that they lived in Chevron for another twelve years. So, if Avrohom heard of Rivka’s birth after the death of our mother Sarah, then Rivka would have indeed been a na’arah.
Nothing like a young, fresh Naharaimian to spice up the old ohel.
So why do we still give credence to Rashi’s interpretation, instead of Ibn Ezra’s?
Simple. Rashi was a ba’al gaiva.
Damn hippie.
Ibn Ezra = Abraham Ben Meir Ibn Ezra, born between 1089 and 1093 (probably the latter), died 1167. Native of Tudela in the emirate of Sarragosa. One of the greatest Torah commentators and a forerunner of modern criticism. Much admired by Spinoza, he was one of the first to translate writings of Muslims and Arabic-speaking Jews into Hebrew. A rationalistic and scientific minded interpreter of Talmud-Torah, a grammarian, and a mystic. A scholar whose profound influence on later scholars continues even today.
This week's Parsha, of course, begins with the passing of our foremother, Sarah Imainu. RASHI tells us that Sarah died as a result of hearing that her husband, Avraham, had taken their only son to be slaughtered at the alter. The RAMBAM asks the question: Why should Sarah have been shocked? Where was her faith in the Rebboinoisheloilum? Was she not ready for the Aimishteh's test? Was she tempted by the Yetzer Harah, the Evil Inclination, to question her belief in the all knowing, rational and loving Hakkadoshboruchhu who expressed His divine love by suggesting that Yitzchak be grilled to perfection like ribs at a July 4th barbecue? Did she not want her son to be slaughtered, so he could die for all our sins? (OOPS, wrong religion. Sorry.)
Rashi = Rabbi Shlomo ben Itzhak, a mediaeval bible commentator (1040 - 1105) from Troyes. His commentary and annotation of the Torah and Talmud is often included on the printed page, and is considered the basis from whence all study of the material must grow. He was thorough, but not always correct. By unimaginative yeshiva-leit he is made much of.
Tayere Rabbosai, he didn’t invent the Torah, he merely found it – so stop acting like he’s the second coming of Moishe already!
Rashi tells us “because through (hearing ) the report that her son was bound for slaughter, her soul flew from her and she died.
What is this?!?! Avraham sent runners to tell her? Long distance boasting? “Hey woman, guess what I’m doing?” How twisted, me’od.
But whatever. Basically, Rashi says that Avraham killed his wife by pretending to kill her son. Both Rashi and Avraham have issues.
Rambam = Rav Moishe Ben Maimon, 1135 – 1204. A gentleman from Cordova, much respected in Jewish thought (as well as held in high esteem by Arabs, who usually take him for one of their own, a prolific writer, scholar, scientist, and medical man. In Arabic he is know as Musa Bin Maimun Ibn Abdullah el Kurtubi (El Kurtubi: the chap from Cordova).
Now note further that Rashi states that 127 years signifies one hundred years of being like the innocence of a twenty year old, and the twenty signifies the beauty of a seven year old.
The beauty of a seven year old!?!??. Pervert! Stop obsessing about pre-teen girls! European!
Indeed, it was not Sarah who mentally snapped as a result of Akeidas Yitzchak, the Binding of Isaac, at the end of last week's Parsha. It was Avraham Avinu. According to a famous medrish in Beraishis Rabbah, this Parsha is testimony to that fact that Avraham completely lost his marbles after the Akeidah. Note the evidence of his nervous breakdown:
-- We are told, not once -- but twice, that Avraham bows down to the "Am Ha'aretz," the People of the Land, to express his humility and gratitude for their support (Beraishis, Perek Chuff Gimmul, Psukim Zayin and Yood Bayz). How can Avraham Avinu, our forefather, the man who discovered Hakadoshboruchhu, the man who invented string cheese and the Palm Pilot, prostrate himself before other human beings? Did he not realize that the only thing he should EVER bow down to was the Rebboinoisheloilum, the Melech Malchei Hamelliachim -- unless of course someone had dropped a quarter?
However, the medrish quotes Rabbi Akiva as saying that at this point in his life, Avraham was so deluded and confused he would bow down to a cow every time he had a potato with a little sour cream on it. He would even bow down to his dry cleaner everytime he picked up his shirts.
Melech Malchei Hamelliachim = The king (who is) king of kings.
-- Avraham Avinu barters to gain the right to bury his beloved Sarah in Meuras Hamachpeilah. Ephroin, the property's owner, gives Avraham the land and does not want payment. Avraham, however, insists upon counting out four hundred shekels of silver as payment to Ephroin.
So what's pshat "payment"? Why didn't Avraham just chop off one his arms and present it to Ephroin, instead of giving away money for no reason? Maybe he should have given away his ATM card and his PIN code, while he was at it?
Meuras Ha Machpelah = The cave of Machpelah, which is by the oaks of Mamre asher mipnei Chebron. A choice bit of real-estate owned by Efron the Hittite.
When Avraham makes inquiries, the elders of that community wish to give it to Avraham, but he refuses it as gift, instead insisting on purchase, at a fair price, so that thereafter no one can say that he took land, or was dependent upon strangers for the grave of his wife. It is the first part of the Eretz Kadoish owned by the Bnei Yisroel. It is on the Yishmoeli side of the line, and hence disputed over by Arabs, Jews, and Sharon.
But of course WE should hold on to Chevron – Avraham paid full-price!
-- Avraham decides to send his manservant, Eliezer, to find a wife for his son, Yitzchak. To secure his commitment, Avraham asks that Eliezer, his servant, put his hand "underneath Avraham's thigh." Wow. That is progressive. According to Rabbi Akiva, after the death of his wife, Avraham was so randy he was open to "all lifestyle alternatives." Indeed, there is a separate Braisah in Masechess Pesachim that suggests that following Sarah's death, Avraham Avinu joined a local S&M club, spent six months in a nudist colony, and made seventy five dollars a week posing for an art class at his local community college.
Now note that it was after the passing of his wife that Avraham decided to marry of his nebbishy son. Forty years old, and still lives with his father. Hmm. It is rare for the Torah to so boldy bring up male intimacy and lack of privacy - extending that to an elderly widower who takes matters into his own hands is zesty beyond belief.
But, mimunifshach, it was clearly the hefkerus of Avraham’s ohel after the death of Soroh that prompted the search for an obedient woman.
“Underneah Avraham’s thigh” = Just as giving evidence in ancient world involved swearing while holding onto your testicles (hence testimony), so also making a commitment involved beitsim. From which we learn that the testimony of eunuchs and women was not considered as valid as that of men.
You think that no longer applies? In Saddam’s jails the truth was elicited by the judiscious application of electric current to the testicles of prisoners – just as we taught Latin dictators to do. Knowledge is universal, but not everybody got testicles.
Rhe noodge Rashi then says “since one who takes an oath must take in his hand an object of a commandment (an item with which a mitzvah was performed) such as a Torah scroll or a set of tfillin. And circumcision was the first commandment given to him, so Avraham hed Eliezer take hold of his manly part, because it was precious to him”. Shoyn. He must’ve been a joy in court, that one.
Avraham's mental state is of course balanced with the beautiful story of the discovery of Rivka. After being sworn to his commitment to find a wife for Yitzchak, Eliezer sets out on his quest. As he reaches a well, he decides that he will anticipate a divine sign: the appearance of a woman who will offer drink to both him and his camels.
The RADAK asks the question: why did Eliezer choose a sign based on a woman's action, rather than a visual metaphor, such as a yellow ribbon on the woman's dress or a tattoo on the small of her back? The Toirah Temimah answers that, mamesh, Eliezer was indeed looking for such a sign: he was hoping that as the women bent down to fetch the water he would catch a glimpse of her cleavage. Says the Toirah Temimah, Eliezer had also committed to Avraham that the bride he would bring back to his master's son would have a Double- Daled cup.
Beautiful story, Eliezer, a well, divine sign = Avraham sends Eliezer, his steward, to Aram Naharaim (the land of Aram between the rivers: Mesopotamia. Modern Bavel) to find a woman among his kinfolk who will tolerate a forty year old nebbishy mama’s boy…., I mean, who has all the virtues that a woman who will give birth to the nation of Yisrael will need – a suitable mother of a tribe which will be numerous as the grains of sand and the stars in the sky.
Eliezer travels north-eastward, and comes to a well outside the city. At this point, he is wondering how to complete the task that Avraham set him.
It then says in psook 24:14 “Ve haya ha naara asher omar eleiha hati-na chadech ve eshte ve amra shete ve gam-gemaleicha ashke ota hochachta le avdecha le Yitzhak u va eda ki-asita chesed im-adoni” (So let it be ordered, that the girl to whom I shall say ‘lower your pitcher, I ask you, that I may drink’ shall say ‘drink, and I will give your camels to drink also”; let this same one be she that you have designated for your servant, for Isaac, and thereby shall I know that you are kind to my master).
Psook 24:15 “va yehi-hu terem kila le daber, ve hine, Rivka yotset asher yulda li Vtuel ben Milka eishet Nachor achi Avraham ve chada al-shichma” (And so it happened that before he had finished speaking, that, lo, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher on her shoulder).
Psook 24:16 “ve ha naara tovat mare meod betula, ve ish lo yedaa, va tered ha aina va temale chada va taal” (And the girl was very nice to look upon – and a virgin whom no man had known, and she went down to the spring, and filled her pitcher, and came up).
Psook 24:17 “va yarats ha eved likrata, va yomer ha gemiini na meat-mayim mikadech” (And the servant ran to meet her, and said 'please give me a little water to drink from your pitcher').
Psook 24:18 “va tomer shete adoni, va temaher va tored kada al-yada va tashkehu” (And she said: 'drink, my lord', and she promptly lowered her pitcher onto her other hand (to support it), and gave him drink).
Psook 24:19 “va techal le hashkoto va tomer gam li gmaleicha eshav ad im-kilu lishtot” (And when she had given him drink, she said 'I will draw for your camels also, until they too have drunk').
Psook 24:20 “va temaher va tear kada el ha shoket, va tarats od el-ha beer lishov va tishav lechol-gemalav” (And she emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again to the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels).
Psook 24:21 “ve ha ish mishtae la macharish la daat hahitsliach Adonai darko im-lo” (And the man observed her thoroughly, saying naught, to know whether the Lord had made his journey fortunate or not).
Psook 24:22 “va yehi ka asher kilu ha gemalim lishtot, va yikach ha ish nezem zahav beka mishkalo u shenei tsemidim al-yadeiha asara zahav mishkalam” (And so it happened that when the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring of half a shekel in weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight in gold).
The Radak = Rabbi David Kimchi, 1160 - 1235. Linguist and grammarian from France, the son of Rabbi Yoisef Kimchi, and the brother of Rabbi Moishe Kimchi – all three were philologists of note. The surname Kimchi is a derivation of Kemach (flour).
The Radak defended the writings of the RamBam (Rabbi Moses ben Maimon; Maimonides) against critics of his works – during the thirteenth century, the more rational approach of the Sfardic scholars offended many of the more mystical and literalist scholars of Northern France and the Rhineland, much like common sense and Darwinism today irritate the stuffing out of radical Christian blowhards. It’s the good fight, and it will be with us, like the poor, until the final day. It is a mitzvah to assist the poor, and a blessing to support the rational.
Cleavage = Reason for a mechitza, but not for a chador. A very good thing, and it’s equally charming sister. And a symbol of the richness of the earth, which is why all those Goyish paintings and statues feature it abundantly, and which is why rebbeyim and nashim are often on the same side. Baruch Hashem, she never looks in boxes in the garage.
As a bonus, Rav Lazer doesn’t dare drop by the house since that last ‘episode’.
Torah Temimah = A modern mefarshes (commentary) by Boruch HaLevi Epstein (1860 – 1941). It was a very popular seifer, and is still widely read. Now note that his father was the author of the Aruch HaShulchan, which we have described elsewhere.
Of course, all of these expectations were turned upside down when Eliezer saw Rivka for the first time. We are told specifically by the passook that Eliezer noticed her great beauty. We are also told that Rivka "was a virgin; she had known no man." An obvious question arises: why did the Toirah have to repeat itself -- wasn't this a redundant statement? RASHI tells us, however, that the local girls had strange sexual practices that enabled sexual activity without the surrender of one's maidenhead. (He really does say that, by the way. Look it up.) Who ever heard of such a practice amongst youth?!?
At this point, given his obvious fixations, as we have already abundantly seen, why would anyone trust Rav Shloime Ben Yitzhok anywhere near their kinderlech? The man seems so utterly twisted he might very well be Catholic, a priest he should be yet.
He shouldn’t talk about local girls. From him it’s lashoin horo.
But the RASHBAM disagrees. He suggests that the verse is telling us that while Rivka had not had a sexual relationship with a man, her femininity had been "totally awakened" as an active member of the LPGA tour, if you know what I mean.
From what does Rashbam shper azoy? From the fact that Rivka invites a complete stranger, about whom she only knows that he has ten camels and smells of the desert, to lodge in her family’s house. A spanking she should get.
Rashbam = Grandson of Rashi, rabbi Shmuel Ben Meir (1083 – 1174), the brother of Rabbeinu Tam (Rabbi Yakov Ben Meier, 1100 - 1171) and the Ribam (Rabbi Yitzhak Ben Meier, exact dates unknown). He was a literalist.
And now the strangest part of the Parsha: nowhere in the Parsha are we told Rivka's age, but Rabbinic tradition has always deduced that Rivka was three years old when she was discovered by Eliezer and brought into Yitzchak's tent for consummation of their marital relationship. How can this be? Was Yitzchak some kind of pervert?
Rashi, totally gratuitously, fantasizes that Bethuel is killed at this point, because “he wanted to prevent (it), so an angel came and put him to death”. Slavery, camels, child-brides, killing the father – this is good? This we should learn from? Rashi must have been a terror to be around. An analyst he should have needed.
According to a Gemarra in Maseches Nidah, Yitzchak was indeed a pervert. Says the Gemarra, the reason that Yitzchak didn't marry until the age of forty is that as a counselor in Yeshivas Shame V'Eyver Basketball and Learning Camp, Yitzchak sexually abused three of his charges and spent the next twenty two years in prison. As proof, the Gemarra cites a Braisa that states that the reason Avraham insisted that Yitzchak, his son, not marry a local Canaanite woman was NOT because he wouldn't want one as a daughter in law.
Adderabbah! It was because Yitzchak had to register with the local authorities as a convicted sex offender, and therefore no local woman was willing to date him.
Gemarra = A repetition, meaning in this case a Talmudishe narrative explanation.
Meseches Nidah = The seventh mesechta (tractate) of seder Tohoros (the order or purities), being the tractate that goes into detail about menstrual cycles. Obviously inappropriate for many teenage bocherim in yeshiva, it nevertheless is one of the most popular tractates. Often it is the only one that many rebbeyim have learned by heart. A Nidah is a menstruating woman; we’ve all known one at least once, so I will not go into detail. You can ask her yourself. Azoy lernt men.
Shame v’Eyver = A Torah camp just outside of Monsey. Now closed due to the anti-Semitism of the Goyim, and the koferus of that ‘other’ group. You know who I mean.
Oys gemoro hoyrrn mir: The prophets Shem and Eiver maintained the monotheistic tradition despite the increase in idolatry in the generations after Noach.
Our fathers Avrohom, Yitzhok, and Yaakov all studied in the halls of Shem and Eiver in their time, learning an aza tiefe Toireh that could survive in the face of prevailing evil.
Avrohom used it to deal with the world, Yitzhok used it to deal with Yishmoel, and Yaakov used it to deal with Lavan and Esav.
Aderaba = On the contrary, but certainly so. From Aramaic: upon the great(er).
No local woman = And it is common for sexual deviants to go abroad for conquest, as in our days they go to Asia, which is filled with German tourists in consequence. Aram Naharaim was the Calcutta of its age, but Avraham sent Eliezer to procure for his son, not trusting the minuval out of his sight for one minute. He should’ve sent him on his own, no oversight, with a cheque-book and camels? Chollilleh!
But according to Rav Saadya Goyn, Yitzchak Avinu was no more perverted than any other man at that time. LeOylam, every man in those days married underage girls. As proof, he cites a medrish that says that Avraham Avinu married Sarah Imainu when she was one and a half, and Noiach married Mrs. Noiach when she was an aborted fetus.
Saadia Gaon = Rabbeinu Saadiya Ben Yosef (892 - 942). Philosopher, grammarian, linguist, and rosheshiva (known also by the Arabic nomen ‘Said Ibn Yusuf El-Fayyumi’). Born in Fayyum (upper Egypt), he settled in Baghdad, which was at that time an intellectual centre. He is most famous for his book the Kitab Al-Amanat Wa’l Itikadat - The Book of Doctrines & Beliefs (translated into Hebrew as ‘Sefer Ha Emunos Ve Ha Deos’).
I am reminded of a Maiseh Shehoya. Reb Yisroel Salanter once traveled to Siberia to attend a celebrity golf tournament. As customary, he lodged at the home of a local eskimo. When it came time to go to sleep, the eskimo said to Reb Yisroel, "Nu, Reb Yisroel, we have a minhag here when guests stay over: Please take my wife to sleep with for the night."
RebYisroel Salanter = Rabbi Israel Ben Zev Lipkin Salanter, 1810 – 1883. Litvishe rosheshiva who was formative in the development of musar (ethical lessons based on Torah, verter with a moral content).
Reb Yisroel looked at him sternly and responded, "That is unacceptable! Aishess Ish is a Dioraisa. However, do you have any children I can sleep with instead?"
Eishes Ish = A legal term, which refers to a woman with another man (than her husband). Adultery.
Halacha recognizes two stages in marriage: erusin and nissuin. When the chosson says 'harei at mekedushet li' (you are consecrated to me), giving the ring to the kallah, she becomes consecrated (ersuin: betrothed) to him, but the marriage is not complete until the chosson brings the kallah home.
When he takes her home, the status changes, becoming nissuin (lifted: from nasa - to carry, or lift up), and now al pi halacha the couple is considered ba’al k’ishto (a master and his woman), and isha ke ba’alah (a woman with a master) (Meseches Sanhedrin 28b).
Eishes Ish qualifies as gilui arayos (forbidden sexual nastiness), yahareg ve al yaaver (a sin that you should die rather than commit), on par with murder and idolatry.
Eishes Ish is a d’oraisa = The law against adultery is from the Torah.
To which the eskimo responded: "Rebbe, I knew you were here for a fundraiser, but I did not know it was an NCSY event. Please forgive me!"
NCSY = The National Conference of Synagogue Youth. A cross-Jewish-denominational youth movement which strives to bring back unaffiliated young Jews to a more yiddishe oilam, a frummer lifestyle. Healthy young men and sun-tanned rabbis. Biblical theme parks and summer camps.
So, unfortunately, a scant few members of our community still like to keep up the tradition of Yitzchak Avinu. So next time you are tempted to poke fun at the Catholic Church, hold your tongue until you have investigated your own youth organization.
Tempted to poke fun = Drapes, dresses, candles, bells, and punishment.
Great mediaeval spectacles, with sheets, chains, and bonfires. Our ancestors knew of all these things in Spain, and it took them years to get over the trauma.
Yet we must show “understanding” for the life-style choices of other faiths, as it isn’t something that they can change, even though it pains them.
By the way, Rivke does not become pregnant until twenty years after the shidduch. Lack of interest? Low sperm count? A narrow urethra?
Grains of sand everywhere? Camels?
If Yitzhok had gotten married while his mother was still alive, Rivka would’ve been big with seed within mere months; it is well known that grandchildren are caused by nagging old women.
Ah Gutten Shabbos, you pervert.
