With The Commentary of the RABAM
Chukass = Ordinance of. Sixth parsha in Bamidbar (numbers), psookim 19:1 to 22:1. This parsha is brought to you by the colour red.
This week's Parsha, Chukass, has more action than an episode of Desperate Housewives. Let's see:
-- There are four confrontations with other nations, three of which result in wars;
-- There are two rebellions of Klal Yisroel against the Aimishteh;
-- Moisheh Rabbeinu, undoubtedly prompted by his good-for nothing brother, Aron Hakoihain, the minuval, hits a rock and loses the right to enter Eretz Yisroel;
-- Aron Hakoihain dies (or at least he claims to; I think he actually returns to Egypt to open a falafel stand in a strip mall)
-- We learn about the Parah Adumah, the laws of the red heifer.
Two rebellions = First they bellyache about the wilderness, as it says in Bamidbar (Numbers) 20:3 “…veilu gavanu bigva acheinu lifnei Adonai” ( …and would that we had snuffed it with our brothers before the Lord!). Then later, after they have fought the Edomites, and the Canaanites of Arad, they complain again, AND they bitch about the bread, as is written in Bamidbar (Numbers) 21:5 “Va yedaber ha am b’Elohim u be Moshe ‘lama he’elitunu mi Mitsrayim, la mut ba midbar ki ein lechem ve ein mayim, ve nafsheinu katsa ba lechem ha kelokel’” (And the people spoke against God and against Moses ‘why did you take us up out of Egypt, to die in this wilderness in which there is no bread and there is no water, and our souls hate this fluffy bread!).
Kvetch kvetch kvetch kvetch kvetch. “Are we there yet?”
Ungrateful wretches! These are the people who will inherit the land? A miracle!
Moishe hits a rock = Numbers 20:10 through Bamidbar 20:12. This section is rather baffling – first Ha Kadoosh Borooch Hoo tells Moishe to strike the rock, and then, we he does so, gets all pissy about it.
But our rabbis explain that because Moishe gave some of the more simple-minded Bnei Yisroel the idea that he and Aaron brought forth the water out of the rock, instead of giving The Big Guy all the credit, Moishe was actually dissin’ Him (possook 20:12, TBG daver el Moishe, lemor: “Ya’an lo he’emantem bi lehakdisheni le einei Bnei Yisrael …” – because you didn’t rely on Me in the eyes of the Bnei Yisrael… ).
‘And (Moishe) loses the right to enter Eretz Yisroel’ = Nebech.
Bamidbar 20:12 continued: “…lichen lo taviu et ha kahal haze el ha erets asher natati lahem” (…therefore you aren’t going to bring this bunch into the land that I have given them).
Dos pshat iz, Moishe bakumt nit a pravozhitielstvo (residence permit).
Aaron Hakohain dies = They dolled up Aaron’s successor Eleazar in Aaron’s clothes, and then came down and told Klal Yisroel that Aaron had died up on the mountain (Mt. Hor). Hypothermia, and deadman’s shmatte, second hand! Tishchadesh! Really, doesn’t it make as much sense to believe that Aaron changed into his civvies and hightailed it back to Egypt?
Davar acher, efsher, they whacked him when nobody was watching, cholilleh.
If one were to conclude, at this point, that Moishe (the very first link in the shelshelus ha kabbalah, nota bene!) was easily roped into all manner of crackpot schemes by his buddies, that would not, necessarily, be incorrect.
Para Adumah = Finger flicken’ good! Possook 19:3 “zot chukat ha tora asher tsiva Adonai lemor daber el bnei Yisrael ve yikchu eleicha ‘para aduma’ temima asher ein ba mum, asher lo ala aleiha ol” (This is the statute of the law which the Lord has commanded, saying ‘Speak to the children of Israel, that they bring to you a red heifer, perfect, which has no blemish, and which was never yoked.).
Then follows a recipe: kill the heifer, flick her blood with a finger seven times towards the front of the tent of meeting, burn the beast (skin, flesh, blood, and faeces) with cedar, hyssop and sheni tola’at.
Then the head-priest takes a bath, after which he will be unclean. That’s what it says – “ve tamei ad ha erev” (and unclean till evening). Go figger.
Meanwhile, a clean person collects the ashes and stores them outside the camp (mi chuts le machane) in a clean place (be makom tahor) as a sprinkling water which will cast out sin (mai nidah chatat hib). Now the gatherer also needs to bathe, after which he too will be unclean till evening!
Sheni tola’at = Oak bug red, Mediterranean cochineal. The name is descriptive: tola’at is a worm or larva (here actually indicating a product of the creature), sheni is an intense dye stuff. As the animal (Coccus Ilicis) is minute, and was usually traded dried and finely ground, it was not apparent at that time that this was in fact shrotzich.
While the cedar can be easily understood as a precious aromatic (see mention of kedar libnan in the Shir Ha Shirim, Asher Li Shlomo), that is not the reason why hyssop (eizov) and sheni tola’at are added. Hyssop can be considered purifying, and sheni tola’at was precious. Additionally, the transformation of the red dye stuff to white ashes by the fire represents the cleansing of sin - which may explain the permissibility of including tola’at sheni in the first place, as the incineration and its symbolism would serve to purify it.
Sheni tola’at is also called kermes, from which the word crimson derives, though originally kermes was the name of type of oak on which it lived. Kermes was traded extensively, and was known by variations of that name throughout the Middle East and central Asia (crimson is the English spelling of kirmizan = Arabic for scarlet-like, scarlet hued).
Note that American cochineal (from a bug native to Mexico, not the same as the Mediterranean oak bug) is still often used as a food colouring (both intense orange and fiery red), rendering traifus mamesh everything of which it is part. Read the label on that refreshing beverage carefully! Annato (Bixa Orellana) seeds yield a kosher substitute food coloring, which has minor health-giving properties (antioxidants) besides. (You see: Kosher is always healthier! Keep on repeating that until you finally believe it.)
A term related to kermes, kermil, gives the word carmine, and the reputed verminous origin of the colouring matter yields the word vermillion, which is actually cinnabar (mercury sulfide and mercury oxide), used by the Chinese as ink for signature seal impressions and as a magical ingredient in potions for longevity (strongly disadvised! Several emperors shortened their lives and lost their minds because of such potions).
Mercury oxide was also used topically for chancres and certain lesions. Sometimes the cure is worse than the ailment.
It should be noted that red in Chinese culture is considered the colour of celebration and good fortune, and is thus worn on auspicious occasions and at weddings, especially by the bride, who is garbed entirely in red. The groom may wear a big poofy cluster-bow (rather like a huge carnation) in the centre of his chest, or, especially among Chinese Muslims in Yunnan and Shaanxi, a festive red turban.
Once again, we are confronted by the key questions: Why do the Jews always rebel, those bahaimas? And why doesn't Hakodoshboruchhu just wipe them out once and for all? (That way, we wouldn't have to read from the Torah every week and I could get home by 11:00 am, in time to watch the end of Saturday morning cartoons -- Er, I mean learn Daf Yoimi.)
Bahaima = Animal, beast. Cow.
Hakodoshboruchhu = The Holy One, Blessed Is He.
Daf Yoimi = The daily sheet; one sheet of Talmud (daf), studied front and back. It takes about seven and a half years to finish the entire Talmud this way. Thousands of people all over the world study the same part each day.
The tradition of reading a daf a day was started by Rabbi Meyer Shapiro in 1923 – we are currently working on the twelfth reading (the previous cycle ended in March of 2005).
If we look at all the grievances that Klal Yisroel raised in the desert, they are largely around sustenance (food and water), security (in the face of hostility from local nations) and leadership (either panic in the absence of Moishe, or challenging his authority). They frequently long to return to Egypt, where they likely still have active bank accounts and unredeemed frequent flyer miles. They never long for a hot shiksa or a ham sandwich, unlike you, you mamzer.
Mamzer = A person born from an forbidden relationship (primarily incest and the impregnation of a married woman by someone other than her husband). There have always been abusive families and ridge-runners – just look at all the slope-browed droolers next to you on the bus – you think that’s just bad luck?
The mamzer is considered ritually unclean for subsequent generations, as it says in Dvarim (Deuteronomy) 23:3 “Lo yavo mamzer bi kahal Adonai, gam dor asiri lo yavo b’ kahal Adonai” (A mamzer shall not enter the congregation of the Lord, up to the tenth generation (they) should not enter the congregation of the Lord).
The pharaohs were mamzers, by the way.
In Yiddish usage mamzer frequently stands in for the mediaeval French ‘bastard’, which is a singularly unlovely word.
According to the Tzitz Eliezer, all of this boils down to one simple question: Why did the Aimishteh have to make it so difficult on Klal Yisroel? If we are warned against entrapment in the rule known as Lifne Iyver, is not the Reboinoisheloilum bound by the same rule? If He has already selected the Bnei Yisroel as the Chosen People, rescued them through the Exodus, split the sea, given them the Toirah, etc., why can't He just cut them a little slack? Does He really need to constantly test them? Give them some water, for Reboinoisheloilum's sake. Maybe even give them a coke machine in the desert. Provide catering. Give them machine guns; Oig Melech Habashan's bows and arrows won't stand a chance.
Tzitz Eliezer = Rav Eliezer Waldenberg, a modern day posseik, known after his great collection of responsa, the Teshuves Tzitz Eliezer. The tzitz was a golden headplate with an inscription (kodesh l’Hashem) worn by the kohain hagadol on the forepart of the migba’as (turban).
Lifne Iyver = Parshas Kedoshim, Vayikra (Leviticus) 19:14 "Lo tekalel cheresh ve lifnei iver lo titen michshol ve yareta me'Eloheicha Ani Adonai" (You shall not curse the deaf, nor place a stumbling-block before the blind; you shall fear your God - I am the Lord.).
The word blind is interpreted to mean anyone who is ignorant, or unsuspecting, or even morally dense; one is not permitted to take advantage of them, or to tempt them to do wrong.
The rule against this type of error is referred to as 'lifnei iver, lo titen michshol' (before the blind, do not place a stumbling block - in short, 'lifnei iver').
Reboinoisheloilum = Ribono Shel Olam; The Master Of The Universe.
Oig Melech Habashan = A giant five hundred year old geezer, Og king of Bashan, who in his old age decided to go out and fight the Israelites as they headed toward their inheritance.
Is it that He is bitter? Is it that He likes to see Klal Yisroel suffer, or seeks validation from their prayers? Does He enjoy inflicting plagues that wipe out 10,000 minuvals at a time?
Plagues that wipe out 10,000 at a time = Reread some of the previous parshayois and dwell on the juicy parts.
This question relates to a tale about the MAHARAL Mi-Prague. One Sunday afternoon the MAHARAL was taking the Golem for a leisurely walk in the zoo in downtown Prague. Noticing a gum wrapper on the floor, he pointed to it and said, "Goilem, please don't ever litter like that." The Golem stared at him blankly, and then suddenly picked him up and threw him over the fence into the monkey cage. The monkeys proceeded to climb on his beard, swing from his tzitzis, and make Mei Raglayim on his hat.
Maharal Mi Prague = Rabbi Yehudah Ben Betsalel Loew of Prague (1525 – 1609), whose family originally came from Worms in Germany. He is, according to several genealogies, a descendant of King David.
Golem = From Hebrew ‘unformed’. An artificial creature that lacks the power of speech, and does not have a soul. Detailed instructions for making one are in the Sefer Yetzirah (book of creation), a Kabbalist document from antiquity. A golem is like the calf which some of the legendary rabbis made for their dinner on Friday night.
It is said that Rabbi Loew made a golem out of clay to protect the Jews of Prague, who, as was minhago shel oilam (customary, at that time), were oppressed. Once animated, it was basar va dam, nine foot tall, heldish, an echte gibor, until Rabbi Loew dis-animated it by erasing the first letter of ‘emess’ (truth) written on its forehead, leaving the word ‘mess’ (‘dead’) instead.
Rabbi Loew would call the golem into action only on week days, and only when there was no other recourse. The last time he did so, the golem had a violent fit in the kitchen, after which Rabbi Loew did not use him again.
Mei Raglayim = Urine. But according to some rabbeyim it is actually water from a spring which has an odour, and other sources aver that it is a stinky grass.
Why this machloikes? Because mei raglayim is connected with the manufacture of ketores (incense), a fragrant offering, and it would be considered an offense to bring so base a substance into the service of the Presence.
It should be noted, though, that chemicals in urine function as fixatives and stabilizers, and have been used for that purpose in the manufacture of fragrances and incense since antiquity, much like some of the compounds in modern day perfumes (you may want to really look into the added fragrances in soaps and lotions – you will be slightly sickened. But they do smell good.)
That night the Reboinoisheloilum came to the MAHARAL in a dream. "Why did you let the Golem humiliate me today in the zoo?" the MAHARAL asked? The Aimishteh, half paying attention, looked up from His newspaper and responded, "Iyoiv (Job), I kill his whole family and he doesn't complain, but you get upset at a dry-cleaning bill!" Upon waking up the MAHARAL immediately renounced his faith and joined the Ethical Humanist Society. (He later returned to the faith when he was told by his congregation that they would not allow him to collect his pension otherwise.)
Job = Ad oilam, nebech. Not a happy camper.
So the MAHARAL, trying to do a good deed, ends up being punished. Was it wrong that he renounced the faith? Is it wrong for Klal Yisroel to panic in the desert or make what seem like reasonable demands? Indeed, was it wrong for me, when I visited Eretz Yisroel last month to insist on getting a steep discount on my real estate investment, because while I love the Land of Israel, I suspect the value of beachfront property in Gaza is about to take a steep dive?
Gaza = A territory inhabited by fish-demon worshipping cretins during biblical times. There is a lovely hotel there, the Palm Beach Hotel – under new management, refurbished, and with a brand new name: Moyez Yam. Management is looking forward to several busy weeks this summer. Reserve ahead.
There is a gemarrah in Yoomah that brings down a famous machloikess between Rava and Abaya. The debate goes as follows: Rava holds that on Yoim Kippur everyone must kneel on the floor four times. His reasoning is that this must be done to show humility before the Aimishteh. But Abaya holds that only half of the congregation has to kneel while the other half stands around and gossips about the schmucks lying with their knees on dirty paper towels and their faces on the floor. Abaya explains that according to him, there actually is no God, and religion is simply a human construct. He proves the nonexistence of God from a possuk in Beraishis, Perek Yud Daled. Abaya concludes that there is no better way to commemorate this fact than to gossip on the most somber day of the year.
Gemarrah = Teaching, instructive addendum or commentary.
Machlokes = Disputation, difference of opinion.
Rava and Abaya = Talmudic noodges.
Yoim Kippur = The day (yom) of atonement (kippur). The tenth day of Tishri, coming ten days after Rosh Ha Shana (which in 2005 coincides with the beginning of Ramadan – October 4th.).
The days between Rosh Ha Shana (10/04/05) and Yom Kippur (10/13/05) are the Aseres Yemei Teshuve – ten days of repentance.
Four days after Yoim Kippur comes the start of Sukkos (the festival of booths).
Twelve days later, on Simchas Toirah (10/25/05) you will dance fervently with Torah scrolls and hairy Hasids – something you look forward to.
Simchas Toirah = The celebration of the law, at which we joyfully finish one cycle of reading and start another. A cause and a reason for much good cheer, with dancing, and a little bronfen, till the wee hours.
Possuk in Bereishis, Perek Yud Daled = Fourteen years of chaotic war are too briefly described – I’ve seen the episode several times and still can’t figure out what exactly happens and who all those people are! A vaitere maise! (‘Amrapil, king of Shiner. Aryoch of Eloser. Tweedle, king of the goyim. Bro Sodomite, Birshoo the Amorite, and Shember-Shaboim!’ What writing. )
Then there is the kidnapping of Lot, nephew to Abram (which, ipso facto, some take to mean that the Aimishteh is not minding his investments and may not even exist, lo shayech).
Abram and 318 companions chase the forces of Kedorloimer (Melech ha Eilom) as far as Damascus, freeing Lot, and trashing an army that in fourteen years of fighting had not been trounced.
From the subsequent importuning of the Sodomite king to Abram, it is clear that he doesn’t credit The Big Guy with any input at all, and discounts what Abram says to the contrary.
Shortly afterwards Abram trims his lummelech to repudiate what the Melech ha Sedom had said, and thus conclusively proves the existence of Elokim
This act also gets Abram an H rating (but incidentally, there is no reason to pronounce Abraham as AbraKam, no matter what you’ve heard).
Then the cities of the plain get nuked or toxic-wasted, ve lefichach, the koifers of Sodom get their come-uppance, baruch HaShem. One of the most inspiring and best loved tales in the entire Toire.
From this Abaya shpers that there is no Hashem?!?!
Potsmoking damn’ hippie!
Toisfois comments that real argument here is not about whether or not the Aimishteh exists. As is well known, both Rava and Abaya were thrown out of yeshiva for being atheists, as well as for smoking on Shabbos. Rather, the argument is over the nature of the universe: Rava believes in Karma, that for every action, there is a counter-action. But Abaya holds that everything in the world happens completely at random.
Toisfois = Tosafos. The Talmud and Torah commentaries of mediaeval rabbis from France, Germany, and England, collectively known as the Tosafists (though the English are often defined as a separate set: the Chachmei Anglia).
Karma = Action. From Sanskrit, meaning ‘working’ or ‘creating’. The theory that each act causes a result that matches.
This week's Parsha stands as additonal proof of Abaya's position: No matter what they do, Klal Yisroel cannot win. They have to starve. They are attacked. When they complain, they are smitten. Moishe Rabbeinu, for all his personal sacrifices, doesn't even get to enter Eretz Yisroel. And to top it all off, the Bnei Yisroel are told that if they sprinkle each other with the ashes of a red calf all of their spiritual impurities will magically go away.
Magically go away = This was before Freud. It takes years and years of therapy.
No, look as hard as you will, you will not find a rational center to the world. Which is why we are required to keep three basic precepts: Judge others as if we were God; complain as much as possible about the most insignificant things; and act as if we know all the answers about everything, rather than admit ignorance even once, chass v'sholom.
Chas v’sholom = Spare (it) and peace! Idiomatically, heaven forefend, Aimishteh forbid.
If we follow these basic principles, we may create God for ourselves and generate a rational nexus for the world. We may save money. And, most importantly, we just might make ourselves more attractive to hot shiksa desperate housewives.
Hot housewives = Bivracha.
ADDENDUM - TOISFOIS
The Tosafists strove, through dialectic and textual analysis, to understand the meanings of the texts (primarily Gemara) and to resolve contradictions therein – issues of halacha, pshat, drash. In pursuing that endeavor, they created a literature that changed Jewish scholarship permanently, and decisively influenced all subsequent Talmud learning. Koved their ondenk.
Even today, when we study Talmud-Torah, we must seek recourse to their work, parts of which are customarily printed on the same pages as the Talmud and Torah texts, volumes of which are still regularly published as study aids. We also emulate their habitus.
It is remarkable how productive they were, considering their small number and the times and circumstances during which they lived.
A partial list of Tosafists:
-- Maharam Rothenburg (Rabbi Meir of Rothenburg; 1220 - 1293, Germany).
-- Ra'avad (Rabbi Abraham Ben David of Posquieres ; circa 1120 - 1198, Provence).
-- Ra'avan (Rabbi Eliezer Ben Nathan; 1090 - 1170, Germany).
-- Rabbeinu Tam (Rabbi Yakov Ben Meir (grandson of Rashi, son of Ram); 1100 – 1170, France).
-- Rabbi Elchonon Ben HaRi (son Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Shmuel, author of a toisfus on Meseches Avoidah Zoro; 12th century, France).
-- Ralbag (Rabbi Levi Ben Gershon; 1288 - 1344, France).
-- Ram (Rabbi Meir Ben Shmuel (son-in-law of Rashi, husband to Rashi's daughter Yocheved), known as the father of rabbis because of his sons Rashbam, Rabbeinu Tam, and Rivam; 1060 - 1135, France).
-- Rash (Rabbi Shimshon Ben Rabbi Abraham of Sens; 1150 - 1230, France).
-- Rashbam (Rabbi Shmuel Ben Meir (grandson of Rashi, son of Ram); 1085 - 1174, France).
-- Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Ben Yitzhak; 1040 - 1105, France).
-- Raviah (Rabbi Eliezer Ben Yoel HaLevi, named after the Sever Ha Raviah; 12th-13th century, Germany).
-- Ri (Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Smuel, nephew of Rashbam and Ribam, succeeded Rabbeinu Tam as rosh yeshivos; 12th century, France).
-- Riba (Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Asher HaLevi, rosh yeshiva in Speyer; 11th century, France).
-- Ribam (Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Meir (grandson of Rashi, son of Ram); 11th-12th century, France).
-- Riban (Rabbi Yehuda Ben Nathan (son-in-law of Rashi, having married Rabbi Yitzhok's daughter Miriam); 11th century, France).
-- Ritzba (Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Abraham, successor to Rabbi Yitzhok Ben Shmuel as rosh yeshiva in Dampierre; died 1210, France).
-- Rosh (Rabbeinu Asher - Rabbi Asher ben Yehiel (father of the Tur); 1250 - 1327, born in Germany, fled to Spain).
-- Smag (Rabbi Moishe Ben Yakov of Coucy, author of the Sefer Mitzvos Gadol; 13th century, France).
-- Tur (Rabbi Yakov Ben Asher (son of the Rosh), author of the Arba Turim; circa 1270 to circa 1343, Spain).
The period of the Tosafists began in the eleventh century, with Rabbi Shlomo Ben Yitzhok (Rashi, 1040 – 1105), and more or less ended with Rabbi Levi Ben Gershon (Ralbag, 1288 – 1344), in whose lifetime rampaging crusaders and German peasants destroyed several of the flourishing Jewish communities in the Holy Roman Empire – about which there was scarcely anything Roman, and naught holy.
The Tosafists lived in the cities of Northern France and Western Germany, located largely in the Seine watershed and along the Rhine, where in the eleventh century, after the end of the Viking depredations, agriculture and trade flourished and the population prospered.
A scant two centuries later, the combination of failed military adventures in Europe and the Levant, disease (the black death, inter alia), crop failures, creative taxation, and mob violence, dimmed the lights of Europe for two centuries.
The end of the dark ages was marked by yet another massive wave of economic destabilization and violence – including the eighty years war of Dutch independence (1568 – 1648), during which, as just one small and unimportant example of the new light of civilization illuminating Europe, on December 1st, 1575, the Spanish exterminated the population of Naarden – every man, woman, and child, sparing not even the cats, dogs, and rats.
The Duke of Alva boasted to his monarch (Philip II of Spain, 1527 – 1598) that not even infants had been spared – to the very great satisfaction of the king.
Spanish troops acted with the same gentleness in a number of other Netherlandish cities– Antwerp did not recover from their tender mercies until several centuries later.
‘Eicha, yashva bodad ha ir rabati am! Haita ke almanac rabati vagoyim sarati b'amdinot......’ - Megillah Eicha 1:1 (‘Alas, how lonely sits the city that was so multitudinously peopled! How like a widow she has become, that was great among the states...’ – Lamentations 1:1).
