With The Commentary of the RABAM
Ki Setzei = When you go out. Sixth parsha in Dvarim (Deuteronomy), psookim 21:10 - 25:19. A very long list of mitzvois that highlight the Toireh point of view on persons and property.
-- First aliya: A warning against war-brides – it is probably better to simply slaughter them, as was done to Midian.
-- Second aliya: Hanging, burial, cross-dressing, and birds.
-- Third aliya: Tzitzit, adultery, and bastards.
-- Fourth aliya: Slaves, prostitutes.
-- The fifth and sixth aliyos are a nasty mishmash of labour-law, divorce laws, kidnapping, leprosy, and loans – somehow all this gets conflated in Moishe’s mind. Talk about issues.
-- Seventh aliya: MORE labour laws! Plus widows, orphans, amber sheaves of grain. Followed by a good zesty whipping, and Amalek, whom Moishe cannot forget.
Rabboisai,
Before delivering to you this week's drasha, for which I am sure you can barely control your excitement, you minuval, I would like to share with you a maiseh shehoya.
The Brisker Ruv was once riding in a horse dawn carriage to the wake of a local archbishop. Along the way he met one of his talmidim who inquired of his destination. The Brisker Ruv responded, "Not that it is any of your damned business, you chazer, but I am paying my last respects to Archbishop McGillicuty."
The Brisker Rav = Maran Ha Gaon Rav Yitzhok Zev Ben Rav Chayim HaLevi Soloveitchik, also known Rebbe Velvel, whose relatives include some of the greatest Torah scholars of modern times. Born 1886, nifter 1959. His wife and four of his seven children perished in the Shoah, along with twenty-three thousand other Brisker Yidden, killed at Boronaya Gora (along with Jews from Antopol, Bereza, Dragetzhin, Yanowa, and other places) – when the Germans were finally driven out of Brisk, less than a dozen Jews remained. At present, less than a thousand Jews live in Brisk, where once half the town was Jewish, and Jews had lived since the fourteenth century.
The Brisker went from Brest-Litovsk (Brisk, oyf mameloshn) to Vilnius (Vilna, or Vilne as we say it), to Jerusalem (Yersushalayim, former capital city of the Jebusites, taken by Melech David, about whom there are some lovely songs) in the Holy Land, where his descendants and inheritors have founded many yeshivot.
Some relatives made it to the United States, most notably his brother Moishe (HaLevi) Soloveitchik, who became the rosh yeshiva of Yeshiva University - Moishe’s son was Rabbi Yosef Dov (HaLevi) Soloveitchik (1903 – 1993), one of the greatest names in Yiddishkeit in the new world
Brisk in Israel is anti-Zionist and ultra-orthodox, Soloveitchik in America is Zionist and Modern Orthodox. Go figger.
It should be noted, in mittn drinnen, that Brisker Yiddish was closer to Ukrainian Yiddish than to Vilner Yiddish, even though the name Brest-Litovsk shows a strong Litvishe connection.
The Brisk Derech seeks distinctions and operating principles in Talmudic discourse, rather than twisting their knickers over precise reasons.
"But Rebbe," his student asked, "how can you honor a Galach, especially inside a church?"
Galach = A Christian cleric. Not a fit subject for polite conversation. Suffice to say that until pseudo-scientists got involved, anti-Semitism was simply good old fashioned Jew hatred – xenophobia and a priggish sense of superiority given a veneer of local respectability by many galachim. In many towns, the galach was the only “educated” man, and in some towns the only Christian who could read. Termed a "Galach" because he was clean shaven (root word G-L-Kh), unlike the local Jewish folk who observed the strictest interpretation of the Biblical prohibition against using a razor.
How interesting that much of the current divestment insanity should be fuelled by galachim.
Not that I wish to speak lashon hara about another emunah or derech, chasvesholom!
As is written: Lo telech rachil be ameicha (do not go as a talebearer among your companions – Seyfer Vayikra (Leviticus), parshas Kedooshim, psook 19:16).
The Brisker stroked his beard, descended from the carriage, lovingly placed his hand on the back of the student's neck, and thrust his student's face into the bucket collecting the horse's dung. "Minuval!," the Ruv shouted, "do you think that Klal Yisroel has a monopoly on understanding the Rebboinoisheloilum? All great faiths are just as confused as we are!" And with that he sped off to the wake, where he had a rendezvous scheduled with the Archbishop's mistress, Brother Timothy.
In the spirit of sharing such Toirah and wisdom, I would like to point out a new television program premiering this season: From the producers of "Desperate Housewives" comes an exciting new comedy- drama, "Frustrated Yeshiva Bochrim"
Follow the exciting lives of Yossi, Avrumi, Chaim, Moish, Rachmiel, Kloinimus "The Clone", Sally, and Rabbi Ginzberger, as they spend their days learning Toiras Moishe and their nights looking for action on 18th Avenue.
Coming to ABC...
Yeshiva-bochrim = Nice young men at a Jewish seminary, although often among the frustrated orthodoxim that just as well could be a parochial high-school. Yeshiva, from a word meaning to found, establish or sit, bochurim from a word meaning youth..
Comedy-drama “frustrated Yeshiva bochrim = The tone runs from humorous to serious, with most talmedim often agonizing over the fact that they woke up one day and discovered that they were not struck down by a bolt of lightening when they spoke to a shiksa. One even referred to having spent years "living in the closet" before discovering this community of like-minded individuals.
In this week's Parsha, Kee Saitzay, we are warned against cross-dressing, "The garment of a man should not adorn a woman, and a man shall not dress in the smock of of a woman, for it is blasphemous to the Aimishteh..." (Devarim, Perek Chuff Bayz, Pasuk Hay).
The Bais Yoiseph asks an obvious question: Why is the Toirah so damned uptight? He answers that Moishe Rabbeinu was clearly a terrible homophobe. Referring to a famous medrish, the Bais Yoiseph suggests that Moishe's homophobia was due to Moishe's famous lisp, which was always perceived by others as a gay characteristic, and for which he was always mocked at the gym.
Bais Yoiseph = Reference to Yosef Karo, the mechaber (author) of a book called House of Joseph (Beis Yosef).
Moishe’s famous lisp = As it says in seyfer Shmois (Exodus, to you heathen), Parshas Shmois, psook 4:10 “Va yomer Moishe el Adonai bi ‘Adonai, lo ish Dvarim anochi, bam mitmol gam mi shilshom, gam me az davercha el avdecha, ki chevad pe, u chevad lashon anochi” (And Moishe spoke to the Lord thus ‘Oh Lowed, I am not a man of wordthth, neithah in the paththt nor preththently, nor even ththinththe you ththpoke to your ththervant, becauththe I am ththlow of the mouweth, and ththlow of the tongue’). Or maybe he stuttutterered – ober ver sol eth veithn? Eth ith ein thehr thwehre thach!
So the Rebbonosheloilam then decides to make Aaron Moishe’s spokesperson, and shortly afterwards tries to whack Moishe, perhaps because two kvetchnikim are worse than one. Or possibly because of mixed messages, and the constant bickering at the top. Damn hippies.
Yet the choice of Moishe was quite logical, as having been raised by the daughter of Pharaoh, educated by the standards of the time, and having associated with privileged circles, none were better for the job. From this we may know that the ‘choice’ of Moishe was not at the burning bush – and may have been inevitable.
Whacking Moishe = Seyfer Shmois, Psook 4:24 “Vayehi va derech ba malon, va yigeshu Adonai va yevakesh ma mito” (and then it happened while on the road to the hotel, the Lord met Moishe and tried to kill him). Moishe’s wife saves his hide by cutting off some of her son’s (the foreskin, as mentioned in psook 4:25), whereupon the Lord sends Aharon to go kiss Moishe. How utterly baffling.
Then there follows a bright note, more comprehendible, certainly more comforting, than this disturbing post-burning-bush interlude – psook 4:31 “Va ya’amen ha am va yishme u ki fakad Adonai et Bnei Yisroel ve-chi ra’a et anyam, va yikdu va yishtachavu” (And then the people believed – when they heard that the Lord remembered the children of Israel, they bowed their heads and worshipped). In this we may see a glimpse of the underlying unity and faith by which they were zoiche to be taken up from Mitzrayim and receive the Torah.
However, the RAIVID disagrees vehemently. He points out that not all cross dressers are homosexuals, and that most homosexuals are not cross dressers. Indeed, the Raivid himself always wore a long black bekesheh, a shtreimel, and an extra long gartel whenever he went cruisin' for Yeshivah buchrim.
The Raivid = The Wanderer. Who is this? There are two possibilities, namely Rav Yisroel Dov of Yeshnits, a Chassidishe Talmud commentator and student of the Ropshitser (Rav Naftali Zvi Horowits, 1760 – 1827) who wrote a sefer named ‘Ravid Ha Zahav’ (The Golden Hobo). The other possibility is Rabbi Avraham Ben David (1125 – 1198), also known as the Baal Ha Sagos.
Considering his choice of garments (long black bekeshe, streimel, gartel) of the Raivid, I believe Rav Yisroel Dov from Poyland to be the one referenced.
[Though there is a chance I’ll get some free French wine if I back Avrumel, the favourite of the Tosafists, so I’m waiting for a Gallitzianer counter-offer, I mean, the jury is still out on this one, it’s a toss-up really. I will posk this sheila when I’m good and ready, and all the “facts” are in.]
Ba’al Ha Sagos = The Master of Critiques, also known as the RABAD; Rabbi Avraham Ben David of Posquières, 1125 – 1198. An author of Mishnaic commentaries, and supercommentaries on Alfezzi and the Rambam. Student of Mosihe Ben Yoisif and Meshullam Ben Yakov of Lunell, and the son in law of Avraham Ben Yitzhok Ab-Beis Din (who was also known as the RABAD).
Bekeshe = A long silk robe, rather like a bath-robe, but worn as outer wear on shabbes by some chossids. It is sehr elegant, as it emphasizes the erectness of the wearer.
Shtreimel = A fur-hat which is a flamboyant cruisin’ statement in its own right, being variously shaped like a flying saucer, or like a giant pill-box. It is what chossidim who do not own SUVs wear. The bigger the shtreimel, the kleiner the yoppellik, if you know what I mean.
Gartel = The word means girdle, but it is not quite so zesty, being merely a black belt, cord, sash or even length of stout rope with which to flog your talmidim…., I mean close your bekeshe. The Gartel is intended to serve as a seperation between the brain and heart -- responsible for the higher functions of one's existence, and the dirty bits below the belt -- responsible for the baser functions Some shuls will not allow you to make an aliyah without one. Others hold that the elastic waistband of one's underpants serves the same purpose, negating the need for a gartel.
The Pri Megadim paskens that regarding shabbes clothing, one may change back into mufti provided one has already greeted the Sabbath dressed appropriately, while other authorities hold that one wears bekeshe-shtreimel-gartel to honour the Sabbath, and should not remove them no matter how hot summer is. Which is why it is Y.C.E. minhag to avoid certain shtibbelech during the summer months – okay the Sadomasocherim go there, aza meshuga seyn mir nisht.
Rather, the RAIVID cites a medrish about Moishe which says that while in exile in Midyan, Moishe once went into a bar and hit on someone with nice, round buttocks who turned out to be a guy. Says the RAIVID, that left Moishe Rabbeinu with life-long hard feelings.
Moishe --- nice round --- turned out to be a guy = As HaRav Shloime “Groische Hankl” Kluger (Der Broder Maggid, 1785 – 1869) says, “a sheyne hinten iz a shvere zach – voss iz gevehn taamliches?” The Proliczer believes that this is the basis of that odd fairy-tale about Yushka Pandra going off into the desert for forty days and being tormented by Sutun, until at last…… Oops, wrong textual tradition. Sorry.
Forty is a number that in Toirah discourse shows up as a marker of significant transformatory events. This may have been a linguistic habit which carried over into related Semitic languages, and it may have been cultural. A number of languages adhere supra-meanings to certain numerals, and it should not surprise us when others unconsciously or even knowingly parrot the pattern.
Life-long hard feelings = Which explains much of subsequent events.
However, the Pri Megadin holds farkert: he interprets a line in the Zoihar as suggesting that in Midyan Moishe Rabbeinu dated a man for six months, but was left bitter after a harsh breakup.
Moishe Rabbeinu dated = Although alternatively there is a medrish that Moishe praised the sheep which he took grazing everyday, and loathed the pigsty of Yisro, because “sheep are sweet-smelling, and pigs are low to the ground”. From which we know that Moishe was a lonely man with arthritis. It also explains why we are repelled by the habits of Midian and refuse to eat bacon, unless it is at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Pri Megadim = Delightful fruit (the phrase is taken from one of the more fragrant passages in the Shir HaShirim, asher liShlomo (The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s). Psook 4:12 “Gan na'ul achoti challah gal na'ul maiyan chatem” (A locked garden is my sister, my wife, a closed well, a fountain sealed.); 4:13 “Shelachayik pardes rimmonim im primegadim, kefarim im neredim” (Your growing things are a paradise of pomegranates with delightful fruit, camphires with spikenard).
Pri Megadim = This is the name by which Rabbi Yoisef Meir Tumim (or Teomim) of Frankfurt (1727 - 1792) is known, being, like many such rabbinical monikers, the name of a book he authored. The Pri Megadim is a core text in orthodox yeshivois, much studied by aspiring rabbenim, especially his comments on kashrus. You will not find many followers of Moses Mendelssohn who have read the work.
It is said that concerning dating men, the Pri Megadim said ‘Tzarich iyyun’ (the topic needs further investigation). But the Rebbe of Prolicz points out that this was before he went to Berlin; he did not say anything further on the subject afterwards.
Moses Mendelssohn = Moishe Ben Mendel Heyman Dessau (1729 – 1786). One of the most influential thinkers of Germany in the eighteenth century, who sought to bring secular culture and modern wissnschaft to the Jews, and Judaism into the modern world.
Mi Moishe ad Moishe, lo kam ki Moishe – From Moses to Moses, there was none like Moses.
As a young boy he studied with the Dessauer Landsrabbiner David Fraenkel, and as a mere teenager moved to Berlin, at that time the capitol city of Prussia. At that time, the enlightenment had barely touched the German states, and Jews in many places were not allowed travel or entry into the cities without an official permit. Indicative of future eloquence, he talked his way past the gate-guards, despite having no legitimate business mapped out in the city (he went as a scholar, and stayed as a scholar – who would ever suspect a Jew of doing such a thing?).
The Klay Yukkur suggests that the RAIVID and the Pri Megadin spent far too much time in the mikvah together. Rather, to clarify the Toirah's strong antipathy towards cross dressing, he points to the proximity of the banning of cross dressing to a subsequent commandment stated in the Toirah. He notes that the mitzvah immediately following is Shiluach HaKan, the biblical injunction decreeing that a mother bird must be chased from a nest before its eggs or babies are confiscated for culinary purposes. Of course, Rabbinic literature has always equated this strange law with the commandment to honor one's father and mother, since the Biblically promised reward for both is the same -- long life.
Kli Yakar = Rabbi Efrayim Shlomo Ben Aharon of Luntshitz (1550 - 1619), after the name of his most bavuste sefer, 'The Treasured Cauldron' (keli, kli = vessel, cooking container, pot). The Keli Yakar tends towards prolixity, and is somewhat preachy. But he was and is highly respected. He is buried in Prague’s Jewish cemetery, where many famous names are entombed.
Shiluach HaKan = Sending away a mother bird so that you may raid her nest. Also detailed in Parshas Ki Setzei, psook 22:6. But this is limited to kosher birds, such as, for instance, ducks and chickens.
In Maseches Shabbos, in the discussion of Eruvim (permitted space that one may utilize on Shabbes), Rav Ashi asks about chickens, citing as example the chicken who crosses the road (being one of four chickens mentioned in the Talmud).
Shammai holds (in Maseches Yuma) that if the chicken forgot to say the appropriate blessing (brocho) and is still within the boundaries of the eruv (in this case the road), he must say the blessing at that moment (and opines that this is a mitzvah she ha zman grama - a blessing with a time component, and hence halachically (according to Talmudic laws) a female chicken does not have to say the blessing).
Rabbi Hillel, however, avers that as long as the chicken is within sight of the road, the blessing must be said, and clarifies that it is sufficient for the chicken to hear the blessing, as an immature or female chicken is not obligated to recite it - the blessing is in the mitzvah and the hearing thereof at the appropriate time, not necessarily the utterance thereof.
Chazal (Chachmeinu zichronam livracha - our sages of blessed memory) hold with Hillel, saying that as long as the blessing is said, any number of chickens may cross.
According to Rabbi Yosef Karo (the Shulchan Aruch), any one may say the blessing, but the RAMA (Ha Rav Moishe Isserles, Cracow) asserts that the custom of the Ashkenazim is that it must specifically be a chicken from the same coop, al pi minhag Poylen – the mitzvah being in the same class as the shofar and the hotarnegol.
The Sfas Emes, quoting his grandfather the Chiddushei HaRim (Rabbi Yitzhak Meir), cautions that one should think before crossing (thus using judgement), and afterwards (the blessing recalls the grace of the Aimishteh in permitting one to be zoiche to cross the road).
Kler, nu?
Commenting on the juxtaposition, the Klay Yukkur suggests that the Toirah is trying to tell us that we are required to honor our father and mother, even if one of them is a cross dresser. However, the Chayay Adam disagrees, holding that if your mother is a cross dresser you should still honor her, but if your father is a cross dresser he should be chased away with great haste.
If your father is a cross dresser = Because a man wearing a woman’s clothes wil ruin them with beer and pizza stains on the silk that can’t be washed out. Do you know what a good chemise costs?!?! Whereas a woman wearing a man’s clothes just looks adorable. Why, I remember the last time Pei-Hua put on my shirt and paddled into the kitchen after…. Mind your own business.
I would humbly like to offer my own interpretation. The injunction against cross dressing is consistent with many other commandments raised in this Parsha which all deal with issues of human sexuality:
- Laws of marriage and divorce
- Laws of suspected wifely infidelity
- Laws of premarital relations
- A warning against marrying the wife of one's father
- The commandment that one recently married should not go out to war.
I would like to suggest that Moishe Rabbeinu, standing on the mountain addressing Klal Yisroel for many days, summing up the wisdom and accomplishments of his 40 or so years of leadership, was a little backed up, if you know what I mean. It was hot; women were in the crowd dressed in highly suggestive flowing sheets, and he had only one thing on his mind. Who knows when the last time was that he had done his "special mitzvah." He was ready, and it was all he could think about. Indeed, in the same Parsha, he also mentions the laws of bondage -- though they refer to slaves, in Moishe's disturbed state this set of rules may have been particularly pressing on his mind.
A little backed up = Moishe came from a broken home. The word dysfunctional comes to mind – six hundred thousand co-dependents?!?
And as he looked down into the crowd, the further he looked in the distance, the harder it was to distinguish between the men and the women. This upset him so much, he made up the anti cross dressing legislation on the spot, so that in the future it would be easier to "check out the talent."
And bear in mind that Moishe himself did not bring back any of the Midianite womenfolk, as mentioned in Chukas-Balak, and referred to obliquely in Pinchas (the sixth, seventh, and eighth parshayos of Seyfer Bamidbar respectively – a very exiting read which would make a great movie).
Indeed, the medrish notes that Aroin Hakoihain, the minuval, had already thought about this. Prior to his death, Aroin decreed that all Mishkan and Temple practices be performed with men and women separated. This was intended to make it easier for Koihanim performing the service to spot a hotty in the crowd, and then later pick her up by asking if she would like to play "hide the Karban Toidah" with him.
Karban Todah = A thanksgiving offering brought by someone who has survived three dangerous situations, or is recovering from illness, as detailed in Parshas Tzav (second parsha of Seyfer Vayikra, psookim 6:1 thru 8:36. The term ‘tzav’ means command – note that it is the root of mitzvah). A karban shelamim can be eaten for two days and the intervening night, but a karban todah may only be eaten for one day and one night.
The Rambam writes that the function of a karban is to counteract the effect of the sin, in three different realms: in word, in deed, in thought. The sinner, by offering, seeks to bridge the distance between himself and the divine which caused him to err, and draws closer to the Aimishteh.
Since the destruction of the temple, karbanois have been replaced by avodah she ba leiv – service of the heart (prayer).
Psook 7:12 “Im al-todah yakrivenu vehikriv al zevach ha todah chalot matzot belulot ba shemen, u rekikei matzot meshuchim ba shemen ve solet murbechet chalot belulot bashamen” (If he brings it as thanksgiving offering, he shall bring as well as his thanksgiving-offering matzos mixed with oil, matzah wafers greased with oil, and loaves of fine flour drenched with oil).
There is considerable debate as to whether a karban todah is required after three divorces, or only one.
“Even one day after the chassana is not too early” (Chiddushei Baal Ha Turetz).
I am reminded of the early days of marriage to my Bashert, Feige Breinah. We had just been married, and two weeks into our marriage, when I suggested to my bashert that we try accomplishing a mitzvah in the backseat of the car while we were parked outside St Patrick's Cathedral, I was sternly told that while the suggestion was admirable, the timing was quite bad, for it was not "hunting season." I pleaded. I argued. I threatened to tell her father that while in Bais Yankif, her nickname was "Feige The Sword Swallower." All to no avail.
I stormed upstairs to take matters into my own hands, if you know what I mean. As I thought about this incident, I focused on the Biblical and rabbinic injunctions that bar marital relations at given times of the month. Who do they serve? Are they harmful or healthy for the relationship long term? Why does the Aimishteh even care, what, with the economy the way it is and with the Yankees dreadfully short of middle relief?
But I believe the that Toirah is trying to teach us a harsh lesson in this Parsha. You may be tempted to try on your wife's clothing, because, my Rebboinoisheloilum, she spends so much damn money on her wardrobe. However, cross dressing is strictly forbidden. Rather, Hakkadoshboruchhu prefers that you direct your energies towards more critical efforts, such as chasing mother birds from their nests, so you can ensure for yourself a long life of frustration...err, wisdom and fulfillment.
She spends so much damn money on her wardrobe = Sheitels. Even only one new wig per year, will, if kosher, cost an arm and a leg – and more so for a quality product that does not look like a dead muskrat by Pesach. So, even if she isn’t wearing anything except a sheitel and a brass pole, she’s still wearing two months rent. At least.
Try on your wife's clothing = Corsets constrict, and increase sensation and sensitivity above and below the area of constriction, but if too tight cause poor circulation and loss of energy. You want more, not less. Even though it feels so good. Corsets are the pork of garments for men. So are silk stockings – but from a distance, they really do shape your legs and posterior. And they feel so good. Smooth against the thighs where they rub against each other. Or so I’ve been told.
Do not use a depilatory on the inner thighs – it leaves nasty red welts.
Ah gutten Shabbos, you Minuval
