With The Commentary of the RABAM
Lech Lecha = Go forth, yourself! Seifer Bereishes (Genesis), psookim (verses) 12:1 - 17:27
This week we read the Parsha of Lech Lecha, where, for the first time, the Aimishteh promises the gift of Eretz Yisroel to Avraham Avinu our forefather, and by extension, to us. In this Parsha, we also read about the Bris Bain Habesarim, the Covenant Between the Pieces. We read about Sarah's being temporarily taken as a wife by the Pharaoh of Egypt. And we read about Avraham's ritual circumcision at the ripe old age of ninety.
Promises = But takes his own time giving, then takes it away again, gives it again, yanks it again…. A gift with strings attached. And squatters.
Eretz Yisroel = The land promised to Avraham, and to his son Yitzhak, and then to his son Yaakov, who acquired the name Yisroel after a scrum with a stranger in the middle of the night. The land is assumed to be the same as the more-or-less standard extent of the kingdoms of Israel and Judah, though often it included other territories, and the boundaries have often been flexible. But note that there were squatters in the land – in Avraham’s day these were four kings, in addition to the Pelishtim (not the same as the modern Philistines, who are largely Semitic – the Pelishtim are identified with the sea-people, and thus spoke an as yet unidentified language, possibly Minoan).
Bris Bain Habesarim = The covenant of parts, which predates the circumcision of Avraham. As it says in psook 15:7 "Vayomer elav Ani Adonai asher hotseticha me Ur Kasdim la tet lecha et ha arets hazot le rishta" (And He said to him 'I am the LORD that took you from Ur of the Chaldees, to give you this land as inheritance.).
15:8 "Vayomar Adonai Elohim, ba ma eda ki irashena?" (And he said 'O Lord G-d, how do I know that I shall inherit it?).
15:9 "Vayomer elav kecha li egla meshulesh et ve ez meshulesh et ve ayil meshulash ve tor ve gozal" (And He said to him 'take a heifer of threes, and a nanny goat of threes, and a ram of threes, and a turtle dove, and a young pigeon.) [It is not entirely clear whether this means three years old, or three of each. Rashi takes three of each, but the words suggest single mature examples.]
15:10 "Vayikachlo et kol ele va yevater otam ba tavech va yiten ish bitro likrat re'ehu ve et ha tsipor lo vatar" (And he took all of these, and divided them two, and laid each half beside the other, but the birds he did not divide.).
The Midrash comments that the animal parts were a demonstration that Avraham’s descendants would merit the land by virtue of the future sacrifices in the temple.
Sarah being taken as a wife by the Pharaoh of Egypt = Like Elizabeth Taylor, and according to many mefarshim, this was to test Abraham, as it says in Avos 5:3 ‘Our forefather Abraham was tested with ten trials, and he remained-upright through them all; this shows how great our forefather Abraham’s love was’. What did it test? His broad-mindedness? But according to the Baal Ha Turetz, this was a threesome, in keeping with the free-spirited experimentation of the sixties, damn hippie.
The RAMBAM asks an obvious question on this Parsha regarding the giving of the Land of Israel to Klal Yisroel: MAMESH, WHAT COULD HAKKADOSHBORUCHHU HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN THINKING!? Of all the inhospitable rocks He could possibly have selected, why did He have to choose an arid land filled with deserts, thorn bushes and scorpions, lacking in fresh water, and populated with the most unfriendly, close minded, hostile, self absorbed people you can possibly encounter -- Chassidim. Err..., I mean the indigenous inhabitants of The Land -- The Canaani, the Chivi, the Yevussi, the Girgashi, and a few others.
The Rambam = Rabbi Moishe Ben Maimon, 1135 – 1204. Scholar, physician, and philosopher. Born in the emirate of Cordova, then under Arab rule (he is known in Arabic as Mussa Bin Maimun Ibn Abdallah El-Kurtubi). Student of Rabbi Yoisef Ibn Migash, and later attended the university of Fez, after fleeing Cordoba when the Almohades conquered the emirate in 1148. He eventually settled in Fustat (an city south of Cairo, of which it is now a mere appendage, though once it was the capital of El Misir). He is buried in Tiverias, in The Land.
The Rambam’s influence can not be understated, though in his own time and the years after his death much of his thought was opposed by other scholars, especially in Europe. Eventually most branches of Judaism made their peace with his inheritance, though occasionally resistance briefly and savagely resurfaces.
His thirteen principles of the faith (in his commentary on Meseches Sanhedrin) have become virtually normative, especially among orthodoxim, even if sometimes bent a bit to suit the bias of the believer.
The Rambam’s thirteen principles of faith: 1. Hashem's existence. 2. Hashem's unity. 3. Hashem's non-corporeality and spirituality. 4. Hashem's immortality and eternality. 5. Hashem's primacy as focus of avodah. 6. Revelation by Hashem's prophets. 7. Moshe Rabbeinu as preeminent among prophets. 8. Torah - the law given at Sinai. 9. The unchanging character of Torah. 10. Hashem's unbound and timeless knowledge of human actions. 11. Reward for good and punishment of evil 12. The moshiach who will come. 13. The resurrection of the dead
It should be noted that the Rambam’s writings colour the entire corpus of Judaic thought; no excursus upon sifrus chazal (the literature of the sages) can omit citing him ad nauseum.
What could HKBH have been thinking = Why is this asked? To show that no matter how clear and simple events are, we cannot know what the Master of the Universe was thinking, because of the hester panim – the veil which hides His evidence. A normal deity, giving this expanse of wasteland, would have a revenge-motive. But because we cannot know what HKBH thought, we have to trans-value it for every generation. He wants a garden? An empire? A priestly nation? A parking lot? These are all good guesses.
The Rambam holds that the Aibishter cannot be described in positives (attributes that are), but can be illustrated by negatives (attributes that are not). Kal ve chomer (and from the greater instance to the lesser: how much more so) his intent. We cannot know why HE gave us the land – so we can only adjectivize it negatively.
We’re thinking strip-mall.
The Canaani, the Chivi, etcetera: Psook 15:19 Et ha Keini ve et ha Kenizi ve et ha Kadmoni", (the Kenite, and the Kenizzite, and the Kadmonite); Psook 15:20 "ve et ha Chiti ve et ha Perizi ve et ha Refaim", (and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, and the Rephaim); Psook 15:21 "Ve et ha Emori ve et ha Kenaani ve et ha Girgashi ve et ha Yevusi", (and the Amorite and the Canaanite and the Girgashite and the Jebusite). Ten tribes in all, a matter of numeric significance.
According to Rashi, the Reboinoisheloilum actually instructed Avraham to go east, not west, and indeed meant to give him all of China. However, Avraham was holding his map upside down while practicing using chop sticks, and ended up walking in the wrong direction.
Chopsticks = A piano piece similar to dueling banjos.
However, according to the Sifsey Chachomim, Avraham actually wanted to go to Eretz Yisroel because he dug Yevussi chicks, who were all blond, a foot taller than him, and renowned for their beauty. Indeed, the Sifsey Chachmomim cite a Medrish that tells us that after entering into Eretz Yisroel, Avraham Avinu went around telling every woman he met that he is a producer and would put her in his next film, if she would only audition in his tent.
Sifsei Chachomim = The Lips of the Wise, a bavuste seifer by Rav Shabsai Bass (1641 – 1718), a Bohemian scholar who started a publishing house in 1689, in Breslau, Germany. His writing is sehr sharf. Doctrinaire local churchmen (certainly not uncommon in that day and age) had him jailed several times on charges of defamation of Chritianity – how unlike our times, when we can count on television preachers to defame Christianity themselves.
The Sifsei Chachomim is a supercommentary on Rashi, often included additionally in study editions of the Chumash.
Whence the name ‘sifsei chachamim’?
Proverbs 14:3 "be fi’evil choter ga'ava, ve siftei chachamim tishmurem" (In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride, but the lips of the wise shall preserve them).
Pirkei Avos 4:1 Ben Zoma asks "who is wise? He who learns from every person, as it is said, "From all who taught me I grew wise" [Psalms 119:99]. Who is strong? He who subdues his passions, as it is said, "The one who is slow to anger is better than the strong man, and whoever rules his own spirit is better than the conqueror of a city." [Proverbs 16:32] Who is rich? He who is content with their lot, as it is said, "When you eat of the labour of your hands, you are content and all is well with you" [Psalms 128:2] Which means happy in this world, and all is well with you means in the world to come. Who is honoured? He who honors others, as it is said: "For those who honour Me I will honour, and those who disregard me will be disregarded." [I Samuel 2:30]
Psalms 119:99 "mi kol melamdai hiskalti ki edvoteicha sicha li" (I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my inner thoughts.).
Proverbs 16:32 "tov erech apayim mi gibor, u moshel be rucho mi loched ir" (He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that rules his spirit than he that captures a city.).
Psalms 128:2 "yegia kapeicha ki tochel ashreicha ve tov lach" (When eating by the labour of your hands, you shall have happiness, and it shall be good for you.).
Samuel 1 2:30 "lachen ne’um Adonai Elohei Yisrael amor 'amarti beitcha u veit avicha yithalchu le fanai ad olam ve-ata ne’um Adonai chalila li ki mechabdai achabed u vozai yekalu" (and so the Lord, G-d of Israel, said 'I said that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me for ever', but now the Lord says 'be it far from Me, for those that esteem Me I will esteem, and those that disregard Me shall be likewise.).
Yevussi chicks = Female Jebusites, being the daughters of the original occupants of Yerushalayim, until David made the place his capitol. And David also expressed a modest interest in the charms of the gentler sex, though he is known particularly for ogling Hittite women, being given to more exotic tastes. His successor Shlomo, taking it one step further, had a thing for a Yemeni charmer nicknamed Malka.
And you wonder why Harry Potter is smitten by that almond-eyed charmer in the most recent movie?
The Tzitz Eliezer points out that Avraham actually loved The Land that the Aimishteh promised him -- with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might. He was really very attached to it, running through the trees, walking through the fields, and, especially, lying on the grass, for hours on end. In fact, he may have loved the land a little bit too much, if you know what I mean. Not unlike his great grandson Onen. In fact, according to a Brasiah in Baba Kamma, Avraham and Sarai couldn't conceive because Avraham had a low sperm count. Says the Tzitz, the reason that Hakkadoshboruchhu commanded Avraham to cut off the tip of his Makom Hamilah was so that he would give it a rest for a week or two.
Avraham loved the land = A mitzva haba b’aveira, which is fulfilling the commandment by an act of nastiness.
A little too much = Ad me’od be-kitser.
Onen = Who married his brother’s widow, but did not impregnate her so his brother’s name might live, and was snuffed in consequence thereof. Nastiness lacking a mitzvah.
Yet another example of the strange obsession with sexual hang-ups so characteristic of the P-source, with which Seifer Braishis is sodden, and which are a peculiar hallmark of the entire Abrahamic sequence of parshayos.
The Schvantz Mordechai holds farkhert. He says that Avraham was ambivalent about the Land of Israel, but was committed to fulfilling the agreement consecrated at the Bris Bain HaBesarim.
How are we to understand this strange practice? Take a cow, cut it in quarters, add some spices, and BAM!, eternal covenant. In a famous Mishnah in Nezikin, Rabbi Tarfon complains that for the miniscule sliver of land the Jews received, it would have been more appropriate had the covenant been consecrated by cutting up a miniscule animal, such as a gerbil. In fact, a related Braisah conveys that every year on Yom Ha'atzmaut the same Rabbi Tarfon would have a special ceremony commemorating Eretz Yisroel with a gerbil, one select student, and a nice merlot.
Rabbi Tarfon - a Talmudic sage, contemporary of Rabbi Akiva. Second century C.E.
A gerbil = Though some say a hamster, which is also native to that part of the world. The word gerbil comes from jerboa, which is a leaping nocturnal mouse of the desert, known in Arabic as yarbua.
A Medrish in Beraishis Rabbah actually recounts that two hundred years before Avraham Avinu was born, the Reboinoisheloilum consecrated an agreement similar to the Bris Bain HaBesarim with a different nation by cutting up a Chilean Sea Bass. Unfortunately, that other nation was Atlantis, so we don't like to talk about it.
Beraishis Rabbah = A late-talmudic era commentary on Beraishis.
Atlantis = A nation, described in a Greek account as being beyond the pillars of Hercules, which sank beneath the waves. Greeks will believe anything – in the past they worshipped many gods, and in our time they’ve joined Nato. So not a good example.
Another Medrish tells us that cutting up a cow was Avraham's second choice. His first choice was an S.U.V., so he could make a killing on the spare parts.
S.U.V. = A vehicle that advertises its tut-zich owner as having a very tiny shwantzelech. The ultimate in hubris.
In our day, we live up to our covenants with Hakkadoshboruchhu in three ways: We keep the Toirah and Mitzvois; We perform our own "Bris" on our male children. And we live in Eretz Yisroel despite the sectarian violence, the high taxes, the monotonous Jerusalem stone architecture, the yellow journalism, the political corruption, the secular extremists, the religious zealots, the naive left, the fanatical right, and the uncommitted center. Basically, there are too many people in Eretz Yisroel -- it is intensely overcrowded. When the Reboinoisheloilum promised Avraham Avinu in this week's Parsha that his descendants would be like the dust of the earth, we thought He meant only the Jews; we didn't know He actually meant ALL of Avraham's children!
Bris = The covenant, first performed by our father Abraham on all males of his household, and then on himself. Why not first on himself? Because he was afraid that the pain would cause his knife to slip, and so damage the makom milah of whoever was under his hand at the time. It was while he was recovering from this chopping fest that he welcomed the three visitors.
Yellow journalism = From Ha’aretz on one extreme, through the Jerusalem Post, to Arutz Sheva on the other extreme. AND they get CNN and Fox! They’re hosed!
Political corruption = Why is a cabinet minister the son of another cabinet minister? Who took money for that casino? Which Chief Rabbi stayed in what hotel for free, and why? Which Edomite business-man seems to be hand under thigh with which party leader in real-estate deals? And who was the Greek Orthodox prelate who sold church-owned land and then disavowed all knowledge of the deal?
Secular extremists through uncommitted center = But, vox populi vox Dei. From which we shper that in the land, cacophony is a bas kol. Shut up, all of you.
What Eretz Yisroel needs today is more space -- land enough for all its inhabitants -- Israeli and Arab, Jew, Christian, and Moslem. Indeed, many of our latter day sages believe that this very same Parsha holds the key to solving our territorial dilemma.
All of Avraham’s children = Including the brood he engendered with Keturah, in addition to Hagar’s son.
Arab, Jew = Two groups who are descended from Avraham, and circumcised.
Christian, Moslem = Two groups who are quarrelsome, and busybodies.
According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, we can look to the story of Bris Milah for our solution. Just as we remove a very slight but symbolically significant portion of ourselves in order to make us "completely Jewish", so too we should remove any elements from Eretz Yisroel that prevent us from being "completely Jewish."
Lubavitcher Rebbe = Menachem Mendel Schneerson, 1902 – 1994. The son of Rabbi Yitzhak and Rebbitzin Chana Schneerson of Nikolayev in the Ukraine. The Lubavitcher Chassidim are also know as Chabad, an expression which seems to mean “have you strapped on tfillin today?” Lubavitch is a town in Belarus.
Any elements that prevent us from being completely Jewish = Secular yidden, those amharatzim. Fine with the Goyim, their presence merely emphasizes that we are the chosen, somebody has to park the cars and rake the leaves. But can you imagine, the M.O. and Reform actually think that they are us?!?!?!
The Rebbe suggested that the IDF act like a dustbuster™. Satmar subsequently suggested that the Rebbe had “issues”.
Rav Ovadiah Yoseph, on the other hand, points to the Bris Bain Habesarim for the answer. The Aimishteh and Avraham Avinu cut up a cow into equal portions in order to consecrate an agreement. So too must we be prepared to cut up the Land in order to reach an agreement.
Rav Ovadiah Yoiseph = Former Sefardi Chief Rabbi and ideological guide of the Shas party in Israel, born in 1920, soll sein shtark und gazunt. Once considered an extremely liberal and left-leaning Talmud scholar, with a known affinity for Bnei Yishmoel and Peace Now, who has spoken of Sharon effusively. Except that what his actual statement has not been accurately translated, due to his subtle mode of expression – what he said was that we should be prepared to reach an agreement in order to cut up the Kenani.
Rav Ovadiah is also, in mittn drinnen, a strong advocate of Afro-Americans studying Toirah. This idea has much to recommend it. He is clearly much concerned with their salvation. Rachmon me’od.
I, the RAPAS, would humbly like to suggest another option, also suggested by this week's Parsha. This week we read how along their travels, Avraham and Sarah come to Egyptian territory. Avraham pleads with Sarah Imainu to tell the Egypians the she is his sister, and she subsequently shacks up with the Pharoah. Meanwhile, in next week's Parsha, at Avraham's urging, Sarah once again masquerades as Avraham's sister and hooks up with another national leader, this time with Avimelech of Canaan. According to Rabbeinu Taam, this revolutionary sharing of Sarah Imainu is the first instance in history of the time share.
Came to Egypt = As is described in the second Aliya of this parsha.
Shacks up with Pharaoh = Per the Ba’al Ha Turetz this should absolutely not be seen as some twisted equivalent of the cultic prostitution so common elsewhere in the ancient world, and the Proliczer adds that as a practical solution (to the problem of keeping excitement in your marriage) it has much to recommend it, though never let the neighbors know.
Rashi says that due to an immediate infection with a skin ailment, Pharaoh was preoccupied, and his thoughts were farthest from his pitzpunik. How unlike him – normally he spells out the worst possible scenario in obsessive detail.
Get that silly grin off your face.
“We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts. What shall we do with our little sister, on the day that she be spoken for?”
How like American political theatre or the affairs of British royals.
Rabbeinu Tam = Him again!
And it is using this approach whereby we may find the solution to our overcrowding problem. Here is how it works. We get Eretz Hakoidesh two weeks out of the year. We plan ahead, bring the kids, the in-laws, everyone. The local staff ensures that the refrigerators are filled with our favorite foods. We can even use all the facilities, for a nominal fee. After we leave, the Palestinians can use the place for two weeks, eat all the falafel they want, and tour around every part of the country. After their two weeks are up, the gypsies get it for two weeks -- Aimishteh knows they need a homeland. Then the Basque. And so on.
Eretz HaKoidesh = The Holy Land. A small tribe becomes the chosen people, a parking lot on the way to Babylon becomes the Holy Land. The Aimishteh has a sense of humour. As we learned last week, with that business about the flood and the rainbow.
In-laws = Mechutenim. I am reminded of a Maise She Hoyo (an actual occurrence which may illustrate a point). In the late eighties, when Reb Munzer El-Gazawi returned to his natal place, taking along the gonze mishpoche (aishes chayill, tzvei kinderlech, and nebbishy brother Muhammed the drugged-out hippie), he thought to himself that a prolonged stay at the seashore would do his brother a world of good. Accordingly, he purchased four round-trip tickets. And one one-way ticket, which is something his brother did not find out until a day and half after the plane had already left Ben Gurion.
It is a mitzvah to live in The Land.
And it is about time my shver started doing some mitzvois.
To make sure that the Eretz Yisroiel Time Share Enterprises (TM) is fully utilized, we will do some aggressive marketing. Telemarketing to people in their homes when they are in the middle of Biyuh is a good start. We will give away cheap electronics to nations willing to come over and have a look. We will invite them for a low cost weekend and have them stay in Gaza, promising that the place is being redecorated and, trust us, the whole area will look just like Savion in eight months. And we will remind them: a time share can be shared with friends, it can be passed down in a Last Will and Testament to subsequent generations, and is much less expensive than setting up their own homeland.
Biyuh = A mitzvah. On Shabbes, a double mitzvah. Outside the land, an extra day, according to Chazal.
Gaza = The Parking lot of Parking lots. And like with any inner city parking lot, the homeless have started camping out there. If they had jobs and a decent education, they would not be there. They’d be in New Jersey.
Why not Hawaii? Lithe brown limbs, double daleds, alluring dark eyes… Ouch, dear.
All this discussion of overcrowding reminds me of a Maiseh Shehoyo. 300 years ago in the town of Berditchev, the one shul which stood at the center of town, Temple Ahavas Achiyois, was filled every week wall to wall with mispallelim. It became a hardship for the Gabbai to physically go through the shul every week and get the Hebrew names of all the guests in order to call them up to the Toirah. Reb Chaim MiBerditchev, the Gadol Hador -- the great sage of his generation -- came up with an alternative custom: Instead of calling people by the standard convention -- Hebrew name BEN father's Hebrew name, they would call people in a descriptive manner, not requiring specific names.
Berditchev = Name of a Chassidishe lineage founded by Rav Levi Yitzhok, 1740 – 1810, student of the Pri Megadim and the Maggid of Mezeritch. Berditchev is in the Ukraine.
Achiyois = Brethren.
Mispallelim = Congregants.
The first week went very well. "Ya'amoid the guy in the second row, three seats from the left, Shlishi." It worked like a charm for all seven Aliyois plus Maphtir. However, problems began the second week. "Ya'amoid, the guy in the back row who is secretly gay, Chamishi." Three men stood up. It was particularly embarassing because one was the rabbi's son. The third week was the clincher, though. "Ya'amoid, the guy in the shul with the really hot wife, Shishi." Nobody stood up.
Ya’amod = Stand up. The command to rise issued to the next reader.
Shlishi = The third Aliya. The first is given to a Kohain, the second to a Leivi. And if they botch up the leyning, at least you won’t feel so bad about your own farshtunkene ivrit.
Shishi = Sixth aliya.
Really hot wife – nobody stood = Who wants to admit that he married a blonde? A shiksa. Or a yekky. All of which amounts to the same thing.
Reb Chaim decided that for Shalom Bayis reasons the new custom was a mistake. He ruled that the shul should revert to the old method, and also founded the Rolodex Corporation that very week.
So not every solution to overcrowding works. At least Reb Chaim didn't introduce any ceremonies requiring a gerbil.
Ah Gutten Shabbos you Nevailah.
Neveilah = Animal not slaughtered according to the rules of kashrus, hence an av-tumah (father of filth): a transmitter of pollution.
