My beloved talmidim, before I discuss this week’s Parsha, Parshas Vayigash, I would like to share with you news of recent events and activities around Yeshivas Chipass Emmess. Last week, during the Yuntif of Kratzmach (also referred to in the Toirah as “Zman Matan Matanaseinu”), the Talmidim who remained in Yeshiva over Yuntif made a big Kiddush Hashem by threatening to sue every department store in New York for displaying a Kratzmach tree without a corresponding Chanukah Menoirah. After the stores caved into the blackmail… errr… saw the error of their ways, the Talmidim were kind enough to sell each store a Menoirah -- you know, the crappy aluminum type – for $100 a piece. Boruch Hashem – It looks like the Yeshivah will have enough single malt scotch to last us through the month of Nissan!
Meanwhile, I was traveling overseas on official Yeshivah business.
-- In England I joined the Jewish community for the traditional lighting for the Chanukah Menoirah. Incidentally, Tony Blair is a lot shorter in person, though the Queen is a lot more zaftig.
-- In Rome I was the special guest of the Vatican for Kratzmach. Yes, I spent Yuntif with the Pontif. What a mitzvah. And you should see what his Yeshivah looks like! Here I feel guilty about having a couple of stained glass windows, a nice shtender and a foosball table in the Bais Medrish. These guys have priceless artwork and elaborately painted ceilings. I told Reb Benedikt that I know a guy who could have painted their ceiling for about half of what their guy charged; and as it would have been all white, it would have been much easier to maintain. Voos vilst du foon a goyyishe kup?
-- A week earlier, I had the pleasure of attending an international conference in Iran. It was focused on a historical event, but to be honest, I have no idea what was discussed. I was too busy to attend any of the sessions, between shopping, visiting potential nuclear sites, and participating in a payis twirling competition with several Chasidic fellows I met there. Who knew it was so easy to find a Chassidishe Minyan in Tehran? All I know is that when I finally did make it over to the conference center, the President of Iran kept on trying to hug me whenever a photographer walked by. I wonder if he is eppis a feigeleh, or if he was just checking to see if I was wearing my Arba Kanfis…
I share this information because my busy couple of weeks echo the amount of activity that takes place in this week’s Parsha. In Parshas Vayigash, Yoisaiph Hatzadik reveals his true identity to his brothers after courageously torturing them by threatening to lock up Binyamin. He then famously asks his brothers, “HaOid Avi Chai” – “Is my father still alive.”
RASHI asks the obvious question: What’s pshat that Yoisaiph asks that his father is alive, he should have known from all of the previous conversations that his father Yankif Avinu was indeed still alive? RASHI answers that Yoisaiph, having revealed himself, was now speaking in the guise of a concerned son versus as the vizier of Egypt.
Rabbeinu Tam disagrees with this position, however, suggesting that his grandfather stop nipping at all the family products while they are aging in casks. He instead suggests that Yoisaiph was concerned that he would not make it into Yankif’s will or onto his life insurance policy, and wanted to make sure he was included in his father’s estate planning.
The ROSH holds farkhert. He holds that Yoisaiph indeed did ask about his father’s health in all sincerity. However, the ROSH suggests, while a reckless youth in the Egyptian penal system, Yoisaiph had smoked A LOT of bsamim and had destroyed his short term memory. As proof he cites a Medrish that suggests that Yoisaiph had taken off many sick days from work to follow around the Grateful Dead during their “Undead in the Pyramids” Egyptian tour. Shoyn.
Once Yoisaiph has revealed his identity, he tells the brothers that they should bring the whole family down to Egypt to weather the famine. At that point, the brothers travel back to their homestead and break the news to Yankif that his beloved Yoisaiph is indeed alive. The Medrish tells us that to prevent Yankif from having a heart attack out of shock, the brothers employ the services of Serach Bas Asher, Serach the daughter of Asher, who, through soothing music, reveals to Yankif that Yoisaiph lives. For this, we are told, Serach is given the reward of eternal life.
In a Gemarrah in Kiddushin, Reb Ashi asks why Serach was given such a reward; was Serach not simply fulfilling the mitzvah of Kibud Av, honoring her elders?
Reb Hai Goyn, nearly a thousand years later, answers this question. He contrasts the notion of a grand reward within the Islamic world with a reward in Yiddishkeit. In the Islamic world, an act of piety, such as giving charity or killing many innocent people, is rewarded with the granting of 72 virgins. In Yiddishkeit, however, this Medrish teaches us that 72 virgins is no reward – think of all the awkwardness and discomfort. Rather, someone who commits an important mitzvah is granted one really, really experienced woman, preferably one with no teeth.
I am reminded of a famous Mushul. There was once a king who married a local pauper girl. On their wedding night, the king warned the girl, “be careful, this is going to hurt,” to which his bride responded, “that’s what your stable boy said last week, and your horse said the week before.” And this royal couple grew up to be the happiest family in the kingdom, and will be the subject of a new Disney musical set to come out in May.
