| Sarah Stairs belly flopped onto her bed. Chores had taken their toll on her today, and nothing seemed better to her than a few moments of rest. Burying her face into her favorite fluffy pillow, Sarah closed her eyes and hoped to immediately fall asleep. Unfortunately, her body wouldn't cooperate. As tired as she felt, Sarah couldn't sleep. Sighing into her pillow, Sarah flipped her body over so that she was now staring at her florescent pink ceiling. She should really paint her wall a different color; pink just wasn't her style anymore. Of course, she wouldn't have time to paint and besides she didn't want to move one single Nsync poster. Not after all the hard work she'd put into perfectly placing all of them. Her chocolate eyes focused on her favorite picture; the one she'd taken herself. It was a poorly focused picture. Everyone's eyes were red and only half of Lance made it into the picture, but it would always be her favorite because of the memories it stirred. The memory of the day she'd met the five most incredible men. As though it was yesterday, she could plainly see herself walking through the local mall. She'd left her Christmas shopping to the last minute, and as it always is a few days before Christmas, the mall was crowded with other procrastinators. Long lines irritated her and fighting for presents brought out the worst in her, so when Sarah saw the large mob in the toy store, she considered simply telling cousin Helen that she'd get a gift later. Then she saw them. All five of them sitting, in order of age she found out later, at a large white table and looking quite distressed. No matter how loudly they offered to sign autographs, no one seemed to care. It was perfect. Cousin Helen was 12 and would treasure a picture signed by five handsome men. "Could you make one out to Helen?" Sarah asked as she stood in front of the one with braids. The man immediately perked up. His excitement was completely obvious as he grabbed a group photo from an extremely large stack. Smiling at the other four men and at her, he quickly scribbled his name with a jumbo permanent marker. "Thank you, Helen," he said before passing the picture to the next man, "I'm Chris." Sarah twirled a lock of brown hair between her fingers. "Oh, my name's not Helen. That's my cousin's name; this is for her. My name's Sarah. Sarah Stairs." "Sarah stares at what?" Chris joked. Rolling her eyes, Sarah responded, "How original; I've never heard that one before. Do you guys usually sit in the middle of malls handing out autographs?" The man next to Chris answered her question. Moving his hands with every word, he explained, "We're a new singing group. Nsync. Our management thinks it's a good idea to do mall shows and stuff like that. Apparently, our fan base spends time at the mall more than any other place. We did a show a few minutes ago, but nobody really paid attention. It's close to Christmas, so no one really cares about us. Would you believe that in Europe we were extremely popular? Girls would follow us from city to city and sneak onto our tour bus. You wouldn't guess that with the lack of people lined up to see us today, but I guess it takes time to gain a fan base in the US. One day we'll be big. I'm JC by the way." He sure said a lot, Sarah thought to herself. She'd only heard half of what he said, so she simply nodded as though she understood perfectly. "I should get going. I'm doing my Christmas shopping, and my mom's waiting in the car." Looking in front of JC, she noticed that he'd passed her autographed picture down the line. "I've got it," a voice called out. Sarah looked towards the end of the table and noticed the one with curly hair holding out her picture. As she moved to retrieve it, she got a better look at the obviously younger member. He looked her age or maybe a year or two older than her. Her hand clasped around the autograph as her eyes found his. Something about his crystal blue eyes sent a chill down her spine. The soothing color reminded her of the ocean on a sunny day. She felt comfortable looking into his eyes; she felt as though she'd known him her whole life and then some. "Thank you," she thought she heard herself say. "It's a pleasure to meet you. My name's Justin." She wanted to leave and finish her Christmas shopping but for the life of her, she couldn't move her feet. In her mind she debated reasons to stay and reasons to leave; they all probably thought she was crazy just standing there lost in her own thoughts. In the end, Chris helped her decide. "Please stay and talk to us. We're bored out of our minds, and Joey's out of dirty jokes. That is if you don't have anywhere else you have to be," he said before standing out of his chair and offering it to her. Who could say no to that offer? "Umm…I have some shopping to do, but I hate lines. I'll just wait here until the crowd dies down." Sitting in the Chris offered, Sarah nervously bit her lower lip. What a time to remember that she was shy? Her mind had apparently forgotten that small detail until the point when she'd taken her seat and saw five faces smiling directly at her. The other blonde member leaned forward so that Sarah could see him. "If anyone does come for an autograph, tell them you're Chris after the operation." Sarah couldn't help but join in on their laughter. For the next hour all she did was laugh. Joey, who had the cutest New York accent, had a few more dirty jokes up his sleeve, and everything that came out of Chris's mouth was hysterical. By the time JC announced that it was time for them to leave, she felt as though they were old friends. Joey and her actually had quite a lot in common which is why she wasn't at all hesitant when he asked for her phone number. In fact, they all asked for her 'digits' and jotted down their own for her. After a quick picture with the disposable camera she'd found in her purse, the five members of Nsync exited the mall. Now three years later, Sarah wished that day had never ended. Flipping back onto her stomach, Sarah prayed that she could go to sleep this time around. She felt herself slipping into a deep slumber when she was awakened by a loud crash. "Who put that lamp there? Sarah, I told you not to move things anymore," a deep voice hollered from somewhere in the house. Cursing her luck, Sarah lazily pulled herself out of bed and went to check the damage. The lamp on the coffee table was a goner. Pieces of glass littered the green carpet. "Daddy, don't step on any glass. You're not wearing any shoes." Daniel Stairs wobbled back and forth as he took a sip of the beer bottle latched to his hand. Losing his balance, Daniel stumbled backwards and fell with a loud thud onto the sofa. "Sarah, bring me another beer." "Daddy, you should get some rest. It's late and you'll want to be well rested for your meeting tomorrow. Mr. Troll doesn't like it when you're tired," Sarah softly replied. In his drunken state, Daniel had to be treated like a child. Daniel shook his head violently but stopped all motion as a wave of nausea hit him. "I'm tired. Clean up this mess and don't wake up your mother." He disappeared down a hallway moments later. Cleaning up her father's mess with great expertise, Sarah made a mental note to replace the lamp plus other items her father hadn't seen in his drunken stupor. A lot of things had been broken since Daniel discovered that beer helped ease his pain. The pain he felt over his wife's fight with cancer and the debt hospital bills had left him in. Vanessa Stairs had won her battle with a deadly form of cancer so far, but chemotherapy and other treatments had taken their toll on her body. Sarah hardly recognized the deathly pale and bedridden woman as her mother. Vanessa's weak state left Sarah in charge of every household duty including taking care of her father and mentally challenged sister, Rita. Her plate was full nowadays, which was one reason she was pleased that she didn't have a boyfriend. A few years ago, she would have cried over the idea of never having a boyfriend, but after all the stuff happening with her family, being boyfriend less was the way she wanted things. Boyfriends were a lot to handle and she just didn't have the time for it. The phone rang interrupting Sarah's thoughts. Rushing to stop the loud shrilling sound before anyone in her house awoke, Sarah yanked the phone off its hook. "Hello," she said in a breathless tone. "Sarah? Hey, it's Joey. I know it's been a while since we've called." A smile formed on Sarah's face as Joey's adorable New York accent filled her ears. "Anyways," Joey continued, "The guys and I were wondering if you could make it to our show tomorrow. We haven't seen you face to face since that day at the mall. Can you make it?" Thinking about all the chores that needed to be done, Sarah furrowed her eyebrows together. She could always put things off until later; it would be worth it to see Joey and the others in person. 3 years with only phone contact was entirely to long. "Yeah, Joey, I'll be there. Where do I go?" Joey handed the phone over to Lance who apparently was the only person who knew where the venue was. After jotting down Lance's very exact directions, Sarah talked to Chris and JC for a quick moment. Her heart pounded quickly as she realized that the phone was being passed to someone else. The one person she didn't want to talk to. "Hi Sarah," Justin smooth voice greeted her through the phone. "Hi Justin," Sarah quickly responded. There was a moment of silence before Justin softly apologized. "I'm sorry about getting angry last time we talked. I just didn't expect you to say what you did." Truth be told, Sarah couldn't remember what she had said to make him upset. In the past years, she'd said many things to upset him. Every one of them on purpose. Something happened to her when she heard his voice and it scared her. How could she be so miserable with her life, but smile and laugh every time she had a conversation with Justin? It wasn't right, so she sabotaged herself by making him angry. She couldn't bear getting closer to him; she'd already gotten too close the moment she'd looked into his eyes. "Sarah? Are you listening to me? I said I'm sorry." He sounded frustrated and impatient. God, how she wanted to accept his apology and talk to him for the rest of the night, but she couldn't. His voice soothed her just like his ocean-like eyes did. "Look Justin, I have to go. Tell everyone I'll see them tomorrow." She hung up the phone before he could even think of a reply. When she returned to her room, Sarah didn't even try to sleep this time. Five pairs of eyes were staring at her and making her uneasy. Suddenly, it hit her. She'd see them again tomorrow. Her mind immediately flew to her appearance. 3 years was a long time and they hadn't been especially kind years to her. What if all the pressure and heartache had taken their toll on her physically? Back then she'd been a cute, carefree teenager. "All the comfort food hasn't gone to your hips," Sarah remarked as she stared at her reflection in a full-length mirror. She'd grown a few inches and was about 5'7 nowadays. The few comfort foods she had indulged in had actually worked to her advantage by helping her fill out her tall frame. She actually looked curvy instead of like the skinny stick she once was. The blonde highlights she'd added to her light brown hair hadn't faded, which brought a smile to her face. She'd always liked the way the light color contrasted with the dark shade of her eyes. Tomorrow she'd wear green eye shadow to bring out the vivid specks of green in her eyes. Sarah fell asleep that night with a smile on her face. She'd worried about nothing; her appearance had actually improved over the years. For the first time in years, she had something to smile about. The next morning flew by in a whirl. Chores that couldn't be put off had to be done, but Sarah completed each on every one with lightning speed. Leaving a note and leftovers for her father and sister, Sarah was on her way to the venue. As she walked up to the entrance Lance had instructed, her heart slammed against her chest. She wondered if it was possible to have a heart attack from being nervous. "Sarah Stairs?" Sarah looked up to see an extraordinarily tall man staring down at her. He seemed to be waiting for her reply. "Yes," Sarah managed to choke out despite her nervousness. The tall man smiled and introduced himself as Lonnie, the bodyguard. It was almost astonishing to Sarah how funny and talkative he was as he led her to the backstage area. "This room here. Just go on in; they're expecting you," he instructed as his long arm pointed to the second door on the left. Thanking Lonnie, Sarah reached for the doorknob and slowly turned it. She'd only managed to push it open halfway before someone on the inside pulled it completely open. "She's here," she heard Chris's voice announce before someone pulled her into their arms. It took a good minute before she realized that it was Joey who was giving her a bear hug. She was passed to JC and then Chris. It felt good to get such great big hugs. "Lance and Justin went to check out something. Have a seat," JC said as he patted a very uncomfortable looking chair. "No, thank you," Sarah softly declined. She nearly leapt three feet in the air when a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. "Lance, you nearly frightened me to death." Lance looked guilty and pleased with himself at the same time; he looked so adorable that Sarah couldn't help but give him a hug. Her cheeks were bright pink as she realized that she'd been so forward. "Hi Sarah." The breath in her throat caught. Why could he make her feel this way with just two words? Telling herself to calm down, Sarah plastered a smile on her face as she turned to face Justin. He was more wonderful than she remembered. His curly locks were gone, and he looked like a man now not the boy she'd met so long ago. God, his eyes were still vibrant and breathtaking. "Hi Justin." Her knees were weak and suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. She was in love with him. As wonderful as it felt, it was a horrible realization. "How have you been? You look good," Justin awkwardly complimented her. He was obviously nervous about talking to her face to face. With the way she'd acted the last 3 years, she couldn't blame him. "Thank you," Sarah replied in a barely audible tone. Her gaze was fixed on her hands, which were white after all her nervous wringing. "Joey, will you show me the stage?" Joey looked as surprised as everyone else at her request. He nodded slowly and took her hand to escort her. "It'll be my pleasure." She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she and Joey exited the room. Clutching Joey, Sarah prayed she wouldn't have to see Justin again. It was too hard. "Are you going to explain to me what happened back there?" "I don't know what you mean," Sarah replied trying to sound completely innocent, "I just wanted to see the stage, and I wanted you to show me. You and I have always been good friends because of all the stuff we have in common. It didn't seem like an odd request to me." She hoped he'd believed her purposely-long explanation. It was the truth, sorta. Joey rolled his eyes heavenward. "You're a terrible liar. Why don't you just tell Justin you love him? It's got to be easier than running away. I'm pretty sure that her feels the same way. Why not just go for it?" "You don't understand. I can't be with Justin or anyone for that matter. It's complicated," Sarah practically whined. Joey rolled his eyes again and gave a very ungentlemanly snort. "I'm sure it is." Sarah wanted desperately to explain everything but couldn't bring herself to utter a word. Joey gave her a thorough tour of the stage, but Sarah only listened to half. Her mind was racing with other thoughts. Most of them about you know whom. "Did you enjoy your tour?" JC asked her that as she entered the dressing room. Nodding, Sarah took a seat in an empty chair and waited as the others went to an adjoining room to get dressed. She fiddled with her thumbs and listened to the sounds of Chris struggling to fit into his pants. After a few more minutes, Sarah figured she'd pass the time by writing in her journal. Pulling the leather bound journal from her purse, Sarah chewed on her pen as she thought of what to write. Lately, she'd written poems about Justin; he always popped into her mind when she sat down to write poetry. A sudden burst of inspiration hit her, and she began scribbling. "Sarah, can you come here and hand me a pair of pants? I'm decent, I promise," Chris hollered from the other room. Setting aside her journal, Sarah went to help Chris. As Sarah exited the room, Justin entered it. Looking around the room, his eyes fell upon the small notebook carelessly laid on the table. He knew he shouldn't read it, but curiosity got the better of him. Sitting in Sarah's chair, he began reading the first poem he found. My Love: Blue eyes sparkle from a poster Up upon my wall I swear that I'm in love with you Though you don't know me at all My love, I know that I do Worship you from afar But I feel as if I understand You from a far off star The sapphire gaze watches me While I sleep at night I feel protected by your gaze Such a beautiful light When I'm at your concerts I just try to sneak a look I scream, I yell, but I don't cry Your band is off the hook Your friends, I feel like I understand them, too But I don't know why but I seem To mostly understand you I feel like you deserve a break To really get the chance To thank your fans for everything And not even think to dance My love, I wish you knew me And I could really know you We could get to know each other Me and you, with eyes so blue Your voice is like an angel's song Inspires me to be The best and try to do what I love To sing inspires me I wish that I could meet you I could show you how I feel Tell you you're an inspiration And what I feel seems real I know it seems like fantasy The dreams I have at night The ones where you gently kiss me Or tell me it's all right But blue eyes, how can you be sure That all of this is true? Well you made me love you By all the things you do Even if I'm not your biggest Fan, I'll pray on a star That you'll know me someday, blue eyes And I'll know you for who you are Justin blinked twice just to make sure it was real. The words were so vivid and conveyed her feelings perfectly. Her feelings for him. A sudden thought occurred to him: JC had blue eyes. He felt his stomach fall to the floor at that realization. No, this was about him. He just knew it. She wanted him to know her, to understand her, to love her. It was a surprise to him. Sarah never seemed to want to talk to him, or when they did have a nice conversation, she'd say something to ruin it. But now he knew, she didn't hate him; she loved him. Just like he loved her. The realization hit him hard. "What are you doing?" Justin immediately felt guilty and thought about admitting his snooping, but he couldn't. "I was just checking to see who this belonged to. I didn't want it to get lost. Is it yours?" He hoped he looked innocent of any crimes. "Yes, it is," Sarah replied and reached for it. Justin gave it willingly, but something was different about the way he looked at her. The way his eyes focused on her face made her uncomfortable and giddy at the same time. She didn't trust herself enough to stay in the same room with him, so when she saw Joey trying to sneak past, she called out, "Joey, can you show me the tour bus?" Joey stopped dead in his tracks and looked disappointed that the moment had been ruined. He nodded and motioned her to meet him outside. Sarah clutched her journal in her hands as she walked past Justin. "Sarah, do you love me?" Justin's voice called to her. Stopping only a few inches from the door, Sarah wondered if he'd catch her if she tried to slip out. She didn't dare try. She felt furious because he'd read her journal but relieved because it was all out in the open. Knowing she couldn't lie to him about something so important, Sarah kept her mouth closed and waited to see what he had to say. Justin motioned for her to sit in a chair. He waited until she complied before beginning his monologue. "I'm sorry, but I read your journal. Only one poem, the one about me and my blue eyes, but that was enough to see that you have feelings for me. Truth be told, I really didn't know how to react to that, but now, I know that I want you to love me." He sounded like a general delivering a methodic speech to his troops. Justin's tone and attitude towards the subject made it easier for Sarah to say, "I like you, but I don't want you for a boyfriend." The frown on his face broke her heart. He sat in an empty chair and studied his hands for a brief moment. "I'm confused. Your poem…" "Was about JC," Sarah quickly lied. Bowing his head, so he wouldn't have to look at her, Justin responded, "I thought about that. I guess my ego got the better of me." He gave an extremely fake chuckle and told her he was sorry about misunderstanding. Standing up from her chair, Sarah begged him, for appearance sake, not to tell JC. If she was going to lie, she might as well be believable. As soon as she had Justin's promise to keep this between them, she exited the room. She only made it a few steps out of the room before she stopped cold. The pain in his eyes haunted her thoughts. She couldn't do this to him. "Justin," she practically yelled as she marched back into the room. He looked completely confused and opened his mouth to speak but her hand on his mouth stopped him. Taking a deep breath, Sarah finally said what she felt. "I love you, Justin. I always have, and I'm sure I always will. From the moment I saw you, there was something about you that touched me. I saw it in your eyes." "Why-" Justin began but Sarah cut him off. "I need to say this before I lose my nerve. I meant every word I said in my poem and all the others I've written about you. My life's a mess. My dad's drinking himself into an early grave, my mom is just a ghost lying in bed all day and my sister's needs a lot of special attention. I have so much on my plate every day. I just can't be with you." There she'd said it. She turned to leave, but Justin caught her arm and held her back. The pleading in his voice tugged at her heart, "Why can't you be with me? I can help you with whatever you need. I'll be there for you. Please Sarah, give me a chance. I love you too." Nothing had prepared her for that. Tears sprung to her eyes. Wiping furiously at her eyes, Sarah shook her head violently. "I can't. I know you'd be there for me. I know you'd do anything to help me, but I can't let you get close. You'll leave me just like Heather. She was supposed to be my best friend. She was supposed to be by my side through all the stupid stuff happening with my family, but she died and left me. Do you know how much that hurt me? I loved her like a sister, and she died! I can't put myself through something like that again. I can't let you get close because you might leave me." It was all clear now. Justin pulled her close to him. "I'll never leave you. I love you too much." "No," Sarah weakly protested, "I can't get close to anyone. Justin, you don't understand." "I understand that you've been through a lot. Sarah, look at me. Let me help you. Let me make everything better for you." Sarah wanted to let him so badly. "I-," she began but Justin's mouth covered hers, silencing all thoughts. It felt so good to be in his arms with his lips against hers. The whole world seemed to vanish and the only thing that mattered was their love. Maybe Justin could make everything better. It was worth a shot. "Justin," she whispered against his lips, "Help me." |
| Help Me |
| Poem by: Jade Vincent |